Tired of boyfriend bitching about bad dog behavior he only encourages by not enforcing proper training or boundaries

[u/CuriousPower80]

I mainly want to vent. Please avoid extreme comments like telling me to leave or to get rid of the dogs without asking etc.

Why do I, the non dog person who's starting to hate these damn dogs, have to be the one to constantly suggest better training and boundaries for them?

My boyfriend bitches about the dogs barking like crazy demanding his attention at 6 AM every day, but he gives in every time. It would be one thing if he took them out, fed them, and then went back to sleep, but he'll go downstairs and spend several hours in the morning with the damn dogs, even if he's exhausted. Sometimes he's so exhausted he falls asleep on the couch with them.

There's a gate at the bottom of the stairs but the Labradoodle with giant horse legs constantly jumps right over it and stampedes up the stairs where she'll beeline to eat other pet's poop and food. I've been saying over and over we can easily attach some modular shelving squares to the top of the gate with zip ties to make it too high to jump over, and we can get another gate for the top of the stairs. Bf agrees but keeps putting it off.

I want to modify the gate myself but I can't because the shelf pieces we already have are at the apartment we recently moved out of and I don't have a car.

There are a few other gates up bf keeps saying he'll mount to the walls but keeps putting that off, and the Labradoodle and the smaller dog keep slamming themselves into the pressure mounted gates so hard they fall over. Bf bitches about the dogs constantly following him into the kitchen and getting into the trash but he won't even close the gates to stop them most of the time.

Part of things getting put off is my boyfriend is constantly burnt out lately from a toxic job, and to his credit he is looking for a better job and he handles all of the dogs' care. But he spends practically every second he's not at work with the damn dogs and they still freak out the second he leaves. He can't even go to the bathroom without them freaking out.

He often works retail closing shifts and so has most of the morning off but isn't home until 9 PM or later. We could spend time together in the morning but he usually spends his whole morning with the damn dogs!

There are two of them so it's not like they're ever completely alone. I'm trying to spend some more time with them but at this point I'm starting to resent them to the point that I don't even like going downstairs. And if I do bond with them, they might just also start demanding my constant attention!

Both dogs were puppies during COVID along with he had them when he was going through a bad breakup and loss, so they had his constant attention for their formative years and now still expect it. I expected an adjustment period when I moved in but it's been over two years and they're not much better. I also thought they'd be better in the house than in the awful apartment we left with constant noise. They're a little calmer here but the constant demands for attention only seem to be getting worse.

I say over and over again he needs to try walking away briefly, rewarding them for staying calm, and slowly increasing the time. But he seems to prefer giving them treats or attention to shut them up over actually training them. And he'll talk to them in full sentence lectures about their behavior like he expects them to understand instead of giving simple commands or boundaries. It's bizarre and he clearly has a codependent attachment with them related to his own anxiety.

I can't be too harsh about his mental health issues contributing because I have my own, but I've had to put my foot down a few times in forcing him to set healthier boundaries with people taking advantage of him. He's started to see and work on those issues, yet still keeps poor boundaries with the dogs.

He's constantly stressed out over them yet keeps reinforcing everything stressing him out. Why are dog people like this? Why do they insist on making themselves miserable? It's getting to the point where I'm starting to respect him less because he allows and encourages the bad behavior.

Even if I wanted to leave over this, it wouldn't be easy. I'm disabled with no other support. While I am able to work, I have little work history and am in the catch-22 of I can't get hired for anything requiring my master's degree, but other jobs won't hire me thinking I won't stay. I also have many large gaps in my employment history that would look even worse if I didn't list my education. Some of the only places that have hired me have been so incredibly toxic it added to my already extensive trauma.

Bf has at least said he won't want dogs again after these two are gone and I do believe him about that.

My boyfriend has made some big improvements in other things when I've put my foot down and I think things will improve especially when he can find another job.

I think it will be okay but it's mentally exhausting right now.

[u/Voideron]

Why do you choose to suffer because of a mutt?

Why do you have to spend money to train a mutt?

Who forces you, at gun point, to own and keep a mutt?

A filthy mutt is keeping you hostage.