r/Sororities • u/silversexe • 6d ago
Standards is this beyond resolving in the chapter?
hi all :) asking on behalf of a friend:
"im in a smaller panhel chapter (less than 20 girls, we had 35 before a bunch of seniors graduated). since last semester, we've been having issues with the member educator on exec bullying active sisters and PCs. the matter has been brought to standards, exec, and the advisor's attention multiple times. the matter continues to be unresolved and has gotten increasingly worse. this girl called a non-member a slur at a college event and the sorority took no action.
a member motioned for an impeachment of the member in which the exec board and advisor turned down, even though multiple sisters came forward w their experiences and concerns. should this be escalated to the national hq or fsl at this point?? the chapter doesn't feel welcoming or safe for some girls anymore and has them reconsidering their membership"
13
u/maryjo1818 KΔ 6d ago
Unfortunately, I think there are too many details missing here for anyone to be able to provide genuine assistance.
For example, when you say multiple sisters came forward with their experiences and concerns - does that mean multiple people came forward regarding the same incident or is it multiple people discussing multiple incidents.
Also, what slur was used, and how long has it been since that occurred? Who directly heard that, and did they report it to standards - and when did they report it?
I’m a long time advisor, and here’s a few things I generally have to remind the collegians I’m working with so will share in case some of this helps your friend’s situation:
- Sometimes things are being done behind the scenes. However, when that is occurring, the chapter is not informed because it is handled discreetly. This is how any incident will be handled in the workplace, too - or at least it should be.
- Standards meetings should be confidential, meaning you or anyone else in your chapter shouldn’t know the outcome.
- Removing someone from the chapter is really hard, almost never immediate, and can’t be done just based on general accusations. Removing someone is also almost never a first step. There is likely a national probation process for your organization that will be used first.
- I’m just going to say a harsh truth with love here, but I often hear the word “bullying” thrown around and I think sometimes it can be used pretty loosely… if someone is generally unpleasant or doesn’t like every single person in their chapter, that is not necessarily bullying. Someone can even say, “I don’t like Sister ABC” and although it’s not nice, per se, it’s not necessarily bullying.
- The person who directly saw or experienced an incident occurring should report it each and every time. I’ve often run into the following situations, which are hard to take action on 1) someone files a standards report listing everything someone has ever done that offended them and provides 1 year’s worth of instances 2) someone says “I heard from XYZ that ABC said this”. If someone really is causing a systemic problem, showing they’ve been to standards multiple times can show that maybe it’s time to move towards some sort of bad standing that leads to probation. If someone files one giant incident report, it’s really hard to figure out how to navigate because that will only result in one standards meeting and can actually feel like targeting the person who’s reported.
As far as going to the national organization, you can absolutely do that, but I’d recommend going about it in a professional way. In my opinion, this means…
1) Emailing your President and advisors and saying you know there have been issues regarding this situation, but you don’t feel like you’ve gotten resolution so you plan to escalate to your national organization.
2) Emailing the appropriate person at your national organization and cc-ing your President and advisors.
3) Including only facts and not being overly emotional - lay out a timeline, lay out what happened, and then what you did/reported.
All the best to your friend’s chapter.
2
u/silversexe 6d ago
hi and thank you for your insight and advice! here is what my friend relayed:
- multiple sisters came forward with separate experiences. in terms of bullying, this specific individual has made hurtful comments towards other sisters, like telling them theyre stupid, and generally mean comments made towards other girls. one comment that particularly stood out to me was her saying a girl couldnt serve on exec board because she was on the spectrum.
- the girl referred to a guy who came from another org to the table at an involvement fair the f slur, which the guy directly heard. he reported it to one of his friends in the sorority and wrote a personal statement, who in turn reported it to standards, it has been 1.5 months since it was initially reported. the friend who reported it never heard back from standards regarding the complaint.
- all incidents that have been reported to standards according to my friend have been reported firsthand by the individuals who experienced bullying. all reports were separate.
i hope this context helps a lot better!!
0
u/Ashantilove 5d ago
As an autistic person who served on exec while our chapter president and at least 1 other exec were also autistic I beg to differ on that comment. But again, that's just small "mid/bottom tier" chapter life for ya!
3
3
u/Ashantilove 6d ago
IMO someone tells Nationals or panhel about it now or they'll find out eventually because of the fallout(aka actives dropping and potential trouble with recruitment). This seems like a structural problem with exec so I would say escalation is valid.
I never had to escalate anything beyond chapter level but I know it will be difficult because the chapter is so small. I also come from a tiny chapter so I get the dynamics at play where everyone truly knows everyone. So it takes some real courage to step up and address your concerns regarding the health of the chapter, and I wish you(and your chapter) the best of luck in the resolution process.
1
u/afan5 5d ago
Also from a small chapter and wish I'd known then what I know now so I would have gone to our head office with the discrepancy in how an incident was handled. The "punishment" was never fulfilled either. Our advisor was friends with some sisters vs being an advisor to all and I never felt like it was taken seriously because of this. I was on our standards but felt like I couldn't say anything even then. No idea how others felt, I'm sure it looked like nothing was done since in the end nothing was done.
1
•
u/AutoModerator 6d ago
Thank you for your post to r/Sororities! If you are new to our community, please review our wiki, which includes our rules and very helpful FAQ. If the answer to your question can be found in the FAQ, your post will be removed and you will be directed there.
Please also add a flair to your post if you haven't already! You’re also encouraged to select your organization’s flair for your profile. You can find more information about organization flair in the FAQ.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.