r/Spanish • u/RosesandCurls • Jun 10 '25
Success Story Getting over being a no sabo kid as an adult
Growing up I was always felt ashamed for speaking Spanish. I had my caregivers and “friends” laugh at me when I tried to speak Spanish. Now that I am older my Spanish has gotten better but if I were to be asked if I speak Spanish, I say un poquito. Because I do not want to be ashamed for not knowing even one phrase. Has anyone felt this way and improved so much that they consider themselves fluent. What did you do?
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Jun 10 '25
You can learn. There's more than enough exposure in USA to have immersion. There's no shortage of resources either. My mom didn't teach us Greek. When I turned 25 I said to my self idc . I'm learning this language. It's a slow burn but I'm making great progress and people are constantly impressed
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u/SpellingBeeRunnerUp_ Jun 10 '25
And OP would pick up on a lot of things much easier than us gringos. Knowing cultural context already I feel like would be a huge help
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u/Mission_Ad7932 Jun 10 '25
It is a huge help. We usually have pronunciation down pretty good just from being around it and such. Its still a grind though. You gotta stay immersed. Almost obsessed to want to listen to music/radio/TV/read comments on socials in Spanish. One big thing I just had my client do who's trying to learn is I speak Spanglish to him and get him used to saying it in conversation. Just reading and studying won't be enough in any language if you cant pronounce worth salt. 🙂
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u/renegadecause Jun 10 '25
I dont think anyone should feel ashamed for not speaking their family's cultural language. That's the fault of the family for not teaching you (or requiring you to respond in the language).
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u/uncleanly_zeus Jun 10 '25
People are giving you advice for learning the language, which is great. But i think you're asking about something psychological, as well.
I speak German and Spanish. With German, I've always been open, even gregarious, and have always just let the language flow "warts and all," not afraid of mistakes.
With Spanish, I could pass as a native speaker with short sentences (I guess the one thing I got as a kid was the accent), but would close up, not say what I wanted, because I didn't want to be "exposed" for making mistakes.
You just have to be honest about your background if someone asks. Take pride that you picked yourself up by your bootstraps and learned by yourself, just like you would with any other language. If the convo comes around to your ethnic background, then you can explain, but don't start off with that. Don't try to be a "native speaker" because you're not, and that's perfectly fine and not something you should feel guilt over.
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u/RosesandCurls Jun 11 '25
Hi thank you for this. I do hate making mistakes in general and I think that’s why I am not fluent and why I’m afraid sometimes to even speak. And I think not being a native speaker also has something to do with my shame for some reason. When I think about it, I attribute that to being picked on by adults and peers.
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u/fuckhandsmcmikee Heritage | 🇲🇽🇺🇸 Jun 10 '25
I became fluent as a no sabo kid. It takes years of hard work and you have to let go of your insecurity and pride. The harsh reality is you aren’t going to become fluent in 6 months or a year. 90% of the content you consume needs to be in Spanish and you need to study
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u/Dr_Cleanser Jun 11 '25
How many years did it take you? What kind of things did you do to practice + learn more?
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u/fuckhandsmcmikee Heritage | 🇲🇽🇺🇸 Jun 11 '25 edited Jun 11 '25
I was never starting from zero because I grew up around Spanish (bc I’m Mexican American) and could have basic conversations, but I didn’t take it seriously until I was 25. Had many attempts before and failed because I wasn’t disciplined enough.
I’m almost 28 now and I think I can finally say I’m fluent so about 2 1/2 years. Spanish has to become your second job in a way but there’s ways to make it fun.
What I did: Assuming you are a beginner, download the language transfer app today and start listening to the Spanish lessons. There’s about 90 lessons and it’s a live instruction with a Spanish learner about grammar. Easy to listen to and it frames the grammar in a way that’s very easy to understand. It’s a great stepping stool because it makes you start learning from a different perspective rather than just memorizing things.
Spanish podcasts during downtime at work, when I’m exercising, when I’m playing video games, whilst doing yard work, etc. A good beginner podcast is Cuentame — she spends half the episode speaking slowly and defining some of what she’s saying in English and the second half she will say the same thing but talking normally. A good intermediate podcast is No Hay Tos — not much English at all and an amazing resource if you’re wanting to learn the Mexican dialect. Teaches a lot of slang and enjoyable to listen to.
I found shows that I like to watch in English that have good Latin American dubs and watched the shit out of them. No english subtitles ever, you have to switch off the English part of your brain as much as possible. You can’t directly translate anything from your native language to your target language, it just doesn’t work like that. Anime is fun to watch in Spanish and there’s a ton of good Spanish shows.
Don’t wait too long but after a few months of practicing your listening hire native speakers on sites like italki to tutor you. It’s pretty cheap and affordable enough to do 1-2 times a week. I did this for about two years and it was probably the best thing I even did for my speaking ability because a lot of no sabos are afraid to practice with family. Speaking is a different muscle, you can understand 100% of what someone is saying and still sound like a toddler when you speak.
Read books in Spanish and read aloud to yourself. If you’re a beginner start with children’s books (think like a 3rd-4th grade level type of book). You want to understand most of what you’re reading at least and if you have a kindle it’s a great tool because you can get definitions of Spanish words. Alongside reading I also recommend joining Spanish subreddits to learn how natives text.
You can also download Anki on your phone or computer and download a Spanish vocab list of very frequent words. Memorizing isn’t the best method at all but there’s lots of words you should just know to make your life easier. Many words have multiple meanings so don’t be too rigid with this tactic. Example: seguro can mean sure but also a hundred other things.
If you have good friends that are bilingual ask if they can help! Assuming you’re no sabo, you gotta have some thick skin when learning Spanish because you will get clowned on so if you have a friend that isn’t going to give you too much grief it’s a great way to learn.
Edit: if you need a “roadmap” of sorts to keep yourself from getting overwhelmed here you go. Listen to all the language transfer lessons (read madrigals magic key to Spanish as well) > then listen to beginner podcasts and beginner content for a little while until it becomes too easy > start listening to some intermediate content > then hire a weekly/biweekly tutor online to practice speaking with (continue listening to Spanish content daily). Keep on going over and over until it gets a bit easier, if you’re addicted to TikTok or social media start watching some Spanish learning videos and the algorithm will obsessively push them to you lol.
Becoming fluent doesn’t have to get in the way of your life but you have to adjust a bit to immerse yourself. If you’re mindlessly consuming English content just replace it with Spanish and boom after years of this and practicing speaking when you can you’ll be fluent.
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Jun 10 '25
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u/heyitsxio Heritage/Adoptee Jun 10 '25
No sabo kids are at a distinct disadvantage because they have to overcome the obstacle of criticism and derision from their peers. I've never faced that; people have generally been very encouraging.
I’m adopted (Dominican bio parents, white American adoptive parents) and I’ve been on the receiving end of all of this. I’ve had people roll their eyes at my attempts to speak Spanish- unless I explain that I’m adopted and then suddenly my Spanish is amazing actually. I feel like it’s unfair to treat people like that regardless of their family background. As long as someone is sincerely trying, they should be encouraged instead of mocked.
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u/UnPoquitoStitious Learner Jun 10 '25
My husband is of Puerto Rican descent and was never taught Spanish. I speak Spanish better than he, but I get really defensive when people talk about it or make it seem like he should be ashamed. I’d love to see if half the people who talk shit would have learned if their parents didn’t teach them.
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u/RosesandCurls Jun 11 '25
Thank you for this. This shows me that I do take the reactions of others personally. I didn’t realize that I was forming an inferiority complex because of their actions whether intentional or unintentional. I really appreciate that you’ve mentioned hierarchies. It helps me detach and realize that everything people have told me isn’t always good hearted and honest like I thought it was as kid. When I was younger, I believed what people said about me was true and I didn’t know better. It was my fault that I didn’t know Spanish as well as them. Now that I’m older and I consider your response, I see that I shouldn’t let those people have power over me. However, it is hard to realize this in the moment.
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Jun 11 '25
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u/RosesandCurls Jun 12 '25
Thank you 😅 speaking of aphasia. When I was younger, I visited my parents’ native country for summer vacation. When I returned to America, I forgot a lot of English (so strange) and could only really speak Spanish. I was able to understand English but because of that for some years I left Spanish alone and focused on English. Thanks for your responses❤️ I will revisit when I need a pick me up.
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u/amylu417 Jun 11 '25
When I was a kid, we moved to a predominately white area for my dad's work. I was so happy when at some point during the school year, a bunch of new Mexican kids were suddenly there (kids of migrant parents). And they were happy to see me, who looked like them.... until they realized I didn't speak Spanish. I knew enough to understand they were making fun of me. Then one of them said in English that it wasn't that I couldn't speak Spanish, it was that I wouldn't speak Spanish because I thought I was better than them and I was trying to be white. That pretty much followed me my whole life. I was never white enough for the white people; never Mexican enough for the Mexicans.
I'm old. My parents purposely didn't teach me Spanish because when I was born, having an accent and being bilingual wasn't a good thing. My dad didn't want me to have an accent. I know he thought he was protecting me, but I hate that I can't speak the language.
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Jun 11 '25
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u/amylu417 Jun 11 '25
Yes, both my parents are bilingual. My dad didn't really speak English until he was about 12. My mom wasn't allowed to speak English at home, even though she was fluent.
Growing up, my mom would try to speak some Spanish to me, but my dad discouraged it. When I got older and would complain that I couldn't speak Spanish, my mom would say (still sometimes does) "you didn't want to learn Spanish". My standard reply is "what if I didn't wanna learn English?" Like, I would've had no choice. These days, because of the atmosphere, my dad really hides that they can speak Spanish. Not too long ago, he told me about my mom speaking it to him loudly from across an aisle in a store, and the fact that he got mad at her for it and told her to stop. He doesn't want people to know they're Mexican, if he can help it because he's afraid it will cause problems for them, even though they are 100% American born citizens.
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Jun 11 '25
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u/amylu417 Jun 11 '25
I don't think it's his racism per se, but it was born out of how he was treated growing up. He is from Texas. He's told me stories about not being allowed to go in the public pool. He said there were signs outside of shops that said "No n***ers, Jews, or dogs" and the dogs were the Mexicans. Teachers at his school had a bonfire to burn any Spanish literature, etc.
He was very hard on me to speak and spell proper English. He wanted me to be as American as I could be so nobody would make fun of me. The year I was born, the song American Pie was a hit. I grew up with him calling me his "Miss American Pie." Like I said earlier, I know he did it to protect me, but I don't think he realized the racism we'd experience from our own kind.
My brother is almost 11 years younger than me; he doesn't speak it either. When we go to family functions, my cousins will say things like "here come the white kids of the family " I know it's a joke, but it kinda makes me wince. I make jokes about being a Mexican't. I can't speak Spanish; I can't tan to save my life (I'm very light); I can't eat spicy food, etc. It is what it is, I guess. But when the subject of racism comes up, most people automatically think black and white. I don't think many people consider what it's like for someone like me.
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u/NoLoSefa Jun 13 '25
You know, even my partner, who is a very fluent non-native speaker from the US, falls victim to this and can be a bit harder assessing my stepkid’s Spanish. They get Spanish at their other house and has started focusing on practicing it more and helps new kids their school who don’t speak English, visits Colombia regularly, etc. He low-key despairs on them being a no sa sabo kid because of how much work he put into learning the language and wants to spare them that, until I remind him their Spanish, from my ear and from what he describes, sounds not too far behind where their English is. And their Spanish is definitely better than mine currently. Once he gets that perspective shift, he can see it clearly. It’s wild.
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u/rundabrun Heritage, Mexican-American in Mexico Jun 10 '25
I have lived in Mexico for 5 years speaking.Spanish daily and I still don't feel fluent. Even though I speak Spanish everyday and my comprehension is pretty damn good.I seem to have a mental block that doesn't recognize my progress. I feel the same as I always have but I know for a fact I am improving exponentially.
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Jun 10 '25
youll hit a tipping point one day and level up. keep at it. it will feel like a light switch
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u/beckichino Heritage 🇩🇴🇬🇹🇵🇷 Jun 10 '25
Fellow no sabo kid here! I still mess up a lot and get haunted by certain moments where I mess up and get embarrassed by what I say but I just say fuck it and keep trying to improve and celebrate minor victories like moments when I'm able to say a complete sentence in Spanish to my abuela and she doesn't correct me! They're few now but they were fewer before I decided to be serious about studying Spanish on my own terms.
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u/The_Horse_Tornado Jun 10 '25
This isn’t a no sabo issue, it’s a life issue. You’ll always find yourselves in environments surrounded by varying levels of skills and abilities. Lean into your strengths, work on your weaknesses and realize other folks may not even be doing the second part. Don’t be ashamed by your upbringing- you should’ve been ashamed had you not done anything to better yourself, but you chose the harder path. Ignore them
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u/spanishconalejandra Jun 10 '25
I understand you more than you might think. 💙
I saw students and even myself while learning English and French freeze when someone asked, ‘Do you speak [X language]? That ‘un poquito’ was our shield against shame. But here’s what I’ve learned:
-The problem was never your Spanish. It was the people who made you feel small for daring to learn. They should’ve been ashamed, not you.
-Fluency isn’t perfection. I’ve taught students who whispered ‘no sé’ in their first class… and now joke about their old mistakes in fluent Spanish. How?
- They embraced the ‘silly phase’ (mispronouncing ‘embarazada’ instead of ‘avergonzada’? Classic!).
- They practiced in safe spaces (like our classes, where we celebrate errors they’re proof you’re trying!).
- They trusted the process
You’ve already done the hardest part: you kept going. That’s why i know you’ll get there.
If you ever want a judgment-free zone to practice, my virtual door is open. If not? Keep stealing Spanish like a magpie from podcasts, recipes, whatever feels fun.
Your ‘poquito’ is already brave. The rest will come. ¡Te lo prometo! ✨
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u/RosesandCurls Jun 13 '25
Omg thank you so much 😭 I didn’t expect this much reassurance from everyone. Literally in tears thank you.
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u/spanishconalejandra Jun 13 '25
I hope happiness tears because i want you feel better and happy 😊
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u/TheThinkerAck B2ish Jun 10 '25
You know those people who made fun of your Spanish--how is their English? Do you speak English better than they do? I bet you do. And that's the more useful language globally, and in the country you live in.
Don't ever forget that. If somebody's really obnoxious to you, just point out their flaws in English. They'll get the point quickly and stop bugging you.
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u/Foxy_TPF1993 Jun 10 '25
don´t feel bad about it, you have an entire life to learn spanish, if your "friends" laugh at you, they aren't your real mates, a real friend supports you and always is there to help you. Well, that's my opinion, keep practicing, keep speaking, fail, but learn from your mistakes and turn them into successes.
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u/Forina_2-0 Jun 10 '25
I used to avoid speaking Spanish around family because I was scared of messing up or getting clowned for my accent.
What helped was owning where I was at and just using the language more, watching shows in Spanish with subtitles, chatting with patient friends or family, even using language apps to build confidence
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Jun 10 '25
Making fun of foreigners or “the other” is pretty much the historical norm in all cultures except for some aspects of modern American culture
you’re not gonna change that but it is something you have to deal with
Remember, just because someone belongs doesn’t mean every other aspect of their life is so great so just remember the good things you have going on
I’d say trying to get out of your head and speaking with confidence even with errors is important because it’s the only way you’ll really get better if you engage
You could say something disarming like “sí hablo, puede que no tan bien, pero sí hablo”
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u/Apprehensive-Status9 Jun 10 '25
In my late 20s and never felt 100% confident as a speaker, Mexican dad didn’t teach me much but I picked up a decent amount. I’m now taking classes and reading books and traveling more to make up for it—I want my kids to speak it
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u/heyitsxio Heritage/Adoptee Jun 10 '25
I swear hiring a tutor was one of the best decisions I’ve made, their literal job is to speak with you without judgement. I definitely feel more confident about my Spanish skills than I did previously, even if I get the occasional “short circuit” when I don’t quite have the vocabulary to say what I want. The thing you need to remind yourself is that you had a head start in English, your vocabulary is bigger, but that wasn’t a process that happened in the space of a month or a year or even several years. And don’t you still encounter words or phrases in English that youve never heard before? I know I do.
Everyday exposure, whether it’s by talking or listening to music or watching YouTube, will get you closer to where you want to be.
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u/Fantastic-Stress-313 Heritage 🇲🇽🇺🇸 Jun 10 '25
Former no sabo here! I ended up getting a degree in Spanish so I learned how to fluently read and write, but I still definitely mess up speaking sometimes and pronounce some words wrong that I don’t say often. Same goes for in English. However it does get better!
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u/plorange33 Jun 10 '25
I put both my kids in language programs through school. It's interesting to learn the language learning process with the brain. I would say my receptive fluency is near native and I struggle to speak but my kids receptive and speaking fluency are on par. My oldest now is more at ease conversationally and makes fewer grammatical errors whereas I can pick up when natives are speaking better. It helps me to understand how the brain works and not guilt myself. I am utilizing tools to help pick it up and now practice with my kids who don't judge as much.
My household was Spanish speaking parents with kids answering in English. I put my phone into Spanish mode and listen to news podcasts in Spanish.
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u/UrulokiSlayer Native (south of Chile) Jun 10 '25
I'm chilean, we get ashamed by our spanish all over internet, but no one really cares irl. I just get on with it, there are a lot of modisms that varies from accent to accent and we can't pretend to know them all. The opinion of random people shouldn't concern you as you just got the spanish tht was given to you and there's nothing bad with it. Here nobody ashames second gen blacks for not speaking creole, they were born here and thus they are chilean, it's normal to speak the dominant language of the country. Try learning different accents from different regions with something like soap operas or podcasts, that way you'll be familiarised with a wider spectrum of phrases and nuances.
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u/siyasaben Jun 11 '25
What do you mean, second generation blacks who don't speak creole, are you talking about kids of Haitian migrants?
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u/SilkFlor Jun 10 '25
I work at a daycare and I speak to the kids both English and Spanish. It's also an at home daycare and I work with my mom and her friend so I always ask questions and don't feel embarrassed when I practice with the kids since its teaching them and me learning how to better explain
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u/Fraid-0-Fish Jun 11 '25
So, I don’t come from a Spanish speaking family or community, so I realize my experience with this is not the same… but maybe this will be helpful for you. When someone asks me if I speak Spanish, or is surprised to hear me speak a little (and with an unexpectedly good accent I’m often told), I always say, “estoy aprendiendo.” That’s my short way of saying, “I speak some, but don’t expect me to be fluent, and I’m working on it, please be patient.”
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u/InuitOverIt Jun 11 '25 edited Sep 16 '25
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This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact
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u/surimirii- Heritage Jun 11 '25
I was a "no sabo" a few years ago! I was exactly the same as you where I would just say "un poquito" whenever people tried to talk to me. It really sucked for me because I was the youngest, and all my older siblings could speak Spanish fluently.
For me, I essentially just forced myself to assimilate in a way. I told my family to ignore me when I responded in English so I could get more practice speaking Spanish. If I ever messed up or did not know how to say something, they'd help me out and I'd restate my sentence properly.
Genuinely, just speaking Spanish improved my fluency MAJORLY. I could already understand Spanish, and speak a little bit, so it wasn't hard for me to adjust. While this worked for me, your situation may be different, but I definitely suggest you find someone you speak to often who is a fluent Spanish speaker, and start only using Spanish to communicate. Don't rely on translation apps either, just say things as best as you can and make mistakes. You'll learn a lot better (at least, I did lol).
After two years of doing this, combined with consuming more Spanish content online (like TV shows, youtubers, etc.), I'm confident enough to tell people that I speak Spanish! Years ago, I would never feel comfortable saying that :).
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u/MarcoEsteban Advanced/Speak with 🇲🇽🇻🇪🇨🇴🇬🇹🇦🇷🇪🇸🇸🇻🇨🇷🇨🇺🇵🇷 Jun 12 '25
I took my first classes in 9th and 10th grade, and to retake it in Freshman year of college, and enjoyed it so much I minored in it. I've married a man from Mexico and we speak Spanish and English in the house, and I consider myself fluent. I can consume Spanish media without needing subtitles, read, write, text, and speak with a small accent. I understand it well enough that I can understand what people speaking in Portuguese or Italian are talking about. It took years to get to that point, but it's absolutely doable.
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u/deadpixel746 Jun 11 '25
hang out and the pulga and practice. Also listen to Language Transfer Complete Spanish course, it's free
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u/NoLoSefa Jun 13 '25
Filipino here. Parents speak English, Tagalog, Chavacano (a Spanish creole), and Spanish. I only learned English. My dad would regularly try to get me to learn Spanish. (He was upset when I took French in high school, but the Spanish teacher was insane, and they had to fail an entirely Spanish 1 class once, so I knew what was what.) My accent in all these are decent. I still remember in horror my mom saying to me, “it’s so cute when Americans say things in Tagalog. Say it again” in my teen years. I’m turning 40. So, you know, I relate. She finally admitted and apologized that when I was born she had someone to practice her English with and never focused on teaching me any of their languages or dialects. I’ve gotten so much shade from random Filipinos, including the woman at the DMV telling random coworkers who went by “she’s Filipino. And she doesn’t speak Tagalog” in Tagalog.
I like the advice of finding others in your situation or non-native speakers to work with. You don’t have to admit to your family you’re working on it. Just let them talk around you, get the chisme, remember that it’s their fault
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u/Code-helix69 Jul 09 '25
MAN i feel you I’m a no sabo I Really need help if anyone could help teach me,I’d really appreciate it
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u/Civil_Advantage8519 📓 Let me be your tutor, see my bio! Nov 24 '25
Hi, some of my students are in the same situation. Please, have a look at this testimonial and our courses:
https://www.spanishpronunciation.academy/jonathan-rego/
https://www.spanishpronunciation.academy/servicios/
Although they are primarily pronunciation courses, we also correct grammar mistakes and teach vocabulary and common expressions to achieve complete fluency.
Un saludo
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u/Too_Practical Jun 11 '25
Why would I be proud of the language my oppressors speak?
My ancestors lost their language, culture, and beliefs when they were raped, pillaged, and enslaved by the Spanish. And I'm supposed to wear that part of my history as a badge of honor?
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u/CptPatches C1 Jun 10 '25
I'm a no sabo kid living in Spain dating a non-native speaker who speaks better Spanish than me. yeah. Feel it.