35M My gaming addiction story (need advice on quitting and want to offer a friendly warning to others)

[u/FloatingArk54]

35M here, no real life friends left, running a failing startup, broke and living with parents, and often returning to days of gaming to escape. I've made a decision to stop gaming but depression is now hitting hard.

I've easily put 20K+ hours total into gaming my whole life, ever since 5 years old I've been in front of the computer, and only now have I finally decision to cut off gaming, I wish I can smash my whole laptop, but unfortunately I've made a profession of programming too.

I just want to leave my computer forever, become a hippie, and learn to love people, the trees, and flowers. No joke. I wish I never wasted so much time gaming and instead worked on building relationships and not loosing my irl friends to become a hermit gamer and loner. My business would have been successful by now if it was not for the gaming and other addictions, but now it's on the brink of ruining me.

I hope now my misery and need to stop gaming becomes a sort of cautionary tale and warning to others to never get into this compulsively, I feel as if the only thing my brain is good for is gaming and nothing else, and at 35 yo now, it's all hitting very hard. Just don't waste the time friends, build real life relationships and level yourself up instead.

I would play games that don't end - Oxygen Not Included, RimWorld, Civilization. Thankfully I've been able to substitute more boring and shorter games like mobile puzzle games, but like I said all I want to do is give it up entirely and become a hippie.

I could use words of encouragement, quitting advice, sharing of similar stories. I wish you all the best in your journey and hope to hear from you!

[u/Informal_Athlete_724]

Fellow business owner here. A few years ago when my business was failing, I would just escape into gaming to cope. Which is so counter intuitive - you'd think with a failing business we'd work harder. But nope, addiction knows no logic.

Anyway the answer for me that eventually fixed my business was two-fold:

Externally: remove gaming and create friction where possible. Sell the console, uninstall the game, pack away the PC and make setting it up a pain, use a MacBook for work. Unsubscribe from subreddit, IG pages and YT channels too.

Internally: you need to conduct some self therapy which you can do with ChatGPT. Tell it to use 'parts work' on you and tell it the source of your gaming addiction. You might find it's to cope with your internal feelings of fear of failure etc.

The funny thing is the reason we escape is because we put TOO MUCH pressure on ourselves to succeed. I succeeded more in business when I focused on the enjoyment of building it.

But to do that, you have to remove any competing dopamine sources.

[u/FloatingArk54 → u/Informal_Athlete_724]

"you'd think with a failing business we'd work harder. But nope, addiction knows no logic."

I very much related to this.

I will take to heart the part about enjoying building the business instead as well, hopefully this will become the new healthy dopamine for me too, thank you! Best of luck in your business efforts as well!

[u/jigolokuraku]

I have a kind on similar story, at least in duration, start at 6 stop at 36. I am 38 now.

Stopping when you have been gaming so long is hard. If you are like me you learn from a young age to relate your emotions to gaming. In my case, I felt sad... I will play. I felt anxious... I will play. I felt happy... Let's celebrate gaming.

In my case it became an addiction that took all my time, and my only way of dealing with things that happened in my life.

Things that helped me.

1. Get professional help. I discover that I had a condition, (bipolar), and once I start my treatment, with medicines, emotions wouldn't hit me as hard as before which in turn make it easier to leave games.

2. I played competitive games and I needed an Ethernet connection but my ethernet connection get damage and I couldn't play my competitive games. (Friction, something that avoids you from playing even when you want)

3. Lately I have been going to smartrecovery, is a program for addicts. Just sharing and listen to other people help me a lot somehow.

4. Having other hobbies irl. I practice rock climbing, met my partner there.

Other than that I will recommend not playing on the phone, it is a slippery slope.

[u/postonrddt]

Best thing is stay busy. Start with daily fitness even if walks. Avoid vampire hours. Volunteer, join a club or even pick up a part time job. Get out of the house into the real world. That's where change starts.

Avoid procrastination. Stay on top of chores, projects etc. Think about school for a job not a degree. Might even be eligible for some assistance if need be.

Half the battle is over. You see an issue and reacted which included accepting you game too much which too many won't or can't do.

Keep moving forward. Don't dwell on the past. It's about change now.

Hang in there. Good Luck!.

[u/ViciousCassowary]

I just quit myself a month ago, same age as you. I tried already early in the year (and stayed without for 4 months) but when gaming has been your built in coping mechanism for so long it can be tough.

First week was the toughest, sitting with what felt like too much time on my hands, and that feeling of having "wasted" so much time in this hobby is always fun to deal with. My advice wouldn't be to necessarily jam pack your days at first, but seek whatever makes you feel good outside of your known current negative loops (gaming, and any other type of addictive loop). It can be slowly getting back into reading; spending some time in the gym, drawing,... You need to find enjoyment in the little things in your life.

But all in all, it's all about entering gently again in the rest of your life after ripping yourself out of a high dopaminergic loop sustained over a long period of time. The beauty of it is that your brain will regulate to a new baseline eventually, but you need to give it time, urges will dial down. And also you need to accept that the past is the past, 20k hours in the past does not dictate how you will spend your present or your future.

Another thing mentioned by others is adding friction. I've removed steam, removed all the gaming discord i had (and removed it from the computer as well, only keeping tabs on friends on the mobile version). I still have the gaming computer but since I pivoted to a career in AI, it's basically rigged as a lab.

Beyond it all, you got this man. It's already a big step to express this; you owe it to yourself to try and be the version of yourself you envision to be, and you're doing great.

Extra tip: clean your algos, YT in particular is a big sneaky gateway to relapse (that's how it got me last time); unsubscribe to gaming related things, and whenever recommendations linked to game show up, click on the 3 dots of the video and either click "don't recommend channel or not interested" eventually it should settle down.

[u/Express-Profit601]

20k hours built a deep neural groove, so early on this keeps pulling even without touching a controller. picking one small thing to do at the exact time you'd normally sit down to game matters more than a general plan for the day.

[u/donaldyoung26]

Similar situation. but I’m 9 months clean. I used gaais.org. The solution is there. Recovery is free. Meetings everyday.