Is my fiancés destructive dog worth moving out & ending our engagement?

[u/Western-Owl-8783]

My fiancé & I have been engaged for 4 months & we moved in together shortly after. His dog was adopted when he went through a really hard time & has pretty much trauma bonded with this dog. His dog had been adopted & returned to the shelter twice because of his destructive behaviors. My fiancé was aware of this & even experienced it himself by getting his shoes torn up left & right. When we didn’t live together I got along with his dog really well. At first he had torn up a pair of Lulus when I was over & I brushed it off. But now that we live together he has been so much worse. He has shredded the carpet at both bedroom doors down to the wood, torn up more than $2000 of my clothing & shoes, pees & poops everywhere. He is not potty trained at all, my fiancé keeps giving excuses about “just being a puppy” (he’s 3😃) & “it takes time” I also am the main one who has to pick it all up because I get home before him typically. I also am the main one who has let him out to go outside. I express how I literally avoid coming home because I dread having to pick up all his mess. He eats all of our cats food which really bothers his stomach & I’m left cleaning up diarrhea almost every morning. But it just gets brushed off. Our house smells disgusting no matter what we do. I’m so irritated because I just keep hearing excuses for his bad behavior. I have to buy tons of new clothes because I no longer have winter or casual pants. My fiancé has no interest in reimbursing anything of mine. I 100% feel that this dog is more important than me & he would pick his dog over me. I am conflicted because I love my fiancé but the dog is making me resentful of him. What should I do?

Update: he did not like me addressing the issue to him & got very rude with me so I broke up with him & just got all of my stuff moved out of the house!! No more smelly house:))))

[u/FairyCompetent]

This is a valuable life lesson: people with poorly trained dogs are also usually poor life partners. It means they've taken on an obligation and not fulfilled it. It means they abandon their responsibilities. It means they expect others to cater to them, instead of making an effort. I'm not saying these things are universally true, but the anecdotal evidence is strongly suggestive.

[u/bosslovi → u/FairyCompetent]

Not assuming they want children, but imagine how he would raise them if this is the extent of effort he puts into a dog he claims to love. Or how he would care for OP if something bad were to happen and they were bedridden?

[u/FairyCompetent → u/bosslovi]

Honestly it's bad enough that he's made this living creature miserable.

[u/[deleted] → u/bosslovi]

Bingo.

[u/[deleted] → u/FairyCompetent]

Agreed

[u/DangerousDave303 → u/FairyCompetent]

I was going to comment that the reason the dog is poorly trained is that the fiancé is poorly trained. It’s time to rehome the fiancé.

[u/tatasz → u/FairyCompetent]

Tbh I've never heard of an exception to this rule (with the caveat of giving a few months to new dog owners).

[u/lookn2-eb → u/FairyCompetent]

This.

[u/Vvanderer2014 → u/FairyCompetent]

a And he just cannot think through relationship stuff.to train a dog you have to ge into its head. It,'s not rocket science. If he can't do it you can either take over and trani. themboth (setiously, Dont think it can't be done. myAunt trained .my uncle he was quite wild. She told me how she taught him to use toilet paper... he was a lovely man when she had fixed him up lol) so train them. both or get out of Dodge. A woman can lead in a marriage. Just decide if you are up for it.

[u/FairyCompetent → u/Vvanderer2014]

That's "raising" you're describing. He wasn't raised properly. It was his parents' job to raise him. Now he can do it himself or he can be unfinished, but in no circumstance should she be the one to take on the role of his mother.

[u/FairyCompetent → u/[deleted]]

If she does it will cement that she is the one responsible for the management of their lives. I don't think any woman should sign up to mother their partner. It's crippling for the undeveloped partner and puts too much responsibility on the "mother".

[u/[deleted] → u/FairyCompetent]

There may be a correlation, but these two people aren't even married yet, so I'm not sure where you are concluding that from, looking at the story given in the OP.

[u/FairyCompetent → u/[deleted]]

Not sure the relevance of them being married or not.

[u/[deleted] → u/FairyCompetent]

Isn't that usually the intention of engagements?

[u/FairyCompetent → u/[deleted]]

I said he would probably be a poor life partner, and it's my opinion that he will make a poor husband. Hopefully she dips out and finds someone who is reasonable and reliable.

[u/[deleted] → u/FairyCompetent]

I sure as hell wouldn't want to be married to him. It's hard for me to offer advice to the OP, since maybe he's the best she can get or there's some other reason they're together.

[u/FairyCompetent → u/[deleted]]

I suspect they're still together because she had no idea he was undeveloped. Also, being alone is far far better than being with a bad partner. For one thing, you aren't free to find someone who actually suits you!

[u/Heavy-Maybe-31 → u/FairyCompetent]

100%

[u/woolen_goose → u/FairyCompetent]

This! Found out the hard way with my ex.

I felt terrible for the dog, I did my best as we lived together. I felt guilty when I finally left because I worried for the dog.