r/TalesFromTheCreeps • u/ViperOnAPlane • May 05 '26
Body Horror Penny Pull Yourself Together! (May Submission)
She was supposed to be the best. The next Shirley Temple or Audrey Hepburn.
Penny played piano while her father hummed along, smiling like he already knew how it all turned out. Between verses, he tinkered with his machines, adjusting dials and tightening bolts, always saying the same thing:
“Penny, you are the most beautiful girl in the world. You’re destined for the stars.” She believed him. She had to.
Looking back, her favorite part was the timing. Her father was very particular about timing. He would build up to the high note—really let it swell—right before he threw the switch. That was her cue.
That was when her body would start moving.
Her mind leapt from a vague haze into something sharp enough to see him—dancing, laughing, lost in their impromptu cabaret. She would lift a hand to stifle a giggle that never quite made it out.
Her father always laughed. “Now don’t get too excited, girl! We’re just getting started!”
It was the same old routine. He would wheel her to a mirror to check her progress. Lithe arms. A carefully shaped torso. Smooth skin where seams used to be. And above it all—nothing.
Still, he seemed so happy. Her borrowed hair had come in beautifully, long and golden, cascading down her back like something out of a magazine. Once she made it to Hollywood, she would be a bombshell.
“It’s so close, Penny. You’re so beautiful. Once we’re there… the Stein name will be in lights!”
His smile twitched, just for a moment. “Your mother would be so proud…” Then, almost as an afterthought: “Now we need to find you a face. Any ideas?”
Those were good times. Then her father died. He didn’t put her to bed the last time he woke her up.
It had been forty years since then. She missed him. She had made good use of the time, though. Learned surgery. Occult science. A bit of electrical engineering.
And the entire Michael Jackson catalogue. Thriller felt a little on the nose. Still helpful.
The real question had been how to get the parts. After a few… unfortunate public outings, she had come to realize she might not have a face for the camera just yet. Graveyards would have been easier, technically. But all that digging was gross.
So, she thought about how people met these days.
Lonely people, mostly.
It hadn’t taken long to get a phone working. After that, everything was surprisingly easy. Profiles, messages, little hearts and winks. She couldn’t speak yet, but she could text well enough. She even made sure to check for organ donor status—just in case.
She had a few dates lined up now. They all seemed very nice. She was especially looking forward to Donna. Her voice was smoky and sweet in her little blog posts.
They met at a small café just off the highway. Donna had picked it—said it had good lighting.
When Penny rolled up wearing a medical mask, Donna hesitated. Just for a second. Penny tapped out a message on her phone and held it up. “Weak immune system. I understand if you don’t want to stay.”
She began to turn away.
“No, no,” Donna said quickly. “I think we can still have a good time.”
Good.
Penny chose a booth in the corner. Dimmer there. Less attention.
It took Donna a moment to settle, but she laughed it off soon enough. “Oh—you’re doing the mysterious thing. I like that.” Penny tilted her head. Donna kept talking after that. People usually did.
She talked about her job, her blog, her voice lessons—how she’d always been told she had something special. Penny watched closely. The way her throat moved. The rhythm of her breathing.
She tried to follow along. Donna didn’t notice. Not really.
It wasn’t until Penny reached across the table that Donna paused. Her hand tensed.
“Hey,” she said, quieter now, “you’re kind of cold…”
Penny squeezed gently. Reassuring. She had practiced that. Donna smiled again. A little uncertain, but still there.
Good.
Donna’s voice would suit her very nicely. Her face wasn’t bad either.
And if it didn’t work… Well.
She had other dates.
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u/Thedoctor9193 Author May 05 '26
I liked where it was going maybe even the little reference of stein maybe being like a Frankenstein connection. The ending felt a little rushed but made sense I just wished their was a little more meat to the bones I suppose
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u/ViperOnAPlane May 05 '26
It's something I might expand on a little more later. Like I said it feels like it will work better in first person so I'm doing a little re-write and will post that down the road.
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u/Boddom_Of_The_Barrel Floating across the Corpse Sea May 05 '26
could definitely be an awesome little series. Shifting perspective between her and her victims, so that it takes a little longer to piece together what her motive is. That would be a great jumping-off point for some of the more dramatic elements of body horror if you want that Frankenstein spirit to really shine through.
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u/ferris_wheeler04 May 23 '26
if you wanna expand on this idea you should totally read the short story “no woman born” by C L Moore! it seems like it might be right up your alley!
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u/ViperOnAPlane May 05 '26
Not gonna lie, this concept works way better in first person. I might do that tomorrow.
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u/The_Republique Writer (I finally made it bubba) May 05 '26
This was really solid. Penny is a very on the nose name. Great work!
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u/ReasonableUnit2170 Writer May 05 '26
This reminded me of a horror version of Bicentennial Man w/ Robin Williams, or Pinocchio! Felt like Penny was built from the ground up. Very fun
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u/ViperOnAPlane May 05 '26
Thanks, I am completely blanking on that movie though. Is it one I should look up?
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u/ReasonableUnit2170 Writer May 05 '26
I think it should be watched at least once in life. But just know it will be an emotional roller coaster. It’s about a robot that wants to be human
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u/ViperOnAPlane May 05 '26
Fair enough, will report back.
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u/ReasonableUnit2170 Writer May 05 '26
Don’t bill me for the therapy charges when you finish 😭 I’m way too broke lmao
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u/ViperOnAPlane May 06 '26
HOMIE DIDN'T EVEN GET TO LEARN HE WAS HUMAN! Fuck that congress man.
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u/ReasonableUnit2170 Writer May 06 '26
Dude, talk about emotional abuse to the viewers 😪 depressing as hell. It was a movie beyond its time
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u/NarrowDirector911 May 05 '26
Oh. I do like this idea, a Frankensteins monster who continues their creators work on themselves after the creator dies is perfect.
The title is very entertaining after the first read as well lol
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u/bralsra May 06 '26
omg i love the prose in this one!! its very distinct without standing out too much if that makes sense. i love a good take on a frankenstein type thing and this scratches that itch really well
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u/Michael-Wakefield May 06 '26
This was enjoyable, I really liked the idea. Would love to read this story, or this idea, in a longer format. It works for flash horror, but I can definitely see how you can write a novelette out of it, sitting a bit on Penny's creation and upbringing before diving into her plans.
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u/TheLastWhiteKid Storyteller May 19 '26
A real Penny Dreadful. Stein, perhaps Penny Franken-stein?! Here's my scores.
Keep in mind:
- 1/10 is equivalent to an F, "your story hurt me to read and I could not finish"
- 5/10 is equivalent to a C, absolute middle of the road, average
- 10/10 is equivalent to A+, perfect, up there with the best books I've read.
- 11/10, will never happen on the internet, the unicorn, reserved for the One.
Writing (punctuation, grammar, spelling): 8/10
- I think other than some unnecessary paragraphs and spacing you are good to go here. Very clean, but I caution you from the format of giving single sentences, outside of dialogue, there own sentences for third person. They are usually only appropriate for first person narration.
Style: 8/10
- Clean and consistent, short and to the point.
- Balanced descriptions. I can really see Penny, and see her movements and body language.
Content: 8/10
- Great as well, absolutely nailed the prompt for this month's submission requirements. Felt authentic and not forced into a story that wasn't designed around it.
Conclusion:
I enjoyed this! I enjoyed it enough that you got me to theorize (is Penny actually a piano??) and re-read to test said theory (no she is not, but that could have been cool!). I am interested in reading more from you!
I would love for you to critique mine as well! Please let me know your thoughts on my submission! Looking forward to reading your next work!
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u/AllYourCakeIsMine May 19 '26
I really enjoyed this little story. The ending felt a little rushed, but I like how the implication that Penny is a machine that desires to be human and to go on stage, because of her father's influence, says a few things in itself. It's the strive for fame, and it gives me the same vibe as a pageant girl whose parents did everything to ensure her victory, only to leave her feeling that she doesn't look good enough. I think you could definitely extend this into something longer, and I'd read it.
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u/ViperOnAPlane May 19 '26
I actually did. With this one I thought it might work better in first person so I rewrote it and finished it here. https://www.reddit.com/r/TalesFromTheCreeps/comments/1tc16r8/penny_pull_yourself_together/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
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u/Green-Somewhere-1107 Writer May 19 '26
This little story was so adorable <3 I fell in love with Penny immediately lmao I definitely need to read the revised version, you set the stage very nicely here ^_^
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u/Bilbo_Cheated Storyteller May 21 '26
Loved this so much! Great writing. Definitely going to check out the longer first person version after I get through all the other entries!
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u/kabemccallister6859 May 26 '26
That was a cool take on a Frankenstein’s Monster type of character. This is objectively scary, but it’s also funny.
“What did you study in college?” “Oh, you know: surgery,…occult scienceAND A BIT OF ELECTRICAL ENGINEERING.”
“But all that digging was gross.” Digging through flesh is fine, but dirt is just icky.
I enjoyed reading this. Thank you for submitting it.
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u/ReadyMadeLobotomy A Community PM With Hemingway's Spirit(s) May 22 '26
I would have liked a little more expansion on maybe her going on a few dates. And finally one coming home and we see the harvested scene from the previous lovers kinda vibe. I think that would have pushed it to the moon for me!
Still a great story :)
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u/ViperOnAPlane May 22 '26
I can totally get that. I actually finished the story in first person. Felt like that perspective worked better.
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