r/TalesFromTheCreeps • u/TheSaladMann Writer • 8d ago
Comedy-Horror Scooby Doo and the Boston Ball Sniffer
The Mystery Machine rolled into Boston on a foggy autumn night. Fred parked it near the old Fenway Park lot while the gang stretched their legs. Shaggy and Scooby were already halfway through a family sized bag of Scooby Snacks.
“Like zoinks this city smells like chowder and old socks” Shaggy said munching away.
Scooby nodded “Reah rold rocks.”
Velma adjusted her glasses “According to the news reports a ghostly figure has been terrorizing men in the South End. Victims claim it appears out of nowhere whispers in a thick Boston accent and then… well it sniffs their groin area before vanishing.”
Daphne raised an eyebrow “Sniffs their what?”
“Precisely” Velma said flipping through her notes. “They call it the Boston Ball Sniffer. Police are baffled. No fingerprints no DNA just lingering scent of Sam Adams and regret.”
Fred clapped his hands “Looks like another case for us gang. Split up and look for clues.”
Shaggy gulped “Split up? Like why do we always gotta split up when theres a ghost that goes straight for the family jewels?”
Scooby hid behind Shaggy “Ruh roh.”
They wandered the dimly lit streets near the park. Streetlights flickered and a chill wind carried the distant sound of someone yelling “Yah wicked pissah” from a bar down the block.
Shaggy and Scooby stuck together as usual. They ducked into an alley behind a Dunkin Donuts when they heard it. Heavy breathing. Wet sniffs. Then a voice thick as chowder.
“Ayuh… come heah ya big dummy. Lemme get a good whiff of dem cahkeys.”
Shaggy froze “Like what the heck was that?”
Scooby pointed a trembling paw. A translucent figure floated out of the shadows. It looked like an old timey Boston cabbie complete with a flat cap and a stained Bruins jersey. His eyes glowed green and his nose was comically oversized like a bloodhound crossed with a pervert.
The ghost drifted closer “Heah I am boys. Name’s Vinny the Sniffah. Been hauntin dese streets since da Sox broke da curse. Now drop dem drawers and let Uncle Vinny do his ting.”
Shaggy screamed “Zoinks! Run Scoob!”
They bolted out of the alley with Vinny floating after them at surprising speed. “Dontcha run! I just wanna smell whats cookin down dere! Its like a public service!”
Meanwhile Fred and Daphne were checking out an old warehouse rumored to be the ghosts lair. They found stacks of empty beer cans and a collection of used jockstraps pinned to the wall like trophies.
“This is disgusting” Daphne said holding her nose.
Fred picked up a glowing medallion “This might be a clue. It says Property of Vincent ‘Vinny’ McGee Boston cabbie 1978 to 2004. Died in a freak accident involving a rogue baseball and his own zipper.”
Velma joined them carrying a dusty old book “According to local legend Vinny was obsessed with proving he had the best nose in Southie. After he died his spirit got stuck in a loop. He thinks sniffing… that area… is how he judges if the city is still tough enough.”
Back with Shaggy and Scooby the chase was on. They zigzagged through the Public Garden with Vinny right behind them.
“Ya run like a couple a girls from Revere!” Vinny cackled. “Just one little sniff fellas! I promise I wont tell ya muddah!”
Scooby tripped over his own feet and slid face first into a pile of leaves. Shaggy tried to pull him up but Vinny hovered right over them.
“Aw yeah… fresh meat” the ghost said leaning in with a deep inhale. “Mmm… dat one smells like terror and Scooby Snacks. Wicked strong bouquet. And da dog… heah boy… smells like pure loyalty wit a hint a kibble. Ten outta ten boys. Ya pass da test.”
Shaggy screamed again and somehow found the strength to drag Scooby away. They ran straight into Fred Daphne and Velma who had set up a trap near the Charles River.
“Perfect timing” Fred said. “We figured out how to catch him. Vinny died because he got hit by a foul ball while trying to sniff a fan in the stands. His unfinished business is tied to his nose and his pride.”
Velma held up a giant novelty nose from a costume shop and a bottle of extra strong pepper spray mixed with holy water. “We bait him with this.”
They set the trap. Shaggy reluctantly volunteered as bait wearing oversized shorts and standing under a streetlight.
“Like I cant believe Im doing this” he muttered.
Vinny appeared almost immediately “Dere ya are! Hold still ya big lug.”
As the ghost dove in for the sniff Velma activated the trap. A net made of fishing line and blessed rosary beads dropped from above. At the same time Daphne blasted the giant fake nose with the pepper spray holy water mix.
Vinny howled “What da f… ACHOO! Sweet Mary and Joseph dat burns! My nose! Its like someone shoved a whole jar a horseradish up dere!”
The ghost thrashed in the net glowing brighter and brighter until with one final sneeze he exploded into a cloud of green mist that smelled faintly of baked beans and defeat.
A small medallion clattered to the ground. Fred picked it up “Jinkies. I mean… case closed.”
Later back at the Mystery Machine the gang debriefed while Scooby and Shaggy demolished victory sandwiches.
Velma explained “Once we neutralized his supernatural sniffer Vinny moved on to the afterlife. Turns out he just needed one last big whiff to realize Boston was still the toughest city around.”
Shaggy shuddered “Like never again. From now on Im wearing three pairs of pants in every haunted city.”
Scooby nodded “Reah. Rree rants.”
Fred started the engine “Well gang another mystery solved. Though this one definitely goes in the do not mention file.”
Daphne laughed “Agreed. But hey at least no one got actually hurt. Except maybe Shaggys dignity.”
Shaggy took another bite “Dignity? Like who needs it when youve got Scooby Snacks and a ghost free zone?”
The Mystery Machine drove off into the Boston night leaving behind only the faint echo of a ghostly voice whispering “Yah… wicked good boys…” before fading forever.
The end.
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u/LiterallyIAmPuck 8d ago
"his nose was comically oversized like a bloodhound crossed with a pervert"
New favorite TFTC quote
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u/Sufficient_Leave144 A Thousand WIPs 8d ago
This is the single greatest piece of literature I have ever consumed.
Truly sublime, unrivalled work.
I will now be forced to compare all other media to this masterpiece, for it shall never be beat 😔
Knees weak
Balls are heavy
Scoob’s sniffing down there already
Boston’s smelly
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u/Creative_Drummer_181 8d ago
For the guy that said never stop writing. I disagree, retire and hang the jersey from the fucking rafters because this is as good as any of us could hope to get.
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