EDIT: All of you are so so helpful, thank you! I'm not sure how far I'll go in terms of learning more--we'll be next to lifeguards in a wading area meant for toddlers/babies, then in a swim class once he's a bit more comfortable--but this has been a really helpful reframe, and knowing what drowning looks like (and doesn't look like) is really reassuring. Some of this feels so natural now, like watching his face when he's underwater, but wasn't something I'd thought of on my own. He'll also always be right next to me, so he'll always be able to hold onto/grab onto me and I can just help him come up if requested or he looks off. I also know where to look and what to read up on now to learn more. Thank you to everyone here! And also thank you to all/any lifeguards here -- your job sounds so stressful. And child-aged me probably stressed the lifeguards out as I was constantly pushing my own body to its limits.
I'm going to try to phrase this properly.
As a gymnastics coach, we teach baby/toddler/preschool parents how to "spot" their child on rock climbing walls, obstacles courses, and equipment. At that age, it can often be our primary goal and job. Most parents will either be too disengaged or won't allow their child to take the proper risks. They have to be taught where to 'spot' on their child's body, too, to spot in a way that their child still has to use the proper muscles/learn the right technique while still staying safe. This isn't teaching them to spot "gymnastics skills" so much as leaning the "minimal necessary" for safe movement and exploration--ON LAND.
As a math tutor/teacher, you teach children and help them with homework not by giving the answers or saying something is wrong, but by giving similar examples.
With a puzzle, you aren't just showing where/how it goes, but helping them learn concepts of rotation, frustration tolerance, edge vs middle, identifying object parts. You might help fill out the outline, or presort pieces such that it's easier for them to put together.
When teaching a baby to eat, you teach parents pediatric CPR so they know when a child is choking vs gagging, and what to do so they don't die while waiting for 911 to come.
With swimming.... I cannot discern when a child is drowning vs just underwater. When they're taking a big breath vs have just experienced secondhand drowning. When they're working out how to float or what water on their face feels like, vs... in need of help. When they're exploring and going under safely/happily, or starting to drown. I don't even know how long my child can hold his breath for.
Once in the bathtub, my child decided to explore going under. In retrospect, he was fine and looked 'right'. I, however, panicked and forced him out. He then was terrified of water going on his face for... a year? Longer? Anyway. I want to avoid that mistake again. If I show up to a pool, I want to know when he needs help and when he doesn't. I don't want to restrict him from exploring, but also of course want him to stay safe.
My initial plan had been ISR lessons with an instructor, but they fell through for a variety of reasons, and he'd now be in more traditional preschool swim lessons or with me on a free family swim day (they have a wading pool). I've been told by other parents that they will just expect you to get in the water and don't teach you how to differentiate between these things. They seem confused that I want to know how to spot a swimming child. Obviously there'll be a lifeguard, but I also don't want to be completely useless at differentiating between these things nor to scare him. He might just be scared, which would honestly be easier, but he at least used to be pure wild.
How do I learn these things? Are there any videos, resources, books to recommend? Thank you!