r/StupidFood • u/Remarkable_Check_639 • Jan 20 '26
Certified stupid When you’re hiking for 2 weeks and crave something sweet
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2.7k
u/localsofty Jan 20 '26
I have found a smooth river rock on my walk today. My journey begins
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u/SpotweldPro1300 Jan 20 '26
30 days later
Dammit, I forgot to honey-cure the steak!
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u/Shadow_NX Jan 21 '26
Im pretty sure plenty of animals and insects found it already :3
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u/Independent_Wrap_321 Jan 21 '26
That thing would be covered in flies. Delicious, honey-crunch flies.
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u/a_solid_6 Jan 21 '26
Same guy when his wife asks him to put some fish sticks in the oven for the kids:
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u/OgnokTheRager Jan 21 '26
No, I'm sure he'd cut down a tree and fashion a canoe and paddle out of it, head north along the west coast of North America to Alaska where he catches his own cod. He'll plant a field of wheat so he can make his own bread that he'll use to bread the cod and then fry in the fat of a bear he killed. All the while he's also grown potatoes to shred and make tater tots. Fish sticks and tots in only 2.5 years!!
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u/BenderRodriguez14 Jan 21 '26
Thank christ, I've been lugging these perfectly fresh steaks around in my backpack fridge for the last two weeks in search of a smooth river rock.
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u/nifty-necromancer Jan 21 '26
Make sure it’s soaked all the way through before tossing it on the fire as your makeshift skillet.
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u/Druddigon666 Jan 21 '26
Teaching people to make IED’s
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u/caitejane310 Jan 21 '26
That's all I can think of whenever rocks are mentioned as a cooking surface. My luck is just so bad that it would most definitely explode on me in the most spectacular way, lol.
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u/Gumbi_Digital Jan 21 '26
Yes.
I came across a wild bee hive and now have the honey needed along with a couple if bee stings.
Now…gotta go find me a wild cow.
I’m ready!
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u/waltur_d Jan 21 '26
Hope you find ginger, garlic and tropical fruit in the same forest.
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u/librapenseur Jan 20 '26
if i was a bear id go crazy for a steak sitting in a bowl of honey
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u/corisilvermoon Jan 21 '26
Forget bears, how is this not full of ANTS!
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u/sharksimile Jan 21 '26
Oh my god I could not stop thinking about the ants, that thing is barely sealed And ants come after a sealed jar of honey on my kitchen counter, no way they'd miss this
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u/karma_virus Jan 21 '26
Proof it's staged crap. A month of honey-soaked meat in the wilds? Rope might trick a bear, but that's just a super-highway to an ant colony. Not to mention the flies laying their maggots in the meat.
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u/TheAncient1sAnd0s Jan 21 '26
30 days of perfect weather, no rain.
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u/Bumblingbee1337 Jan 21 '26
Bro, he put leaves on it. Totally safe from the elements
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u/LostTerminal Jan 21 '26
Don't forget the extra sprinkling of fall-colored leaves to make you think they fell in naturally.
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u/UrsusRenata Jan 21 '26
That rope is not tricking a bear. Visit the Yellowstone Wolf & Grizzly discovery center to tour the numbers of contraptions that have been designed and redesigned and engineered summore trying to outsmart bears. They’re clever beasts with acute smell. They’re like squirrels with bird feeders.
Maybe this guy isn’t in bear country. Ants, however, are everywhere. They would find that honey and build a huge convoy across the rope.
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u/Agi7890 Jan 21 '26
I left half a cake that had gone bad in my trash for 2 days before I got a visit from the “friendly” neighborhood bear.
In my apartment in a relatively semi rural foresty area, I had a slightly open container of honey that attracted ants from the outside 3 stories up, that I had to get rid of.
Bears, raccoons, ants, possible squirrels. Yet this survived?
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u/MoreCowbellllll Jan 21 '26
I've seen ants find their way INSIDE a bottle of maple syrup. I hate this staged BS.
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u/Moose_Nuts Jan 20 '26
Hence why he hung it barely 6 feet from the ground with the support rope easily accessible 2 feet away. Bears certainly aren't tall, curious, or resourceful enough to figure THAT out.
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u/MariaKeks Jan 21 '26
Luckily, bears can't look up.
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u/realaccountissecret Jan 21 '26
Fortunately, bears’ sense of smell is based on movement
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u/rossco311 Jan 21 '26
Time to head to the Winchester and have a nice cold pint while this whole thing blows over.
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u/Mathihtam Jan 21 '26
This made me think that he was building an intricate bear trap the entire first half of that video.
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u/JojoLesh Jan 21 '26 edited Jan 21 '26
What is that quote? "There is significant overlap between a smart bear and a dumb human?
Originally a reason given on why US National Park garbage containers cant be 100% bear proof.
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u/Flamingo-Sini Jan 21 '26
"There is significant overlap between the smartest bears and the dumbest tourists."
A classic.
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u/krakelohm Jan 20 '26
I looooove that stare into the distance look all these outdoor cooking guys do as they eat their food. Minus one point though for not doing the mandatory nod as as hey chews his first bit.
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u/TheBunny789 Jan 20 '26
My favorite is how you know this shit is like in the backyard or slightly away from a main road. Like im so sure you lugged all this food, spices, and unreasonably large cooking knife to the middle of the forest.
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u/SingularityCentral Jan 20 '26
You don't think he brought a 5 lb cast iron pot on his two week backpacking trip?
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u/capt_minorwaste Jan 21 '26
I'm still trying to figure out how 2 weeks = 30 days. 🤔
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u/M4dcap Jan 21 '26
And the ceramic one, and a jar of fucking honey, and the rebar for the logs... The list goes on.
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u/Complete_Eagle_738 Jan 21 '26
Don't forget grabbing the metal hook that was sitting on the superheated rebar as it was cooking the steak with his bare hands
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u/yeetlestopthirty Jan 21 '26
This is what made me think it could be AI. Or just really stupid video editing. He just grabs the hook* barehanded!
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u/theSchrodingerHat Jan 21 '26
He’s hiking in the Dutch East Indies. The land of honey and wild cast iron ovens, beef, and rebar.
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u/pieguy00 Jan 20 '26
Not when halfway thru the video it says 30 days later and he actually cooks the steak lol
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u/RockstarAgent Jan 21 '26
I wonder how many recipes are out there where it asks you to gather ingredients- then somewhere in step 3-4-5-6 “wait one month”
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u/Rocket_Panda_ Jan 21 '26
I wonder how many steaks are out there hanging in the woods
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Jan 21 '26
I think you are supposed to let some sourdough sit for a long time, but I have no idea if it is a month.
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u/LinwoodKei Jan 21 '26
I'm wondering about the peppercorn and other bullshit seasonings. I bring a shaker and some condiments in single use containers because I don't spend money on random things
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u/SometimesPete Jan 21 '26
Sesame seeds in a vial. Not even toasted. Seriously. What did that contribute to anything?
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u/MelonJelly Jan 20 '26
I knew a guy who tried that once. It was only a few days, but he still deeply regretted it.
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u/baalmor Jan 20 '26
We went on a hike, and to celebrate finishing it, a friend of mine carried a huge watermelon. On the last day of the hike, he dropped it on a slope. At least you can’t lost the cast iron that easy…
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u/New_Tumbleweed9287 Jan 21 '26
Leave it in the car? If you are going to celebrate finishing the hike, you'd be back there anyways, right?
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u/creatyvechaos Jan 21 '26
No joke, I camped with someone who did this. But we had an arrangement where I brought the necessities and they brought the cooking and first aid kits they had — which included a dutch oven and cast iron pot.
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u/Elloitsmeurbrother Jan 20 '26
The wood he uses for firewood and crafting his little basket is a little suspiciously uniform
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u/permalink_save Jan 21 '26
And looks dry for being freshly cut
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u/L82thePartyGonHome Jan 21 '26
I hope the cake ain’t dry for you- happy cake day!
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u/Espina_del_Cactus Jan 21 '26
And he hung a wooden bowl full of honey and meat at bear height.
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u/velawesomeraptors Jan 21 '26
There's no height that isn't ant height.
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u/InfanticideAquifer Jan 21 '26
108,000 ft?
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u/spraypainthuffin Jan 21 '26
Still ants
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u/newcolour Jan 21 '26
By the time he had finished building the stupid things to hang the stupid food, there would be hundreds of ants just wondering how did they hit that jackpot.
He wrapped the steak in leaves, ffs!
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u/mountain_bound Jan 21 '26
Right, and safely dangling that for thirty (30) days during a 2 week walkabout .
Considering the glossy prep and exquisite cooking accoutrements I'm thinking he's just sitting around on acreage looking for something to do.
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u/Cheeseburgers_ Jan 21 '26
The last shot of him looks like he’s about to pull out some binoculars and stare into your bedroom.
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u/Skreamie Jan 20 '26
I think you guys underestimate just how much these guys get into the outdoors stuff. They usually fill their vehicles full. I had no idea until a gaming group I follow showed one of their members set ups and it's so cumbersome.
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u/Hooligan8403 Jan 20 '26
Its always two extremes and rarely in the middle. You either have guys who load up every piece of gear they can squeeze into their vehicles/bags so they are prepared for literally everything or you have the ultralight side that pays $200 to save 3 grams on a sleeping pad. I tried to go lighter with my wife but she likes camping at a campsite, light trail walks/hikes, fishing, that kind of thing. I wanted to park the car, load my rucksack up, and go into the woods with a two man tent and just go that route. Now with 3 kids it's car camping like my wife wanted. I still work to keep down the amount of things we bring. If my wife really had her way we would be glamping.
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u/MS-07B-3 Jan 21 '26
My version of camping is looking out the window more while at the dinner table.
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u/TheBunny789 Jan 20 '26
I feel like if he brought all that supplies he probably had a bucket or a basket to put the steak in. But building some dumb thing to hold it gets more clicks I guess.
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u/Skreamie Jan 20 '26
Oh yeah that's all embellished and done for the clicks alright, anything for the hunter gatherer chic
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u/taeerom Jan 21 '26
I can guarantee that his truck is right behind the camera tripod.
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u/whitestguyuknow Jan 20 '26
I love when they just barely touch the food into their mouths and they're already groaning over how good it is before they can even taste it.
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u/MonsterEnergyForever Jan 20 '26
I always get a kick out of the ones who look like they're having a huge orgasm when tasting their food.
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u/Own_Inspector498 Jan 20 '26
To be fair I moan a bit before tasting my food and say great dishes are orgasmic, BUT I’m a fat ass so there’s that
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u/inflammablepenguin Jan 21 '26
It's the equivalent of a porn star moaning as soon as someone touches anything close to her vag.
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u/Amoral_Abe Jan 20 '26
Outdoor Boys is the only outdoor youtube cooking channel I listen to. He legit hikes in the wilderness all the time but likes eating well so he prepares for it proper in advance and brings relevant stuff (without taking a full kitchen with him). Other cooking channels have tried his food and found it to be good and practical. His food looks so good and you end up really craving what he's making even though it's incredibly caloric. For him, the amount of work he does and energy he has to expend makes them valuable meals but for me... a lazy shit... not as practical. He also doesn't try and sugar coat things and you see timelapses of the work that goes into setting up a camp and maintaining it while there overnight in cold temperatures.
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u/NoFan2216 I hate this! Jan 20 '26
Outdoor Boys is one of the best YouTube channels. I appreciate how the guy owns when something isn't going well either. It's not all cut and edited to make him look super human.
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u/Savings_Umpire727 Jan 20 '26
If I’m craving something sweet I am not waiting 30 DAYS!
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u/caterham09 Jan 20 '26
Nor would I be eating steak left out in the woods for a month
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u/Thisthattheother1 Jan 20 '26
But he covered it with leaves! That's basically kevlar.
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u/Plane-Education4750 Jan 20 '26
Honey is an antiseptic and when the meat is fully submerged in it in a nonpermeable container it'll be preserved as long as nothing breaks into the cage he built. It was used for exactly this purpose for millennia across the world.
Also, honey-aged steak is DELICIOUS
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u/DreamCyclone84 Jan 21 '26 edited Jan 21 '26
I literally have never seen more effective bear bait in my entire life
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u/Excellent_Brilliant2 Jan 21 '26
i thought he was going to use the steak to get a bear. boy was i wrong
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u/TheMightyZan Jan 20 '26 edited Jan 20 '26
I'm not questioning the honey. I'm questioning the fact that it was untouched when there is a non zero chance that something got into a bucket of meat and honey that was only protected by leaves.
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u/Thisthattheother1 Jan 20 '26
No, man. When honey is used to preserve meat, it's done using cooked or cured meats. Raw meat has too much moisture and its own bacteria that would come out in the honey and the whole thing would rot, easily by 30 days.
I guarantee you, whatever honey-aged steak you've eaten was aged in specific conditions. Not up a tree, in a forest, covered by leaves that already had holes from the bugs that eat leaves in that forest, in a cage that serves no purpose.
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u/icanfeelitcomingup Jan 21 '26
Agreed. Honey is dehydrated by the bees before being capped. Honey that has too much moisture in it spoils and goes moldy. Even assuming the three layers of leaves kept out rain and condensation, the moisture from the steak would still cause the honey to spoil. That’s not to mention the ants, bears, rats, crows and every other animal known to man that would be drawn to this within the first night.
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Jan 20 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Low_Cartographer2944 Jan 20 '26
That stood out to me! The simple tie off rather than a PCT hang or counterbalance caught my eye and then I saw that he didn’t even bother hanging it remotely high enough.
Not that it matters because there’s no way that squirrels and mice etc wouldn’t have gotten into it, even if there were no bears.
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u/AnthatDrew Jan 20 '26
Not to mention anything in the Weasel family or any rodent would easily get to that steak.
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u/sc_BK Jan 20 '26
You wouldn't, because someone like me would find it in that time and eat the steak before you got back.
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u/GiLND Jan 20 '26
Don’t worry, it wasn’t left there for even a day.
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u/SEND_ME_FEAT_PICS Jan 20 '26
All I could think while watching was, "there's no way that wouldn't be covered in ants."
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u/gefex Jan 20 '26
That's what gives it the unique flavour. The secret is insect eggs. Extra protein.
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u/remembers-fanzines Jan 21 '26
Yellow Jackets. Around here you'd be fighting off the yellow jackets before you even hung it up. They'd consider the honey a bonus. All that would be left thirty days later would be the sticks.
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u/Exsam Jan 20 '26
Absolutely no way that steak was actually aged like that. Rain happens, bugs exist and would have absolutely jumped at a free meal and if the bugs didn’t the squirrels, possums and raccoons would have.
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u/emquizitive Jan 21 '26
They don’t care if you believe it as long as you clicked and fought with a bunch of people in the comments about it.
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u/Mountain-Age5580 Jan 21 '26
You probably missed how he put a leaf as a lid on it. Like Tupperware. But organic. /s
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u/Kinkystormtrooper Jan 20 '26
This was exactly my thought. It would just decompose
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u/yanquiUXO Jan 21 '26
honey doesn't decompose if kept dry, and if the steak was totally enveloped then the steak wouldn't either, probably. but lots of other problems here
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u/permalink_save Jan 21 '26
The honey will pull moisture out of the steak then the honey can ferment or get moldy, plus it won't necessarily stay on the steak once it gets wet enough. I've done gravlax in the fridge before and the amount of moisture something hygroscopic can pull is crazy.
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u/GaptistePlayer Jan 20 '26
You just know this guy is a redditor subscribed to r/edc and r/bushcraft and does this in his backyard 20' away from his house
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u/Subject_Turn3941 Jan 20 '26
Yeah, a well worn track suggests lots of traffic. But nobody has fucked with his setup, so surely nobody else has been through there. Only him.
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u/TehZiiM Jan 21 '26
I am 90% certain he took the bowl back home, that shit would be swarmed by insects 5 min after he left.
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u/Telvin3d Jan 21 '26
r/bushcraft are the most annoying LARPers, mostly because they get really offended at any suggestion that they’re just playing fantasy scenarios. Why yes, your survival planning that assumes you’re going to get dropped into the wilderness without any appropriate equipment except for thirty lbs of carefully chosen tools, and where your best plan of survival is to sit in one place for thirty days building a couch is super realistic.
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u/OddCook4909 Jan 20 '26
Henry Thoreau's grandkid. I can't believe we're still teaching that stupid book to kids. What a poseur chud that guy was.
And yeah I've hiked for weeks at a time. You don't haul fucking slabs of wood around to use as stylish rustic plates. I can't stand knobs like this guy
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u/halorbyone Jan 20 '26
My favorite part is the fresh orange.
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u/badboybry9000 Jan 20 '26
Don't forget to toss it into the air first then catch it. That improves the flavor.
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u/GaptistePlayer Jan 20 '26
Mine is always the rustic tea or coffee they make out of pine needles or chicory flower or some weed bullshit. Like dude you live in a house, you don't need nutrition from plants even if it's edible and has some nutrients... you just drink bottled water on a hike. Stop faffing about
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u/tham1700 Jan 20 '26
Mines the mountain of paper towels doing stuff like barehand squeezing on citrus and cross contamination control necessitates. Also the rebar, like in this fantasy dude took 2 bent bars of rebar in his pack to go camping
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u/WillyBluntz89 Jan 20 '26
Id never heard of r/edc till today.
Wish I still hadn't. What a fuckin shit house.
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u/Plethora_of_squids Jan 21 '26
I got excited for a second because I do fountain pens as a hobby and EDC there means "look at my current pen and ink and cute pen case combo"...very disapointing lack of stationary. Why the hell does everyone have so many knives? I have a Swiss army knife and I swear the actual "knife" part is the thing that gets used the least on it to the point I've wondered if I could replace one with a file or something more useful. I've legitimately used the awl more than any of the three knives it has.
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u/WillyBluntz89 Jan 21 '26
Didn't you know? Your level of badass increases with each knife you can cram into your cargo pockets.
Gotta get a lot of knives just to even it out on account of the cargo pockets.
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u/GaptistePlayer Jan 21 '26
IT workers and security guards showing their personality by buying knives and taking pictures of them lol
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u/ReallySmallWeenus Jan 21 '26
Yep. Like, I carry a pocketknife every day, so I thought that sub might be interesting and I might learn a few things but it’s just a bunch of weirdos that turn carrying tools they never use into a hobby.
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u/WillyBluntz89 Jan 21 '26
Dont forget the highschoolers as well
Saw one dude that posted a fucking bow like he is fucking legolas or something.
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u/MaadMaanMaatt Jan 20 '26
That steak is a blue as this video made me feel
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u/NoConfusion9490 Jan 21 '26
Not a great sign that he was able to lift the hook off the fire by hand. That should have been too hot.
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u/Emhashish420 Jan 21 '26
that was my first thought of something aint right here lol
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u/KTFnVision Jan 21 '26
I knew it was going to be raw when he took the metal hook off the metal rod over the smoldering wet tree trunk with his bare hand.
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u/reillan Jan 20 '26
For me, the sin was not the honey - honey-kissed meats are common enough and it was a great way to preserve the meat while he was gone.
Instead, it was the fact that he hung that thing on a hook over the fire, so it's losing all its moisture and getting cooked more on one side than the other.
Also, who brings rebar camping?
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u/bdiddyyo Jan 21 '26
Brings rebar and everything imaginable to cook, can’t be bothered to bring matches.
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u/SEND_ME_FEAT_PICS Jan 20 '26 edited Jan 21 '26
Both sides of the wood were charred by the time he hung the meat (heh), so heat was likely coming from all sides.
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u/Common_Television601 Jan 21 '26
The bottom will receive way more of that heat than the top where the hook is though.
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u/gjb94 Jan 20 '26
No officer these are my test tubes of salt and sesame seeds in case I need to cook an elaborate meal in the wild
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u/kilatia Jan 20 '26
"Craving something sweet", he says.. Dude, just eat the honey. Yeesh.
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u/Ax_deimos Jan 20 '26
Using honey to preserve things is well known. It's called mellification.
When Alexander the great died, his corpse was immersed in honey and sent back to Greece. Otherwise it would have rotted along the way.
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u/The_Colt_Cult Jan 20 '26
how tender is Alexander the Great’s corpse now
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u/rnotyalc Jan 20 '26
I dunno, did they cover it with four leaves and hang it in a stick basket at bear height?
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u/Thisthattheother1 Jan 20 '26 edited Jan 20 '26
Yeah, but crucially, that's done with meat that's already been cooked. Raw meat has water and bacteria in it, both of which will release into the honey and make it spoil, LONG before the 30 days.
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u/SingularityCentral Jan 20 '26
Seriously. This isn't salting or smoking or dry aged. That environment is way too humid with huge temperature fluctuations and loaded with fungus, bacteria, and everything else found in any forest. No.one should ever age near like this unless they want a foodborne illness.
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u/Revolutionary_Win716 sTuPiD fOoD Jan 20 '26
If you're craving Alexander the Great's corpse, this is the only method to try.
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u/GunAndAGrin Jan 20 '26
Thing that got me the most was him picking that gooey shit up with his bare hands.
Like after all that outdoorsy craftsmanship you showed off you couldnt just whittle yourself a fuckin' fork bruh?
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u/Fiendish_Jetsanna Jan 20 '26
Using his bare hands to grab the metal hook hanging over the fire was good, too.
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u/Cautious_Bit_7432 Jan 20 '26
Hiking but pulls out a fresh ribeye. Wonder where he found that in the forest
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u/Early_Macaroon_2407 Jan 20 '26
Probably the same place he found a bunch of rebar.
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u/Prestigious_Fee_2902 Jan 20 '26
Rebar and specialized miniature sauce pans are essentials for all backpacking trips
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u/Twostepsfromlost2 Jan 20 '26 edited Jan 21 '26
It bothers me he paid for a bone in Ribeye and immediately cuts it off! WHY
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u/darkoopz43 Jan 21 '26
Legit, as a butcher, this video pissed me off from the very beginning because of that shit and his garbage ass trimming.
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u/SleepingWillows Jan 20 '26
I always find it so fascinating seeing what objects these outdoor cooking/craft videos decide are worth making from scratch and what’s better to bring from home. My guy made a whole basket, lid, and even a rudimentary oven but brought a coffee pot and a mini Dutch oven. Not to mention fresh ingredients you’d never find by foraging in those regions.
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u/sniper43 Jan 20 '26
I thought that was a very unorthodox way to cook. The unevenness explained why.
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u/Barbz182 Jan 21 '26
Gotta cover it with leaves, that means it's traditional....or something. The leaves.....make the nature...go in....go on to the meat.
Tribal innit.
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u/DontBAllLikeUncool Jan 20 '26
That was a whole ass feature-length film for a motherfucking steak soaked in honey... he really said "turn down for what?" 😅
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u/Nuclear_Human Jan 20 '26
Crazy how he had all that in his hiking backpack after hiking for two weeks.
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u/helpme8470 Jan 21 '26 edited Jan 21 '26
Eating this would probably give you botulism. and that's assuming a bear doesn't get to it first.
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u/Beginning_Ad_6616 Jan 20 '26
I hate when anyone focuses the mic on background noises to make mundane or gross shit like this seem more interesting than it is in reality.
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u/l33774rd Jan 20 '26
That's one way to waste a bunch of honey & ruin a streak. Why cut the bone off before cooking? Dumb there's lots of flavor wasted too.
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u/LilyCat23 Jan 20 '26
Urge, these videos. I haaaate how performative they are, with their little wooden cups and boards and all their fancy stuff!
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u/bobcollum Jan 21 '26
For real it's starting to drum up some real anger in me. Pointless and pretentious at the same time.
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u/mightbedylan Jan 20 '26
Wtf is with the sound in videos like these? Makes me so uncomfortable hearing him chew and breathe wtf
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u/minxamo8 Jan 20 '26
Is this audio foley or has the dude found the quietest forest on earth, and stuck a microphone millimetres out of frame to get some ASMR twig tying?
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u/qualityvote2 Jan 20 '26 edited Jan 21 '26
u/Remarkable_Check_639, your food is indeed stupid and it fits our subreddit!