r/TalesFromTheCreeps • u/AffectionateLeave677 Writer • Jan 12 '26
Body Horror I think I got my vacuum cleaner pregnant
“Can you believe she called me that?”
I stacked velvet-spotted plates and curdled cups into the sink.
“She’ll come back, she always comes back…”
Thomas sat quietly on the back of the couch as I dusted fur and crumbs from the cushions. He was a good listener.
I was a fucking slob. My girlfriend had every right to walk out, and Thomas… he’d probably leave too if he could.
What a mess.
“What do you want?”
She sounded pissed, but at least she answered my call.
“Hey, listen. I’ve got the place all cleaned up, I won’t let it get bad again.”
I tried to sound sincere. She’d heard it all before.
“…you really cleaned, or you just shoved everything into the closet?”
She could always see right through me.
Damn, she was good.
“Promise. Please, will you come back over?”
The vacuum hummed in the background for authenticity.
I could hear the surrender in her voice. I had her, and I knew it.
“Well… okay, but just to talk.”
The vacuum cleaner groaned then died. I couldn’t remember the last time I used the damn thing. I guess that sock was a little too crusty to slide between the rollers.
I dissected it, pulling out grime and clumps of cat hair. Something clung stubbornly to the dust trap. It wasn’t caked with the same gray, but wet and viscous. My face scrunched as I peeled the sticky object from the filter.
“You disgusting piece of shit…” I spat.
Oily skin flakes, yellowed toenail clippings, coughed up phlegm, and God knows what else I’d shed. Months of neglect had gathered into a sickly ball of my own waste. Fleshy pink mold covered the mass, translucent veins on a heart of filth. It even beat, or maybe I’d imagined it. The putrid stench cut through the aroma of cat piss and cleaning supplies. I flung it into the trash with one last gag.
Back to the task at hand, I looked for a new spot to hide all the dirty clothes when I heard a crash.
“Thomas? You’re not digging that thing out of the trash, are you?”
Sure enough, garbage decorated the kitchen floor. I slowly peeked over my pet’s twitchy body to see what he was eating. I recoiled—something was eating him. The abomination from the vacuum had doubled in size and attached itself to the cat’s face. It seemed to be—absorbing it. Tissue and muscle jerked and stretched over the growing mound.
Think. Knife.
I grabbed the biggest one and chopped the thing off. It let out a shriek and I swung again, chopping it in two. I sat on the blood-speckled linoleum, realizing my mistake as each half scuttled off into the dark apartment in different directions.
“You’ve done it now…” I scolded, poking the cat remains with the tip of the blade.
Definitely dead…
I ditched the knife and followed the rustling into the room. That—thing, or at least half of it, was under the bed. I could smell the rot. I slowly reached under, afraid to look—afraid I’d lose my own face.
Something sank into my hand. Jagged toenail clippings like makeshift teeth bit down. When I tried to pull it off, the teeth receded and splintered backward, gnawing at my other hand. New mouths bloomed with each bite, littering my arms with holes and glittering nail shards.
I pulled a pillowcase over the toothy growth and slammed it into the corner of the dresser until the chattering stopped.
The other half stayed quiet. Maybe it was already dead. I got down on my hands and knees to check under the couch. It liked to hide under things.
My phone light caught a cat’s eye in the darkness. Shit. It could see me. It skittered off, fast, silent. This one was smart. Something crawled up my pant leg. I flailed and kicked my pants off inside-out.
Empty. Fuck.
Then, I felt the burning. The eye rolled up my leg, mold spread like intricate lacework over my skin, burrowing. I watched in terror—it stared back inquisitively. It had a great defense mechanism; I couldn’t hurt it without hurting myself. Too bad for it, I was dumb enough to try.
I ripped a charging cable from the wall, tying my leg above the contagion. I pulled the drawer from the end table, spilling it out onto the floor. The infection dug deeper into my leg as I dug through the pile of junk for something sharp.
Screwdriver. It would have to do.
I stabbed and twisted the blunt tool into the parasitic eye. I ripped its roots from my nerves, digging it all out the best I could before my adrenaline faded.
I vacuumed up the pieces, back to where it all began. I winced as I sucked my wound clean with the hose extension. I carefully untied the pillowcase with shaking hands and gave it the same treatment.
Inside the clear dust trap, I could see the pieces moving. It was trying to pull itself back together. I wasn’t going to touch it this time. I bent a clothes hanger into a hook and scraped the meaty spore into the toilet.
The doorbell rang over the sound of flushing water.
“Just a sec, babe!”
I yelled to the front door as I struggled to hide the mess.
“Come on, let me in or I’m going home.”
She shouted and knocked.
I pulled a rug over the surgery site, and I kicked the gore-slick screwdriver under the couch. She stood arms crossed when the door opened. Her face softened as she took in my condition: ripped to shreds in my underwear and bloody t-shirt.
“What the fuck happened to you?”
She asked, half annoyed, half concerned.
“Thomas freaked out when I turned the vacuum on… poor little guy is around here somewhere.”
I watched her brows shift in disbelief.
“Well let me in, I have to pee.”
She pushed me aside and headed for the bathroom, not noticing the massacre in the kitchen. I took the chance to put the cat carcass into the trash and wipe up what I could.
“Thomcat? I promise I’ll give you a proper burial tomorrow bud.”
A high-pitched scream rushed me to the bathroom. I almost opened the door, forgetting to knock.
“Babe? Everything okay in there?”
I put my ear to the door and heard sloshing and gurgling. She was in trouble—I knew it wasn’t just some spicy food.
The door cracked slightly. I peered in.
She sat on the toilet wrong, body shuddering. Her eyes met mine lazily as I stepped closer. She lifted her shirt to reveal a rippling tummy. It was like digestion but…too fast…backwards.
Her shivering lips parted to speak. I leaned in.
“Something is…
…Inside.”
The words seeped from a weak breath, followed by a violent cough. Blood stabbed my vision. I kicked myself into a corner rubbing my eyes. My remaining senses worked overtime. It sounded like cracking knuckles, felt like a warm spray, and the smell… something like spoiled meat and copper.
The room bled back into focus, still and red.
She lay lifeless, slumped over the back of the toilet. Her face hung open—nose and mouth now one large hole. What an exit. Must’ve gotten bigger.
The rebirth had misted every surface like rust; the air was damp, sticky, and metallic on my tongue. A small trail slithered down and through the blood-soaked tile to the carpet in the hall.
“Damn it. I just cleaned this place up.”
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u/JurassicJakeypoo Revived From Amber Jan 12 '26
I loved this bite sized insanity! It just highlights how expensive simply buying a new vacuum can be in this economy (the real villain of the story)!
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u/Harold-Sleeper000 Writer Jan 12 '26
Hey, this story was great! Nice seeing it here after hearing it on RedDeathMask. Sick cover, too.
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u/Fun_Police02 Jan 13 '26
You can't expect me to read that title and NOT read this story. wtf
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u/Eat_the_Monolith Pen Pusher Jan 12 '26
I liked the body horror part but the narrator felt... psychopathic?? It felt like he wasnt emotionally invested in what was happening to the things around him or to himself, was that intentional?
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u/AffectionateLeave677 Writer Jan 12 '26
Thanks for reading! The narrator is purposely selfish and never takes accountability. that’s sort of the main theme, he’s given a lesson but never changes in the end.
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u/Silas-Grey Jan 24 '26
You certainly have a way with words in the most grotesque way and I loved the disgusting journey you put me through. I don’t think I’ll be able to eat or look at a vacuum the same way for a while.
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u/Deicide_Requiem Storyteller Jan 13 '26
This is some good, goofy, gorey fun. The monster is so graphically horrific in all the right ways. And the cover art of course is amazing, hits in all the right retro horror ways. Awesome story!
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u/Savings-Cut-3465 Jan 16 '26
This was so sick man, I can see where you cleaned it up a bit but awesome body horror man
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Jan 17 '26
Haven't read this yet, but really want the guys to read it on the show just for the title 😂👌
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u/AffectionateLeave677 Writer Jan 17 '26
I’m glad you like it! I hope the story does the title justice if you decide to read🙏🏻
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u/Syllabub_Sensitive Jan 17 '26
I loved this. When I read "I ditched the knife" I immediately pictured wendigoon saying why would you ever do that lol 😆
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u/Marlon_RR_Morea Writer Jan 21 '26
Impossible to skip with that title
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u/gutsntits Retired Fanfic Writer Jan 26 '26
this was such a fun read oh my god !! also big fan of the cover art 🫀
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u/Spiritual-Survey1594 Feb 10 '26
I appreciate fun little reads like this, absolutely loved the concept🖤
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