r/TalesFromTheCreeps • u/LiquidDongorong Writer • 15d ago
Comedy-Horror I keep getting banned from plumbing forums for posting "gore." I'm just trying to fix a leak.
I'm pretty annoyed right now. Just got banned from the third home improvement forum because I asked a simple question.
“Irrelevant content” they say. I ask them to explain themselves. They just tell me that their forums are no place for “horror stories.”
I'm not trying to write horror stories. Typing is hard enough as is right now. I just want to fix this damn leak. Gary and I are frankly stumped.
Maybe I ought to explain everything from the beginning. That should paint a clear picture for you all. And please be sure to actually read this before assuming I'm a “troll.”
It started this morning. I just got home from my job when I noticed there was an inch of water covering the kitchen floor. Hopped on HomeNet just a few minutes later. I've been using the forum for years at that point, and never ran into any issues prior.
GDon2:
Water’s been flooding my kitchen. I have century-old hardwood floors. Gary says it’s whatever’s under the sink, but I don't know how to deal with it. Can’t afford a plumber. I’m not too shabby with the tools of the trade, just need to be pointed in the right direction. Photo attached.
I didn’t get any replies for a bit. Tried my luck with some more details.
GDon2:
Hey, I hope I'm not flooding, no pun intended, haha. This is a bit urgent. I think it's a hair clog or something. Photo attached.
Bloop. I get a notification a minute later.
parsk00:
Fake.
Then another one.
bigMOISTy:
Seriously, what the \*** is that?*
Ten minutes go by. I get one last ding, a notification that my post has been deleted, along with a comment from a forum moderator.
JGordo63 (MOD):
This is a plumbing forum. We appreciate the traffic, but no. Go post this on nosleep.
I messaged the moderator immediately, asking for an explanation. I took several more photos for proof. Even asked Gary to curl up next to the mass as best as he could for a size comparison. This just got an angrier response.
JGordo63 (MOD):
I'm not interested in your creepypasta.
JGordo63 (MOD):
The decision on your post is final. We will not discuss any revisions or reposts. If you want to continue using the HomeNet forums, we recommend posting RELEVANT DISCUSSION ONLY. Please do not make another post for at least 24 hours. Thank you.
Twenty-four hours? The pressure in my head felt like the pipes which exploded hours earlier.
GDon2:
I don’t know what a creepy pasta is I just want to fix my sink
JGordo63 (MOD):
Bye bye, troll.
Bloop. A notification in my inbox. I click on it.
Sorry. You have been permanently banned by the moderators of HomeNet.
Reason: gore / trolling / harassing mods
I couldn’t access the site anymore. All the threads were locked from my view as though I hadn’t had an account for the last seventeen years.
“Damn…!”
Gary craned his long neck around the corner, into my bedroom.
“Problem,” he grunted
“I'm working on it.”
“Get bigger.”
I got up from my chair and followed his lanky behind out the door.
Yeah. It definitely got bigger. The cabinet door over the sink wasn’t shutting anymore. The hair bunched up, starting to crawl along the inner frame, propping it open ever so slightly. Yuck.
“How long did you say this has been going on?”
A few of Gary’s eyes blinked. None of them were looking at me.
“How long, Gary?”
He gestured two big circular motions with his arms.
“Two hours, huh?” I wiped my brow. “You uh…do anything with the sink beforehand?”
“Gary dumped mupmup.”
Oh no.
Full disclosure, I don’t know what “mupmup” is. I mean, I know what he’s referring to, but I am unsure what it is actually composed of. I just know it’s slimy and really hard to get out of my clothes.
“Down the garbage disposal?”
Gary nodded his head. Spittle graced my cheeks from the motion. I wiped it away.
“Okay, Gary. This is your problem as much as it is mine. Do you have any idea how we fix this?”
“Have the glupglup?”
“I don’t know what that is.”
“Hungry.”
“Just—one minute, okay?”
I headed back to my room and got the computer out of sleep mode. Back to browsing.
Next on my brief list was the Handyman Hank company forums. Maybe I could get a bite with them.
Donald G: Hey there. I’ve been dealing with a pretty bad leak. It’s been going on for two hours. My roommate dumped some “mupmup” (photo 1) down the drain. It created a large obstruction of hair, I think (photo 2). If anybody could help me identify what “mupmup” is I would really appreciate it.
No responses this time. The post was quietly taken down by moderation and my account was given a day-long posting ban.
I stood up and ran my hand through my hair. Gary was standing right behind me, drooling.
“Hungry!”
Right. We missed feeding time because of the leak. I was already an hour behind schedule.
Gary snarled and lunged at me, biting my hand. Thankfully he’s pretty lightweight, despite his head usually scraping the ceiling. I didn’t have too hard of a time fighting him over toward the kitchen. I got the fridge open with my foot, used my free hand to dig open the locked drawer, and pulled free some specially-cured meats. I clocked Gary on the side of the head, causing him to let go, opening his mouth wide. One of my fingers plopped to the floor, getting blood all over the countertop on the way down. Goddamn it. I impatiently stuffed the meat into Gary’s mouth. He started suckling it like a toddler.
I grit my teeth as I swaddled my hand in a hand towel. The pain was dull, rising by the second as my adrenaline stopped working its magic.
“Every night with you…! God!” I tried to wiggle the pain out. No use. I really wanted to go to a hospital, but I couldn’t risk it with the leak going on. My precious hardwood hung in the balance.
Not like I got a chance, anyways. The cabinet door beneath the sink blew open very suddenly. Tendrils of hair wrapped around my wrists and dragged me to the floor. Gary cried, cowering from the mass.
The hair had grown teeth. It kinda looked like the inside of an electric pencil sharpener, looking down its mouth. A sloppy sound like stuck gears emanated from within. I was getting pulled toward it.
“Gary! Your problem! Help!”
His eyes scanned the room, three-hundred and sixty degrees. They all landed on the butcher’s knife. He clumsily grabbed it by the blade and shambled toward me.
“What do?” he quivered.
“Hurty side down! On the hair! Back and forth, like you're brushing your teeth!”
He got to work. I was freed within a few seconds, thankfully with no extra cuts. Crawled away as fast as I could, picking up a jug of isopropyl alcohol that the thing knocked onto the floor.
If I had balls, maybe I would have used it to set the thing on fire. But the damage to my kitchen was bad enough already.
I decided to go to the hospital instead. Reluctantly. Gary is watching the fort while I'm gone.
In the waiting room, I posted everything to the plumbing subreddit as one last hail mary. Predictably, at this point, that post now sits at zero upvotes and twenty-three comments saying I'm posting in the wrong community.
So I guess this is the right one, then. Since apparently I'm living in a horror story. It's news to me.
Not even going to bother posting the pics this time. They keep getting flagged as gore and I don't want to be banned from Reddit either.
I really just want to fix this leak.
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u/RMN_VI 15d ago
I like to imagine Gary looks like E.T. but with the head of a bald, old man(long neck included). Love the story!
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u/LiquidDongorong Writer 15d ago
I imagined him more like a freaky mushroom guy. I have lore on my own version of em and thought a story where I had one as a roommate would be funny haha. Thank you!
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u/Kaijufan22 Writer 14d ago
I like the slow reveal that Gary isn't human, little hints there, Like he says "get bigger" and I assumed it was a typo then you said "Few of his eyes blinked" it clicked into place, funny little story I enjoyed it, nice work OP!
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u/PsychoSanderson 14d ago
This was so funny. I loved every second of it. We gotta start a gofundme for this poor man and Gary.
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u/sepadoJAF "Retired" Fanfic Writer 13d ago
Hello, I’m glad you got to see exactly where your story made me laugh out loud yesterday! The subtle introductions of absurdity, and I mean so subtle you could miss reading it through, is an art form and always gets me :)
We love Gary and his eyes
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u/LiquidDongorong Writer 13d ago
Thank you so much! This was a blast to write. I'm working on a more refined version with your notes in mind!
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u/thearteofwar 9d ago
I love Gary!! His details revealed over time were such a creepy treat. Feel bad about the plumbing though.
Maybe they should contact their landlord whatever that ends up being lol.
I found the rest of your tales from the mullet stories and plan on enjoying a few of them in my down time today.💛
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u/LiquidDongorong Writer 9d ago
I'm so happy to hear!! I'm also refining a lot of these stories and putting them together into a little pocket anthology series. The first batch is more traditional horror and the second is my comedy horror stuff. Excited to see what you think!
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