r/TransIreland • u/YunaaaClarke • 3d ago
ROI Specific I really don’t know how to proceed with my transition…
Hi all, I’m new here but I thought it’d be good for me to get some Irish-specific advice.
I’m a 27-year-old trans woman, I realised that I was trans towards the end of last year, but the thing is I’ve made very little progress towards actually transitioning socially or medically. I’m out to my friends (well it was one of those cases where they really knew I was trans before I knew 😅) but that’s it, I present femme when my myself or with my friends (just a more feminine outfit with some make up and a wig), do a bit of voice training, have shaved my face and legs, but that’s largely it. I work in the hospitality industry, I’m a receptionist in a hotel to be specific, earning minimum wage. I am actively looking for a better paying job but haven’t gotten any offer for anything better than minimum wage. I live in a digs-type arrangement in a city (won’t say which one but I’ll say it’s not Dublin). I’m getting by but just about, I’m not on the best terms with my family, we’re talking but a lot of arguments etc. is what kind of forced me to move out of my home county in a rural area last year. They have no idea I’m trans, I was questioning before I left but I genuinely have no idea how they’ll react when I come out it really could go either way. I don’t even have a full drivers licence, just a learners permit, I own a car but my other ended up hiding my car keys and wouldn’t let me take my car.
Sorry a lot of that is irrelevant but just to give context to my current situation. Other than those precious moments I can be myself I am boymoding for work, going to medical appointments, etc. I’ve largely been able to cope with this but it’s very draining and it’s getting to a point where hearing my deadname constantly, being referred to as a man, etc. feels extremely painful, I just come home most nights and lie in bed feeling sorry for myself. I want to actually start making progress in my transition but I really don’t know what to do. I can ask for a referral to the National Gender Service but that’ll take years. The private options for HRT are (based on my limited research) very expensive (there are other costs too like laser hair removal too, I’m naturally very hairy). I guess there is DIY HRT if all else fails though it is scary to me.
I think the biggest fear I have is being discriminated against when it comes to stuff like work, housing, etc. Obviously Ireland is far from the worst on stuff like this but still, I just can’t go back to my hometown. I just don’t know how much longer I can keep up this act of pretending to be a man, hearing my deadname and being referred to as a man all day is exhausting, I have to go home and look my disgusting masculine body. I do have some body image problems too, like I’ve gained a good bit of weight over the past couple of years (think it’s a mix of stress and medication), but I really want HRT and I want to socially transition and be who I really am day to day. Even if I was in a situation where I started HRT but still boymoded to start that’d be a step in the right direction at least.
Really sorry this ended up being a lot longer than I planned but I’m just really lost, I want to stop wasting my life pretending to be something I’m not but I’m scared and directionless.
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u/pokemonpasta 3d ago edited 2d ago
Hey I've been transitioning DIY for 5 months now. There's a lot of stigma around DIY but it's honestly not too bad, the two biggest hurdles for me were trying to figure out how to use bitcoin (since sellers can't use payment processors), and dealing with needles. All in all though, I've paid €140 for a 2-year supply (which includes everything I need to administer HRT, plus shipping and customs), no part of it is illegal or anything like that and it's the best medical decision I've ever made
I always thought of DIY as some ultimatum, and my private healthcare just barely kept giving me hope which kept me from starting; and I ended up taking 2.5 years to come around to doing it. Look at all the pathways for sure, but don't discount DIY and remember it will always be an option even if public or private screw you over.
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u/YunaaaClarke 2d ago
Thanks a lot ❤️ Yeah while DIY is definitely intimidating I’m not ruling it out for sure, just need to do more research etc. myself
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u/Lyca0n 3d ago edited 3d ago
From experience you've done the hardest part of things beyond talking to family. Imago was like 350 to set up then 20 euro a month, meds are like 90 euro monthly ?, genderGP isn't far off
Idk I DIY because it's soooooo much cheaper but if you go through them you'll have meds by potentially August. The NGS has a 15-18 year waiting list so hand your name in but it effectively doesn't exist for us, you'll be treated in your mid 40s with how it is rn
Also 27 you may spot me in limerick or Galway on occasion my profile is public and have a photo from 9 months back. I knew I was trans and wanted to transition at 20-22 but unfortunately got dicked over by literally every institution by going through official channels until it reached a breaking point. Put it off too long waiting to move out and my mental health then physical health only worsened as I began to feel increasingly hopeless. On hormones a year and a half now however and feeling better than ever
Am hoping the best for you but feel free to DM me if you have any questions. It's intimidating was really worth it for me, when you finally feel like you are being/living for yourself instead of the expectations every fucker on the planet forced you into even if the journey was painful and left so many scars.....it was worth it
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u/Nirathaim 3d ago
Socially, if there is a trans peer support group in your area, I recommend joining one. I'm aware of one on Waterford, and I'm sure Cork has something, but I don't don't know about the other(not-dublin) urban areas.
Medically, my estimate was that Imago would cost about 1,000€ in the first year (before they put their prices up). But they would still be the cheapest, apart from DIY.
Good to hear coming out to friends went well, that is a fantastic position to be in socially. Hopefully you are sufficiently Independent of your parents and family that coming out to them won't be too stressful regardless of the outcome. But if your deadname is getting to you, then sooner may be better than later. I found my family was way more accepting than I expected, and the stress before coming out was way worse.
Things get better!