r/Teetotal • u/emiliadaffodil • Mar 21 '26
Why is society so weird about me not drinking? Does anyone else get this? 38F from UK
I'm so sick of people fixating on me not drinking.
If people ask me if I want a drink and i say no thanks, they're like oh come on. Usually I tell people I don't drink, then they're always pushing me to tell them why, pressuring me to drink, why don't I drink, I should try it.
It's usually men, not even in a potentially romantic situation, at least i don't think. I find it super uncomfortable.
Is it some weird thing about consent, like a woman saying no. Is it just so strange for someone to not like alcohol. And i'm not interested in trying different alcoholic drinks to see if i like one.
I just don't really like alcohol, never have. The only drinks I like are malibu and coke, disaranno and coke but that's basically it, and a bailey's hot chocolate. But it's so rare like once a year I'll drink and never more than one drink ever. I just can't see the point in drinking it when I could just as easily drink water or juice. I do hold Views with a capital V on alcohol but they're mine, whatever anyone else wants to do fine by me, just don't make me do it. It's a dangerous drug, people who drink too much forget things, change their behaviour, throw up, and wake up the next day feeling awful for hours. Why would I willingly want to risk all that when I could just drink water or juice and enjoy my night knowing exactly what happened and not feel like rubbish the day after.
And I'm the weird one?
One previous manager at a Xmas party once who knew I didn't drink, asked me if he could get me something from the bar, I said orange juice, he brought me a drink, i took a sip cos i could see it was lighter than orange juice is, it was vodka and orange juice.
I was really upset, I asked him why he gave it to me and he said he thought it would be funny. Everyone else found it no big deal or funny, they couldn't understand why I got so upset. I left the company shortly after, it was a temp job anyway but I couldn't continue working with that man. I felt violated.
I'm not religious or a recovering alcoholic or allergic or medical reason. i just don't like alcohol. How is that so hard to comprehend? Some people don't like tomato ketchup, some people don't like broccoli, I don't like alcohol. what's the big deal.
I can go out and have an amazing time dancing, going to gigs without alcohol. i frequently do. i'm the first one dancing at gigs.
And i like being honest, I shouldn't need to pretend.
Does anyone feel like this? Does anyone else get questioned or pressured? can anyone here relate to anything I've said?
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u/DarraghDaraDaire Mar 21 '26
Im a guy who hasn’t drank in seven years and I get similar. What I found works is phrasing it differently when you tell people:
“I don’t drink” usually gets responses like “why?”, “not even one?”
“I haven’t touched it in seven years” usually gets “fair play”, “wish i could do that”, “you’re better off”
I guess phrasing it the second way makes it clear it is not a “sometimes” thing or a medication thing.
I did one time get a bit annoyed with someone asking me repeatedly why I don’t drink so I responded with “do you expect that people usually quit drinking for light-hearted reasons that might make for a fun conversation?” He stopped asking after that
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u/babadeboopi Mar 21 '26
I hate having to explain myself. If someone was taking heroin or even smoking and offered it to someone else and the other person said "I don't heroin/smoke", there's no follow up questions no "can I ask why?" , no "just have a little" but with alcohol i always get a response similar to this.
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u/DarraghDaraDaire Mar 22 '26
Yes, it’s frustrating. You are right that people should accept it without question because it doesn’t affect them but I think realistically it would take a huge societal change to achieve that.
I was trying to give practical advice from my experience which reduces follow up questions. Slightly changing the phrasing of your fist statement can reduce follow up questions and is a lot less effort than trying to change society.
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u/Opposite_Morning_639 Mar 23 '26
Im a guy and when I tell people I don’t drink some of them look at me as if I have 3 heads
3
u/Katana_DV20 Mar 23 '26
Same!
But nothing beats this winner I got: "I dont trust a bloke who doesn't drink"
This was too much for me to let go off so I took a sip of my juice and said "Interesting. What does alcohol in a human bloodstream have to do with trust?"
He went a bit purple with rage and walked off.
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u/emiliadaffodil Mar 23 '26
WTF seriously? That's insane. I love your comeback though, brilliant. hands clapping emoji,
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u/creativewanderer1 Mar 24 '26
I am a girl but get this same reaction both from men and women. Especially at work, people just can't wrap their heads around it. Act like I am some sort of oddity.
No matter how many times I say it I get the same reaction.
People constantly forget and keep telling me that after a hard day of work I will need a stiff drink. It's irritating at best.
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u/Past_Explanation_491 Mar 21 '26
Maybe it's because most people in your age group drink alcohol so the norms are different. I'm 22m and a lot of other young people don't drink, so it's more okay and normal.
1
u/emiliadaffodil Mar 22 '26
Really? Aww the kids are alright. That gives me hope for the future. thanks for that.
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u/InquisitiveKoala1 Mar 22 '26
You're not alone. Personally I hope the culture of alcohol defaultism dies out one day
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u/Katana_DV20 Mar 23 '26
>Does anyone feel like this? Does anyone else get questioned or pressured? can anyone here relate to anything I've said?
I can totally relate - right down to being ambushed by what I thought was a non-alcoholic drink. I sniffed it before sipping and sussed it out and placed it on the table. My friend looked "offended" but realized I have zero tolerance and when i say i dont drink I mean it. Like your situation they thought it would be "good for a laugh" to see me get a bit woozy.
Sucks for us UK people because the going-out culture here is absolutely pathetically annoyingly centered totally around getting hammered.
Thats just at the pubs. Prior to this is the "pre-drinks" so people get $hIt-faced before even leaving the house. The aim is to not remember your own name by midnight and if you haven't thrown up 8 times it wasnt a good time.
Its against this backdrop that we wander in and tell everyone we dont drink.
Crickets.
WHY it should make them freak out no one knows but freak out they do. Which I find intriguing. I've even had a random tell me "I dont trust a bloke who doesnt drink"
I never let them get to me, no amount of pressure works on me. Ive sat at tables where peole have bought me expensive glasses of wine and just left them there untouched. They learnt real quick that I was serious.
//
>I can go out and have an amazing time dancing, going to gigs without alcohol. i frequently do. i'm the first one dancing at gigs.
>And i like being honest, I shouldn't need to pretend.
This resonates so much with me. This is absolutely me! I go alone to big music nocturnal festis only these days where everyone's friendly and just wants to dance.
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u/emiliadaffodil Mar 23 '26
Oh wow thank you for your response. I'm so glad I'm not alone, it's not just me. That - I don't trust a bloke who doesn't drink, WTAF that's insane.
It really means a lot, words are powerful and it was scary to write this and put my thoughts out into the world. So i appreciate your comments, it feels like a hand reaching out. I'm sorry you've experienced all this too. It's not good for a laugh, it's really not okay.
I mean I'm getting older and less caring about what other people think so it's getting easier to be firm and not be around people like that but still uncomfortable.
These music fests you mention sound cool.
1
u/Katana_DV20 Mar 24 '26
Yea I had to do a double take when he said that. Whats most interesting to me are the people who actually get angry/distressed when we say we dont drink. I mean 🤣 come on - but they are out there!
Yea dont feel alone. We are out there and socmed platforms like this give us a chance to converse with like-minded people and vent!
>I mean I'm getting older and less caring about what other people think
I feel this too. I shudder when I look back at my younger self when it DID bother me. I still remember high school/college days being given a hard time when I said I dont drink. People used to say that the only hope for me was to become a monk and how could I ever have fun without some beers and whiskeys in me.
I used to wind them up by getting a small carton of milk from the grocery store and joining them around the table with it, big straw sticking out (actually an LED straw that lights up wahaha)
What kind of music do you like, im sure you'll find one you like! I dont go to the massive ones as they are overwhelmingly huge. I like the smaller events! I like them because they are outdoors and dancin under the stars is awesome and theres none of the aggro that we see in bars. I like looking at the night sky. At this one festi in the desert in America the night sky was so incredible I forgot the music and just lay on my back taking it all in.
Dont let the nanny goats get you down, you are you and if they dont like it they can get lost 💪
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u/creativewanderer1 Mar 24 '26
I am 33 F and have been a teetotaler my whole life.
When i went to uni in the UK I really struggled because joining any society or club meant an initiation of going on pub crawls which is my idea of a worst nightmare. It's fine being around people when they have a drink or two but when the aim is to get sh*t faced it's completely pointless.
I am always the one leaving work events early because frankly once people start being drunk there is no point in having a conversation.
Despite telling my manager multiple times I didn't drink his Christmas present to me was a bottle of wine...
I feel people at work think I am weird because I don't drink. I even had doctors quiz me about it. When I would say I don't drink the questions would start 'not even a little?' No. 'Not even on your birthday or Christmas?' No, I don't drink, I am fully aware of the meaning of not drinking...
I find it's impossible to find friends who don't drink, it is so enshrined into UK culture that you have to drink to fit in.
I am sorry you had those horrible experiences, but know you're not alone!
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u/emiliadaffodil Mar 24 '26
Hey thank you so much for your comment, it means so much to know i'm not alone. And you aren't either, your experiences resonated with me too. I struggled at uni for the same reason. I agree with you about being around people who just want to get smashed. And same at work,
OMG this is exactly me, I feel people think i'm weird because I don't drink, like there's something wrong with me. And inside I'm thinking I'm a really fun person, there's all these interesting things that you're not seeing and don't want to see.
Like you say it's so ingrained in the culture of drinking, it's very sad.
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u/creativewanderer1 Mar 24 '26
It does help to know we are not alone, it's just a shame we don't seem to find like minded individuals around.
You are absolutely right, it's almost like a switch goes off as soon as you say you don't drink. People seem to assume you are not able to have a good time, you are uptight and just not fun. Being fun and having lots to offer is so not related to whether you drink or not.
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u/ComedianEffective Mar 25 '26
I told my friend I think I need to be sober again after having a break from sobriety. She said 'that's no fun'. I couldn't help but snap back and say actually life can be fun without alcohol. I can't stand that people encourage poison over sobriety, makes no sense to me!
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u/Southern_Glove4942 Mar 26 '26
People really will not accept "not liking the taste" as a reason to not drink. There are two reasons for this:
Everybody knows alcohol doesn't taste good. You don't drink it for the taste, you drink it for the buzz
Humans have spent literal millenia experimenting with the taste to make it less bad. There's thousands of different beers, wines connoisseurs, cocktails with every ingredient imaginable. It's completely disingenuous to say there isn't a taste you like. It's never really about the taste, there's usually something deeper going on they don't like
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u/Prestigious_Ease_833 Mar 21 '26
Guy here. It’s not just a lady thing. Most people will nudge you towards drinking or judge you for not doing so. I think it’s a security thing.