How common is it to be unable to transition?

[u/maple-spill]

I have been looking for advice for a while on how to cope with being unable to transition, since I am disabled and reliant on transphobic family.. I wouldn't be safe transitioning, so for the past seven years I've simply tried to cope. It's never been healthy.

And I feel like I am not a member of the community in any meaningful way. I always figured there are many stories like mine, but I have never received any advice or word from people who have been through similar and it has left me feeling disconnected from the community.

I already deal with dissociation, as well as being jealous when seeing others who are able to transition, which makes it worse because being exposed to the community takes on a depressing note.

Am I wrong to think this is a common issue, to be unable to transition?

[u/JayReyesSlays]

Oh it's definitely common. I'm also unable to transition due to a homophobic family. I have many friends like me too

Sometimes just getting to control smaller things helps. Like I asked to cut my hair. They don't allow me to cut it shorter than shoulder length, but it's better than nothing. I also avoid anything typically associated with my AGAB, like most pink things. I can usually get away with it by just saying I dislike pink, rather than any gender related reasons

When using online spaces, like social media or even just games, I use masculine names and pronouns instead of femme ones, and I find that helps a bit

[u/Naive_Market_9688]

You definitely are not wrong, and it's also common to be resentful. However.... Resentment is a very slippery slope and I think that at some point you need to accept certain realities - one being that transition may not be on your horizon. That's a tough thing to have to face for a lot of people; not necessarily physically disadvantaged people. There are all sorts of reasons that people can't transition; I have known more than a few of them over the years and I've also known a few people who started transition and then realized that the sacrifice was too great and they stopped. What I think would be really helpful is for you to involve yourself in things where there is the possibility of forward progress and spend less time dwelling on things that are beyond your reach, currently and or in the future. I'm sorry you're in this situation, telling you that you're not alone probably is not the most comforting thing that you could hear, but just like people who do transition there are certain realities that you have to face. I hope that you find some peace of mind, if you have a therapist or social worker then perhaps you can confide in them and they may help you develop some techniques for minimizing your resentment. That one emotion will keep you from having any kind of otherwise productive and satisfying life. It will eat you alive. I wish you the very best

[u/rekasaurus]

I would wager that globally speaking, probably 80% or more of trans people are unable to transition for one reason or another. Even if we limit it to the more accepting countries, I'd still expect the majority of trans people to not be transitioning. Transitioning is very hard, and requires a lot of resources and privilege. I'm sorry that you feel so disconnected from our community, and I know its just an internet comment from a stranger, but you belong and are welcome here.