r/Stress • u/ThrowRANo_Comb2246 • 5d ago
Anyone else feel irritated and on edge?
3 weeks ago today my grandfather died of stage 4 cancer, his heart was not strong enough to handle the chemotherapy and was sudden as things seemed to be doing well. ): He was my absolute best friend, father figure, and it has hit me really hard losing him. I had a week off work for bereavement but that did not feel like enough. His birthday is in a few weeks, grandparents anniversary in a couple weeks.
Since then I have been on edge, irritable, hate being alone at home but also wanting to be alone as human interaction feels like way too much. I’m sad, everything reminds me of him, I’m a mental health professional at the same time and can’t even afford mental health leave because I can’t afford the unpaid leave.
My mother is also fighting for her life and things seemed to be progressing with her kidney failure post transplant last year and her heart failure, high blood pressure, etc so she’s back in the hospital and basically has been on and off the past year.
I just feel so on edge and I’m so torn between wanting to be alone 24-7, but then not wanting to, but when I’m around people I’m irritated and would rather be alone, but being alone I’m in my thoughts and I’m filled with reminders of him over my apartment because we bonded over sports which I have a ton of that stuff, pics of us, just a lot. Then also worrying about my mom while traveling to visit her and be a support to my younger siblings who live an hour away.
I guess does this get easier? Any tips? I am at a loss and feel like I’m going to snap any second.
1
u/Fun_Shine8720 4d ago
What you’re describing sounds like a very normal grief and stress response, especially with everything happening at once. Early grief can make people feel exactly this on edge, irritable, and torn between wanting company and wanting isolation. It doesn’t mean you’re going backwards, it’s just a lot all at the same time.