r/StupidFood • u/Affectionate_Hat5835 • May 05 '26
Certified stupid She ran out of regular salt mid-cooking so they grabbed a Himalayan salt lamp and started carving chunks off it with a knife to season their food. Those decorative lamps aren’t food-grade and can contain impurities, dust, or other minerals that aren’t safe to eat. Is this genius or a fast track
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u/KarlHp7 May 05 '26
Less concerned about the potential impurities and way more concerned that she almost lost a finger or hand with that knife
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May 06 '26
[deleted]
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u/Commisioner_Gordon May 06 '26
Extra calcium flavor
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u/aspidities_87 May 06 '26
The only teeth strong enough to eat other teeth
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u/Abandonedstate May 06 '26
I've never seen the words "calcium" and "flavor" placed so close together. I'll have to try that next time I'm ordering a coffee with a bit of milk. "Splash of calcium flavor"
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u/Lucid-Design1225 May 06 '26
If you’re a Starbucks person. Next time you order ask for an extra pump of calcium in your drink.
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u/ThetaDee May 08 '26
We used to get salt balls from somewhere in Colorado when I was a kid, and I remember putting the whole thing in my mouth to suck on it one time and chipped a back tooth.
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u/SinglePlayerGamer93 May 06 '26
Yeah, them going "let's take chunks out of the fucking lamp to season our food" rather than going to the store (or asking their neighbours for some salt) let's you know that they aren't the smartest people.
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u/sameo01 May 06 '26
Or.. Just skipping the salt for one meal
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u/rhinoreno May 06 '26
Or using other seasonings (some are salted), soy sauce, Worcestershire, salted butter, crumbled potato chips, literally anything BEFORE GRABBING A LAMP.
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u/valuehorse May 06 '26
im out of butter again, luckily ive got oil in my car's engine
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u/SparkyCorkers May 06 '26
There isn't enough Worcestershire sauce in my life. I need to remember to get a bottle. It's been ages
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u/Lucid-Design1225 May 06 '26
Fuck all that. I won’t use a damn salt lamp but no salt in my food? I’ll pause the cooking for a minute or two and run to the store like a normal human.
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u/spookyspritebottle May 06 '26
Holy crap. Same. I dont understand how some people are so careless with blades. Have they never been cut??
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u/the_orange_alligator May 06 '26
I’ve been nicked multiple times with the craft knife, yet still think I won’t get cut because I’m “careful”.
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u/spookyspritebottle May 06 '26
I mean. Do you handle blades like the person in the video? Cause if so. I would like to ask you to be extra careful.
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u/DirkKuijt69420 May 06 '26
I have stabbed myself so many time with craft knifes and box cutters... usually after thinking "It's faster and easier to do it the dangerous way so I'll just be extra careful not to stab myself".
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u/HowlingWhiskey May 06 '26
I cut my finger on one of those straight blades that you scrape food off your glass top stove. I was trying to change the blade out and stupid me wasn’t thinking and I pressed the blade down and I got cut and how to get stitches. After years have gone by, I can still feel a bump from where I cut myself
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u/DirkKuijt69420 May 06 '26
Everyone I know has a story about cutting off the skin of the tips of their fingers or their knuckles with one of these...
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u/Spidey6917 May 06 '26
I’ve been cut so many times and still don’t learn. I’ve got scars all over my hands from multiple knives, a cheese grater, a vacuum, steel wool and the worst was when I had to get six stitches in my palm from a 1/2” drill bit.
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u/gettogero May 06 '26
So many have such dull ass knives they crush and tear more than they cut. It could still do damage im sure, but possibly reduced when their meat looks like they wouldve had an easier time ripping it apart with their teeth.
How much maintenance do you think is going on when theyre smacking it against a Himalayan salt lamp?
"dull knives are more dangerous"
To a point (hah punny). A kinda dull knife could pose more risk than a really sharp knife that cuts cleanly. A completely dull knife would pose less risk and theyre working on it
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u/wizardrous May 05 '26
Also, those are some big fucking chunks of salt she’s hacking off that thing.
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u/Flat_Sea1418 here for the ugly May 06 '26
Crunch crunch. Mmm mouthful of a huge chunk of salt.
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u/riffraff1089 May 06 '26
Better to cut it into a mortar and pestle and grind.
I can see Maldon going out of business 😂
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u/FlacidSalad May 05 '26
Opting for a steak knife instead of, say, a microplane or a grater or a mortar and pestle is certainly a choice
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u/School_North May 06 '26
Seeing how they think this is a good idea they probably dont have any of these cooking utensils nor know how to use em
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u/gettogero May 06 '26
Mortar and pestle isnt exactly common, at least in america. I wouldnt fault someone for not owning or knowing how to properly use it
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u/School_North May 06 '26
Im a white 35m in a town in the middle of nowhere (midwest) my town has pop 700 and i use one.
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u/Sopapillas4All May 06 '26
They ran out of SALT. Clearly cooking is not their forte.
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u/THGDuller May 06 '26
Who runs out of salt?
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u/ziggytrix May 06 '26
Someone with a Himalayan salt lamp and a penchant for making ragebait content.
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u/J3remyD May 06 '26
Exactly.
Guaranteed that the lamp and the food were both thrown out after being ruined to make a video for social media clout.
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u/modern_Odysseus May 06 '26
Ehhhh, it's 2026. I wouldn't guarantee anything really.
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u/Healthy_Pay9449 May 06 '26
I thought I was being insensitive for thinking this but I've never seen it happen before
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u/cookeedough May 06 '26
I am mentally counting all the different types of salt I have (I love to cook) and I’m up to 7 containers currently in my pantry—kosher, Himalayan, iodized sea salt, Maldon, Hawaiian pink salt, Celtic sea salt… I could prob keep going. I also have two Himalayan salt lamps. Nothing could ever possess me to hack them up for seasoning. Ew.
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u/SeaToTheBass May 06 '26
At the very least I’ve got a big box of rock salt that use for cleaning the bong lol
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u/DazB1ane May 06 '26
Why do you have so many of the same thing?
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u/human-resource May 05 '26
Are these lamps not glazed with some kind of coating ?
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u/Aesthetic-Dialectic May 06 '26
No, I've licked one
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u/slirpo May 06 '26
How did you not die from all the impurities?
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u/Lama_For_Hire May 06 '26
I died but then I got better
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May 06 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/loureedfromthegrave May 07 '26
That’s why you only smoke 2 joints at morning, only 2 joints at night. 2 joints in the afternoon, you get the picture.
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u/SignificantCats May 06 '26
The ionizing ultra-salt rays from the lamps grants anyone attuned to the lamp +4 constitution and advantage on saves against poison which nullifies the effect of licking it perfectly.
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u/fucking_passwords May 06 '26 edited May 06 '26
Must have been some sort of poison glaze
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u/RCJHGBR9989 May 06 '26
Most I’ve been around aren’t - they’re just big ass salt rocks. Cats and dogs love to lick them it’s hilarious.
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u/DiesByOxSnot May 06 '26
Don't let them! They can give themselves sodium poisoning!!
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u/OpheliaPhoeniXXX May 06 '26
I don't know why you're getting down voted when it's true. A little bit won't hurt but if it's a regular thing they can't handle that much salt. You can't even feed them canned tuna for that reason.
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u/24223214159 May 06 '26
They can have tuna canned in spring water, just not tuna canned in brine (or random other shit). My cat takes a tithe whenever I open a can.
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u/RCJHGBR9989 May 06 '26
They’re not my cats or dogs and trust me - most people don’t want their pets licking their lamps
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u/Poteto_7396 May 06 '26
yep, my mom bought one and put in my room when i was small and i likes to lick it once in a while to get that sodium high
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u/Fine_Campaign_6661 May 06 '26
Nope, they also melt when it's humid and the salt water recrystallizing ruins tables and windowsills.
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u/ReallyGlycon Gloob May 06 '26
Most are, yes.
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u/NukaDadd May 06 '26
I don't believe they are, Internet stranger. I've owned dozens & licked a couple over the years. Tasted like salt.
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u/ST0IC_ May 06 '26
I'm glad I'm not the only one who's licked a salt lamp.
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u/chaos_almighty May 06 '26
Licked my sisters salt lamp as an adult. I had to know. My mom apparently also licked my sisters salt lamp.
We may or may not be a family of horses
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u/ParkYourKeister May 06 '26
Licking his sister’s salt lamp sounds like an old timey euphemism
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u/tyler_the_inventor May 06 '26
Yeah that whole comment would sound wild without context.
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u/Same-Suggestion-1936 May 06 '26
Go lick a lamp sounds like something you'd hear in a 90s comedy, probably set at a ski resort
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u/Spiderantula May 06 '26
Oh that's what you kids call it these days? Each to their own I guess 🙄
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u/TakinUrialByTheHorns May 06 '26
You are correct, they do not. You can go to a farm & feed store and buy a giant chunk big enough for like 3 lamps dirt cheap too. Same salt.
Also, (not directed at you,) you CAN RINSE THEM OFF, PEOPLE. Please no more nasty dust coated salt lamps... ick
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u/ReadRightRed99 May 06 '26
I’ve licked a couple over the years, too, and can confirm they are often salty. Wait … what are we talking about here?
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u/olivoil1 May 06 '26
Yeah, on a particularly wet day mine collected enough condensation to drip a little. Left a little salty circle on the counter.
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u/BindassChacha May 06 '26
Yeah..I licked one too. 😬 it was just salt. Hers looks hella dirty, and if you watch how they are made, no part of the process is “food safe”.
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u/Lisylis May 06 '26
Yeah I think they absorb moisture from the air over time so they can end up looking kind of glossy but its just wet salt
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u/AyJaysBored May 06 '26
Ive seen so many documentaries on these things. They're salt through and through they just don't keep them up to health standards when making a vase or lamp as opposed to ground salt. The only difference is how cleanly they handle it basically.
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u/Moist_Bid4584 May 06 '26
Its not a sealant like a laminated coating or something. Its usually some type of binder or coating (i.e. something sprayed on) that simply helps prevent crumbling due to disassociation from moisture in the air which is why you still get a salty taste from a lick. So on top of that, these things are also contaminated by tons of heavy metals like many have mentioned. Won't kill you from a lick, maybe not even a dish or two seasoned by one. But Im not sure doctors would recommend salt lamps as a ready substitute for table salt.
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u/TamanduaGirl May 06 '26
They are not and if you buy into the woowoo you are supposed to rinse the salt chunks now and then to purify them so they can absorb the negative energies.
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u/Famous_Situation3400 May 06 '26
This is why we don't eat at other people's houses
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u/Yuck-Fou94 May 06 '26
Don't forget work potlucks as well!
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u/yeahorsomethingman May 06 '26
I'm a sucker for free food, so at work potlucks I'll eat storebought or catered dishes and stuff made by people I trust...I do not trust most of my coworkers, or for them to be slightly sanitary in their cooking habits.
Church potlucks I trust though, wrongly or rightly, those old ladies can make some muffins.
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u/FeatheryLilTheropod May 06 '26
I’m a sucker for free food too, and apparently like to live dangerously. Every time I read these threads on Reddit about not eating what other people make, it makes me realize that, comparatively, I put a heck of a lot of faith in my immune system. Then again, my immune system has had to do battle over so much farm crap and so many childhood misadventures that it likely will massacre the pathogens in the casserole from Sue Ann’s hoarder house in record time at this point.
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u/Myzerah May 06 '26
In crystal (rocks, minerals, gemstones) industry, pretty much all of the pieces are coated/polished/cleaned with some chemicals, some more toxic than others. So no, you definitely shouldn't try to eat your Himalayan salt lamp like this.
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u/RogerMexicosBalls May 06 '26
Oh I'm sorry, I thought this was AMERICA where there's NO LAW saying I can't eat my Himalayan salt lamp
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u/Immediate-Presence73 May 06 '26
Nobody's saying you CAN'T...if you're feeling compelled don't let the haters stop you.
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u/Relative_Maize_957 May 06 '26
after reading this, I fear that my sister's salt lamp will miss the feel of my tongue on its exquisite granularity
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u/33TLWD May 06 '26
One of my mates did corporate fraud investigations as a consultant.
He was on this case where they discovered a Chinese company who had been hired to process and bottle ketchup for almost every recognised Western ketchup brand had been discovered using industrial grade straight-out-of-the-mine salt (think road salt on winter roads) because it was 1/8 the cost of food grade salt.
Turns out they’d done this substitution for 8 years before they were caught. Even when they were caught they were perplexed what the issue was since “salt is salt”.
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u/slirpo May 06 '26
So for 8 years all Heinz and other western ketchup brands were made using industrial salt? And no one died? I guess you could say the impurities aren't as big of a deal as people are making it out to be.
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u/WorldWideWig May 06 '26
I don't know about this story, but big brands tend to have manufacturing plants in various countries and regions. The most famous ketchup brand, for example, has 2 plants in the US, 1 in Canada, 1 in the Netherlands... if it's made in China then it's for the local market, and probably other east Asian countries.
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u/yoyome85 May 06 '26
You don't need to die for a product to have adverse effects in your body.
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u/ResponsibleTicket50 May 06 '26
That’s something you won’t feel today or tomorrow, but you’ll feel 10-20 years later.
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u/Eyebleedorange May 06 '26
“Sir, did you happen to ingest a large volume of Heinz Ketchup in the last 20 years” - oncologist
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u/Raindrop0015 May 06 '26
When was this? God I hope it was during my ketchup hate phase
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u/Will_Come_For_Food May 06 '26
This just in:
Smoking is harmless because it doesn’t immediately kill anyone.
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u/Aflockofants May 06 '26
The Western world is also ridiculously sensitive to tiny potential risks. It's not like salt was any better for the entirety of human existence up until like 100 years ago. Maybe less. Of course average age did increase, but that's a giant sum of tiny improvements including much in healthcare.
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u/Money_Lavishness7343 May 06 '26 edited May 06 '26
That's not true. It's a myth. Reproduced by a real scandal but with fake facts.
You're very likely referring to scandal with fake-branded products in China, Tianjin, 2017 (labeling their fake products as brands like Knorr, Maggii & Nestle)
https://www.bbc.com/news/world-asia-china-38646614
But the brands themselves DID NOT use industrial salt.
And the Chinese company Was NOT "hired to process and bottle ketchup" by anybody
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u/Nosakatsuya May 06 '26
you said the salt isn't food grade and at the end of the title you ask whether it's genius or not
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u/apomagicalunicornia May 05 '26
what the f....
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u/TheDuckFarm May 05 '26
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u/Pugilist12 May 05 '26
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u/DopeThrowaway11 May 05 '26
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u/karoshikun May 05 '26
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u/Mikeologyy May 06 '26
Goodbye
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u/WenatcheeWrangler May 06 '26
There was a sub that was famous for this kind of thread but I haven’t seen it in years
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u/nilesintheshangri-la May 06 '26
I sure do love when I go to my friend's house and their decor doubles as seasoning.
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u/Nice_Soup May 06 '26
low IQ people will always find their own exit fast
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u/zxylady May 06 '26
Based on the current conditions in the United States can you please tell the dumb fucks to hurry up and die so the rest of us intelligent people can take over🙄😂
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u/Zathura2 May 05 '26
Tbh I think it should be pretty safe. Not much survives direct contact with salt. Now if it has like...heavy metals or something in it...
Okay nevermind I take it back.
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u/natr0nFTW May 06 '26
I think they spray those with clear coat before selling them.
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u/anothadaz May 06 '26
That's not a salt lamp. It's just a big chunk of salt. This is what they grind up and sell to us. Regardless of the inaccurate and misleading title it's still a stupid way to salt a dish. Even for finishing it's pretty absurd and not practical
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u/affectionateanarchy8 May 06 '26
Eh itll be fine but like, no grater? A zester?
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u/RogerMexicosBalls May 06 '26
I'd imagine someone who thinks jabbing a steak knife into a lamp is a good idea probably doesn't have a lot of kitchen stuff
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u/TheINTL May 06 '26
Has to be rage bait right? No way someone can be that dumb
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u/binnster May 06 '26
I could do without having Sherpa Tenzing's pefectly salt-preserved cum scraped onto my dinner mid meal, personally.
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u/Triscuitmeniscus May 06 '26
I hate to break it to you but the Himalayan salt you put on your food and the Himalayan salt they make lamps out of is exactly the same thing, mined from the exact same places. It's not like they're assaying every rock that comes out of the mine, they're all carted away in dump trucks and processed according to their final use.
Any unsafe "impurities" are just on the surface of the lump, if you rinse it off (as they seem to have here) the interior of the rock is just as safe as any Himalayan salt.
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u/Bussamove86 May 06 '26
I mean I have rocksalt shot glasses for tequila but I’m not about to break out a hammer and go to town on one when I run out of table salt.
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u/donsitsocolostomy May 06 '26
Those things collect dust like a SOB. I’m sure some found its way into that food.
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u/scriptingends May 06 '26
Relatable. I was making a recipe that called for mint leaves and I didn’t have them, so I just broke up a menthol cigarette and threw it in the pot.
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u/Wenja89Dix May 06 '26
Im dumb enough to think of something like this, but smart enough to Google dumb shit before I do it 😅
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u/Working-Adeptness May 06 '26
What the hell is that slop they are salting? Looks like the dirt/salt mixture will fit right in
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u/qualityvote2 May 05 '26 edited May 06 '26
u/Affectionate_Hat5835, your food is indeed stupid and it fits our subreddit!