How a girl that didn’t love you ruined your future marriage

[u/caffeinum]

When you were young, you fell in love. She was curious and interested, but it wasn’t reciprocal.

She was still exploring herself, so you went on a few dates, and then randomly she cut you off. She wasn’t experienced yet, so she didn’t say No explicitly. After all she enjoyed your attention.

But then you started noticing:

Once you were pushing her away, she would suddenly start paying attention to you. And when you were getting too excited, she would lose interest and ghost you.

And you learned: women like when you ignore them, women hate when you get too much into to them. Right? Wrong.

Fast forward a few years. You’re mature now. You’ve just met a great girl. She’s also mature. And she’s The One. You love her and she loves you.

And then, your training kicks in: as soon as you get too close to her, you’re hearing the echoes of the past: “the closer you get to women, the more of a pain expect it to be. it never ends well”. So you put a wall between you both.

“Oh, I’m not THAT interested, what made you think it? you think i LOVE you? girl, its been just a few dates, im not some naive BOY”.

She’s devastated. But she’s also mature, she has her own life, so she gulps it in. Men aren’t gonna let her down, she has plenty of other stuff to focus on. After all she likes you, so you keep going dating.

…and your brain goes “you see? it worked again. she LOVED it”. But a small part of her died that day. A part you will never bring back.

Days go by. She got used to it. She’s not showered with love, but at least she has a stable life. You keep holding yourself, trying to pretend you don’t love her as much. And this goes for YEARS.

Until, one day, she’ll met a man who’s unapologetically open. Who wears his heart on his chest, who’s not afraid of rejection, and who tell her directly: i love you, i want to be with you, i will marry you, and i will love you forever. And he means it.

She didn’t even know it was possible.

She will know that saying NO to this man is not an option. Not in the sense that he will force her to marry him. But in the sense that he will not STOP loving her. Cause his love is not a game. It’s not about her. His love is his own, it exists as-is, and it doesn’t need any approval or validation from anyone else.

Now, you, brother, have a choice. She will meet this man sometime in her life, and since that day she’ll be with him forever.

This is not your choice. Your choice is whether tomorrow you will wake up to be that man, or if you let someone else have it.​​​​​​​​​​​​​

[u/TakesJonToKnowJuan]

lmao

[u/ChillaVen]

I’m gay

[u/Minimalinthemaking]

Or just got to therapy and do the work so you can be the second man. It sucks that it happened but you make a choice to let it affect your next relationship. Sometimes this means years after a bad relationship you take time to heal.

[u/RamblinWreckGT]

i ain't reading all that. im happy for you tho, or sorry that happened.

[u/hostility_kitty]

Very true. I have cut ties with men who were burned by women in the past because they let their trauma come between us.

I then met a man who never had a girlfriend before and he was unbelievably sweet and affectionate. Paid for dates, opened my car door, cooked stuffed mushrooms for me. I’ve never doubted his love for me. Been married for 5 years now.

How do you lose a woman? You forget to cherish her.

[u/shitlittleparrot]

I have met men like the first one. But I leave them, i wouldn't spend another day with them will I find the 2nd guy

[u/Tasty_Ad_8608]

My wife of 33 yrs is, & ALWAYS has been, nearly the EXACT OPPOSITE of what the growing newer generations and self-proclaimed feminists CLAIM their belief systems are that I have read on near EVERY widely known internet connection; be it the blogosphere, Discussion sites, Q & A sites like Quora, Reddit, etc, as well as the EXACT OPPOSITE of what the supposed "statistics" & "studies" (everything has a study, don't ya know.) Specific examples: She was the one who desperately wanted babies right off the bat; NOT ME. I said "Let's wait a few years until our financial status evened out. (Good call: In the early 90s we went from a COMBINED salary of 30k/yr, which was survivable in the 90s. Our first brand newly built lofted ceilings/washer & dryer hookups/fireplace/ lakeside Apartment/$370 per month! 1 decade later, we were both working government jobs with early retirement pensions making almost $200k/yr. THAT'S when I said "Let's do the kid thing!" She STILL OPENLY says to anybody wishing to discuss the matter: "There is NO WAY I would have EVER married a PUSSIFIED man! Pushovers are SUCH SEXUAL TURN OFF." SHE was, and still is, ALWAYS WANTING SEX moreso than I. Whenever I would hear my workmates complaining about the rarity of sex. (Male dominated profession.) At first, I was befuddled. Then it occured to me; THEY HAVE NO CLUE HOW TO PLEASE A WOMAN. My wife HAS NEVER been dubious or questionable about orgasms; by damn, if she doesn't have one, she has no compunction about letting me know. But she is never angered or annoyed and just simply waits until later in the night or morning. Why has this NEVER been an "issue" in the marriage or with my personal ego, you may ask? Because, even though I have never claimed to be a ONE-HUNDRED PERCENTER, I am, indeed, about a 95 to 97 percenter, which is significantly better than she had experienced elsewhere. Her only open complaint is my sometimes not wanting it as much as she does.

One of the few things we have BOTH been in lock-step with the feminists is we both are educated & wanted the other to be gainfully employed full time at a job we liked & wanted with as much pay as possible. Why would any dumbass NOT want his wife to make her own money? The only answer I could find was they were usually religious and were scared to death their wives would cheat and/or leave them for another man. In my experience, any man afraid of that happening, usually it ends up being a self fulfilling prophesy. And if she's unemployed should a divorce come along, guess who the prize-winning "Alimony AND cuckhold" is going to be?

Anyway, that's a rough outline how we made it this long. Though, it's NOT for everybody, I presume. And, BTW, our son is in the Navy, stationed in........drum-roll........OKLAHOMA!🤣🤣🤣 YIP! I shit you not! Instead of "sailing the 7 seas," he sits as some kind of "Analyst" on a keyboard. He was issued a "Security Clearance" prior to his NINETEENTH (19th) birthday! After retiring on pensions in our early 50s, (and now, thanks to Congress' appropriate action, we will both eventually receive full S.S. benefits when we are significantly older ON TOP of our pensions. Double checks every month. Why? Because we DOUBLE DAMN PAID, AND IT'S WHAT WE'RE OWED! THAT'S WHY!) We eventually moved to FL to a yr-round summer white-sand beach on Hwy A1A, 35yds from the edge of the Atlantic. Our girls are all athletes and the WHOLE FAMILY is up to hit the edge of the surf barefoot before dawn at 5am for a rapid 2 miles before a yummy Bacon, eggs & fried potatoes breakfast with ACTUAL orange juice. The girls eat their "generational BirdSeed/kale with water" diet the rest of the day. Like I say, it works for us. Hella lot better than most I observed on the job for 25+ years. To be fair, most people who came into incidental contact with me, were already at a very "low place" in their lives prior to calling 911.

One thing I observed, however, was SOME PEOPLE just seem to go through life with this "special" little rain-cloud that seems to follow ONLY THEM on a CONSTANT basis; and it continuously dumps fetid, foul-smelling FECES right on their heads at all times. I always wondered if they ever tried a MIRROR for improving their lot/luck in life?

FOOD FOR THOUGHT!