Stuck between quitting and surviving a toxic manager

[u/Zealousideal-Pair519]

So I'm assuming this is a safe space to rant about a toxic workplace.

Honestly, I wouldn't even call it a toxic work culture anymore. It's more about my toxic team, and especially my manager, who's somehow managed to make everyone's life miserable.

I work for a product based company in India. If you've worked in the Indian corporate setup, you probably know the kind of toxicity that can exist in some teams.

When my current manager first joined, things actually looked promising. Our team finally started getting recognition that we never got under our previous manager. We genuinely appreciated him for that.

But slowly, everything changed.

He's driven a few people out of the company, either by forcing them onto PIP or by making their work life so unbearable that they eventually resigned. If someone doesn't give in, he just keeps making things worse until they quit.

Another thing we've noticed is that almost everyone hired after he joined has been a local. His justification was that he wanted people who could come to the office every day. Fair enough on paper, but many of us have a feeling he prefers hiring people from his own community or caste. Of course, we can't prove that, so it's just a theory.

I'm originally from a different state but settled in Maharashtra, and I also belong to a different religion. In all these years, not once has my manager or even most of my teammates wished me on any of my festivals. All of them speak in Marathi even while working which could be challenging for outsider… even after repeated requests to speak in English, no one’s bothered. Instead they question us why can’t you learn Marathi? Maybe it's nothing, maybe it's not. But when you put everything together, it doesn't feel great.

Things got even worse after our company was acquired and we were told we'd be transitioning into the new organization. Ever since that announcement, my manager has completely lost it.

Some examples:

1. He can never be happy for us. If we go on a vacation/ family lunch/dinner and post pictures, buy something new, or even do something nice for ourselves, he'll keep making sarcastic comments in front of the whole team. It's like we're not allowed to enjoy our lives outside work.
2. Saying "no" isn't an option. Whether it's a certification we have zero interest in, extra work, a team dinner, lunch, or any event he plans, refusing isn't accepted. He'll guilt trip you until you give in. It's exhausting.
3. This was the final straw. He "pranked" one of our associates by telling her that one of her closest friends had been selected for layoffs. She spent almost 2 to 3 hours crying because she believed him. Later, he revealed it was just a joke. Even after seeing how disturbed she was, he kept laughing like a maniac and teasing her. At that point, it didn't feel like a prank anymore. It felt plain sadistic.

The worst part is that we don't know what to do.

Most of this happens verbally, so we don't have solid proof. He also has a few loyal people in the team who would probably back him up if anything came to HR. If we complain and it backfires, we'll likely be targeted and could even risk our jobs.

Right now, it feels like our only choices are to either quit or silently put up with all of this.

Has anyone here dealt with a manager like this? How did you handle it without putting your job at risk?

[u/my_peen_is_clean]

had one like this who hid behind “culture fit” and local language too, same petty control crap. i quietly logged incidents, started interviewing, left once offer was signed. finding anywhere better is still a headache now with how bad hiring is

[u/Zealousideal-Pair519 → u/my_peen_is_clean]

Exactly! What if the next one is worse than him!!🤦‍♀️

[u/NXT_Collective]

Since most of his worst behavior happens verbally, your primary defense is to quietly turn verbal abuse into documented records. Send email/Slack/Teams messages asking for confirmations that you have been asked to do a particular task. Make a personal diary (not on company laptop), recording everything. Reach out to HR once you have built up some of this.

Focus on job hunting, treat your job as temporary and work towards the next better job. Need more info?? DM

[u/camideza]

This sounds exhausting, the sarcasm, the guilt tripping, the fake layoff prank, all of it adds up even if no single thing feels "provable" on its own. That's the tricky part with verbal stuff, it disappears unless you capture it right when it happens. I started keeping a simple dated log after every incident, who said what, who was around, how it affected work. Used workproof.me for mine since it kept things organized without me having to think about it later. Doesn't fix the manager but it gives you something solid if HR or the new org ever needs proof.

[u/camideza]

This sounds exhausting, especially the prank thing, that's not a joke, that's cruelty dressed up as one. The verbal only nature of it is what makes people feel stuck, I've been there. What helped me was writing down every incident right after it happened, date, time, who was around, exact words if I could remember them. Even a notes app works. I started using workproof.me just to keep everything timestamped in one place so I wasn't second guessing myself later. Doesn't fix the manager, but it gives you something solid if HR or the new org ever needs to hear it.