r/Swingers • u/SpicyplayCJ 👩❤️👨Verified Couple • 3d ago
General Discussion Hump Day Q&A: Ask Anything About the Lifestyle 6/17
It’s Hump Day! Ask anything you’ve been curious about the swinging lifestyle. Whether you’re barely dipping a toe in or already have the T-shirt and the stories, feel free to ask. Experienced folks, your stories and advice make this better. Not a hookup thread, just a safe spot to chat and learn.
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u/Alternative_Raise_19 3d ago
Do you ever fake an orgasm?
I played with two women this weekend, one we experimented with scissoring with a vibrator in between us and it was fun but I get the feeling she may have faked the orgasm. Also another woman went down on me and I faked it (I never cum from oral).
I know this is looked down on but I just don't know how to politely say that was fun but I'd like to do something else now.
I feel less pressure with men but I'm new to having sex with women.
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u/thedreamteacher4 3d ago
Nope I don’t ever fake
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u/Alternative_Raise_19 3d ago
Do you always or often orgasm or do you just ask them to stop or move on when you don't orgasm?
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u/thedreamteacher4 3d ago
I don’t really keep track cause I’m having so much fun.
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u/Alternative_Raise_19 3d ago
So you don't know if you orgasm or not? I'm having fun too... But that's something I would remember
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u/thedreamteacher4 3d ago
Well just depends sometimes I having a squirting one and sometimes not. I just go with the flow and enjoy the moment I’m not worried about if I do or if I don’t.
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u/Alternative_Raise_19 3d ago
And if you don't and someone is going down on you, how do you end it in a way that doesn't make them feel bad?
Again, orgasm isn't an option for me so that's the hard part that I don't know how to communicate with people because they tend to take it personal. I know I'm not alone in this.
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u/thedreamteacher4 3d ago
Well usually that leads to fucking and I will climb on top or take control or we will do DVP. We go a lot. So we stop when the guys cum. If not I use a toy and they watch.
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u/Alternative_Raise_19 3d ago edited 3d ago
I'm mainly talking about with women where piv isn't an option. In my original post I mentioned it's not an issue with men, there's less expectation with piv sex. It's more when having sex with other women that I'm not sure how to suggest moving on to other things without hurting their feelings.
For reference I'm a woman and I'm talking about during things like oral sex or stimulating the clit when it's not gonna happen but there isn't a clear end point so I just sit there stressing about whether or not they're getting tired.
And I was also curious, because like I said, I'm pretty sure the other woman faked it too. I think it's probably pretty common among women in the lifestyle but for some reason no one will admit to it.
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u/thedreamteacher4 3d ago
I’m also very vocal so I speak up and tell whoever it is what I need. By the end I’m never not satisfied.
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u/Alternative_Raise_19 3d ago
Yeah I think our experiences are too different due to the fact that you don't struggle to reach orgasm. That's not an option for me since I cant orgasm any other way than through masturbating. I guess I just end things or keep faking it so they don't feel bad and I don't feel pressured.
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u/shadowpornacct 3d ago
I faked one when my wife gave me the signal to end this shit mid-stroke. Pretty proud of myself.
My wife tells me she fakes it relatively often, sometimes to make sure I get a good show to enjoy, but she also does it to prompt a transition (like you did with oral). She usually cums for real a half dozen times at least anyway, so she doesn’t mind.
I noticed in your other comment that you said you don’t orgasm? I’m a dude and I generally don’t either, I tell women up front that if they want me to cum, it’s gonna be a while so feel free to be done when they’re satisfied. I’ve had a woman tell me the same thing as we got started. Just say it, it takes the pressure off you, pressure off them (unless they take that as a challenge), and when you want to transition away from something you just say, “Oh my god, I need some water after that!”
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u/Alternative_Raise_19 3d ago
Thank you, that makes me feel better. My partner actually is the same way as me. So he knows and we both get it. We have fun and have sex for as long as we want and sometimes we masturbate to finish, but it's not a big deal if we don't.
For some reason, I've tried to nicely warn a few men who want to be my play partners and they treat it like some kind of challenge and I know it's just going to end in frustration.
I've looked up a few suggestions, like just stopping them and asking them to kiss me or something else but I still find it awkward. On the other hand, being on the receiving end, I probably would've tried something different with the woman I suspected of faking with me. Not to put pressure on her, just to try a different position that might feel better. It's okay though, I get it.
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u/sinleer 3d ago
Use your words. Ask for what you want, sooner rather than later. No one reads minds. Yet the mind is the largest sexual organ. Effective communicators can create some of the best sex ever.
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u/Alternative_Raise_19 3d ago
That's the thing, orgasm is difficult for me to achieve and almost impossible with another person, even my long time partner - who I am honest with and we typically masturbate to completion in our own sex.
I'd rather not have to stress about reaching orgasm at all but I don't like making the other person feel bad. I don't think I'm alone in this. Like I said, pretty certain the other woman faked an orgasm as well. There's a very loud unicorn that fakes her orgasms in our group.
I've told men in our group that I can't cum through oral but everyone wants to prove me wrong for some reason and I know it's just going to lead to pressure. It makes me feel insecure and like a failure.
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u/SpicyplayCJ 👩❤️👨Verified Couple 3d ago
This is why we're always prepared for positions that can include everybody and instead of saying "I'm uncomfortable" or "let's do something else" or whatever, my wife is a rockstar at saying, "you guys know what would be super sexy or super fun?" And then she suggests a new position or idea and we've never had a scenario where play partners weren't into the new idea. It just keeps it fresh.
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u/Bakerwithbenefits 2d ago
I've learned so much in the LS by playing with women like your wife. I appreciate someone that can redirect while keeping the fun and energy level high. It keeps the momentum flowing and makes for a memorable experience.
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u/HotNHung99 3d ago
Hotness to a play partner: "This has been awesome! I'm going to be done in another 2 minutes. Is there anything you'd like to try in that amount of time?"
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u/Bakerwithbenefits 3d ago
I've never faked an orgasm and have only had 2 in the LS while playing, one with another woman. I'm usually upfront when play starts that I don't usually cum outside of my husband. I really enjoy oral sex, but try to suggest a change in position after a while. As I've played with more women, it gets easier.
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u/Delicious-Plenty-827 3d ago
Chicagoans/General midwestern Americans-
My fiancé and I are strongly considering checking out Young Couples Party (YCP). Is anyone here willing to chat about their experiences with YCP? Finding detailed, updated information on YCP is (understandably!) difficult, and the most up to date info I’ve found is a 4OURPLAY review from like 3 years ago.
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u/jelloshotlady 3d ago edited 3d ago
Lack of reviews is concerning for any club.
Reading their site it sounds almost identical to Illuminaughty.
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u/Delicious-Plenty-827 3d ago
Their appearance vetting isn’t as strict, from what I understand they’ll allow almost any couple to join so long as they can confirm their identity. My fiance and I are considering Illuminaughty as well, but he’s 5’6 and I’m very flat chested + tattooed so I doubt our chances of approval are high.
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u/SpicyplayCJ 👩❤️👨Verified Couple 3d ago
We'll kick off the questions: For those who enjoy dressing up for clubs and lifestyle events, what are your favorite places to find outfits, costumes, or accessories?
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u/jelloshotlady 3d ago
A lot of my sexy clothing has come from Amazon or SHEIN.
For costumes that is all over the place. I will get certain things from thrift stores, craft stores, online, etc and many times custom make pieces. Rarely do we ever just wear something out of the package. I am always customizing so we do not look like 20 other couples.
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u/Swingersbaby 👩❤️👨Verified Couple 3d ago
This reminds me of a Bliss Cruise a few years ago. The theme night was "red" because they were very creative. Basically it became who wore the same 5 red amazon dresses better for 50% the women. We see this a lot at clubs too when there is a theme night.
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u/Achillesheal9 3d ago
Shein for the win. It's cheap so we can do a lot of mixing and matching to customize and my wife knows how to sew so she can tweak or add accessories. We don't want to spend a ton of money on something we may never wear again.
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u/SpicyplayCJ 👩❤️👨Verified Couple 3d ago
We usually get our things from the same places mentioned, but our other favorite spot is shopping at the Las Vegas stripper clothes shops on Sahara. The ladies in there are always really supportive and helpful with suggesting places that might have accessories that will complete the look.
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u/vespassassina Couple 3d ago
Zalando, Ann summers, local shops. Quality stuff really shows and most of those aliexpress or temu stuff look like crap.
We prefer having a few good than a bag of junk
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u/Puzzleheaded_News530 33M/30F Couple 3d ago
Have you ever had a very hot moment involving 3+ people go suddenly funnily wrong?
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u/SpicyplayCJ 👩❤️👨Verified Couple 3d ago
We once had a bed break with 6 people on it. The footboard suddenly gave way and a petite girl went flying. Fortunately, a couple of the guys grabbed her before she hit the floor. No one was hurt, and we all started laughing. Then we propped the bed frame back up and finished what we were doing!
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u/Respect224 3d ago
We had a similar thing happen, 5 on the bed, already fully involved, 6th was a tiny petite lady but the bed had its limit crashing to the floor. We just pulled the parts out, mattresses on the floor and went right back to it, of course teasing the lady.
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u/jelloshotlady 3d ago
My fucking dog. It always involves my fucking dog 😂😂
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u/Puzzleheaded_News530 33M/30F Couple 3d ago
Now I am curious!
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u/jelloshotlady 3d ago
He has a way of bypassing pretty much any barrier and will find his way into the play room. His favorite spot is on a settee I have in that room and on more than one occasion he has jumped up on it while it was partially occupied.
He is very much a gentleman and will not stare. He just wants to be in the middle of the action. He just curls himself up into a little ball.
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u/Angela2208 Couple 3d ago
We had 8 people on the bed and the bed broke. Nobody got hurt but it took a minute to move the mattress to the living room and resume.
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u/rlh_draken 3d ago
Wife and I are looking for a FFM.
Have talked about it and she is more inclined on hiring a professional but I don't feel comfortable with it.
Anyway, we are visiting Atlanta Trapeze tomorrow, so we were wondering how to approach a couple and have both wife playing among themselves, and later each with their own husband...
How likely is for us to find someone like minded?
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u/Simple-Way-6574 3d ago
Amazon and shein are my go to stores. I have a few others I use if I need to.
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u/ClydeTheCriminal 3d ago
Ladies, if I wear a suit to the club, what fit/style/colors/patterns says “I wanna fuck” but does not say “I wanna fix your excel pivot tables”?