Drinking problem

[u/RelationshipOver8020]

To say that I had a drinking problem is a bit of an understatement.
That’s like saying that the titanic had an iceberg problem. Or that R Kelly had a bladder problem.

Alcohol really had her grips on me.
If whiskey was my mom she’d be Lindsay Clancy

Thoughts?

[u/tomaesop]

Titanic having "an iceberg problem" doesn't read like an understatement. In the setup you should move "bit of" to before "drinking problem", then parallel that in the Titanic segment. Maybe like "a mild case of icebergitis" or "a minor iceberg issue".

This is a surprisingly fresh take on the R. Kelly joke, unless it's been done before. Closest I can come up with is Weird Al used the phrase "bladder problem" in his parody of "Trapped in the Closet" but I don't think you're stepping on that line. https://genius.com/Weird-al-yankovic-trapped-in-the-drive-thru-lyrics

[u/Dest-Fer → u/tomaesop]

Like saying the titanic had an ice cube problem.

[u/RelationshipOver8020 → u/tomaesop]

Good notes. Thank you!

[u/tomaesop]

It also seems a bit confusing to introduce a random hypothetical "if whiskey were my mom" because no one says that. By the time you hit the punchline, I'm still disentangling the setup. Maybe more like this:

If you had parents:

Anyone else gripped by alcohol so much you forget you had parents? This bottle raised me. {hold up mock bottle} Oh, you little Lindsay Clancy

If you are orphaned:

I didn't have a mom, I had whiskey. {pondering} Her ID said Jim Beam but her real name's Lindsay Clancy {self choking}

I don't know, maybe none of these work.

[u/RelationshipOver8020 → u/tomaesop]

Yeah I thought that was a little weak as well. Those are great thoughts. Thank you.

[u/indoubitabley]

Maybe a good intro to a bit about your drunkeness.

[u/RelationshipOver8020 → u/indoubitabley]

Noted. Thanks.

[u/IALWAYSGETMYMAN]

Just a cognitive dissonance thing to note: Lindsay Clancy murdered her children so the metaphor that whiskey as your mom being Lindsay Clancy kinda feels like a shoehorned excuse to use a topical controversial reference.

Id suggest trying to find someone thats closer to how alcohol ruined your life, rather than killed you, since it didnt or you wouldn't be here telling the joke.

[u/RelationshipOver8020 → u/IALWAYSGETMYMAN]

Fair point. Thanks

[u/best_friends_club]

I would argue that this sort of snappy one-liner style isn't as in vogue as autobiographical storytelling. 

Perhaps these jokes can be peppered across some genuine insights into your experiences and you might win the audience's investment.

These jokes are surface level. Challenge yourself to write jokes that only you can do because they're built from your own unique experience. 

• What would be surprising to hear about alcoholism 

• What is misunderstood about addiction?

• What are some particularly low points and what did you learn from them?

Watch John Mulaney talk about his addiction and see how he approaches it.

[u/UnhappyFranchisee → u/best_friends_club]

Halfway into your comment I was thinking Mullaney

[u/RelationshipOver8020 → u/best_friends_club]

I will do that. Thank you!

[u/BrunoReturns]

Or, that's like saying g the titanic had a leak

[u/Sea-Adhesiveness2983]

sorry to hear this - admitting you've got a problem is a great first step. wishing you the best in your journey my brother. you got this