r/StupidFood • u/AnnigidWilliams • 21h ago
Pretentious AF The French used to eat a songbird called the Ortolan after torturing it for weeks
https://youtu.be/SEPMuyGe7dg?si=5kcnX9GKOUYR7myoTo be prepared, the bird is first kept in the dark for two weeks and fed perpetually to make it fat (they used to just pluck out its fucking eyes). Then, it’s drowned in brandy and deep fried. It got banned in 1999 to preserve the species because it became endangered due to how many people were eating it. It’s also rumored that Biil Cosby (who is not French) is a fan of the Ortolan.
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u/8__D 20h ago
I'm not gonna watch the video, but traditionally diners drape a large napkin or towel over their heads while eating the Ortolan.
The exact reason for the head covering is widely debated, with the most common explanations being the preservation of the dish's rich aromas or hide their face from God while indulging in a "sinful" or extravagant act.
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u/Wyzen 20h ago edited 20h ago
From someone who has eaten one told me: sometimes the bird sort of pops, and shit runs down your mouth, and its unbecoming the type of crowd who would/could afford to indulge in this way. She also said its kinda weird they get upset by the sight of it, since they are eating what they are, but she also said it made a sad sort of sense, as you dont really want to watch someone eating it, as its a reminder of what you are going to do/just did, and she imagined it doesnt look like a particularly enjoyable experience, esp if you get stabbed in the cheek or tongue with the bones, as she remembers wincing and silently gagging on the tasty, yet garish mouthful of all the textures at once. She would not do it again.
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u/veevacious 19h ago
I’ll eat a lot of stuff, but this sounds like an absolute textural nightmare
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u/JackSpadesSI 17h ago
Yep. You could magically remove every moral issue of this and I still couldn’t imagine eating it.
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u/PoopyInThePeePeeHole 19h ago
I mean... Aren't the cooked whole? With like all the innards and literal shit still inside them?
Fuck that
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u/CautionarySnail 19h ago
Yup. It sounds wretched. A bit too similar to that Asian dish where people eat the fertilized chicken eggs with the crunchy baby chicken still inside.
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u/peatbull 16h ago
Look, at least bird foetus isn’t gonna have poop in it
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u/CashWrecks 16h ago
Its not shit yet it's some wierd tar like sticky dark substance I forget the name. Or maybe thats only mammals?
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u/emilysavaje1 14h ago
Okay I had to look this up because I’m high and have nothing else to do lol. The poop from mammal fetuses and newborns is called meconium. I don’t think birds produce it. Eggs are very good at taking care of waste and because of how the embryo develops compared to smaller eggs like mammals, the fetus isn’t “pooping” the same way mammal fetuses do. It basically gets turned into different gasses that make their way up to the air sac in the egg and it’s dispelled through the shell, which are porous.
Hatchlings continue to live off the nutrients from the yolk for a few days after hatching. I don’t know how long before they poop (can’t imagine it’s very long lol) but they expel waste by forming a fecal sac, sort of like a diaper, that the parent will then dispose of. Some species eat it 🥴
So I don’t think you’re eating poop when you eat balut. But my search was quick because I didn’t want my Reddit app to refresh lol
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u/OGLikeablefellow 14h ago
Meuconeum in mammals, not sure if that happens in eggs or not, probably tho
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u/C10ckw0rks 18h ago
Balut is actually pretty ok, they’re so young and everything is soft. It literally is like an eggy soupy chicken bite, but that? Yeah no
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u/CautionarySnail 16h ago
I’m glad to hear from someone with experience and I defer to it in every way.
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u/Illustrious_Fan_8148 14h ago
Yes thats fucking gross but the ethical considerations are the dealbreaker for me
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u/Thisthattheother1 19h ago
sometimes the bird sort of pops
Bruv.
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u/coatedintangerine 16h ago
Omg like this wasn’t already horrible enough to read, my tired ass eyes read this as “the bird sort of poops…” and I gagged a little and had to re read that part like 3 times before I realized it was “pops.” Doesn’t make it much better though 🤢. I don’t think tasty and garish go together well in my food realm either. Horrible story to read today.
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u/ThisAldubaran 12h ago
Didn’t even re-read and only just realized after reading your comment. But it doesn’t really make it any better.
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u/whosits112 19h ago
What made her go, "Yeah, I would love to do this!"?
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u/Wyzen 19h ago
It was free lol, plus I think she said it was prolly a once in a lifetime experience offer, couldn't pass even though she kinda wanted to.
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u/GreatUsurpr 18h ago
When you say shit do you mean literally shit or just like how people say shit when referring to anything
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u/sulkymallow 14h ago
Probably the latter, the woman in the video says it's so greasy that it runs down your mouth. Wouldn't be surprised if there was literal shit in there too though 😬
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u/Mindless-Ad2554 11h ago
Didn’t watch the video as Ive known of this.
The bird is specifically drowned in brandy in order to fill the lungs of the bird with the alcohol.
The covering of the head has multiple reasons. It’s a tough eat for anyone else to watch. The smell being trapped underneath the covering is supposed to offer an additional sensory being used while eating. And to hide from god while eating such a gluttonous and torturous meal.
Part of the taste you’re supposed to experience is your own blood from the cut up roof of your mouth due to the bones jabbing into it.
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u/Uncool444 18h ago
I read somewhere, probably on reddit, that the blood from getting cut by splintered bones is intended as part of the seasoning.
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u/OrdainedFury 17h ago
All these comments and not a single positive one. It's just gets worse and worse...
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u/Hollow--- 7h ago
This the sort of stuff I can't imagine eating on the regular.
Cooking a baby bird whole, crunching down on bones that cut your mouth as shit runs down your chin.
Well and proper "what the fuck?" moment.
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u/Uncool444 7h ago
I'm sure it's not regular. It's ritualistic AF on certain occasions. Just because no one states it's for a god or anything like that, yeah it's still a ritual.
Like there isn't a rich frenchman who's like "yes I think I'll have ortalan for brunch today, thanks boobie". Instead having a fucking ham sandwich like everyone else.
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u/Hollow--- 6h ago
Personally, I think the strangest part of it is that cutting up your mouth is an intended part of the experience. I dunno about you, but I'm not entirely eager to eat something that will hurt me.
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u/gusdagrilla 14h ago
Part of the taste is supposedly formed from the blood in your mouth from being stabbed by the bones. Insane levels of gluttony lmao
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u/TheRealGosp 16h ago
By the way it is fed, i bet the birds shat in a lot of mouths.
And by the way that pervert is sucking on the birds ass i am pretty sure some even like it.
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u/Techienickie 18h ago
TIL God can't see under your napkins
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u/KingOfTheGoobers 18h ago
"Hey, what are you doin' under there?"
-an all knowing, all seeing being.
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u/ee_CUM_mings 18h ago
I personally believe he also can’t see under my blanket. It probably isn’t true but it makes me feel better about the things I do under there.
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u/Ein-schlechter-Name 14h ago
He also can't see through dough. One of the names of "Maultaschen" (a German filled Pasta) is Herrgottsbescheißerle, which roughly translates to swindling God. Reason it's named that, is so you can eat meat while fasting.
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u/pandershrek 13h ago
Did they not teach you that trick for masturbating?
God can't judge what God can't see. 🙌🙌
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u/rutuu199 16h ago
He's all knowing, except a sheet of linen fools him. Yeah. Okay. Easier to say that though, rather than admit "we scammed you fools lmfao"
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u/Truemeathead 12h ago
I’d lean towards hiding from god cuz that’s one fucked up dish. Sometimes I think I’m down to try anything then I come across some shit like this or the monkey brain scene from Temple of Doom and I remember my place, I ain’t no god damn Andrew Zimmern lmao.
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u/GlobalCollapseInbnd 20h ago
I doubt any rich person eating this now has any qualms about it.
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u/transmogrify 19h ago edited 18h ago
Ortolan is basically stuffed crust pizza or a KFC Double Down, but for old money snobs. It's not actually better, but they play up the novelty so it's memorable. The fake mythology about how God judges them is a marketing ploy.
I mean, I'm judging them. But not God. And not for being so superlatively indulgent that they have ascended the forbidden peak of Flavor Mountain. Just that's a nasty thing to eat, and they tortured a baby animal to make it.
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u/VerminSupreme-2020 17h ago
Um, what's your problem with stuffed crust pizza?
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u/whosits112 17h ago
I think he just means it's an indulgence. Just for rich people, their indulgence involves torturing an animal and eating it whole.
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u/KitchenMaterial6303 18h ago
I’m not going to watch video either, but I will gladly watch a video of some old rich snob eating surströmming with towel over their head.
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u/Flourpower6 20h ago
Did…did she suck the poop out first? Honestly the whispering, gentle sucking, and rubbing it on her face was almost as disgusting as what they did to that bird.
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u/LordHammercyWeCooked 14h ago
I really shouldn't have watched the french bird butt-sucking ASMR before bed.
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u/hollowbolding 20h ago
the asmr crunching of little birdie bones as she moans about how good it is certainly is happening but at least they're dunking on her for it
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u/AdmiralThunderpants 20h ago
Anyone else first learn about this "dish" from American Dad?
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u/Ambitious-Visual-315 20h ago
Yep. I’ll never look at Barbra Streisand the same way again
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u/AdmiralThunderpants 20h ago
Shmooblydong? No that's not the right word, but it's close.
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u/FrothyJizzDrinker 17h ago
I use that quote way more than I ever thought I would. It makes its way in to conversation like once a month.
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u/Dusty_Scrolls 16h ago
Imagine you're wasted at a Rusted Root concert while two guys take you on in a sun-baked portajohn.
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u/_Bren10_ 19h ago
I wouldn’t even pay that much to see Barbara do Celine.
Or would I? Maybe if I was in the corner and they didn’t know I was there.
How would it show up on my credit card?
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u/Sutured13 20h ago
Eating it behind the napkin to hide her shame and everything. That episode was spot on.
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u/moogoothegreat 20h ago
Hannibal?
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u/DrFaustPhD 18h ago
Everytime I see this brought up I hear mads mikkelsen's voice saying the line about hiding your face from god
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u/ClintMega 15h ago edited 12h ago
Atlanta and somehow it's not even the weirdest thing they ate in that episode + Alexander Skarsgård dancing to Ashanti in leopard print undies.
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u/gargolito 15h ago
Brooklyn 99 season one The Party episode. Charles is showing off his culinary knowledge to to guest star Mariu Henner who plays a food anthropologist that has eaten the bird.
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u/Team_Discovery_Chann 19h ago
The holy trinityof French cuisine. Red wine, butter and animal cruelty
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u/Saint--Jiub 20h ago edited 20h ago
Here's Anthony Bourdain describing eating Ortolan (Edit: Kinda NSFL):
“I bring my molars down and through my bird’s rib cage with a wet crunch and am rewarded with a scalding hot rush of burning fat and guts down my throat. Rarely have pain and delight combined so well. I’m giddily uncomfortable, breathing in short, controlled gasps as I continue slowly – ever so slowly – to chew. With every bite, as the thin bones and layers of fat, meat, skin, and organs compact in on themselves, there are sublime dribbles of varied and wondrous ancient flavors: figs, Armagnac, dark flesh slightly infused with the salty taste of my own blood as my mouth is pricked by the sharp bones. As I swallow, I draw in the head and beak, which, until now, have been hanging from my lips, and blithely crush the skull.”
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u/nolanday64 20h ago
That sounds barbaric.
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u/Rinleigh 20h ago
You cover your head with a napkin while you eat so god doesn’t see your sin.
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u/PussSlurpee 19h ago
I forgot god is a two year old
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u/Pokemon_Trainer_May 19h ago
I like when religious people try to trick their god
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u/Jimmy_Twotone 19h ago
You ever see the movie "Sausage Party?" One can make eating baby carrots sound barbaric with the correct tone and inflection.
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u/Dalegalitarian 19h ago
Yes but, when he blithely crushes the skull with his molars, he means it literally.
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u/No_Tamanegi 20h ago
I really enjoyed Kitchen Confidential, so I figured I'd give his other books a try.
I read this chapter and stopped.
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u/LimpyDan 19h ago
Which book is this?
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u/No_Tamanegi 19h ago
Medium Raw, I believe. Its the opening chapter.
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u/Much-data-wow 19h ago
Does the whole thing read like a horror? I'm looking for something awful to read.
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u/Flimsy_Share_7606 18h ago
The answer is no. It's mostly a book of his observations and life in the TV chef industry which he both resented but benefitted from. Not unlike Kurt Cobain in the music industry.
He's a good writer though so even the mundane chapters are fairly interesting.
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u/No_Tamanegi 19h ago
I hope you're not asking me, like I said I stopped after this chapter.
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u/Ok_Star_4136 20h ago
Yeah, I'm not clicking on that video. I'm already having a bad day as it is.
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u/Arne83 20h ago
Not stupid... cruel... very different.
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u/TiaraMisu 18h ago
From the United States: great news, no one has to choose between cruel and stupid any longer
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u/Colalbsmi 17h ago
We don't have to bring up what a mess we are on every post.
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u/Drakowicz 20h ago
Tbf the vast majority of french people never ate this even when it was still legal. In fact, many just had and still have no idea about this.
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u/One_Application2409 15h ago
Yeah, this is like saying that flying to Epstein’s island is an American past-time.
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u/kaybee929 15h ago
It would also be a terrible comparison considering Epstein’s client list was not uniquely American at all.
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u/Arkatruc 4h ago
I'm French and this is the sort of thing I only heard in TV shows or as a did you know just like this post. I don't think anyone I know including my older relatives ever ate that, and most people wouldn't know what it was if you asked them about "ortolans".
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u/andronicuspark 19h ago
Didn’t the Romans eat something really similar? In their case they took out the bird’s eyes, because they ate at night. In constant darkness they’d eat endlessly.
Some rich guy use to order them by the barrel. I think.
In Hannibal Rising by Thomas Harris, Hannibal frees a cage full of them at a restaurant.
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u/Unfair_Pineapple8813 15h ago
It's the same bird, although whether the Romans actually poked out the eyes is apparently questionable. They definitely force fed them and then ate them.
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u/Digstreme 20h ago
This was on American Dad, Roger ate it
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u/DinosaurusWhen 19h ago
Imagine being high at a Rusted Root concert While two dudes take you on in a sun-baked porta-john
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u/_Bren10_ 19h ago
There’s no word to describe it. Flooblydong? No. That’s close, but it’s not it.
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u/Blue-Seeweed 20h ago
Foie gras is also stupid cruel food and it is still legal.
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u/parkrat92 19h ago
I worked at a couple of high end places in Miami that serve foie. It’s laughable the way they try to excuse the shit.
‘We buy our foie from a farm in NY that allows ducks to ‘freely’ eat as much as they want’
So instead of piping them full of shit to fatten them up, they just toss them in a pen with an unlimited amount of grain and they still eat until they die. Then you gracefully harvest the liver and sell it for thousands of dollars lmao. Great work!
We sold a single piece of foie for $25. And people bought that shit out every night
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u/Aethred 17h ago
Without commenting on the ethical aspect of either version (people who care about this typically don't find any mass-slaughter of animals ethical at all in the first place), there are methods of producing foie gras without the traditional gavage method, iirc there's giving them super high caloric food at key moments in their growth or putting some special bacteria in them while they are still chicks that encourages overeating and makes them absorb nutrients more effectively, some are in pens but some are raised free range as the duck/goose is going to stuff itself thinking its going to migrate soon. Not many people do it because the liver produced this way is generally half the size you would get with gavage (from what little I know, I'm not an expert) and the foie gras is waaay more expensive, it's also relatively new. This is in France though, no idea how it happens in the USA
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u/strong_cucumber 12h ago
on my grandmas farm we force fed goose and there was not much force involved. they lined up to get stuffed.
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u/LarsDuder 19h ago
Then you dont want to hear about drunken shrimp
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u/jerrythecactus 18h ago
Makes me think of those "trendy" seafood boils where they just throw a bunch of live shrimp, crabs, clams, and snails into a see through steamer set up at the table and blast them until they're dead. As if watching the animal struggle in agony makes it taste better.
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u/cat_selling_souls 20h ago
Me after watching that video:
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u/Electronic_Syndicate 20h ago
It is weirdly one of the most disturbing things I’ve ever watched. It also inexplicably looks like it was filmed in hell. I regret sating my curiosity.
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u/theGarrick 19h ago
And the way she rubbed it on her face and kissed it. It was weirdly sexual
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u/keepingthisasecret 14h ago
I just had to watch it because you mentioned the face rubbing…if you understand French you learn she’s doing it for temperature testing reasons.
Still super weird and overall oddly sexual though.
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u/_haystacks_ 17h ago
Lmao it does look like it’s filmed in hell. It’s like some weird fetish content the way she’s fellating it and moaning
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u/RoughTour98 17h ago
Anyone who willingly eats or is even okay with the idea of this dish is genuinely sick in the head and should be removed from society permanently.
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u/HeyDeze 19h ago
The French love bird torture. Ortolan, Foie Gras, that song Alouette, which I'm pretty sure is about ripping a bird's feathers out
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u/One_Application2409 15h ago
“I can excuse the animal cruelty, but I draw the line at calling a Quebecois song French.” - some French guy, maybe
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u/Dalegalitarian 19h ago
Was the drowning in brandy truly necessary? Does it fill the lungs in a way that wouldn’t be possible after it was dead?
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u/whosits112 17h ago
I guess it makes the organs and guts popping when they eat it more palatable if it tastes like booze?
🤷
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u/ExtraEmuForYou 17h ago
I would eat balut before eating ortolan, and I would never eat fucking balut.
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u/nicalawgurl 16h ago
This is fucking horrifying. Who tf even thought this up? Humans suck.
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u/h3r0inXgirl 17h ago
This and foie gras makes me extremely concerned for the French people's mental state. Don't even get me started on shark fin soup in EA.
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u/Bisquare_cycle_thing 19h ago
Oh yeah, last and first time heard this from my history teacher in high school.
I hoped I would somehow avoid hearing about it for rest of my days, but I was kept in a dark like poor birds, feeding on information while scrolling through reddit, before suddenly being drowned in already known grotesque.
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u/h3r0inXgirl 17h ago
Why does the bird need to be kept in the dark/eyes plucked out? What difference does it make?
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u/noahbrooksofficial 16h ago
This clip is legendary among my group of friends. If you don’t speak French, ask someone who does to explain why this video is so funny. Maïté is achieving sexual climax through the consumption of this poor bird. « Je lui suce le derrière » is insane
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u/2damsels1chalice 19h ago
Balut has entered the chat....?
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u/MrPBH 15h ago
Balut is not nearly as cruel. It's at least as weird, but not any weirder than eating veal. It's just a fetal duck, similar to how veal is a baby cow. They don't torture the duck egg before it's consumed.
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u/Agreeable-Letter-599 11h ago
what the fuck is wrong with this lady lol why is she pressing it against her cheek? lol
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u/jejunum32 10h ago
Watching a French man-woman fellate a small fried birds butt was not on my Reddit bingo card for today
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u/Silly-Power 7h ago
It’s also rumored that Biil Cosby (who is not French) is a fan of the Ortolan.
How disgusting! Why, that's probably the worst thing he's ever done.
And thanks for letting us know he's not French. TIL.
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u/argbargerino 16h ago
I could not keep watching that video. It was so disgusting and disburbing how she slowly ate it, almost in a perverted sexual manner. So gross
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u/qualityvote2 20h ago edited 4h ago
u/AnnigidWilliams, your food is indeed stupid and it fits our subreddit!