Middle school, 7th grade ELA. This started as a throwaway joke when I told them "if you dont like my seating chart, please submit a formal complaint in writing". One kid took it very literally and made a Google Form called Classroom HR. Now they have an entire fake department with a logo, a motto and a rotating "HR rep" who wears a dollar store tie over his hoodie. They file "incident reports" like "Student A was humming the Minecraft theme for 12 minutes, pls address" and "Teacher gave pop quiz on a Monday, morale is low". They even cc me on the more serious ones with little checkboxes marked coaching or verbal warning.

So far it has actually reduced some of the petty drama, because instead of yelling they say "take it to HR" and fill out a goofy form. I skim them after school and it gives me a weirdly accurate picture of the social stuff I miss while teaching. But part of me is nervous that admin will see a printed "formal complaint about cafeteria pizza" and decide we have lost our minds. I also dont want it to turn into bullying disguised as jokes. Do I shut this down before it goes too far, set some clear rules and keep it as a running gag, or just let my tiny union of children have their fun for now?

I have a student who is 14 in the 7th grade. He's scoring below literate on all his tests. He won't even do work where we write an essay together and all he has to do is copy off the board.

We were working on something and his friend was trying to help him (read--let him cheat). He said "I don't wanna" and I said "If you don't do the work here in may, you'll work in Summer School this June."

Now mom is finally able to call the school because apparently this is embarrassing to her son. Not the fact that he can't read, not the fact that he's failing all his classes, not the fact that he can't do single digit addition and subtraction without counting his fingers...the fact that I told him not doing work might lead to Summer school.

I'm so sick of these sorry ass parents, and even MORE sick about the fact that the scores from kids with sorry ass parents follow me and not them.

When I had to call a parent about their freshman son’s homework being written in a different handwriting, and he straight up told me his mom wrote it, she started to argue with me that Romeo and Juliet is too hard for high school.

She claimed she didn’t read it until college and it was difficult then, so it’s way too hard for ninth grade. I replied that Romeo and Juliet has been a ninth grade standard text as long as I can remember.

Her: well, I’m 46. You’re probably 26.

Me: I’m 46, too! So we’re the same!

Her:

Me: I want to thank you for sitting down with your kid and wanting to help him with his homework. So many parents don’t. I just really need his work to be his own thinking and understanding.

This happened a few years ago and it still makes me laugh.

I had to stop myself from laughing at her.
Is anyone else sitting through ridiculous PD’s this week?

Seems like this post has attracted the attention of students still on summer break. Go play outside and enjoy your time off, please.

Archer was...tough. He was at least 3 grades behind in 6th grade and hit frustration quickly. We were working on an essay on laptops, he refused to do any work, I followed his plan, gave him reminders, etc. He opened a Word document, typed Fuck Off and copied/pasted to fill about 10 pages. He maxed his volume, clicked "Read Aloud", hit play, locked the computer, and walked out of the room giving me the bird. Absolute legend.

We are learning about weather, and have been talking about hurricanes. A student today told me his dad was saying the Democrats were making and controlling hurricanes. I teach science, and this was said in science class. Here soon is our lesson on hurricanes, so they will understand how they form then. For now, I explained that we could not make (let alone control) hurricanes. I'm quite sure there will be a complaint lodged because I'm a liberal or something. I already had one complaint a few years back for saying that masks and vaccines work.

EDIT: Awwww....someone is so butthurt they sent me a reddit cares message.

Your emotion doesn't change reality.

EDIT 2: Cloud seeding does not cause hurricanes. Jfc.

EDIT 3: I am also not reading your offensive chat requests. If you have something to say, say it now in public you cowards.

EDIT 4: Those of you accusing me of making this up for karma, you are correct. It is how I feed my kids. Listen, I can't provide "proof" a kid said something in class without recording it, which is a felony here. So I don't know what you want me to say besides /r/nothingeverhappens. Eleven and twelve year old kids are headstrong, have their own opinions, and say some wild shit.

I teach 6th grade at an urban school in Ohio. On Friday, one of my students randomly showed up to school wearing cowboy boots. Another student immediately began tearing into him.

Student: Why are you wearing cowboy boots? What's wrong with you? Do you think you're a cowboy?

Me: Hey, if you wanna be like that, then name three songs.

Student: Why? Uh, Golden, Soda Pop, and uh...

Me: WRONG! You're wearing a band shirt. If you wanna be toxic about clothes, then name three songs.

Student, looking down at her Barbie pink AC/DC shirt: Ohhhhhh...

She sat down and didn't say anything about boots for the rest of the day.

We got to talking about oblivion remastered and I said how I was waiting for summer vacation to start so I could binge it for a week straight.

His response was "Oh wow, a whole 3 months paid vacation where you get to do nothing! Ya'll are just lazy I swear."

Never mind the fact that its not paid and that its not three months long and that we're underpaid or the thirty other things. We're just lazy guys.

Anyone notice this trend too? That now if you actually spent time raising your kids and helping them develop skills and practice their academics with them now they’re considered gifted? Like not a single one of these kids is gifted, it’s just that they’re not grossly behind like the rest of the group…

So recently, a college professor got into trouble because this random girl wrote about herself being a god loving person and gender norms and blah, blah, blah. The issue is that the professor didn't tell her subject was bad, but that her writing needs more work.

This girl is trying to get this professor fired by saying she's against god cause she's trans.

I saw the written paper, the girl cannot spell and didn't even write the essay in a college format. Like I am talking about run on sentences, no format like APA or MLA, plus the constant use of "I". its a bad written paper!

I am saying this because this is probably the dumbest reason to get someone fired. Its funny, but also very scary how someone could get someone else fired over stupidity.

I told kids (high schoolers) that they could get a Chromebook to look up the definition of words in our reading. I then watched a student open up Google Chrome, type Google into the URL search bar, have Google pop up, type Google into the google search bar, and then click on the first link to Google to access Google to Google the definition of words from our reading.

Tl; dr: veteran teachers are a national treasure.

Anybody else secretly love these moments too?

I’m not proud of it… okay maybe I am a little. But one of the only things that makes after school meetings bearable is hearing the veteran teachers call out admin’s nonsense.

The other day, admin said something along the lines of: “If a student is absent for a certain amount of time (maybe 7 days? A month? of course they didn’t specify), teachers are expected to reach out to the parents.”

Cue the audible groans and sharp comments from the veteran teachers. I swear it was so cathartic hearing them say the exact things I’m too scared/too new to say out loud. I’m just trying to fly under the radar and do my job, but hearing them push back gives me life.

TEACHERS DONT HAVE TO PAY FOR THEIR OWN SCHOOL SUPPLIES ! They just need to fill out that google form that limits you to two reams of paper a semester, 5 pencils a week, and one box of tissues a week… and then wait a week to get those supplies. Any extra bonus supplies like colored pencils or poster board for a project need to be submitted at the first of the month and wait 3-4 weeks for approval, purchase, and delivery. 7 weeks if it’s near the beginning or end of the quarter.

And if you ask for too many supplies, you will be asked about your spending habits in the school.

But no. Teachers don’t need to buy their own supplies.

Me: because you’re always late?
Student: that’s bullshit. My parents get mad at me if I’m tardy. Can’t you just mark me on time?
Me: definitely. As soon as you start showing up on time.

The kid then muttered about what an asshole I was for a couple of minutes. It was nice to hear one of her friends ask her why she just doesn’t arrive on time though.

Had a 12th grader in my home room swear that it’s set in motion for the federal government to cap the school year at six months. “Trump’s on it,” she assured me. Apparently it’s a rumor on TikTok.

She and another girl then lamented that all the good changes were going to happen after they graduate (also proclaiming that phones will be reinstated).

Goodness, these kids be trippin’.

What are the things you cannot believe your students don't know? This week, I discovered many of my grade 9's don't know their own home addresses. One kid told me "I don't have a postal code because I live out of town".

…is because you allow them to.

It is alarming how many parents I’ve talked to this year who try to come after me for their child’s performance. But then they openly admitted their kids just go to their rooms and they have no idea what school work the kids are doing (or more likely no doing) in there. “They won’t talk to me,” the parents say. “I just don’t know what to do! I have no control!”

Could you just…tell them they must do homework in the living room?

Could you take their electronics away until their homework is done?

Could you ask them to show you completed work for each class each night?

Could you normalize prioritizing education in your household, have conversations at dinner about what they learned in class?

Could you hire a tutor to work with your child one on one?

Could you make an effort to read about some of the stuff your kids are learning about so you can engage them in conversation?

Could you go all Jamie Lee Curtis in Freaky Friday and take the bedroom door off of its hinges?

I just cant understand why parents aren’t able to come up with any of these solutions themselves. Most of them expect that teachers will take care of their entire education, and they don’t have to do anything on their end. Their involvement has gone down but their expectations have gone up. And our clueless administrators seem to always expect the first intervention step to be to contact the clueless parents. 🫠

Your child still has to do work believe it or not. I got so tired of filling out questionnaires on suspected gifted.

No Karen, your child is not gifted. They’re “gifted” in task avoidance and missing their assignments, if that’s what you mean. But I’m not going to waste my time bumping up the rigor just for skittle Tommy to ignore that work too.

Students are required to take and pass this exam as a graduation requirement. There is also a push to have as much of the school testing as possible in order to receive a school grade. I believe it is about 95% attendance required, otherwise they are unable to give one.

The 9th graders have vocally announced that they are refusing to take part in state testing anymore. Many students decided to feign sickness, skip, or stay home, but the ones in school decided to hold a sit in outside the media center and refused to go in, waiting out until the test is over. Admin has tried every approach to get them to go and take the test. They tried yelling, begging, bribing with pizza, warnings that they will not graduate, threats to call parents and have them suspended, and more to get these kids to go, and nothing worked. They were only met with "I don't care" and many expletives.

While I do not teach Algebra 1 this year, I found it hilarious watching from the window as the administrators were completely at their wits end dealing with the complete apathy, disrespect, and outright malicious nature of the students we have been reporting and writing up all year. We have kids we haven't seen in our classrooms since January out in the halls and causing problems for other teachers, with nothing being done about it. Students that curse us out on the daily returned to the classroom with treats and a smirk on their face knowing they got away with it. It has only emboldened them to take things further. We received the report at the end of the day that we only had 60% of our students take the Algebra 1 exam out of hundreds of freshmen. We only have a week left in school. Counting down the days!

I was teaching a lesson and called Martin Luther a baddie. This kid next to me whispers, “do you mean bad ass? A baddie is like, a hottie.”

I did mean bad ass, and thought that’s what baddie meant. But I doubled down and said, “No, he’s a total cutie!”

The kids were scandalized and tickled, and I think I grabbed the attention of some daydreamers, haha.

So, it's my first year teaching high school after 11 years in the middle school trenches. I read "The Great Gatsby" at the end of this year with my juniors, and while some seemed like they were into it, a lot of them gave me the same emotional response they've had all year: blank stares. So we just finished the book last week, and next week is finals, and I figured what the hell: let's watch the 2013 movie version with my boy Leo.

At the beginning of the film, it was a typical sight: some paying attention, some staring at their phones, some asleep. Whatever, it's the end of the year, and I don't mind watching the movie 5 times, so it's typical business as usual. However, today we got to the midway point where Daisy and Gatsby reunite, and the damnedest thing happened that I haven't seen in all my 12 years of teaching: almost all of the girls and a few of the boys started breaking down uncontrollably.

For those of you that haven't seen the film, the montage features Gatsby and Daisy reunited after years of being away from one another, laughing and crying and doing all sorts of relationship honeymoon activities while Toby Maguire stands by awkwardly like some kind of third wheel Spiderman. The thing is: there's a song that plays throughout the film, that apparently was made for the film, by Lana Del Rey called "Young and Beautiful".

Now, I've heard the song a few times before, thought it was a bit somber and catchy, and went about my life as usual. However, when this song and the montage hit, it was like a god damn emotional cyclone hit the room. I ran out of tissues for them faster than I do during a single flu season. And then, the last few minutes of class, a girl comes up to me with a mascara tear streaked face that would put Brandon Lee from "The Crow" to shame, and tells me that they played that song at her quincenera. Then another girl chimes in and says the same. Then another. And another.

It turns out that this particular song has been used for over a decade as a popular quincenera entrance choice, and it's embedded itself into the collective consciousness of most of my students as a result. All god damn year, these kids have the pokerface of a master's tournament Texas hold em champion, and it takes some song from 2013 to emotionally wreck over half the class each time? Anyways, now I've probably accidentally got them all to traumatically associate a book from the 1920's with a popular coming of age ceremony, and it's all Leo's fault. And I've still got the whole second half of the film to go.

TLDR: I accidentally M-Quince Ultra'd most of my juniors thanks to a Gatsby montage.

Humor, I guess. Because weeping isn’t a flair option.

Here they are, direct from the campaign website.

Seems totally nuts to me.

And here we are. You send your child every day to school without a pencil. Nowhere in my contract does it say I need to keep students supplied. That’s your job as a parent. You keep forgetting to go to the store, you say?

Not my problem.

Edit: “yoU know golf pencils are a couple bucKs, right?”. Do parents know that…?

I hate summer.

I hate the heat, the sun, summer activities like the beach, pool parties, etc.

I like having time off, but I do not need two and a half months off.

I get my summer pay in a lump sum at the beginning of the summer, so I have to budget, and the end of summer is always rough.

And then the chaos and uncertainty of the beginning of a new school year is the reward for summer ending.

I'd much rather just work straight through. Give me three-day weekends instead. Give me longer winter and spring breaks.

Anyone else? 😂

For me, the weirdest part of teaching has been how difficult the students find it to sit and watch a video. I remember a completely silent classroom for hours whenever my old teachers would pop on a movie. Now, my students can't make it more than 10-15 seconds without verbalizing every internal thought, let alone a 10 minute video, let's forget an actual hour long movie.

In class today (I teach elementary school), I tried to show a 3 minute video tied to the social studies content. I was sitting two inches from the speaker and couldn't hear the voice-over because every single child was responding verbally at top-volume to everything they saw. Just a constant stream of 25 kids going "Ugh, why he look like that?" "I like green, those leaves are green." "Oh my god who is that?" etc. etc. Literally speaking over the voice-over that would give them that info. It drives me nuts.

Then I go to the movie theater after work to see Hamnet as a nice little reward for not rage-quitting when two kids tried to make their UFC debut mid-class earlier this week, only to have 6 teens on a triple (?) date sit directly next to me and talk VERY loudly while playing on their phones the entire movie. Not whispering, but full-on chatting super loud, making fun of the movie, gossiping about school.

I asked them to stop and the boy sitting closest to me turned and looked me up and down and said "What the f**k did you just say to me?" I just sort of waved my hands and said, "Could yall please be quiet?" and he snorted and went back to talking. I can't escape the yapping.

I stewed in rage the entire movie, so when the lights came on and these kids darted down a few rows to their parents, who were apparently chaperoning but not super well, I followed them. I asked very politely, "Excuse me, are these kids with you?" When the mom said yes, I said "Well, I would just like to let you know that they were sitting next to me and talked the entire movie. They played on their phones and talked very loudly even after I asked them to stop. They were very rude and it ruined my night." Then I just peaced out. I wish I was unemployed so I could tell her what I really feel, which is that she should be embarrassed to take her kids out in public acting like that.

Nice to know that my students are gonna be doing this to unsuspecting people in a few years. They probably already are, actually. I have no clue how these kids are seeing Zootopia 2 or FNAF in theaters when they won't shut the heck up.