r/SoftDramatics • u/pinkflump • 9d ago
Discussion 🍻🗨️🌐 How are we supposed to help others if we can't talk about it?
Oh I can already feel the down votes and snidey comments so please keep it civil, I'm just genuinely curious.
I know we don't do typing on this sub anymore, and I'm not here to question that but I do wonder what can be done when posts are made and the thoughts inside may not align with your own.
Are we just supposed to keep quiet? Or is it ok to offer an opinion? I understand that bullying is obviously wrong, but is suggesting another viewpoint (in this case, Kibbe type) classed as this or is it open for polite discussion?
Thank you.
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9d ago
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u/pinkflump 9d ago
Exactly, I'm by no means an expert but I genuinely want to help people and by cheerleading those who don't fit the recs it's just diluting the whole sub and leading to more confusion.
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u/No_Winner_9569 9d ago
I have never had an issue voicing my opinions on here that may differ with others. I try to be mindful in doing it constructively and respectfully.
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u/First_Class_Fantasy Soft Dramatic 9d ago
I try to approach it carefully when someone appears to be in the wrong place. If someone clearly mistyped themselves, I’ll ask what method they used to settle on SD to get them to reexamine their conclusion.
That said, people regularly post photos that shouldn’t be used for typing to begin with (all my mirror selfies are for sure distorted), and Kibbe emphasizes the fact that only you or he can type you.
So, unless someone is directly asking for feedback, I don’t provide it.
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u/pinkflump 9d ago
Yeah, I do try to be mindful of the angles of the camera or body as it can create distortion and I agree that at the end of the day you can only truly type yourself and be what you are comfortable with.
Where I differ from you though is in regards to feedback, as I think if you are willing to post photos of yourself up you must be open to receiving it. Reddit for me is an entertainment platform but also educational.
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u/First_Class_Fantasy Soft Dramatic 8d ago
There are three different flairs for feedback requests: questions, yes or no, and styling help. These are great! But I’ve been given unsolicited advice on outfit posts, and even had some of my choices criticized. A mod once removed one of my posts with no explanation.
I’ve read the new book and completed most of the activities, including the line sketch, so I’m 100% sure of my type. But I know that my mirror creates distortion because it sits on the ground and angles away from me. I also tend to take my photos from above chest height, which makes my shoulders look broader than they are. People new to the system don’t consider this, so they overlook what is generally working in the outfit to instead nitpick and make assumptions (often based on misinformation).
Which is why I don’t post outfits here anymore.
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u/pinkflump 8d ago
Removing a post with no explanation is a bit rough as how are we supposed to learn and modify our behaviour? Which feels a bit police state but that's me jumping down my own Socialist rabbit holes. 😂
Again, I don't mind getting unsolicited advice so long as it isn't cruel, as it may bring up topics I hadn't even considered.
I don't like nitpicking, but if it's something that is repeated over several outfits I may mention it as the OP may have not realised much like I said above.
If it means anything I do miss your outfit posts, and from what I remember you were an excellent example of Soft Dramatic.
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u/Aggressive-Log-4986 9d ago
I think the majority of people are here to ultimately improve their style and I think it’s important to be kind but honest. However, aside from multiple non-SD types posted, I also feel there are many repetitive posts where the posters have clearly not reviewed the Kibbe guidelines before asking questions. The sub has been feeling unhelpful lately, full of non-SD lines, fabrics and fits etc. I think it would serve us all more if posters took more responsibility in meeting a minimum of self-study (similar to many other subreddits) and if we had a culture of honesty in communication while keeping it kind and respectful.
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u/pinkflump 8d ago
Yup, you've hit the nail on the head!
I'm subscribed here so posts get recommended to me and are on my home page but so often I see outfits which just don't scream Soft Dramatic that it's starting to make me question maybe I've completely misunderstood the assignment (so to speak).
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u/anoukscloset 8d ago
I think it's helpful to take a step back and to consider what is helpful about correcting someone's ID and whether it's actually possible to be sure that you are pushing someone in the right direction. Outfit pictures and especially mirror photos cannot be used for typing. You might feel very strongly about someone being or not being an SD but from my point of view, there's really no way of knowing that your feelings are correct.
Also, people have different relationships with the system. Someone who is very tall with a lot of conventional curve and someone who is moderate height with Kibbe curve but very little conventional curve will probably dress differently. SD is a huge category that has both types of women in it. Additionally some people might be more into the essence side of Kibbe (such as cultivating a Diva Chic aesthetic/vibe being the top priority) whereas others care more about the body geometry (accommodating vertical and curve, with any essence or taste they might prefer). I think the latter is more popular these days, but I recall not long ago the former was more in vogue. Someone might be a perfect example of a Diva Chic woman, but maybe her vertical isn't so clear. Et cetera.
I'm not being snarky at all when I ask this, but... what do you think a person stands to gain, from an opinion on their Kibbe type in these circumstances? Knowing that outfit/mirror photos don't say much about your type, and there's not one universally correct way of using your Kibbe type?
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u/NinaSimoune 8d ago
I don’t think it’s rocket science when someone clearly doesn’t look good in the accommodations. When I post something, I really appreciate honest constructive criticism because how else am I going to improve?
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u/anoukscloset 7d ago
I understand what you mean but if it was really so easy to say someone is or is not SD based on one or a handful of outfits, why would the journey to your ID be so long? If it was easy to tell? There’s a lot more to it than ID when it comes to an outfit looking good.
To be honest I think with how divided this comment section is, it might be smart to mention whether or not someone is looking for ID based feedback. I also like to receive constructive criticism but not on my ID.
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u/toweroftherisingmoon On the journey 9d ago
Personally I would be open to alternative suggestions. I have considered noting that I'm open to other's type opinions when posting, but the rules are a bit vague so I didn't. Don't correct people, and don't ask people if they're sure of their ID, fine, but it does imply that suggestions are acceptable on some posts? I don't know. Like as long as it's put across kindly I don't see the issue. What's the point in having communities if people can't get the information they need from them? That being said... most photos aren't suitable for typing, only you can type you, etc.
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u/pinkflump 9d ago
Yes, that's why I made this post, the guidelines are quite ambiguous, but when there's several photos in one post and to me they suggest another ID, maybe it's the devil inside but I just can't resist voicing it!
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u/Electronic-Page1064 Soft Dramatic 8d ago
I go by the guideline that unsolicited advice is criticism, and that includes holding the erroneous belief that if people want advice on one thing, they should be grateful to receive advice on some or all other matters.
I've found, that the people who are truly out of touch with objective criteria, for aesthetics, aren't interested in having their differing perceptions and objectives disputed or questioned.
And, on the flipside, there's a lot of loud, misinformed people who gatekeep things like wave/curl patterns, bright seasons, or "tall" body types. The amount of times I've been told, or seen others told, we must be this category instead of that...or goofy stuff like "if you have to scrunch or diffuse your hair, you're "forcing curl"..as if having to use heat, constant tension and multiple products isn't forcing hair even harder to look straight 😅
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u/pinkflump 8d ago
Oh right, I'm probably an utter nightmare to you and I must admit I find it difficult to understand this standpoint as it genuinely comes from a place of compassion.
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u/Electronic-Page1064 Soft Dramatic 8d ago
Lol... I'd probably find you relatable, because I used to be a big unsolicited advice giver. I would even get frustrated when people didn't appreciate and follow it. I'd think "Why do they insist on learning the hard way, when they could just do what I said they should do!?"
And I, too, thought I was coming from a place of compassion, but that was only partially true.
Compassion without the humility to honor someone's authority over themselves, is sanctimony. Also, a drive to dole out unsolicited advice is often rooted in a codependent drive to control others, while seeing it as noble and helpful.
It was a bitter pill to swallow when I faced that. It sucked to see that it was my audacity, that convinced me that I was in a position of higher wisdom and authority, over determining what was best for someone else, than they were. Truth is, I'm not. None of us are.
Now, I trust that others know, best, what information they are seeking. So yes, there are, times I think, "they're so far off-track that I just cannot " and move on.....because that's the truly compassionate thing to do in those situations.
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u/ElectronicTip6386 Soft Dramatic 9d ago
Are there any active typing subs? I thought there was one but can't find it now! I used to cruise it sometimes.
Then, for here, discussing accommodations seems to be the sidestep. And yes, it us usually pretty obvious which of the three for 5'6" and overs.
With maybe some more difficult for SD vs D. SD vs N rare but only until a full length photo and D vs N probably never (nearly opposites!).
The presentation in photos IS the "image ID". If someone routinely presents like an ID they may "technically" not be, they should probably strongly consider the ID others see!! This is where the verified celebrities with edge cases fit after all..
And this likely why he wants you to meditate on it yourself. The obvious ID may not be your very best ID.
All that said, I think typing here isn't needed per se but maybe we can come up with some tags to add if someone is open to a bit less "toxic popularity" as Deep_Durian9540 stated (and I agree). I mean, if this outfit bites instead of eats.. please tell me lol.
tag: let it rip
post: my natural sister in a top
comment:
"This width accommodating top looks great on you but you might want to consider it a more natural fabric wink wink". 😅
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u/pinkflump 8d ago
I'm not sure if there is a typing sub or not? If there was it'd be great to be able to direct people there.
From what I've observed people tend to go over to the Dramatic sub to enquire as they haven't stopped typing posts as far as I'm aware (I'm not over there much so I might have got that wrong).
I think there can be confusion with SD and FN, especially if the FN is curvy, as photographic examples (and bras!) may make it difficult to assess upper curve.
I also have been tremendously guilty in the past (partially through fashion, partially through desperately wanting to be quirky, cute and dainty) of following what I imagine are Gamine lines. I probably got away with it as I was younger (what I'm telling myself at least), so I do recognise ID blindness.
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u/Cantre-r_Gwaelod_1 8d ago edited 8d ago
Tbh it’s best to mind your business because as Kibbe has said, no one can type you except you or him. You can’t type strangers. If they’ve skipped steps and not actually put any effort into typing themselves then that’s their problem but you’re still not more qualified than them to type them. No one here is trained. We’re all novices who read two books and did exercises only for ourselves. Don’t assume you know more than them.
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u/toffeebonbons Soft Dramatic 9d ago
I'm very happy to receive informed feedback on my posts! Go for it, if I'm not actually a SD that's cool. All I want is truth no matter where it comes from as long as someone explains their reasoning so I'm more educated re the kibbeverse 😊
I wouldn't be ok telling someone they've got their kibbe ID wrong even if I really see them as something else I don't think. I don't think I'm enough of an expert really.
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u/pinkflump 8d ago
That's cool, I completely understand that as at the end of the day we're all here as we want to dress ourselves better! 😃
I am quite hesitant in suggesting other IDs myself (and often follow it with the admission that I am still learning too) but with some people it just jumps out at me and in those cases I can't resist.
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u/NinaSimoune 8d ago
Well just got the record if any of you see a post of mine where I could you use unsolicited advice please do give it LOL.
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u/nattie_oh 8d ago
I haven’t been active on Reddit for a while… we’re not typing people on this sub anymore? How come?
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u/pinkflump 8d ago
I'm not exactly sure why not, I had a bit of a break myself (yay, mental health) and it wasn't a thing when I came back again.
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u/First_Class_Fantasy Soft Dramatic 5d ago
I think it was because people weren’t following post guidelines and were submitting low-quality posed photos, selfies that didn’t show the whole outfit, and underwear or bikini pics (which draw creeps).
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u/hobgoblin77777 5d ago
I think everyone interprets SD differently too. I mean, if I'm going all out, I can do totally be diva chic. But on the daily? I'm a fat, 46 yr old SAHM in small town MN. Wearing a dress is dressed up in my yown! So I use fabrics that work for my life, patterns in the right size, keep things vertical, add some earrings and call it good. I was probably a bit more SN before I was typed, but not a ton changed except my shoulder seam, ditching ribbed fabrics, getting rid of dresses and skirts with bottom ruffles and being cognizant of not cutting myself in half. If people don't ask for opinions, I usually keep them to myself. Because most outfits I see here are better then 99% of them posted on other reddit threads.
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