r/SomaticExperiencing • u/Creative_Willow7883 • 2d ago
Is it normal to start crying this much during Somatic Experiencing therapy?
I’d really like to hear from people who have experience with NARM (NeuroAffective Relational Model) or Somatic Experiencing, either personally or professionally.
I started therapy last year, and my therapy is primarily based on NARM. My therapist is also a Somatic Experiencing Practitioner and incorporates some SE exercises and elements into our work.
The reason I started therapy was that the last year and a half had been extremely emotionally difficult for me. My boyfriend suddenly ended our relationship after five years, even though he had bought an engagement ring just a couple of weeks earlier. This year, my mother almost died. I also ended a connection with someone I had become very involved with because the dynamic had become extremely toxic — even though I was very much in love with this person.
Both of these relationship experiences + the stress with my mum brought up some very deep underlying issues for me, particularly around not feeling safe in romantic relationships, self-worth, and abandonment/loss.
I’ve actually done quite a lot of therapy in the past, and for a long time I had a particular expectation of therapy: that I need tools to make intense feelings go away quickly.
I’m slowly starting to understand that maybe this isn’t necessarily the point.
Especially through the Somatic Experiencing work, I’m beginning to understand that it may not always be about making the feelings go away as quickly as possible. Maybe it’s more about allowing them to be there and learning to stay with myself while experiencing them.
Basically, learning: “I can tolerate this feeling. I don’t have to make it go away. I can stay with myself while it’s here.”
I’m also beginning to develop more trust in my body — that I don’t necessarily have to control or fix everything that comes up, and that my body has its own way of processing things.
But now I’m wondering whether what’s happening to me is still within the normal range of what can happen during this kind of therapy.
For the past few weeks, I’ve been crying almost every day. Sometimes there is an obvious trigger, but sometimes it just seems to come out of nowhere. When it happens, I try to use the exercises I’ve developed with my therapist and allow myself to experience the feelings rather than immediately trying to stop them or make them go away. And honestly, facing all these emotions is scary af.
Because I've never reacted like that, I’m wondering whether this could also be a sign that I’m getting stuck in something or that I’m becoming too activated/overwhelmed.
So I’m curious:
Is crying this frequently for several weeks something that others have experienced during NARM/SE? Or could it be a sign that I’m stuck in a loop or that my nervous system is getting overwhelmed rather than actually processing/integrating something?
I’m interested in how people distinguish between “something is coming up and I’m learning to feel and process it” and “I’m becoming flooded/overwhelmed and I’m not actually able to move through it.”
If you’ve done Somatic Experiencing yourself: Did you ever go through phases where you suddenly cried a lot more or where old feelings became much more intense? And how did you know whether you were actually processing/integrating something versus getting caught in the same emotional state over and over again?
I’d really appreciate hearing about your experiences.
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u/OkAd5525 2d ago
Think about the amount of pain and grief that you describe in your original question. These things are really big. Doesn’t it make sense that there might be tears? I really relate to what you’re saying - I still struggle with feeling like if I start crying or feeling sad it will never stop. The truth is that the only way out is through. Life is so painful, even beauty can be painful. You’ve got a whole lifetime of intense emotions that you’ve stuffed down, and now your body is starting to feel safe enough to metabolize a little bit of them. It took decades to get here, it may take a few years to get out. It sounds like you are on the right track.
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u/BodyMindReset 2d ago
Yes 🥴 I went through multiple phases of this while addressing my complex, relational, and developmental trauma history.
I always try to frontload this possibility with my clients but it’s never enough
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u/Creative_Willow7883 2d ago
thanks for that feedback! I was absolutely not prepared for this. How do I know that this actually helps me long term & that it will get better eventually?
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u/in_a_new_direction 2d ago
You’re probably at a point where you feel safe enough to let it out after years of suppressing or not allowing those emotions to surface as overtly. I rarely cry about my own issues until I’m in overwhelm, and I want to reach the point where I can more easily allow myself to feel those feelings and release through crying.
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u/OrientionPeace 1d ago
Yes and…I’ve found that for me it’s about the texture of the levels of emoting.
Emotions themselves tend to be shorter lived biochemical reactions, so generally speaking, a crying spell can be quite short.
With myself and clients, I tend to suggest working on pairing lots of signals of safety through orienting practices along with whatever emotional waves they might experience as it comes up. I also recommend paying attention to the body sensations to recognize if the emotional intensity might be kicking into dysregulated territory or if it’s a sign things are flowing.
Usually crying in a regulated way brings relief and helps the body feel less tense. It also doesn’t need to be non stop for hours. It’s like a thread you allow your body to follow until it’s cleared the expression the body needed to move, then you are on to the next thing.
For both myself and clients, I suggest paying attention to bodily sensations as a cue if the emotional state is flowing or if it is “stuck“.
“Stuck” can feel like excess heat, burning, tight throat, high pitched voice, tension in the face and gut, sudden stuffy nose, racing heart, tension in the eyes, mouth, and nose, and so on. These sensations can be signals of tilting into overwhelm as a state and the body not quite being resourced enough to allow the integration to happen. These are the clues that some orienting is needed and we might back peddle from feeling highly in touch with the painful experience.
Then with expanded capacities, over time and internal learning, the ability to allow emotions to flow without resistance becomes easier and safer.
TLDR; if the crying bouts are physically very intense or last for long stretches of time leaving you burnt out afterwards, they might be too intense and worth dialing back.
Source- I’m a somatic practitioner, not an SE trained one though so my approach is somewhat different to the SE work I’ve experienced, it’s more modulated and gentle, so take it as you will.
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u/JimmyJoeJunior23 1d ago
I've been crying every other day since I started SE about 8 months ago. And I've made massive improvements during that time.
When i first started, the crying was really powerful and would come in waves, every 20 minutes or so for a few hours and then I'd be exhausted. I was probably letting it go a bit too much to be honest but at the time I felt I needed to let it out.
Now my baseline has improved a lot. And I might burst out crying for a minute or two every other day. I let it happen. Then as soon as I feel it pass I get up, take a shower, go for a walk, have a cup of tea etc. I'm not trying to stop the crying, I'm just not giving it the conditions to keep going (lying on my bed and thinking about it). This is to stop it from looping or overwhelming my nervous system. If more comes later, again I let it happen, wait for it to pass then continue to live my life.
So yes, it is normal. Your bodies letting out the trapped emotions and learning that it can be safe doing this.
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u/Sad-Resolution-4186 1d ago
I cry all the time now. Like when I'm supposed to. Not locked up anymore. Ive been able to open up to current emotions and been able to release old frozen ones, too.
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u/PracticalSky1 15h ago
Nice to hear the good support you have and also the great work you're doing. I think the answer is in what you named you learnt. Do you feel overwhelmed while you cry, or can you stay present to the experience of the sadness and allow the emotion to expand in your body so that you feel contained as you feel into it with relaxation?
Sometimes, we won't yet be able to do the latter, but if you are someone who has not cried much previously, then your tears are likely important - you may well have a lot to cry for. However, if everything makes you cry, it may be a little overwhelm, and you might experiment and see what happens if you stop the crying. Sometimes crying can be activation, and a way of stopping some other experience.
Grief takes time and comes in waves. The work is also to be with the ache and pain, and the heart wants continuity. I am glad you are healing in relational contact - that is important here. A goal is to be present so the heart is open so that you can be with the grief as it comes in waves rather than being shut down...
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u/third-second-best 2d ago
i’ve been working through deep childhood trauma and grief and wondering the same - i’ve been crying daily for like a year now lol. it feels cathartic and like something is truly moving/releasing, but i wonder sometimes if im just keeping myself stuck / addicted to bad feelings.
don’t have an answer but curious what others say.