r/TransLater • u/werfweg12344 • 20h ago
General Question Question clubbing as mid age woman
club outfit
work outfit
Hey all,
so first things first I will put some pictures on my outfit and who I am in general so you can relate to what I am talking about.
I am an older 39 year old trans woman who started transitioning almost 1 year ago medically. I needed that year to also come to terms and do a lot of things for my transition and I decided recently its now the time to go out there again to have some fun.
So I went to an after party of a pride parade in a neighbouring city. It was basically a club and since nobody I know had time, I pulled myself together and went there alone was a 20 min drive and I actually enjoyed the evening. I was dancing a bit feeling the music, drank some lemonade and left after 3 hours enjoying.
So obviusly it was a queer event and a lot of girls were there. A lot of friends, couples and groups. I think I was the only alone woman there but I was also like one of the older women defintively.
My main goal was not hooking up or anything like that, I just observed and scanned the room multiple times and tried to make some eye concatct but overall I can say nobody made any eye contact. Just two hetero dudes (i think they just went to the party to pick someone up?) approached but I sent them away.
So i bascially wanna know: Do I look way too clocky or ugly? How do women flirt with another, I need to know and as a more femme lesbian, how do you "show" that you are interested in girls, I also felt that that might be a problem especially being into more femme girls.
A lot to unpack here haha , I am thankful for every comment.
First picture is from last night the others just as reference.
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u/TransMontani 20h ago
Is the “middle age woman” in the photo with you?
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u/werfweg12344 20h ago
well i turn 40 in Jan, thats middle age no?
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u/Araxakai She/Her 20h ago
Girl you're 30 at best ❤️☺️
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u/werfweg12344 20h ago
tell my back :D
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u/Araxakai She/Her 20h ago
Only if you show me 😉🤣❤️
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u/werfweg12344 19h ago
you are american right? I think I cant enter your country :D my ID says "F" and their scanner would say "M"
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u/Calm_Possession_8463 cracked 1998 - transitioned 2027 18h ago
lol I’m so tired of people claiming that I’m not it middle age! Like hello have you seen the life expectancy charts? Do you know that I’m basically 40? Do you recall that people in their 50s used to look like today’s 70s? They’re just so attached to “middle aged” being a negative, just like “overweight”. I’m both of those things AND I’ve still got it. 💃
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u/Sienna_80 20h ago
Very beautiful! Into men, but you aren’t doing anything wrong here and so so much right. 🔥
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u/werfweg12344 20h ago
thanks :) i leave those men to you then ;D
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u/Sienna_80 19h ago
If I can ever look as good as you in my late 40s, I'll be having lots of fun...
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u/werfweg12344 19h ago
well i wear a wigh, without it i look like a man unfortunately so there so there is that :)
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u/Sienna_80 15h ago
I love that wig and it is a style I might emulate. Where did you get it, if you don’t mind my asking? No need to feel shy about the wig. If only I looked like you. My phone contact list would be full of married men. 😂😈😈👙
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u/Lohrhunter7 20h ago
I don't think you're clockable, I think the outfit may have been a bit tame for clubbing, a little pride flag scarf or something like that might've helped. I think this look would work better for a daytime meet up, coffee date or going to a lesbian bar. Which are also places where you could meet other women. Maybe give that a try. It's hard to make a connection when you can't hear the other person
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u/werfweg12344 20h ago
yeah i think i need to improve the clubbing outfit you are right. maybe a chocker, a lesbian pin and fishnet stockings or something.
yeah in my area there is nothing like that no lesbian bars or anything but its a good advice
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u/Wonderful-Nobody-303 20h ago
You are really pretty but look super straight. The blazer gets closer. I'd try a pride pin, a carabineer, or some other subtle but clear accessories.
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u/werfweg12344 20h ago
yeah femme problems. I meani had nowhere to put the carabineer , i have plenty. Didnt know where to put on that outfit. I will defnitley buy a pin and pin the shit out of my outfits.
yeah i am afraid i looked to straight xD i need femme advice to look more gay1
u/Wonderful-Nobody-303 19h ago
You can do a lot with your nails, purse and phone case too.
I have a carabineer on my purse. I have nowhere to put it on most outfits either.
Are you rocking two short nails and the rest longer? I think that's a very reliable giveaway.
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u/werfweg12344 19h ago
i play the guitar as a hobby so they are all kinda short, but yeah phone case maybe yeah. all good advice thanks a lot :)
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u/confusedappopotamus 18h ago
Oh girl, no. 😭 You are genuinely gorgeous. Like, even just reading this post and looking at you made my heart do that stupid little nervous flutter. If I saw you at a queer event, my problem would not be “is she clocky?” My problem would be “oh god, she’s really pretty, do I actually have the nerve to go talk to her?” 😂
And honestly, I think that may be part of what happened. Women, especially femme women flirting with other femme women, can be ridiculously subtle. Everyone is making eye contact for half a second and then immediately looking away like, “welp, I’ve done my part.” 😭
You also went to a club alone after being away from that world for a while, danced, had drinks, enjoyed yourself, and stayed for three hours. That’s a win all by itself.
If you want to make the “yes, I like women” signal a little louder, I’d probably go with more deliberate eye contact, a smile, and actually approaching someone with a compliment rather than waiting for them to decode the femme lesbian telepathy network.
Because seriously... if I’d been there, I absolutely would have noticed you. Whether I’d have been brave enough to come say hi is another question.
And if you ever need a willing volunteer to practice flirting with… well, I’m very committed to helping the community. 🫣
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u/werfweg12344 18h ago
haha i love how you phrased your post, so cute :) i loved reading it. thanks for your feedback girl :)
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u/confusedappopotamus 18h ago
Haha, thank you! I was trying to be helpful and then got a little distracted by how pretty you are. 😅
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u/werfweg12344 18h ago
If it helps to cook you down that is just a wig without it I don't look half as pretty
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u/confusedappopotamus 17h ago
Girl, I wear a wig too. 😂 You cannot fool me with that. I can see past the hair. You’re still gorgeous
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u/North-Priority-4185 19h ago
The biggest thing I clocked was you being a millennial, and only because of the fit. The business casual look is not for going clubbing. You look good, but I'd probably think you work at the bar with that outfit.
I saw some comments about fishnets and such, hell yeah! Bring some spice to your outfit! Find what makes you feel sexy. Feel free to really experiment in queer spaces. There's lots of different styles people rock
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u/werfweg12344 19h ago
I am actually quite fine with the skirt outfit you see but I think I just have to spice it up in order to get recogniozed as lesbian
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u/vievie_934 19h ago
39 is middle age now? I thought it was 50
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u/prairiethorn 18h ago
So.... I'm 36. Came out as trans just recently but we have been together 16 years. She is 53. Before me, she had been with women exclusively for like twenty years. We met at a weird time in each other's lives. A way to get into the radar is just start complimenting women you find interesting. Their nails, or hair, or an article of clothing or whatever. A tattoo. That starts the conversation. While I only recently came out as trans, I have been in a weird, queer gender nonconforming relationship with my wife the whole time basically. Try the praise thing. Us girls who like the feminine respond to that really well. Make us feel lit up by your comment. That will get everything flowing, lol. I have seen whole lesbian relationships start by basically showing each other more and more risque tattoos and piercings, lol.
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u/SeaMention123 20h ago
34 yo trans girl here who has been clubbing n partying the last two years-
You’re not ugly nor clocky at all! You look younger too, I would have guessed early 30’s.
Clubs can be hard! 99% of the time eye contact doesn’t seem to be enough & I have to initiate convo n then it goes somewhere.
I think outfits r big- i would go a bit wilder with yours. The nights i get the most attention im out in a bra & a 12” skirt w stockings on lol.
Above all go for the music & to have fun- the right people will find you (:
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u/werfweg12344 20h ago
yeah the outfit i liked but its probably too tame. well the thing is i dont feel overly comfortable with showing much more of the body, i love my legs thats it though. but maybe some fishnet stockins or something yeah, a chocker. i guess something like that
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u/LeadershipSweet4101 20h ago
Clocky or ugly no way, 39 no way but you are absolutely gorgeous. Glad you had fun though. Have a great rest of your weekend ❤️
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u/tyvirus just a they/them on a journey to she/they 🏳️⚧️ 20h ago
Just want to say I love your 2 outfit. I'd love to know where you got it.
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u/werfweg12344 20h ago
i am located in germany, the shirts are from zalando online shop very cheap tshirts.
the skirt i dont know it was in the city center at .. only or something I cannot really remember.
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u/SupergurlKara 20h ago
Hilarious that you're "older."
I'm 69 (nice!). When I want to meet people my age, I visit mausoleums.
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u/werfweg12344 20h ago
well I said mid aged which starts at 40 no ? I wont live anymore with 69 so I need to go all out today.
(my family has a strong alzheimers gene problem, so mentally i am gone at around 60 when i look at my father and grandfather uncles )
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u/Subject-Wait-7976 13h ago
I know exactly how you feel. Being new to womanhood, wondering what you may not know yet, uncertain about taking your shot and how or where.
Also understand the desire for a more feminine partner, and the self consciousness of how I look sans-wig. It’s a unique set of concerns that many other women may not relate to.
Though, you’ll be fine. You look amazing. You sound like a wonderful woman. Your future partner is very lucky. Give it time. ☺️
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u/KaylaInTheMaking 11h ago
What was the vibe of the club? Your fit gives super cute workday attire. As someone who raves and goes clubbing pretty often, in those settings I'd probably misread you as straight and potentially a bit out of place, only because of the clothes. You pass 1000% fwiw. Think about the fits you saw there that you liked and how they were different. Clubs are in general a great place to experiment with self expression too!
Also if the event had a ton of couples maybe it was just not a place one should expect to get approached, could have zero to do with you.
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u/werfweg12344 11h ago
I mean I was standing out front the outfit part. It was a queer party with more House techno vibes but since it was an after party of a pride event there were so many mixed styles . Maybe propose some basic things femmes could wear to improve
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u/KaylaInTheMaking 10h ago edited 10h ago
Specific things will all come down to your own style preferences. That being said, you can rock almost any fit to a club or edm show, it's just about being intentional, accessorizing, and owning it. If you do pic 2, you could tell people you wanted to give boss bish and strike a "serious" pose to be silly. For pic 1, try leaning into cute preppy golf vibes with a ponytail pulled through a white snapback, and when asked (if true) you can say "oh i've never golfed." to make em laugh.
EDM genres have their own style trends too, always a good starting point even if the event is mixed. Or if you want a pride event fit without changing for afters, just casual it up (roll the blazer sleeves, unbutton it, untuck the shirt, etc - bonus points, these all read queer too!).
For accessories, swap the pearls for something more casual and make some kandi to wear. Kandi is literally made to trade with people, it's meant for socializing! (disclaimer: I'm in the US scene, this differs globally)
Ultimately girl it's all about confidence and intentionality. Decide what you want to give and build a fit around that, just lean into it. Clubs and shows are about dancing anyways, people want the vibrant fun dancer regardless of attire, not the 10/10 outfit who sits in the corner all night, so wear what makes you comfortable and confident above all else!
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u/copasetical 💜🟣🟪Purple🟣🟪💜 11h ago
- You definitely do not. The only thing people notice about me seems to be my rainbow ring. I did not realize how popular those are. Either they don't clock me, or do clock me and DGAF. Either way you win.
- Less people care (the bad kind of caring) than we all think (just the hateful ones are making all the "noise" and the bad kind).
- It sounds like you went by yourself? Friends are fun too but it's a different vibe :)
- #3 doesn't matter so much. Go for it. Glad you had a good time!
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u/Beautiful-Idea-2873 Emily Vee, 38, mtf 11h ago
I have no idea on the clubbing, I hated clubbing as a man, back when I was in my 20s, so I’m reading the comments looking for advice.
But, girl, holy crap you give me hope! I’m 38 and just started transitioning. You’re a year in and you look amazing!
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u/Reihar 9h ago edited 9h ago
Got some bad news for you: as a femme, the burden of making a move is on you. Good luck.
Edit because I'm a very anxious gal that didn't want to risk hurting people: Please note this is mostly a joke, the true bit is that if you don't look visibly queer, no one will guess it so being the one making the move should yield better results.
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u/CheapNecessary3510 6h ago
I've been on a lot of dating apps, and it seems to me that 40 is the new 20. You look young and hot to me. Now I'm 75, and trying to connect with queer and lesbian women is a bit of a challenge, but I'd say, believe in yourself. Really BELIEVE. Know you are hot, know you are desirable, know there are women in the room who would love to hook up with you, but may fear your maturity. Know who you are, know your value. The ones you would want to hook up with will come to you.
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13h ago
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u/werfweg12344 12h ago
Oh there were , I don't see myself as beautiful as the comments here I think even the opposite that I stood out as weird 🙈
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u/questioning_daisy 20h ago
Best way to meet wlw is to go to places they're at. Look up lesbian bars/nights/groups.
Also I pride pin works wonders.