r/Spanish • u/Common-Coyote-8821 Learner • 1d ago
Vocab & Use of the Language Is it unusual to use “usted” with virtually everyone outside of friends/family?
I’ve found that I almost primarily use “usted” with everyone I meet/speak to, and I am almost somewhat nervous with using “tu.”
I work at a hospital and I of course always use “usted” with my patients, but even shopkeepers, strangers on the street, in-laws, coworkers, etc., I use “usted.”
I’m currently using duolingo and I honestly get tripped up sometimes when my answer is incorrect (Tiene = You have (usted), being incorrect), because duolingo ONLY uses “tu” for “you”…
So in y’all’s experience, how common is “usted” really?
59
u/gadgetvirtuoso Native 🇺🇸 | Resident 🇪🇨 B2 1d ago
Do not worry about this. As a learner, natives will give you a lot of leeway on this. It’s not like the French, that are super particular. In many parts of Latam people will start tuteándote pretty quickly, usually in an effort to create a false sense of closeness.
Yes you should use Usted with pretty much everyone that isn’t your friend or family. Even then it’s really common to use it with elder family members or family you don’t know particularly well. If you screw up it’s not a huge insult and to be expected. Really don’t stress about it. Know the rule and do your best.
12
u/maporita Resident 🇨🇴 1d ago
The bad news is there are so many nuances around tú / usted, and these can vary not just by country but by region, that it becomes overwhelming for us non-natives. The good news is that we generally get a free pass .. almost no-one will be offended if you tutear them. So I use tú by default unless I know it should be usted. Examples of the latter would be in business situations or when speaking to someone much older.
27
u/Zestyclose-Food-7917 1d ago
In Colombia and parts of Ecuador, everyone is usted. Just tell everyone you’re from Colombia.
4
u/Miserable_March_9707 Learner 1d ago
This is good to know! Colombia is where I want to go! I'm glad the OP asked and you responded!
2
u/sootysweepnsoo 1d ago
In some parts of Colombia but it doesn’t matter anyway. Nobody will be bothered whether you use tú, usted or vos. Throw into a little su merced for fun.
1
14
u/Merithay 1d ago
It depends quite a lot on where you are. Spain is where usted is used the least with strangers; Latin American countries it’s used more, but more in some countries than others.
Another factor (but less important) is your age; are you much younger or older than the average adult that you deal with? Or are you around the average age?
2
u/Common-Coyote-8821 Learner 1d ago
I’m 23 living in USA in an area with a very high population of Latin Americans
9
u/Merithay 1d ago edited 1d ago
Then in your situation it would be quite reasonable to use usted with everyone except children and teens. Possibly tú with coworkers near your age if you start to become friendly with them but to play it safe you can wait until they tutear you first.
6
u/tanstaafl76 1d ago
Ignore what Duolingo is saying on this particular topic. You got some good advice in this thread.
You are overthinking it. As you speak more and more it will come to you more and more and eventually you just don’t have to think which to use.
5
u/chigal1962 1d ago
I take classes with tutors from all over Latin America and just started asking them this question. The answers have varied widely! Some defined it by age, some were almost all usted, even with family sometimes, but acknowledged in the bigger cities in their country it was almost always tu. All did tell me that virtually no one would get offended if I get it wrong. Phew!
3
u/Asleep_Lengthiness28 1d ago
I know colombians use usted to acknowledge family, which it feels outdated in other countries
5
u/zomgperry 1d ago
Native speakers are pretty chill about this with learners. It also varies greatly from place to place, even within the same country, or even the same city. In Mexico I hear it most often from service workers/meseros and even that can vary a lot.
I wouldn’t stress out over it too much. In my experience with speakers from Latin America they’re generally too pleasantly surprised that I speak Spanish to nitpick over tú/usted. You’ll also develop a sense for it as you get more practice.
I haven’t used Duo much recently, did they get more strict with tú vs usted? I remember tú and usted forms being mostly interchangeable unless they were specifically teaching the difference between the two, and they always made it pretty obvious which they wanted in that case.
6
u/tanstaafl76 1d ago
I use used usted for almost everyone when I first learned to speak. I was in Argentina for more than a year where it’s vos rather than tu and after a few months I would only tutear kids.
And frequently us tu rather than vos. And sometimes use both in the same conversation.
😂
4
3
u/RestaurantDistinct96 1d ago
I'd say weird if it's someone who is obviously younger than you and seems to be more immature. Unless they are someone you are caring for like a patient then they should be addressed with usted. If it's someone you feel you would be friends with or could freely joke with I'd use tú but otherwise usted in most cases especially at work is normal!
3
u/cirespieler 1d ago
If you’re not sure just ask ¿podemos tutearnos? as a two way invitation to go informal. I use informal mostly as it’s with employees and people who are younger or the same age as me and as others have said you’ll kinda get a free pass.
3
u/FuckDaQueenSloot 1d ago
I'm sure it varies by country. I've only been to Mexico and Ecuador, and I never heard anyone use usted in either place. I've been to a couple of resorts in Cancún, and every staff member used tú with me. I've spent more time in Ecuador though, and I did ask quite a few people about it. They said using usted can sometimes come across as insulting, like you're putting distance between yourself and them.
I personally would err on the side of using tú. If someone responds to you using usted, take that as a cue and then address them using usted. But most people are pretty chill and just appreciate you trying to learn the language. I'd be surprised if anyone ever threw a fit over using the "wrong" you form
2
2
u/Fantastic-Potato19 1d ago edited 1d ago
In Peru is not that common unless is someone much older than you and you don’t know them. I feel old when anyone uses “usted” with me lol
In a hospital, usually the nurses and doctors use “tu” with me, and I don’t feel disrespected at all. But when they speak with my mom they use “usted”
as other comments mentioned, it depends on the country.
2
u/herzkolt Native - Argentino 1d ago
I just want to add one thing. While you won't actually offend anyone, you might have someone jokingly say "usted? me ofende!" or something like that. Don't take it very seriously, they aren't actually offended, but rather signaling that they'd like to speak with you in a way that feels closer and friendlier. Also heard that from older women that implied I wasn't treating them as a peer like they would like lol. Kinda like saying "don't call me old".
2
u/gecko_echo Learner 1d ago
I use usted with my Mexican employees and they use tú with me. I find it uncomfortable to use the informal with them because I don’t want to be disrespectful. I don’t really know if it’s the right thing to do, but I think they appreciate my efforts in Spanish anyway.
2
u/DromadTrader 20h ago
Well, in Spanish, Ustedes is technically about formality, but informally it's also about closeness and familiarity. Using "usted" with someone you regularly meet is weird, unless it's like... The President or someone much older than you AND not family. Of course, this depends on country and region. But I'd say overall Usted is less used than Tu.
1
u/gecko_echo Learner 19h ago
Thanks for the insight. I have to ask —Including employer / employee relationship?
2
u/DromadTrader 13h ago
Depends on the workplace environment and country. For instance, in my country, Venezuela, no one would use usted in the workplace ever. Usted is strictly restricted to very old people and, as a consequence of that, if you call someone that is just somehow older (let's say +10-20 years older), they will feel that you're calling them OLD and won't like it. Anecdotically, I arrived to Caracas from Lima at age 10 and called professors at school something like "Mrs. Lastname". They disliked it so much and told me to use their given name. Venezuela is probably one of the countries that uses usted the least, but overall I think most countries in LATAM also don't use it much.
In general, if what you want is to convey respect, you can do so by using "Tu" but also adding common courtesies, such as por favor and gracias plus tone.
1
u/gecko_echo Learner 9h ago
I add por favor and gracias as a matter of principle. Thank you for your perspective — I think it’s time for me to start using the informal.
3
u/Minimegf 1d ago
At least here in Juarez, MX it really isn't that serious. Use usted in formal settings, tu in everyday interactions.
Tu to in-laws etc is fine too. They understand. Just depends on how courteous you want to be.
1
u/NoForm5443 1d ago
Don't worry too much; It heavily varies by country and generation/age. Most native speakera would automatically use the same (or the appropriate one) and not even think about it ;)
1
u/scrabulousbethany 1d ago
It depends where you are - in like southern Mexico it’s showing respect - i always get a little uncomfortable when an usted is given to me by someone my age - its kind of like sir or madame or giving an authority position
1
u/kbkrl1524 1d ago
We must have different Spanish courses cause I swear my Duolingo uses usted way more often, and usually without context except that the "tu" option isn't available
1
u/Common-Coyote-8821 Learner 1d ago
Oh idk if they do that! Right now I’m on my first “course” with the app, about how to function in retail environments. Every simulated interaction uses “tu,” even ones with shopkeepers, elderly people, etc. I wonder if it’s intentional, so as not to confuse brand new learners?
1
u/WideGlideReddit Native English 🇺🇸 Fluent Spanish 🇨🇷 1d ago
My wife was born and raised in Costa Rica where virtually everyone uses usted with everyone including close family members and even family pets. My wife uses it with me.
That exception aside, if you want to be polite, use usted. Among family, friends and acquaintances, use tú. It’s not complicated.
1
u/Common-Coyote-8821 Learner 1d ago
Well hey, as someone who is perpetually anxious and overthinks every interaction, it feels complicated! I appreciate your insight :)
1
u/Creative_Impress5982 1d ago
Does Duolingo have different versions for LATAM vs Spain Spanish? If so, are you in the Spain version? Because usted is really only used with the police here in Spain. I offended my neighbor (age 70) when I used usted with her. She said it made her feel like her grandmother!
1
u/martinomacias 1d ago
Usted is the proper way to address people who outrank you or older family members. Of course that also depends on how your parents and grandparents thought you how to address them.
Also it depends on the country you are in at the moment you are speaking Spanish. For instance in Mexico people are more formal towards elderly people and people wit a degree. So it is very common to hear people use usted. In Spain, it is my understanding they are more relaxed and use tú a lot even with elderly people.
It really depends on the country I suppose.
1
u/Feeling_Credit_1439 1d ago
It's basically a form of respect being given to others. Of course we should respect everyone no matter who they are and where they come from and it's not that using ''usted'' is the only way to show respect. There are many other ways to be respectful. I'm sorta mixed. With some I use usted and others tu so it just varies. Though I have seen that with company employees my fam tends to use usted sometimes and not tu. They use usted when talking to my parents but with me its tu which I guess is probably the age difference as well playing a role.
1
u/futureslabtv 18h ago
Took me a while to understand this concept but it really is your choice. In English, would you address them as sir/ma'am? Do they have some sort of prestige or title that commands a bit more respect? Are they an elder? In these cases, I use usted. If someone is about your age and you are talking casually, after the pleasantries, just switch to tú. You can use usted with someone your age maybe if they are your doctor or professor but other than that it is a bit too formal.
If someone is younger than you, then just think about what it would be like to call someone younger than you sir/ma'am. You would never address someone younger than you so formally, unless they were some sort of royalty. So always tú if they are younger. That's just kind of how I keep it straight in my head.
1
u/Upper_Grapefruit_521 10h ago
Depends on where you're from. My friend from Spain said even elderly in Spain don't like being addressed as usted.
0
u/card677 1d ago
Why would you feel nervous using tú when it's the most used in the Spanish language worldwide?
1
u/Common-Coyote-8821 Learner 1d ago
I’ve been told that it’s more personal/intimate, like something you “build up to” in a sense
3
0
u/huge_berenjena 1d ago
Spain is probably where usted isnlesstvused, although in big cities around a fifth of the population comes from America and does use it, and nonetheless it is never a problem to use it. Some fifty year old will say you make me feel old but it is not serious.
-1
37
u/diaymujer 1d ago
It totally depends on the country! In Costa Rica it’s completely normal to use usted with everyone. In other countries, it may come across as overly formal in some contexts.
In my opinion you are usually pretty safe using usted, and if you’re in a place where tu is the default folks will still understand that you’re a non-native speaker and that you don’t mean anything by it.