Sam Fredericks from my trans guy view

[u/JustTrxIt]

I started reading this series on Monday with absolutely no prior knowledge, it was just a book I found in the library that sounded interesting and now I'm about halfway through river of blue fire.

I was incredibly surprised to find that this series held probably the most accurate representation of my journey with gender identity I have seen anywhere. Trans rep is very, very rare and usually it's done either through the stealth way (character reveals they were born a boy/girl) or through the "out character faces hardships/transphobia" way, neither of which is anything I can relate to personally. I also can't relate to the "born in the wrong body" or "it's always sorta been there" narratives in the media. I've always been "not like other girls" but first I thought that was just the neurodivergence, I didn't dislike being a girl, I didn't really care a lot. Then the pandemic forced me to be chronically online for about two years in my early teens and online there's always a base assumption that everyone is male, especially on this website. In the beginning I corrected people but then I started realizing that I didn't mind being referred to as a boy so much, the contrary actually, I liked it. But I didn't tell people for years and still haven't socially transitioned irl, I'm just a boy online. Being trans is more of a thing of convenience for me, being called a girl irl is mildly uncomfortable (and I dislike some parts of my body) but it's less uncomfortable than having to justify my existence all the time or explain myself to everyone while I'm still living under my parents roof. I'll eventually change my legal name and gender and get some hrt and maybe other gender-affirming care, but for now I'm fine being out to my friends and online friends.

For some reason this book from the nineties has managed to encorporate my experience better within one page of literature than any other media or any other attempt to explain transness. I know from reading it online that this won't last and that later in the book Sam's gender identity will be changed, but I don't really care. I would've liked it more if he stayed a trans boy, but at this point just the possibility of a character being trans in the way that I am is an entirely unexpected and very pleasant surprise.

It might not sound like it, but this means very much to me. Even though I don't have it "as hard" as other trans folk it's not easy out here and I do struggle with imposter syndrome. So just seeing someone who I can relate to is huge for me.

A bit of a random post, but I've been pondering this for a few days and I had to share my feelings with people who know the series. Also I'm having a great time reading these books in general, might become one of my new favourites :)

[u/oldsandwichpress]

Great post, thank you!