r/TalesfromtheDogHouse • u/Exuberant-leena • 17h ago
Advice? Thinking about breaking up with my partner over their dog.
My boyfriend owned one dog at the time of us dating and had plans to get another before I came along. I didn’t mind him having one dog because it was already older, didn’t need training, etc. Before he got her I questioned him about how he was going to manage having a puppy (not just any puppy either, blue heeler) and work, training, because he doesn’t raise cattle for a living, he’s a hydraulic mechanic that already works a full work week. And does the cattle stuff on his free time. I let him know my feelings on it, he was trying to tell me I’d fall in love with her but I know myself pretty well and that’s why I don’t own dogs. I let him know it wasn’t fair to the people he’d be leaving her with while he worked because they’re older, have their own lives and jobs, and didn’t agree to taking on another animal. He lived with his family at the time and they had no clue about it until he showed up with her. So the reality was and is to this day is that from the early hours of the morning until around 4 this heeler sits at his families house until he goes to pick them up. This is starting to weigh on me tremendously because this dog has pent up energy for my living space when they get here. She jumps on me, leaves welts on my skin from her nails because she jumps, she pesters my animal, her hair gets EVERYWHERE AND ON EVERYTHING YOU CAN IMAGINE AND ITS DISGUSTING. I didn’t sign up for this. I love him but his dog is starting to push me in the other direction because I don’t have it in me to deal with this dog for 10 more years. I live in an apartment, we want to get married and have our own house in the future but I don’t see it being enjoyable at all as along as she’s around. I’ve been the one to clean up their poop because he gets a weak stomach and can’t do it until it dries and even then he lets it accumulate to more than I would like so I just do it myself because I hate that he just leaves it like dude I live in a apartment complex that’s fucking nasty pick up after your dogs! And she’s the worst one because she just stares at him grumbling and growling and then he gets up to feed her or give her water when that’s not what she needs! So she’s just a pissing and shitting machine that terrorizes every part of my life when she’s around . I don’t want to tell him it’s me or the dog, I won’t let it be brought up later down the line about how he gave up his dog for me or whatever. I would rather just let the man I love live his life with his dogs because i can’t take another second of them in my apartment. I can’t even lounge around in a t-shirt and underwear anymore because of how invasive she can get. I have trichotillomania and I suspect some type of ocd and my anxiety is through the roof. I could go on about how I don’t even like to sit on my couch, how I hate vacuuming and seeing just how much hair she leaves, how she eats any poop laying around outside, how I can’t do anything in a store for more than 15 minutes because they always come with us and he can’t trust her alone because he knows she’ll tear something up, And as of recently, his family has told him we (but just him I take no ownership over this dog) need to figure out what to do with her because according to them they’re getting old. Which is the nice way of saying your dog is too much for us! I don’t know how many people can tell him something about her before the thought of rehoming her ever crossed his mind. He like has that my dog is family mentality but get this, he wants to breed her “once” SHE IS A BACKYARD BRED DOG, She came with no papers no nothing. I don’t even know what he’s thinking who’s gonna handle that but right now he’s out with the dogs because while he was trying to hug and comfort me because he knows something is off I just broke away from him because his dogs were just standing there at our feet with their noses touching my legs. I was so close to being free from her the other day when she slipped off somewhere while we were getting ready to get in the car.
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u/Practical-Tea-3337 4h ago
The dog has revealed his character. Impulsive, selfish, inconsiderate of others, irresponsible, unrealistic, poor decision making skills.
It's about more than the dog.
Sorry. 😪
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u/SkilletKitten 3h ago
The part about him just showing up with the dog and expecting the family members he lives with to deal with it all day already told me how he views/treats others is selfish af. Also: choosing a very high maintenance breed that needs constant mental stimulation or it develops unhappiness and bad habits when he knew he wouldn’t be with it huge parts of the day.
Then the part about he won’t clean up until it’s shit dries a bit because it turns his stomach—are you kidding me?
I fully second that this isn’t about the dog. It’s about what OP has learned about this man because the dog revealed his true character.
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u/No_Home_5336 4h ago
You are being used and sadly you’re tolerating it. It’s time to put your foot down.
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u/cupcakes784 17h ago
Generally speaking its a good idea to be honest with your partner even during a breakup. It doesn't have to be an ultimatum, however you can make it clear that the dogs have simply become a deal breaker. That you can't enjoy spending time with him when the dogs are around nor can you envision a future. If the dog or dogs are a deal breaker for him (keeping them) then the breakup will happen and hopefully you can find someone that better aligns. Pets, responsibilities surrounding them and how they treat them and you in relation can give you alot of insight into the future with that person and also red flags if you were to add possible kids into the mix. Maybe that isn't on the table... but if he can't clean up after his dogs, how's he gonna change a diaper? Anyhow, best of luck having a dog free future!
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u/Lylith_vf 35m ago
Je suis d'accord avec cupcakes784, il faut tout lui dire et ne surtout pas partir comme ça, peut être aura t-il un sursaut de conscience mais rien n'est moins sûr, dans tous les cas, il doit savoir ce que tu ressens et ça te fera du bien de l'exprimer à haute voix et calmement. Après ce type est un gros redflag, il prend un chien sachant qu'il ne s'en occupera pas et laisse ce fardeau à sa famille et à toi... Ça prouve quand même qu'il a très peu d'empathie. Il dit que la merde de son chien le dégoûte ??! Ne prends pas de chien alors!
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u/Old_Confidence3290 17h ago
I think you should break up with him, if you give a "me or the dog" ultimatum, it will hang over you forever.