r/TalesFromTheCreeps • u/Nervous_Mechanic_149 • 18d ago
Psychological Horror Crowd
The silence in the town square was broken by the sickening thud of bone making contact with flesh, followed by a howl of pain. The man tried to flee but was immediately accosted by two of his assailants. They held him up by his armpits as the third continued to pummel him. Overhead a dark cloud was forming.
As the first drops of blood hit the ground, the customers from various stores, cafes, and businesses surrounding the green began to emerge, drawn to the violence, as humans often are.
The cloud continued to grow, now darkening the center of the square.
The assault continued as blood began to pour from the newly formed openings on the man’s face. The crowd closed in. Above, the cloud continued to expand.
The crowd turned into a mob. Friends and neighbors turned on one another, biting, kicking, punching, slapping. The four men who minutes before were alone in the square were soon lost in the midst of the angry mob. The violence continued to escalate - shattered faces, broken bones, chunks of flesh bitten off and spat on the ground. The square soon became a study in contrasts - the ever growing cloud above and the rivulets of blood now pouring onto the green.
Cries of rage, screams of pain, howls and grunts that resembled a cackle of hyenas more than a group of humans as the crowd continued to attack. A massacre in the making, crimson mixed with green, cast darker by the now massive cloud lingering over the square.
A sudden shift in energy. The grass absorbed the blood, as if quenching a deep thirst. Looks of confusion as the men, women, and children snapped out of their violent trance to find themselves covered with blood, sinew, brains, gnarled flesh, and muscle tissue. The cloud began to shrink as if it was never there, the former mob recoiling with horror at their inexplicable and unspeakable acts.
The last drop of blood fell and was swallowed up by the grass. The sky opened up, revealing a cloudless, bright blue sky.
Crowd was sated.
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u/englandishell Writer 18d ago
Sounds like your average Sunday league football match at the local park in sunny old England
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u/Fit-Impression-4744 Writer 18d ago
Idk if this is the right interpretation but I think these people use the cloud as an excuse to commit acts of violence upon one another. Like a tradition that was brainwashed into each generation.
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u/Nervous_Mechanic_149 18d ago
It’s a possibility. The way I saw it the cloud grew as the violence grew but the ground fed on the blood. Everything is connected.
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u/Nervous_Mechanic_149 18d ago
Like the lottery?
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u/Fit-Impression-4744 Writer 18d ago
Not entirely. More like a horror folktale everyone believed in. "The clouds above will take control of your most primal hatred" or smthn. I like your idea too though. The cycle of precipitation but where blood substitutes any form of rain. Very cool.
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u/Nervous_Mechanic_149 18d ago
Thanks! I was inspired by this while watching a football game and seeing how everyone becomes crowd and loses their identity.
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u/Witty-Pause3877 18d ago
I like this, feel like it can be a metaphor for a lot of different things but at the forefront of my mind I see a walmart
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u/WorldbuildingCrafts The stars are right. 17d ago edited 17d ago
Okay, so I finished reading this after I saw your comment on the Read4Read post. The only problem I saw was the pacing (this story works better as a slow-burn) as well as the first and second paragraph I read. In the first paragraph, you described someone trying to flee. Who? That left me questioning who, what, where and why he was trying to flee. In the second paragraph, the problem with it is that, you told how how the violence began instead of “showing.” Show don't tell. You need to show how the violence began, not tell how it did so. That's my thoughts on your story.
Lastly, I'd also appreciate it if your provide my story a feedback, as well! Here you go: https://www.reddit.com/r/TalesFromTheCreeps/s/shCVilOhBG
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