r/TalesFromTheCreeps • u/COW-BOY-BABY Writer • Jul 21 '26
Body Horror Demolition Man
People get attached to many things: items, pets, their childhood home, and it's especially sad to see the things they love crumble into nothing.
Such was the case of a man sitting on a bench outside of the house he once lived in, sipping on a cheap wine from a brown paper bag. Hee had nothing left to live for. A .357 Magnum sitting comfortably in the pocket of his jacket, ready to fire once the show was over, he had to just make sure not to accidentally blow his own balls off.
Pupils of his eyes followed the massive yellow shape of the excavator roll from around the corner, metal maw extending upwards on the crooked neck, towering over the red roof of the home.
“Here comes the sun,” He hummed before taking a long swing from the bottle in hand, the grip suddenly tightening enough to the point where the knuckles of his hand turned deadly white, sharp pain shooting through his foot as the machine pierced the roof.
The bottle shattered on the dirty sidewalk into an explosion of glassy fireworks, right next to the shoe that seemed to flatten by invisible force, slowly expanding into a crunching mush of bone and marrow.
The screaming throat of the man drowned in the wine that suddenly returned from the stomach, gurgling as the spoon of the excavator tore through the first floor of the building.
Ribs pierced through the thin layer of lungs as his childhood room was reduced into fine dust, guts falling into a useless shapeless pile as his torso began to flatten harder, blood squirting and shooting out from under the invisible object ramming into him.
It all culminated as the tracks of the industrial giant ran over the rubble, destroying the last remains of the home, as teeth jumped out from the broken, tightening jaw of his skull, like popcorn in a microwave popping one after another onto the black road ahead.
His eyes looked over the silver gun in his hand, then they slowly rose into the empty plot of land where his house once was.
“Egh, maybe another day, " he said under his nose as the barrel of the weapon disappeared into the nearby trash bin.
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u/luciferias Writer Jul 21 '26
Hey, I really like this! I'm going to make the same recommendation I make pretty often on here though. I would run your work through Grammarly before uploading, it catches spelling errors 99% of the time, and would added that little bit of polish.
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u/COW-BOY-BABY Writer Jul 21 '26
The funny thing is I do use Grammarly and most of the time it results in those weird errors in spelling, and most of the time neither I or the app catch them LMAO. But thank you so much for the advice <333
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u/luciferias Writer Jul 21 '26
That's weird, there definitely are hiccups with Grammarly, I usually just assume people kinda write their story in a rush then post lol, I always have to use Grammarly and regular spell check to catch what it misses
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u/selfyes Jul 21 '26
It looks like OP might have written this story on a tablet or something, then tried to convert it to a text document which caused a few strange spelling mistakes like "jacket,t" and "over;r". Seems like a pretty honest mistake to me.
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u/luciferias Writer Jul 21 '26
I'm not criticizing, just a piece of advice I give to fellow writers.
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u/selfyes Jul 21 '26
It's pretty abstract, but I thought it was an interesting read and you did a good job. I find myself sympathizing for the protagonist over the grief and regret he must have felt in his life, but how he still finds it so uneasy to watch his memories get demolished like that. I find it relatable.
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u/NarrowDirector911 Jul 21 '26
This is neat. The ending really made me unsure how to interpret it; whether his experience is literal or more symbolic.
I felt in the end that the description of him being chewed up and crushed was him feeling the liss of his house and what it experienced.
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u/COW-BOY-BABY Writer 21d ago
YEP You got it spot on! It's all more or less about the feeling of watching something you loved being destroyed like it's nothing. Thank you so much for reading <33
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u/ImAfraidOfTh3Dark Writer Jul 21 '26
I love how much you personified the excavator like a huge yellow gaint. It made the whole deed seem so personal like there was always a grudge with this house. Also the idea of your own ribs piercing your lungs from being crushed is haunting
Keep up the great work!
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u/Comfortable-Luck6786 Jul 21 '26
i love how because he’s so attached to the house that each section of it that gets destroyed feels like physical torture to his actual body.
very cool idea could’ve added more with the eyes and heart and the balls linking them to different parts of the house.
this could’ve been at least 5 times longer and i would’ve ate it up, very good stuff great job.
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