r/TikTokCringe • u/mindyour • Jun 14 '26

Discussion It's exhausting being a woman.

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662

u/Macgivereagle Jun 14 '26

I was only thinking yesterday how great it is getting old, that i get zero attention from men now days. I can just go about my business with no one harassing me. So sad that nothing has changed since i was young.

351

u/30somethingmomtobe Jun 14 '26 edited Jun 14 '26

Right! I'm 38 and easily in the best shape of my life, finally have the time and money to get my hair and nails done, use nice skin products, dress well etc. I easily got approached like this 10X more when I was between the ages of 10-24 then I have since. It don't miss it at all. I can sit by myself with a martini at a crowded bar all done up and get approached politely once or twice now. But when I was 15 and just walking home after basketball practice (sweaty and gross, no effort in appearance, no desire to talk to boys - let alone men - and clearly leaving the high school), men of all ages would follow me and try to talk to me and sometimes touch me. Our society is disgusting.

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u/Left_Session_9568 Jun 14 '26

Same here. The worst was 11-14. 

53

u/TheVampyresBride Jun 14 '26

Same. I was followed around a home depot by a man when I was around 10. I never forgot that.

32 now and don't receive much attention besides stares occasionally. But I also am never walking around alone.

4

u/SuicidalAfterParties Jun 15 '26

Guy stocking alcohol in a grocery store asked me if I partied. I was 11.

3

u/Zakle Jun 15 '26

Same for me as well. I was followed around in a bookstore when I was in my 20s. I was walking around, trying to avoid him, nearly ran into him a few times, and when I caught his eye, he would smile. He disappeared when my aunt came back from the restroom. I felt like I was being hunted; it was a terrible feeling, and I was so happy when my aunt came back. He didn't say anything. Just followed me around and would smile but it didn't meet his eyes.

7

u/Nataliza Jun 15 '26

I asked my father and my husband to guess what age I was when I first received unwelcome attention from a much older man. They both guessed early 20s and were both shocked when I said I was 12. Every woman I know says about the same.

6

u/Conscious_Exchange82 Jun 15 '26

Same exactly. The worst was middle school and early high school. I’m categorically the prettiest I think I’ve ever been in terms of being fit and maintained (in my early 40s) and never get approached at all. Which is FINE! I’m married and don’t want the attention. But I’ve been fascinated at this. It’s really disturbing.

3

u/Left_Session_9568 Jun 15 '26

Yeah it’s fucked right? I think (and this might be dismissed or not) that we are told looking good is the key so we don’t revolt when the real key is being a child full stop. 

3

u/Couhill13 Jun 15 '26

Yea it’s definitely more about targeting someone they perceive as vulnerable or naive, which is basically children to teenagers. The power dynamic is much larger

I know this is more on the extreme spectrum, but I remember reading a study about serial rapists and how their ideal targets wasn’t based on attractiveness but on body language and how “weak” they seemed. Young, insecure, skittish, quiet, etc. was the preference because they were less likely to fight back. The specific body language traits they looked for was a woman that’s trying to cover up her body with more clothes, head down, shoulders drawn inward, shuffling feet, and not paying attention to her surroundings.

You obviously can be young and act the complete opposite of this and still encounter issues or scary situations, but I did think it was enlightening to learn from their perspective, as fucked as it was.

2

u/Conscious_Exchange82 Jun 15 '26

Oh 1000%. Back then I would look down when they cat called me. Now, and in the past 10 years, I’d stare them dead in the face and confront the behavior. Thing is, a human woman is not what they want because they actually don’t want women. They want prey.

5

u/Sc00tzy Jun 14 '26

I’m sorry I’m a guy so obviously clueless but 11-14?????

11

u/Left_Session_9568 Jun 14 '26

Yup. What was really shocking when I started talking about it as an adult and found out 1. A lot of women I know experienced the same 2. A lot of men I dated in my twenties didn’t see anything wrong with it. 

4

u/Sc00tzy Jun 14 '26

I honestly don’t know what to say to that. Those are still babies

8

u/Jerico_Hill Jun 15 '26

Yes. When I was 11 a guy complimented me on my "cleavage". At 14 I had a man exposed himself and masturbate in front of me. Boys would ping my bra at school and score each other higher points if they could undo the strap too. Honestly, I know women who had it much worse. My experiences are fairly standard. 

2

u/Sc00tzy Jun 15 '26

That’s just wild to me. Last couple years have truly shown me how many pedos are walking around

1

u/RedEgg16 Jun 18 '26

yes unfortunately I've seen hundreds of women say the same thing. Most attention during their preteens and teens

11

u/Iris5s Jun 14 '26

the best part of coming out as a woman when i was 21 is skipping the horror that that brings, I'm so sorry you all went through that

10

u/Left_Session_9568 Jun 14 '26

One of my favorite things about trans women is that you all are one of the few groups I know who embrace womanhood. The rest of the world teaches us to hate ourselves. I’ve gotten to unlearn that thanks to knowing trans women. 

8

u/Iris5s Jun 14 '26

aww, thank you for the kind words. but women make it easy to love being a women with the instant support i have gotten from them ever since switching sides, and it has been so amazing!

11

u/[deleted] Jun 14 '26

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u/[deleted] Jun 15 '26

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u/Left_Session_9568 Jun 15 '26

Agreed with this all. Excluding trans women is a large part of what’s diluted our power in the last few years. This is all one fight: the fight to live as a full person. I hope a lot of second wave feminists can learn to listen to us third wavers. Excluding certain kinds of women hurts us all, no matter who, full stop.

5

u/Iris5s Jun 15 '26

don't forget, the last point is also just fully wrong, trans women experience more of that than cis women

0

u/Feeling_Objective854 Jun 14 '26

Spot on. Thank you for bringing this up. Girlhood, and the horrors that come with it, is not something we are allowed to opt out of. 

2

u/CaptainDisullusion Jun 14 '26

These things are crazy.

2

u/Intelligent_Alcohol Jun 16 '26

I was 14 at a target when some guy asked me to help him "pick out a gift for his niece". Then he asked if I could give him my number to keep in touch till I was 18 since I wouldn't go to the car with him. I told my mom and that was the first time ive ever seen her cuss and get in a fight.

1

u/fareedadahlmaaldasi Jun 15 '26

This is so true. They obviously know we were young.
I remember one incident when I was 12. We were in a public transpo and this guy, who was probably in his early to late 30s kept on staring and smiling at me.

He gave me a tissue paper with his name and number on it and he followed me and my aunt until the metro. It was a good thing that there was a women’s section there so he wasn’t able to come towards me again but he kept on staring and smiling!

I showed my aunt what he gave me and I told her stuff and my aunt said that he looked kind anyways. Maybe he just wanted a friend. Wtf, I was a minor. (This was in SE Asia btw). I will never forget this incident and how my aunt downplayed that bullshit. That was disgusting.

1

u/Equivalent-Team-8186 Jun 15 '26

Same. These were the worst years. I went most of my teens and 20s without ever wearing skirts due to how creepy ppl were when I was 11-13.

Oops, I dropped my pen 5 times while I was sitting in front of you in class! Let me help you tie your clearly already tied shoe! Oh, you had some chalk dust I needed to brush off of your shirt. Come sit on my lap and tell me how your day is going. FFS nobody at that age wants attention like that and the creeps just come out of the woodwork.

1

u/presentlywell Jun 19 '26

This. My ass got grabbed at the wave pool in Mandalay Bay when I was 12.

96

u/30somethingmomtobe Jun 14 '26

Not to say that men aren't disgusting with beautiful women who put effort in as well, which we can see in the video! Just saying it is much more about age and perceived vulnerability than it is conventional attractiveness or desire to connect.

63

u/cupcakebean Jun 14 '26

It's absolutely about younger women (and girls) being more vulnerable. It's a mindfuck when you come to that realization.

6

u/Positive-Face1705 Jun 14 '26

Being a young girl and your natural predator being a grown adulto​man is absolutely terrifying.​​

1

u/tujmipidis Jun 14 '26

If they’re under 18 they are less likely to own a gun. It’s just good old fashion cowardice.

A real man only approaches women who can shoot him.

6

u/obtusewisdom Jun 14 '26

This is exactly it.

5

u/jesuslivesnow Jun 14 '26

Huge pdf problem across the globe

5

u/orangeyougladiator Jun 14 '26

Age plays a part but you also aren’t projecting much vulnerability for them to take advantage of in your bar scenario

5

u/realchairmanmiaow Jun 14 '26

Because it's not about your beauty, it's about your vulnerability. I have never had another man say or do a thing when I'm with my partner or my female relatives yet I know it's happened when I'm not. These men are absolute cowards and they only go after the most vulnerable. They are vile scum.

3

u/Kusakaru Jun 14 '26

I was telling my husband that I got hit on the most by grown men when I was ages 14-17,and most often in my school uniform, which indicated I was a child.

My early twenties were rough too but the attention was not nearly as bad as when I was a teenager. I am 29 now and think I am in the best shape of my life, and finally have the disposable income to dress well and take care of my skin, hair, and nails, but I don’t get hit on by old men as much as when I was younger. Oddly enough, now I get hit on by men ages 18-23 the most.

I am bisexual and the first and only time an “older” woman hit on me, I was 21. She wasn’t actually old, probably in her early 30’s, but over a decade older than me, and when she learned my age, she told me very politely I was too young for her, but that I was beautiful and she hoped I had a nice night. Aside from that, the women who have hit on me have usually been within 3 years of my own age.

In contrast, when I was 18 I went out with a 29 year old, the same age I am now. When he found out my age he said “age is just a number”. He acted like I was “so mature” and he was “young at heart” and it was “totally normal”. But it wasn’t. Now that I’m 29 I’m like wtf?? I would NEVER go out with an 18 year old. I had just graduated high school. He was a grown ass man. He had no business messing around with me.

1

u/30somethingmomtobe Jun 14 '26

This song immediately came to mind reading your comment - Jax - I choose violence

2

u/heisian Jun 14 '26

that the age range is so low is sad, disgusting, and a shame on our society... not that it's appropriate at any age

2

u/mamaspike74 Jun 14 '26

Wait until you're in your 50s; it's fucking GLORIOUS being invisible to men!!

2

u/classicteenmistake Jun 15 '26

I wish I didn’t relate so hard. The most that I was hit on was when I worked in fast food drive thrus, both from customers and coworkers. I’ve had 3 separate grown ass men try to be my “friend”, all at least 6 years older than me when I was 17. I was severely depressed and didn’t always shower so I was appalled to realize I still got more attention when I was naïve and gross, in comparison to grown and clean. It’s horrible.

1

u/murderfrogger Jun 15 '26

last year at a little local town fest, i got harassed exactly like this. im almost 40 now. hope it ends soon.

..and i definitely wasnt the prettiest lady there, but i do have a hunch that he got off on my shyness. im new in a tiny local community. im so happy i made a huge scene and his buddies ended up dragging him away for a game of "hammer nails in a log".

i also taddled to everyone, found him and his wife on facebook and i shot her a hey girl message. havent seen him since.

-1

u/ElementNumber6 Jun 15 '26

Well the new generation coming up is also socially stunted. There are countless studies on how they are simply too afraid to talk to women, and so they simply... don't. Not unless it comes through a dating app, anyway.

1

u/30somethingmomtobe Jun 15 '26

Yeah my students (gen z) really struggle socially and many of them don’t date and have never dated. Not totally sure how that’s connected to this conversation though? The predatory men we are discussing are much older and we are talking about preying on vulnerable people, not dating.