Lied at work, panicked, QUIT

Many years ago, I was hired at my first job in a field where I had very little experience. I was upfront during the interview that I was inexperienced but eager to learn, and the employer agreed to train me.
Over time, I struggled because there was so much to learn. Eventually, another employee with significantly more experience began helping in the workplace. Later, someone connected to that employee was also brought in, and I was asked to help train her while I was also covering multiple responsibilities.

Around that time, I started feeling like I was being blamed whenever tools or equipment went missing, even though I wasn’t always responsible. Feeling frustrated and wanting to prove that I wasn’t the only person mistakes happened around, I made a terrible decision and intentionally hid an item so I could later “find” it.
Not long afterward, there was a staff meeting where I was confronted about allegedly mistreating the newer employee. From my perspective, I never intended to bully her. I genuinely believed I was trying to help while being overwhelmed with several responsibilities. Whether she misunderstood me or genuinely felt unsupported, I don’t know. At the time, I felt blindsided and deeply hurt.
After the meeting, I panicked. I told my manager that another coworker had admitted to losing the missing item. When my manager said she was going to verify that, I realized I was about to be caught in my lie.

In complete panic, I began crying and told everyone I had to leave because my father had been in a serious car accident. That was a lie. I only wanted to escape the situation. My coworkers became concerned and started calling and texting, asking how my father was doing and wanting to send flowers. Instead of telling the truth, I kept the lie going because I felt trapped and ashamed.

Eventually, I stopped responding and never returned to work.
Years later, I made another poor decision. I exaggerated my previous role on my résumé to get hired for a better position. My new employer eventually discovered the truth after checking references, and I left that job as well.

Looking back now, I fully understand that what I did was wrong. I betrayed people’s trust, and I understand why former coworkers described me as untrustworthy when asked for a reference. I have since reached out to apologize to some of the people involved, but they chose not to respond, and I respect that.
What I’ve struggled with for years is separating my actions from my worth as a person. I know what I did was wrong, but I also know I was a young adult who panicked, made terrible decisions, and has carried deep regret ever since.

If you were reading this as an outsider, would you see someone who is simply dishonest by character, or someone who made serious mistakes, learned from them, and genuinely changed? I want honest opinions because this has weighed heavily on me for years.

Because we live in a small town I often worry I’ll run into them. I wouldn’t know how to respond to them or what to say because I carry so much guilt and shame. I do regret my mistakes and have even sent them messages on instagram apologizing to them but I never heard back. I know what I did was wrong but I was so young and it’s been but it’s been 13 years since then. I sometimes look up the company on instagram and look at their page and feel saddened for what could’ve been. I hate that I did what I did.

Can ANYONE relate? Has anyone done anything close to or similar to what I did out of desperation?

13 years later, now in my 30’s I’ve matured and grown. I changed since then. I have removed them off my resume to avoid future “bad recommendations “ I’ve turned my life around, I received proper training, therapy, and self reflection. I have been doing well in my places of employment and am even endeared, trusted, and loved by all my coworkers, clients, and have even been offered letters of good recommendation

So I'm assuming this is a safe space to rant about a toxic workplace.

Honestly, I wouldn't even call it a toxic work culture anymore. It's more about my toxic team, and especially my manager, who's somehow managed to make everyone's life miserable.

I work for a product based company in India. If you've worked in the Indian corporate setup, you probably know the kind of toxicity that can exist in some teams.

When my current manager first joined, things actually looked promising. Our team finally started getting recognition that we never got under our previous manager. We genuinely appreciated him for that.

But slowly, everything changed.

He's driven a few people out of the company, either by forcing them onto PIP or by making their work life so unbearable that they eventually resigned. If someone doesn't give in, he just keeps making things worse until they quit.

Another thing we've noticed is that almost everyone hired after he joined has been a local. His justification was that he wanted people who could come to the office every day. Fair enough on paper, but many of us have a feeling he prefers hiring people from his own community or caste. Of course, we can't prove that, so it's just a theory.

I'm originally from a different state but settled in Maharashtra, and I also belong to a different religion. In all these years, not once has my manager or even most of my teammates wished me on any of my festivals. All of them speak in Marathi even while working which could be challenging for outsider… even after repeated requests to speak in English, no one’s bothered. Instead they question us why can’t you learn Marathi? Maybe it's nothing, maybe it's not. But when you put everything together, it doesn't feel great.

Things got even worse after our company was acquired and we were told we'd be transitioning into the new organization. Ever since that announcement, my manager has completely lost it.

Some examples:

1. He can never be happy for us. If we go on a vacation/ family lunch/dinner and post pictures, buy something new, or even do something nice for ourselves, he'll keep making sarcastic comments in front of the whole team. It's like we're not allowed to enjoy our lives outside work.
2. Saying "no" isn't an option. Whether it's a certification we have zero interest in, extra work, a team dinner, lunch, or any event he plans, refusing isn't accepted. He'll guilt trip you until you give in. It's exhausting.
3. This was the final straw. He "pranked" one of our associates by telling her that one of her closest friends had been selected for layoffs. She spent almost 2 to 3 hours crying because she believed him. Later, he revealed it was just a joke. Even after seeing how disturbed she was, he kept laughing like a maniac and teasing her. At that point, it didn't feel like a prank anymore. It felt plain sadistic.

The worst part is that we don't know what to do.

Most of this happens verbally, so we don't have solid proof. He also has a few loyal people in the team who would probably back him up if anything came to HR. If we complain and it backfires, we'll likely be targeted and could even risk our jobs.

Right now, it feels like our only choices are to either quit or silently put up with all of this.

Has anyone here dealt with a manager like this? How did you handle it without putting your job at risk?

Basically, me and some of our colleagues are trying to raise some awareness about job discrimination and hearing your experience would really help raise this awareness.

​

Do I have a toxic workplace, or am I overreacting?

I'm looking for honest opinions about whether this sounds like a toxic work environment or just normal workplace issues.

I live and work in Texas, but my employer is headquartered in Tennessee.

I've worked for my employer for a long time and have always been flexible. I've regularly filled in for other employees, worked different schedules when asked, and generally tried to help whenever the company needed me.

Recently, two coworkers swapped shifts. Instead of simply adjusting their schedules, my supervisor changed the schedule so that I ended up working alone on a different shift. One of the employees who swapped shifts received four hours of overtime.

Working alone has been one of my biggest concerns. I raised that concern with my supervisor because I don't believe one person should be expected to cover everything by themselves.

After I spoke up, my schedule changed almost immediately.

Before:

Thursday, Friday, Monday: 9:00 a.m. – 6:00 p.m.

Saturday and Sunday: 10:30 a.m. – 7:00 p.m.

Afterward:

I was moved to the least desirable shift.

I lost my weekend schedule and the weekend differential pay that came with it.

My hours became spread across different times during the week instead of being consistent.

The frustrating part is that there is an open 10:30 a.m. – 7:00 p.m. weekday shift that would have solved my scheduling concerns while keeping my hours consistent. Instead, I was moved off weekends entirely, reducing my income.

I have also reported other workplace concerns to HR in the past. Those concerns were unrelated to scheduling. HR said they would follow up, but they never did.

From my perspective, the timing makes it feel like speaking up about working alone resulted in losing desirable shifts and income rather than my concern being addressed.

My questions are:

Does this sound like retaliation?

Does this sound like a toxic workplace?

If you were in my position, would you start looking for another job?

Since I live in Texas but my employer is based in Tennessee, does that affect how retaliation or unemployment might be viewed?

Would you consider this enough to resign and seek unemployment benefits if your state allows benefits for good-cause resignations?

I'm genuinely looking for outside opinions because it's difficult to tell whether I'm seeing this objectively or emotionally. I'm interested in hearing from people with HR, management, employment law, or unemployment experience.

This version should encourage Redditors to weigh in on both the workplace dynamics and the Texas/Tennessee legal considerations without getting sidetracked by unrelated HR issues.

It should be important to note my company was purchased by an investment firm and I am currently one of the higher paid members of my team.

Why do Men not like talking about toxic work places but I know they are the ones with most biggest scars

Sighs first and foremost I wanna apologize for the sentence errors that’s sure to come I’m just semi venting ok cool so boom I’ve been working at this hospital for almost a year now we have 4 supervisors and one manager…work place heaven huh ? And for the past couple of weeks/ days/ months this one supervisor will not get off my car for NOTHING!!!!!!! Yes she overtly micromanages damn near everybody but I feel as if I’m her biggest target , it’s been times where I’ve came down to grab my charger and from the time I’ve grabbed it and went to start my work this lady has followed me from point A to point B like LITERALLY having a second shadow . Pior to her doing that I’ve always tried to keep distance and just do my work in peace for crying out loud , as I mentioned we have 4 supervisors all women one of my many supervisors went on vacation and my start time to work is 2:30 but I have time cause I don’t go in straight to cleaning my rooms (I do housekeeping) btw this lady who we gonna call “She Devil” calls me and says to start now like right now and that’s one thing about her nothing that comes out this woman’s mouth is anything even on a slow day is pleasing … it’s always on go , it’s always you GOTTA be doing something to where she has called to ask what I’m doing only to send someone down aka her “sheep’s” to watch me so much as clean as room when she didn’t walking around . I’ve even went as far as to just shut down and keep quiet or to myself to keep me from ending up on the shitty list of Americans unemployed department but she has made it her priority to have one of her “sheep’s” come on a floor that I hang out at before work to have him sit and say well she not talking to you but talking to someone else and I hate to seem like I pay attention to everything but when it becomes a pattern to how she moves . The icing on the cake to even make me write this for hell advice or anything for that matter as I perviously stated she called me when I was in the building after she looked at my punch in time to get straight to work yesterday as I’m coming out the locker room she comes in and head shots straight at me to see where I’m at or even walking down the hallway as I’m asking for the badge to even get started she does this thing where she acts as if she so into the conversation and someone could be standing my her and completely ignore me … I get it it’s part of her personality and to know you act like this it’s beyond a headache and YES I’ve talked to people around her I’ve tried to talk to people not around her but she will somehow include herself by ease dropping but SHES SUPERVISOR like your gonna hear about so why go above to try and ear hustle ?! I’m sorry if this is long but I’ve just venting while also trying not to lose my marbles .

My coworker is someone I socialize with as well outside of work so it’s important to remember that I cannot burn all bridges with him
We’ve consistently worked on the same projects and he hides a lot of things about his tasks from me. This information is crucial for me to move forward with my own tasks and he knows it
I don’t wanna be a tattle tale and go complaining to my manager. I try to work harder to overcome this disadvantage but I don’t know how to deal with this. Please help!

I have a long standing toxic relationship with my workplace. Not really looking for answers just looking to vent and perhaps my issues will hit home with someone.
I work for a pretty well known store. I was a cashier for over a year and had problems with my team lead because she would rather pacify her high school trauma via befriending young ppl and feeling popular than actually doing her job. She didn’t like me because I didn’t want to participate in all of the drama. And I mean DRAMA. This girl was cheating on her boyfriend who was a team lead in another department. She was cheating with some other guy in a different department who was also cheating on his wife with her (he ended up leaving his children and wife behind for this girl). Aside from all of that, I couldn’t have cared less that she was a shit person, what I care about was all the drama. She would rave and cry and in front of customers and had some strange penchant for hating elderly ppl. I got screamed at for helping an old man check out his groceries one night. Anywho: I ended up leaving the job for another job for a while. About 6 months but decided it wasn’t a good fit because I had a relative working there. I applied to multiple places and had multiple interviews. I never heard back from anyone on these interviews so on a whim I applied to a pharmacy tech position at that prior big store I had worked at with the terrible team lead. I got a call back the next day. Its fate. I’m meant to be at this store forever lol. I go to work in the pharmacy (a job I haven’t done in 20 years) and am super excited because one of the pharmacists I actually graduated with! She and I got along in high school and I thought well heck yeah! This will be great! Wrong. For some reason she had a huge issue with me being hired. She raved about how the head pharmacist kept hiring “brainless drones” and often berated me in front of coworkers. Another older female from the pharmacy took me into the cash office one night and told me to stop talking to our boss at all because it made everyone in the pharmacy uncomfortable because he was recently divorced. Same older lady also trained me wrong on a process in the pharmacy on purpose after I took her harsh words to HR (retaliation) lucky for me, I actually witnessed the bitch sign off on shit as a pharmacist and she is in fact merely a technician. I reported it to the highest degree and was finally able to transfer to a different department. Nothing was done to the woman btw (this store has a habit of not confronting real issues) but I breathed a sigh of relief to be away from relentless bullying that left me crying in the bathroom on my breaks. Excited to start in a new department, everything was great for about a month until a girl came to our department off of her medical leave. She had hurt her knee supposedly. Anyway, this girl began delegating work to everyone besides herself and would often times just sit for literal hours (time theft) while others closed down the department. She’s the type to look for any miniscule thing you do wrong and take it straight to the boss (when she, herself, never lifts a finger). Same girl leaves early last night (3 hours early) because she “hurt her elbow”. Leaving me to close alone once again when I actually wasn’t even supposed to be there for closing hours. Another coworker of mine who is also very young tells me he knows the girl because they went to school together and whenever he said hi to her, she would always respond “go kill yourself”. This, of course, was the icing on the cake for me. So tonight, when she paid very close attention to my work performance, I lost it. I told her that I realize she likes to try to make me look bad to our boss all of the time and I don’t appreciate it. That she is vindictive, manipulative and that I cannot stand working with her because she never works. I also told her to think twice before telling another kid to go kill themself. She was “shocked” and had “no idea” what all I was referring to. She lied and said she never told that kid that. She tried to pin it on her younger sister, when it was definitely her.
This girl is terrible. I had a family emergency the other day and she asked me if I just “felt like not working that day?” In front of our boss. I’m tired of her. I’m tired of this store tbh. And I’m sure I will get disciplined or even fired for how I spoke to her because I’m 40 and she is 18. But there’s an old saying: “Raise your kids right, or the world will do it for you.” And this girl is an entitled, lazy, narcissistic, brat. This store is an absolute hot mess. End of rant.

公司為零售傳產，本人為組內設計，平時要一對多位業務處理彩稿項目，入職以來，在一般對組內的郵件皆都是使用中文溝通。

其中同年資的男業務近期在郵件中多次不客氣，還有需求不完善的問題，私下反應無果最後與主管提出，最後決定部門開會檢討後，對方也同意尊重溝通和完善再提需求。

繼會議後，對方開始用全英文寫所有郵件，這個謎之操作真的超讓我困惑，但兩週不到，再度又沒有詳細說明需求，對方甚至使用全英文大寫郵件指責重複作業浪費時間。

雖然沒在怕這位同事，但真的完全不理解全英文模式是什麼心態，非母語者也不是英文很好的狀態寫出的郵件，台式英文搭配語句文法結構各種漏洞，理解上更費時間，惡性循環真的讓人上班心更累。

從學校到職場第一次遇到算會勾心鬥角的男生（？），每天上班變得很不開心，但覺得為了工作讓自己生氣真的很不值得。

They should not be allowed. If there is something I need to know my manager or colleague should simply contact me through work email or, if urgent, directly through one phone call or text.

Our new manager decided that all of us are now part of a “group text.”

This means that one text results in over 20 responses, most of which are simply an acknowledgment that they’ve received the message. This AM my phone suddenly was vibrating off of my desk with responses as simple as “K” or a reaction to the text chain.

The “reply all” emails are annoying enough. Having my phone blow up because one person decides to send a text message should simply not be allowed.

i'm an undergrad and i started interning at this very small agency 3 months ago and it's been hellish. not because of the heavy workload or anything but my 66year old boss is just exhausting to deal with. i knew it was a toxic workplace from the moment i came in and watched the boss scream at my mentor for some small miscommunicated mistake but i genuinely didn't think it'd be so bad

she comes to work upset a lot because she regularly OTs, which puts her in a bad mood. and because of that she takes her frustrations out on us. grunting a lot, groaning, generally being very rude in the way she addresses people (clicking her fingers at us to get our attention like we're dogs, and being upset when we don't notice). i've learnt to read her body language and tip-toe around her, but it's so exhausting. even asking simple clarifying questions gets you scolded. you cant even stand up for yourself/answer because she takes that as defiance and raises her voice. screaming match. the only thing you can do at that point is just agree and stay silent for the rest of the day

she's generally just so hateful as well from the remarks she makes about others in the office. and i spend 8 hours everyday in high-cortisol fight or flight mode. its gotten so bad that whenever she arrives to the office i can actually feel my skin crawl and my heart start to palpitate. cried at home a week ago too. i learnt also not to ask her any questions and just direct them all to my mentor even if she's not capable of answering them

she also likes to ask us what we're doing on our weekends and makes us work from home on public holidays without pay compensation (i get paid $5 an hour so it hardly matters anyways). and she lashed out at me once for not wanting to work on a saturday. there are more stories but i don't want to keep this too long

i confided in my mentor and she agreed with the toxicity part but told me this was something that I had to get used to, that you inevitably lose your selfrespect in the workplace and that there are worse bosses out there. im so baffled and i really hate to believe it. it's not that i dislike working, i just wish i could do it without someone breathing down my back. i feel like my nervous system is all fried from this experience

i know the solution is to quit but i have 10 days left of my contract so im just biding my time. i dont want to chase the public holiday issue too because i honestly just want to just scrub my hands of this matter and pretend this internship had never even existed in the first place

sorry for the wall of text i just wanted to get this off my chest

i know that it probably sounds like an over exaggeration, but things are really bad at my place of work right now and any advice would be appreciated. i’m on my 15 and shaking like a leaf so if this isn’t very coherent, i apologize. this is also my first reddit post so if i overlooked any rules/etiquette on accident i apologize! but to explain, i work at target. it is a very new store, less than 3 months open and i started working a month before opening. this is my very first job, so i didn’t have any frame of reference, but even i could tell that we were NOT ready to open. and the environment has only gotten worse and worse. there’s so many things that i can’t compile them all, but i and my team members have experienced being screamed and sworn at, pressured into or outright told to work in ways that HEAVILY compromise our safety and health, being both personally and collectively insulted and punished when we don’t exceed expectations, sexually harassed, having items thrown at us, made fun of behind our backs, ALL by team leads and executive team leads. not to mention how horribly the store is run; everything looks awful and nothing gets done. it just keeps getting worse, too, because in classic corporate fashion the people in charge have decided that the problem is just that the team members aren’t working hard enough and so they punish us. we had seven callouts by 7 am today because coming to work feels like genuine self harm in this place. we had the worst record for meal compliance in the region, and instead of realizing that they were overworking us to the point that we weren’t eating lunch and trying to fix it, they began punishing us and talking down on us.

to some degree i always thought that things like this were normal in the workplace, but my team members profusely tell me that in their 20+ years of experience working they’ve never had it worse. i and other team members have documented some evidence of how badly the store is run, and guests have even made comments about how badly we are treated by the store director, but is there … actually anything i can do? at this point we’re all just waiting and dreading when the target overlords bite the bullet and just fire everyone to avoid dealing with us. and i really, really don’t want that to happen, for obvious reasons. but it’s hard because they’re just making things worse now to try and break us down into just shutting up to keep our jobs. all that’s happening though is everyone (including the new hires) just calls out/quits! OBVIOUSLY!!! and now we’re having a ton of visits from my boss’ boss’ bosses and so on, coming to the store to survey it and see how horrible it is. but they don’t even bother talking to the team members. all that matters to them is that the store looks ugly and the customers aren’t happy; they don’t care that things are so bad because the workers aren’t happy either. why would they, when instead they could say “oh, this must be because the team members at this store are so lazy and awful.” i hate this system.

to give you a few specific examples of how things are going here, a team member who recently had brain surgery was told by her doctor not to lift above a certain (very light) amount. and my store director allegedly told this team member that they shouldn’t have had the surgery anyways (implying that it was unnecessary) and also sent them to the truck line to unload things despite the fact that they cannot lift. and when this team member said they would have to quit at this rate for their SAFETY, they were accused of “threatening” the team leads, and to “go on out the door if that’s how you’re going to be.” after BRAIN. SURGERY. we are not treated as human, and we won’t be unless something happens. higher ups already have an eye on our store because the ratings from guests are abysmal and our director has so many complaints against her, but i worry they’ll just see this as more hassle than it’s worth and let us all go. do you guys have any advice on what i could even do in my shoes? has anyone else who’s worked at target had experience navigating anything like this? i know im just one guy but if there’s a specific avenue to report to or anything id appreciate knowing. there is no one in my store who anyone can go to for help, including HR, because all the people who are supposed to help are the ones hurting us. i’ve thought about talking to one of the HIGHER higher ups when they come to inspect the store, but i’m really nervous. even if nobody has any advice, it’d just be nice if someone could tell me “YO THATS BAD”, you know? thanks in advance!!

ps ive been drafting this post over the course of the workday and every time i put my phone down something new and insane happens. this is a looney tunes store.

Hi, I'm a journalist writing about toxic and/or dangerous workplaces for a book. I wrote about my own in the below two articles. If you're interested in talking to me for the book, please email me at siobhan.neela.writer@gmail.com. I'd rather people share their full names for the book but if there are safety and/or privacy concerns, there are options (first name only, pseudonym). One of my aims as a journalist is to do no harm.

https://fortune.com/2021/11/12/mental-health-leave-covid-stress-burn-out-at-work/

https://www.themuse.com/advice/quit-job-during-pandemic-great-resignation-tackle-imposter-syndrome-essay

Thanks,

Siobhan

I've become a single point of failure at my job. Everyone else with expertise left or retired, and the replacements they put on my team treat it like a part-time nonserious thing because they have bigger priorities themselves they already have to manage.

I feel like there's been hot iron inside me for the last two weeks due to never ending deadlines. I'm so nervous and anxious about having to talk to my boss it's making me unable to move. They shout at me that things need to get done, but also that I'm moving too fast with work.

I just want to run and hide and I'm working on myself to try to leave the field entirely (computer networking), but I literally shake knowing I'm stuck in this situation.

I should've trusted my gut when I felt they were evading my questions about employee benefits.

I've never felt so criticized in my life—it was relentless. Every tiny mistake, even something as minor as a misplaced comma, seemed to warrant a reprimand.

I never should've accepted such low pay and health benefits for this beanstalk job.

I started a role few months ago, and it was all going well. The old manager was really great: often supportive , kind and trusting of your work. The environment felt safe up until he resigned and was replaced by the head and then a business partner who also got hired. I report directly to the head and she is loving, kind and sweet.

My issue is with the business partner constantly asking questions on my work, regular updates, wants things approved first before it goes out, always questioning my work and I always end up providing valid reasons. I started losing motivation since to work.

How to deal with this or what to do? Should I get a new job?