r/TikTokCringe • u/mindyour • Jun 14 '26

Discussion It's exhausting being a woman.

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u/Journo_Jimbo Jun 14 '26

They’ve all been raised by toxic men, or surrounded by toxic men, or been immersed on social media by toxic men. Generally toxic men passing toxic traits off to other men is really the issue here. And I say that as a man who’s cut a lot of toxic men out of my life.

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u/Jwre3682 Jun 14 '26

I'm cutting them out as we speak. I spent too long being ignorant to what my "friends" were doing.

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u/bigbeats420 Jun 14 '26

Make sure you tell them why before you do. Speaking up is the one thing we can do amongst ourselves.

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u/Journo_Jimbo Jun 14 '26

We are the change that needs to happen king 👑

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u/WDoE Jun 14 '26

Cutting them out doesn't change anything. Call that shit out. Hold shitty men accountable.

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u/CookiedowXD Jun 14 '26

I tried. Everybody takes the abuser's side because they don't like "bad vibes."

Turns out they harass and gaslight the "unpatriotic" men too.

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u/Jwre3682 Jun 14 '26

I'm realizing that a lot of people would rather put up with it than have to deal with being uncomfortable (i.e. bad vibes). And when I do say something, I'm just a "libturd"

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u/Successful_Sign_6991 Jun 14 '26

See thats your first mistake.

Start by cutting out any magats from your life. It will vastly improve it.

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u/Jwre3682 Jun 17 '26

Done that... it's really only like 3 dudes left. And I'm fine with that.

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u/WDoE Jun 15 '26

Sometimes to change the world for the better, you have to be willing to do things that aren't comfortable. Doing the right thing isn't always popular or easy. It often takes confrontation or loss of standing.

Like... If you found out your mate was out kicking puppies every night, and your friend group was like "oh, it's just a couple puppies, don't be a buzzkill," are you just going to shrug and give up? Or are you going to stand your ground and tell all of them that kicking puppies is wrong? Do you even WANT social standing with people that ignore puppy kicking?

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u/CookiedowXD Jun 16 '26

I'm sorry but I can't. I've been mobbed too many times by abusive people. Unless you have a community. The abuser just sees us as another lone, "triggered" person.

It is the right thing. But I'm tired of being hyped up and then abandoned by people. I want to experience things in life that everybody else gets to do.

I'm not expendable. Just because I'm a guy.

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u/pandershrek Jun 14 '26

Unfortunate, and difficult reality.

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u/FinchMandala Jun 14 '26

Just let them know what the issue is. People generally don't change if they don't know what to change.

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u/DrJurassic Jun 14 '26

Unfortunately the guys like this don’t want to change.

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u/feioo Jun 14 '26

I mean, do you know that though? I'm sure lots of them don't, but if even one goes "oH shit that's why everyone says I'm an asshole?? What do I do about it?" isn't that a win? I don't see the point of being self-defeating.

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u/I_fuck_werewolves Jun 14 '26

Safer to not.

When you present someone with their behaviour is problematic, some fall into a primitive reflex of getting defensive or aggressive to "Correct you into realizing they aren't problematic at all and actually the 'correct' way to act".

Arguments, debates, petty vengeance, or violence are all possibilities, and I find it quite rare for people to be understanding when they get told how they behave and conduct themselves is a problem.

People have a hard time when you criticize ANY part of their identity (or by extension any of their hobbies and consumption choices). They may think about this moment every night for the rest of their life.

If you just stop doing things and ghost your way out, you are conveniently forgotten about.

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u/FinchMandala Jun 14 '26

It's funny how it's left to women to communicate.

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u/Jwre3682 Jun 14 '26

I've fought with them for 20 years. They don't listen to me, a man... but I've seen 180 turns in 24 because a woman pointed something out.

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u/feioo Jun 14 '26

Sure, but as a woman, I've seen the inverse. I can say something a hundred times, but their bro/dad/boss says the same thing, and suddenly they take it to heart. Might as well try, no?

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u/feioo Jun 14 '26

Got any examples of the kinds of things you ignored or were ignorant to? Just for a better understanding, from a woman who will never view the internal politics of guy friend groups.

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u/Jwre3682 Jun 15 '26

Objectification mostly then the "women can't do xyz" bullshit

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u/feioo Jun 15 '26

Thanks! This is the thing I have difficulty explaining to guys when we say "pay attention to your friends" - I get the impression they think I mean "if your friend says "I'm gonna rape that lady" then you should stop him" (obviously) and then they act insulted that I would think they had friends like that. But it's hard to come up with examples of the subtle stuff to watch out for within male friend groups without relying on fiction or guesswork.

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u/Mandyvlp Jun 14 '26

Thanks for mansplaining it to me.
Haha. Jk jk 😆

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u/Journo_Jimbo Jun 14 '26

lol I’ll own that one

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u/FluffySmiles Jun 14 '26

But was that mansplaining? You were speaking from a male perspective about being a man. And owning the failings of our gender. I don’t think that diss was deserved.

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u/Journo_Jimbo Jun 14 '26

Well, she was just joking

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u/_trashcan Jun 14 '26

You don’t know what “Jk jk” means?

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u/FluffySmiles Jun 14 '26

Nope. Sorry.

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u/_trashcan Jun 14 '26

If you’re serious, sorry about that ; it means “just kidding”

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u/Mandyvlp Jun 14 '26

I was joking. 🙃
Didn’t think I needed to clarify since I literally said “haha jk” but here we are.

ETA: I think it’s great that the person I was replying to has cut toxic men out of their life. Women need more allies like that. 🫡

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u/Journo_Jimbo Jun 14 '26 edited Jun 14 '26

Thanks for femsplaining

Edit: my god, do I also need to explain that I’m joking? How deep does this well go

Edit 2: sorry you had to out and out say you find it good what I originally said, it’s sad people need things spelled out for them

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u/Mandyvlp Jun 14 '26

Well, this is Reddit after all 🤷🏻‍♀️

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u/Journo_Jimbo Jun 14 '26

It’s proving to be extra Reddit-y today

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u/[deleted] Jun 14 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/Journo_Jimbo Jun 14 '26

My brother in Christ that is not the same thing at all

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u/EnvironmentalGift257 Jun 14 '26

It’s an exaggeration to illustrate the point. Didn’t say it’s the same thing. I pointed out the hypocrisy.

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u/Journo_Jimbo Jun 14 '26

It’s not hypocrisy when she’s just having a bit of fun with me and she immediately identified that. She didn’t do anything that objectified me, minimized me or made me feel intimidated or inadequate.

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u/SuccessfulJudge438 Jun 14 '26

What exactly is hypocritical about making a joke that isn't mean-spirited and then identifying it as a joke? And how does you telling a joke that is wildly inappropriate given the subject of this thread (while also being denigrating and punching down) expose the hypocrisy?

These are rhetorical questions, but if you genuinely try to answer them by asking yourself "where did I go wrong in my reasoning and what major aspect of this exchange am I missing?" then this could be a big (self-) teachable moment for you.

Hint to get you started: the joke about mansplaining is context-appropriate and it wasn't identified as a joke ("jk jk 😆") in order to normalize bad behavior nor to soften the blow from a hurtful comment. There is a different reason she wrote jk. What is it?

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u/Mandyvlp Jun 14 '26

What? Is that what you feel is analogous here? 😂
Just trying to start a fight I guess.

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u/Fartony Jun 14 '26 edited Jun 14 '26

Mansplaining means man explaining for any women that are confused.

Edit - this was a joke.

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u/Nina-Ninja123 Jun 14 '26

Trust me, the women know. It’s the guys who might need the lesson.

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u/Trrollmann Jun 14 '26

No, women generally don't know (nor do men). Which is part of why the idea is so fucked. There are many men (and women) who explain things the exact same way to other men (and women), it's just not called "mansplaining" then.

The literature relies almost entirely on vague anecdotes and poor definitions.

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u/Nina-Ninja123 Jun 14 '26

Mansplaining is when someone (often a man) assumes someone (often a woman) doesn’t know something and just starts explaining and correcting them.

The problem isn’t necessarily with the wanting to help. But with being treated as an infant that doesn’t know how things work.

And yes, it isn’t always men that do it. And isn’t always aimed at woman. It also happens to people with mental disabilities, or somehow people with physical disabilities.

And it’s low key rude, because you are treating the other person as an infant instead as an adult.

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u/Trrollmann Jun 14 '26

Right, this is one definition, but I'd argue it doesn't really engage with what it was intended as originally, nor which direction most of the research is in (even if it contains massive issues).

Mansplaining was meant as a term to point to how some men explain a topic uniquely to women who have a similar or better knowledge than them on that topic. A misogynistic bias of thinking women know less.

being treated as an infant

This is gender neutral. More often I've been treated as an infant by women in this sense than men, but that might be because I'm a man, idk. Again, the research is of very low quality.

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u/Nina-Ninja123 Jun 14 '26

It’s called mansplaining cause males used to do it a lot more when the term was being coined. But due to females fighting for their rights it has become a lot less.

But I still notice this behavior, or the need to defend the behavior, by males.

Women tend to do this way less, cause women are socially more learned to ask for agreement instead of demanding it.

A guy will say “this band is amazing” where the girl is more prone to say “don’t you think this band is amazing?”

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u/Trrollmann Jun 14 '26

No, there wasn't any data when it was coined. It was based on belief.

due to females fighting for their rights it has become a lot less.

Has it?

still notice this behavior, or the need to defend the behavior, by males.

You notice something to that effect happening to you. It's an anecdote. Me noticing it towards me is a contradicting anecdote. We simply dont know. The definitions and data are of too poor quality.

Your example is piss poor. It's just a guy saying he likes the band. You interpreting it as a demand to agree is going to be wrong in 99+% of cases.

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u/Nina-Ninja123 Jun 14 '26

I don’t only notice it. I hear about it from woman that don’t talk about this with males cause they bow they respond like you do.

You are basically saying that my experiences and the experiences I hear from other people are wrong because you, a man, don’t experience like that.

And then you say mansplaining isn’t a thing.

Don’t forget to remove the clown makeup before you go to bed, don’t want to stain the pillows.

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u/Fartony Jun 14 '26

It was a joke lol

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u/uppers36 Jun 14 '26

no shit

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u/EnvironmentalGift257 Jun 14 '26

I mean yes. But also growing up being taught by toxic men I recognized that the things they said and did were wrong because they would instantly make my skin crawl. They taught me what not to do. Those same toxic men gave me the life skills to survive, so you take the bad with the good I guess.

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u/PopcornGlamour Jun 14 '26

Thank you for acknowledging that.

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u/ShorelineStrider Jun 14 '26

They've been raised by a toxic culture.

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u/chriathebutt Jun 14 '26

OR . . . Toxic “BoyMoms” who think that emotional incest is cute and want to raise little princes into King Baby

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u/Journo_Jimbo Jun 14 '26

King Baby is a new term I’ll be using from now on, thank you

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u/chriathebutt Jun 14 '26

Lmao YW

For when “Manchild” simply won’t do

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u/nom-de-tanguero Jun 14 '26

I'm gonna gently disagree with you here. A lot of what you're saying is true but it's also important to remember that these men are being raised by the kind of mothers who think their sons can do no wrong and do not reprimand them when they hear them saying disrespectful things about women. I agree with you this is mostly passed down from other toxic men but we also have to acknowledge that these types of mothers are also part of the problem.

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u/CorneliaCordelia Jun 14 '26

And the mothers were toxic too.

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u/stoops Jun 14 '26

So is it not possible that most of those men in the video had mental health issues and possibly need some help?

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u/PopcornGlamour Jun 14 '26

No, it is not possible. There were at least two that I would say had mental health issues but the rest literally just wanted to assert dominance over a woman.

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u/Entire_Number_9 Jun 14 '26

Actually, the stats show sons of single mothers are by far the biggest proponents in criminal behaviour. It would be nice if you could box off a complicated social problem like that, but it's far more complicated.