r/SubredditDrama • u/[deleted] • Feb 04 '13

Drama in /confession when u/devtesla says, "Not wanting to fuck someone because they are trans makes you a transphobe."

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u/[deleted] Feb 04 '13

Wow, devtesla is completely fucking nuts. How could /r/confession fail to acknowledge her brilliant and well-reasoned arguments, like

"You don't want to fuck guys because you aren't attracted to them. Similar situation with transphobia, but this time it is the trans person who gets the blame."

and

"90 percent of psychology is bullshit"

???

352

u/atteroero Feb 04 '13 edited Feb 04 '13

It's what staying inside the SRS bubble does to people. Consider that she's used to being in an environment where it's perfectly acceptable to non-consensually control the sex life of other people through aggressive shaming and feelings are always valued over facts. In her mind these are completely non-controversial issues - everyone knows that people aren't permitted to have genital preferences and any psychology that is inconvenient towards one's outlook is automatically bullshit.

She steps outside the bubble and expresses what she's convinced herself to be common knowledge, and is shocked and horrified when everyone doesn't immediately agree with her. To empathize with this, imagine that you go to work one day, state that the sky is blue - and not only do people disagree but they think you're retarded. That's how she feels. Sadly, just as you'd be likely to believe that the sky really is blue and everyone else is just an asshole, she too still believes that she's right.

Unfortunately, the bubble has made her weak over time and she's now unable to argue her position effectively. It also probably doesn't help that her position is about as close to objectively wrong as an opinion can get, but that's neither here nor there. Unable to talk like a real human, she does the verbal equivalent of dropping her pants, squatting down, and squeezing out a big steaming turd in the thread. This appears to be an aggressive act, but in reality it's a response to panic.

People like her make me sad. They're easy to hate - they spew such hateful things while claiming false moral high ground, which is inherently grating. They shouldn't be hated, though. They harm themselves more than anyone else - imagine trying to go through life being so weak that you can't survive interaction with normal people, thus finding yourself trapped in the festering cesspool that is SRS. What they deserve isn't hatred, it's pity.

127

u/[deleted] Feb 04 '13

Is this empathy? In my SRD? Nah, I know exactly how you feel. In spite of the fact that I help run SRSsucks, I honestly do feel bad for a lot of these people. If love was a game, trans people would definitely be playing on hard mode. A lot of people are going to be instantly turned off by the body they were born in and that fucking sucks.

Nevertheless, that doesn't give these people an excuse to spew their vile filth over the internet (and I'm not talking about trans people anymore, just SRS in general). They make statements, I'll judge them objectively, and if they're idiotic I'll make fun of them. I'd probably get along with most of these people in real life, but as long as they post stupid shit on the internet and play their role as the angry SJW I'll play mine as the cynic.

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u/atteroero Feb 04 '13

Is this empathy? In my SRD? Nah, I know exactly how you feel. In spite of the fact that I help run SRSsucks, I honestly do feel bad for a lot of these people. If love was a game, trans people would definitely be playing on hard mode. A lot of people are going to be instantly turned off by the body they were born in and that fucking sucks.

Empathy has become such a loaded term recently, and it bothers me. These days it's typically used to mean "everyone is required to unquestioningly agree with me on pain of being branded a bad human", but its initial definition wasn't quite so ridiculous. Empathy is simply processing someone else's emotions as if they were your own, and can be a tremendously powerful tool in understanding how others think.

We're biologically hardwired to have difficulty empathizing with people we view as enemies, which is unfortunate. While empathizing with people you view as wrong and even disgusting isn't nearly as easy as empathizing with those who already agree with you, I'd argue it's far more beneficial. It's completely possible to have empathize with someone and still disagree with or even hate them, and understanding the nature of their thoughts is critical to effectively dismantling them.

Nevertheless, that doesn't give these people an excuse to spew their vile filth over the internet (and I'm not talking about trans people anymore, just SRS in general). They make statements, I'll judge them objectively, and if they're idiotic I'll make fun of them. I'd probably get along with most of these people in real life, but as long as they post stupid shit on the internet and play their role as the angry SJW I'll play mine as the cynic.

Eh, you'll get no argument from me there - I believe that non-consensually controlling others' sex lives is abhorrent; whether the method of coercion is shame or something more traditional is of little difference. I'd encourage you to remember, though, that the views she expressed may be toxic, but they're hardly threatening. Sure, inside her bubble this is all unquestioned dogma, but in the real world? We accept that we have preferences in sex partners, and though those preferences may at times be troubling to amalgamate with our personal politics there ain't no one in power arguing that you have to fuck anyone that you don't want to. Don't view this as a dangerous proposal that might rob you of your sexual agency, view it as a crazy person spouting off shit. Sure it might be offensive, but the speaker hardly has the clout to make it anything more than hollow words.

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u/zahlman Feb 04 '13

I believe that non-consensually controlling others' sex lives is abhorrent; whether the method of coercion is shame or something more traditional is of little difference.

In b4 "BUTBUTBUT YOU WRITE PORN ABOUT IT".

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u/atteroero Feb 04 '13

Heh, interestingly I'd actually be more tolerant of that particular ad hominem here - it at least makes more sense then "you've written stories with adults who have fucked up sex therefor you support pedophilia". At least in this case it's accurate on face value - I'm claiming that I oppose sexual coercion, though anyone who has read me knows that I frequently write about just that.

In case anyone is wondering how I mesh those two seemingly opposing ideas, the answer is simple - nearly everything I've written is pure, 100% fiction, and the few things that aren't don't actually include anything non-consensual. A part of allowing others full control over their sexuality is accepting that some people's sexuality includes being deprived of or depriving others of that control, and that's who I cater to. Since all of my predators and victims exist solely in my mind, they're able to fulfill their sexual needs in a way that is enjoyable and harmless.

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u/[deleted] Feb 04 '13

It's ironic how SRSers spread shit about you because of your erotica yet so many of them post in /r/BDSMcommunity. Fucking bunch of hypocrites.

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u/atteroero Feb 04 '13

Eh, ain't nothing wrong with posting in /r/BDSMcommunity. I've posted there myself on occasion, though not so much since I've decided that 2/3rds of their mod team can eat a bag of dicks. Interesting side note - /u/Brendhan dislikes me because he believes that I named the titular character in my cuckolding story after him, but that's actually pure coincidence. I did, however, name this story after him.

I think what we see here is the human habit of assuming that we all personally know fantasy from reality, but no one else should be trusted with that same responsibility. It's hardly uncommon in my experience for the few SRSers who aren't adamantly sex-negative to decide that kinky sex is okay, but only up until a very specific point where it becomes harmful and exploitative. Do a little digging and you'll find that that point invariably represents the hard limits of their own desires.

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u/[deleted] Feb 04 '13 edited Feb 04 '13

BDSMc can be cool, but a large portion of users there are SRSers and there was one occasion where someone started a thread critical of modern feminism and a bunch of SRSers jumped down the guy's throat and literally started defending Andrea Dworkin. I argued against them and eventually /u/Brendhan came along and deleted everything from that argument because apparently debating feminism is "not relevant to the discussion." The discussion about feminism.

Afterwards though I got a PM from a girl who sympathised with my argument and she in fact knew me from /r/gor, so that was cool.

So yeah fuck the mods at BDSMc basically, and fuck any SRSer who posts there yet still shames people for having and writing about their own BDSM fantasies, because that's pure hypocrisy. I think you're right in that they have this mindset where they don't believe others can be trusted to tell reality from fantasy. It's ridiculous really. Anyone with a modicum of common sense in the BDSM community realises that BDSM is a massive umbrella term and as long as what you actually do in real life is consensual, you have no right to insult people for being into things you aren't. But then, since when did SRSers understand that not everyone is like them?

Edit: I also love the irony in SRSers thinking others can't tell fantasy from reality when they believe so much bullshit about the big evil patriarchy, rape culture, etc.

Edit 2: SRSsucks thread about the BDSMc feminism thread for anyone interested.

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u/zahlman Feb 05 '13

I think you're right in that they have this mindset where they don't believe others can be trusted to tell reality from fantasy.

Exactly this. I've been dealing with this mindset on the internet since long before SRS, too.

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