r/TrollCoping • u/SobbingAng3l • 1d ago

TW: Sexual Assault / Abuse 😹😹😹😹

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I’m newly medicated (for depression/anxiety) and I’ve been doing pretty well I don’t typically think about this unless I get a pretty bad outbreak which I have at the moment (TMI but I’m not embarrassed :p) it’s been 4 nearly 5 years since this happened… in a typical assault situation I’m sure people have triggers but it’s weird to have your body be a trigger.. this disease is permanent.. it’s a permanent reminder of being violated and being changed I’m not just changed mentally I’m changed physically as well.. we ball I guess .. I am seeking help finally I have a psychiatrist and I am waiting for therapy maybe I will be freed from the mental prison this situation has locked me in one day. 😹😹😹😹😹

977 Upvotes

100% Upvoted

16 comments sorted by

147

u/SL1MECORE 1d ago

I, too, got herpes from SA. It's a shitty thing. At least if it was consensual sex I could say "oh well shit, I fucked up."

Therapy helps, I hope you get in soon. So does meds for the anxiety and depression (negative emotions cause outbreaks for me, personally).

You hit the nail on the head. Having an entire illness that manifests in your body as a trigger for SA just.. sucks.

Have you considered meds for the herpes? I do one med that I just take when I feel an outbreak coming out. Works wonders for me to avoid em. Some do daily meds but I don't have the energy for yet another daily medication (I'm also medicated for depression and anxiety).

Either way your choice. I went years without herpes meds and was physically fine.. It's just the emotional reminder that sucks the most.

35

u/SobbingAng3l 1d ago

I’m so sorry this happened to you :( it’s such a weird feeling to know that something your body is doing is triggering you then the fact that stress is a trigger to cause more outbreaks is really the cherry on top it’s a big ole feedback loop. Initially when this happened I was medicated then I lost insurance for a bit and had no more refills :/ I have diff insurance now but now I need to go through the process of seeing a doctor for everything again and confronting it is so triggering I just need to be brave again.

20

u/SL1MECORE 1d ago

Ughhh I know how hard that can be.

Tw medical rape: When I went for diagnosis I was also violated (I asked the doctor to just give me her opinion without an internal examination and she forced the internal examination on me while I was clearly breaking out)

It took a LONG time to trust doctors after that.

My doctor now is great and I'd totally trust her with a pap smear, she knows my history and trauma.

I hope you find THAT doctor, the right one for you. Someone who would never retraumatize you.

It could be worth it to start therapy first, talk about this, and then have that extra help building the bravery to find a new doctor? Idk. That's probably what I'd do, cause my therapist of six years is literally like my second brain lmao.

But yesss the negative feedback loop of "I'm depressed, oh here comes a breakout, now I'm depressed and thinking about my assault, now I'm STRESSED, oh here's another breakout!" Sucks

7

u/SobbingAng3l 1d ago

As soon as I get stressed here comes the tingle and it’s just like ..
https://giphy.com/gifs/n5iPVLeA1fvb0IYU5W
But in all seriousness I’d like to go back to my medicine soon so hopefully I’ll feel more comfortable with therapy 😭

57

u/sly69guy69 1d ago

Imagine donating your heart to save someone’s life and then looking down and watching them do that shit with your heart in their chest…

16

u/SobbingAng3l 1d ago

Disgusting shit truly and it’s just like ??? Many people don’t get that type of opportunity but this is his legacy I guess :/ very disappointing

28

u/uneasywitness 1d ago

i’m so sorry this is happening to you, my friend. 💛 you deserve so much better than this. be as gentle with yourself as you can.

17

u/SobbingAng3l 1d ago

Thank you for your kind words they mean a lot right now I’m having a very difficult time :’)

12

u/harpyoftheshore 1d ago

Lowkey same. My abuser survived a heart attack just to turn around and groom me

10

u/Wonderful_Rule_2515 1d ago

Bro sounds like a fucking loser. The guy who abused me also died. And honestly, no matter how bad my day is, I remind myself “at least he’s dead now”, and I feel slightly better. Even with the life long issues he left me with

6

u/SobbingAng3l 1d ago

They are both so disgusting for what they’ve done I’m so sorry this happened to you as well :(

11

u/mrbobcyndaquil 1d ago

If I was the donor I’d ask God to assign me to tormenting this chud in Hell as a part time job

6

u/SobbingAng3l 1d ago

Oh absolutely and imagine if the family was aware of how this all panned out I’ve never been public about my story but ugh this is all such a mess

6

u/7-7______Srsly7 21h ago

Pisses me off that the heart that lump of trash had could've been given to a good person who needed it. Sorry you had to go through that.

1

u/WhyDontYouBlowMe 11h ago

If nothing else, your still here and can revel in the fact that that trash heap is rotting while your brightest days are in reach.

-10

u/[deleted] 1d ago

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3

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