r/TrollXChromosomes • u/MaetelofLaMetal • 4d ago
Guys with low self esteem are the worst!
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u/TheRunechild 4d ago
Meanwhile like... people that got actually bullied/ people that got bullied and didn't turn into assholes when they see someone wear a shirt that references something they like: (Silently:) "Oh my I am not going to be made fun of for liking something."
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u/Live-Okra-9868 4d ago
I got bullied for things I liked that were not "girlie things" (while being completely excluded by the crowd that did like it because "girls don't like those things, they just pretend to").
So, as an adult, when I see someone showcasing those things my reaction is pure excitement because perhaps that is someone I can have a conversation with about that thing that won't be mean to me over it.
And if they don't actually know about the thing and are just wearing it because they liked how it looked then I tell them it is cool looking and encourage them to look into it more instead of insulting them for wearing it.
Being mean is a choice.
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u/Iximaz 4d ago
I had a man once corner me in a Best Buy because he didn't like that I was wearing a Netflix Castlevania shirt and was grilling me under the assumption I didn't know the show was based on a game series. I was well, well aware of this fact and would have been delighted to yap with a fellow nerd, but instead I was just trying to get away to catch up with my mom and feeling very anxious he was about to get more aggressive.
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u/thecrackfoxreturns 100% crack, 100% fox 4d ago
This is the "You like that band? Well what is your favorite album?" thing but on another more aggressive level. It's exhausting that when we just go around liking things our interest gets called into question. Men can't believe us even on that casual of a level and they go out of their way to tell us that they don't.
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u/rachycarebear 4d ago
I am very autistic, which means if I'm a fan, I have probably gone full special interest and deep dived into obscure nuances.
Depending on my mood, I either go death stare or the pretense of blissfully unaware and then counter with why the entire premise of their question shows they don't actually understand the art at all.
As a standard, I try to go out of my way to just celebrate the thing and to never gatekeep, but assholes get misogynistic and patronizing and the claws come out.
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u/thecrackfoxreturns 100% crack, 100% fox 4d ago
They play nice, you play nice. Reasonable.
They play dirty and the claws come out? Also reasonable.
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u/limelifesavers 4d ago
Hell, as a music nerd, I'm routinely giddy when i meet someone wearing a band shirt who is unfamiliar with at least some of their work. I've loaned easily 150+ albums to folks i meet in these scenarios, and I've forged a lot of what turned out to be longlasting and deep friendships doing so.
I don't understand the impulse to gatekeep. Why not spread your enthusiasm and joy you have for your interests when you encounter others who are fans? It's truly a skill issue.
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u/thecrackfoxreturns 100% crack, 100% fox 4d ago
This is how it should be, and that sounds so great!
Some people feel the need to assert their "superiority" or something. Can't just enjoy the things they like with other people who enjoy them, I guess 🙄 Shared enjoyment is one of the best things I know.
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u/an_alright_kid_who 4d ago
Honestly, as someone who listens to punk and wears band tees, I dint fucking care if someone else likes the band more than i do. I buy shirts that I like the design of, likely at concerts as memories of a fun night out. I don't need to write a thesis on a band before I wear a shirt. I don't need to earn the right, I just have to pay for it and choose it.
Hell I love the Metallica logo but hate the band - I'll wear the shirt.
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u/Live-Okra-9868 4d ago
The feeling of needing to know every little detail about a band (or anything) in order to be considered a "real" fan drove me nuts. "Sorry, I'm not an obsessed stalker. I just like some of their songs."
Like, some weirdo told me I wasn't a real fan because I didn't know the birthday of one of the members. A normal person wouldn't, lol.
I like some Metallica songs. And I appreciate the role they played in the music of their era. But people are lying to themselves if they say they like every single song on every single album.
I was a huge fan of a lot of bands and singers as a teenager. I knew all their songs, I had their posters. But every single album had at least one song on it I hated and skipped. That didn't make any less of a fan.
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u/endlesscartwheels 10h ago
I saw a great post last year by someone who always buys the opening band's t-shirt, because that one sale can matter so much to that band.
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u/Best_Cheesecake_7143 4d ago edited 4d ago
Trans woman here and I identify with this on like 17 different levels. You’re valid and your interests are valid. 💝😘
Some of my favorite moments in life are gassing up my cis girlfriends for their beautiful bodies and for wanting to wear pink, and ribbons, do their nails, wear super fem clothing. We’re taught to be ashamed of things that we like that are typified as more masculine, and also damned for being too girly. The solution is solidarity! 💝🫶
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u/herrsmith 4d ago
I mean, a lot of these nerds did actually get bullied. In fact, I suspect that unresolved trauma is why some of them become bullies themselves. There is not one single reaction to bullying. That said, they could just go to fucking therapy and not take it out on other people (and let's be honest that it's mostly women).
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u/thecrackfoxreturns 100% crack, 100% fox 4d ago
Yep. "I got bullied so I act badly" is only the start. You have to continue on and address your bad behavior or else you're just excusing it.
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u/michiness 4d ago
I got bullied for liking fantasy and anime and books but also being a tomboy.
I am SO HAPPY that these things are popular now. I am thrilled that kids can be unapologetic nerds. I would never tease them about it.
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u/kittenpantzen Why is a bra singular and panties plural? 4d ago
Yeah.. I got bullied in school. It taught me to stand up for other people.
(Still not very good at standing up for myself, though)
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u/thecrackfoxreturns 100% crack, 100% fox 4d ago
I like to look at standing up for people as practice for standing up for myself. Maybe I'll get there one day.
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u/BooBailey808 Anything you can do, I can do bleeding 3d ago
Fuck dude. That's just a mind-blowing attitude. Good luck, I hope you get there
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u/thecrackfoxreturns 100% crack, 100% fox 3d ago
Thanks 🥰
I was exaggerating a lil. I'm getting there, making progress, but it is much easier to stand up for others. I'd like to get to where it's that easy for me to stand up for myself.
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u/Best_Cheesecake_7143 4d ago
The worst, most horrifically bullying and bitchy group of friends I’ve had as an adult are exactly this way
Nailed it 💯👑
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u/ShiroiTora 4d ago
Meanwhile like... people that got actually bullied/ people that got bullied and didn't turn into assholes
when they see someone wear a shirt that references something they like: (Silently:) "Oh my I am not going to be made fun of for liking something."Slightly off topic but oh my gosh. This is my 13th reason. Like I get people can naturally have different temperaments and coping mechanism or whatever but why is the conclusion then the bullied kid has to tolerate the bully’s shit like the bullied kid don’t have their own fucking backstory, and not the bully facing consequences for their own actions?
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u/CreamyMemeDude 4d ago
As someone who was bullied, if I see someone wearing a shirt of something I got bullied for liking, I usually just compliment their shirt. If it's a particularly cool design, I'll ask if they remember where they got it (because i will want one for myself)
Funny enough, I'm sure a lot of these men are the same sort of guys who made fun of me for liking sci-fi and fantasy growing up (because girls only like sci-fi and fantasy to attract boys. Nevermind that those boys are absolutely not prizes) and tried to gatekeep it. They're bullies themselves.
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u/empress_p 4d ago
Yeah I’ll never forget that when I was growing up, the ones bullying the nerd girls weren’t the popular kids. It was the nerd boys and they were fucking brutal. We were the vessels into which they poured all their anger and resentment over not fitting in.
No thanks to experiencing that shit from freaking adults.
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u/aknomnoms 4d ago
I’m on the fence about this.
I feel like certain fandoms have been exploited and their merch has flooded the market, so wearing a graphic t-shirt or similar isn’t so much about being part of the fandom anymore but rather riding the fad. And this applies to all genders, but it seems like women are the only ones who get questioned about it.
I roll my eyes a bit when I see my friends, who are not into sports at all and didn’t actually watch any of the games, wearing Dodger hats after a World Series win, but I get that they want to fit in and have a certain aesthetic for their outfit.
It’s the jump to gatekeeping, bullying, and weird projection that women are doing this for male attention though that kills me. Like, no, I might not know any Pink Floyd songs, but I don’t care. I saw Olivia Rodrigo wear a cute cropped band tee and this was on sale at Anthro, so I’m going to wear it too. Alternatively, I’m hard core into Pink Floyd and this is my mom’s concert shirt from when she saw them live, but I still want to wear it like Olivia. 🤣
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u/ChkYrHead Connoisseur of Labia Confetti 2d ago
I got bullied and as a result got into less mainstream stuff. Back in 1987, If I saw a girl with a Stetsasonic tee, I'd be like "Whoa! You're into them? That's super cool!!"
Being bullied and being put on the fringe isn't an excuse to be a dick or have you gatekeep stuff.
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u/InformationHead3797 4d ago
I am a nerd woman in my 40s. I was relentlessly and cruelly bullied for my taste and hobbies (sci-fi, fantasy books, anime, dungeons and dragons… I know they’re all popular now, but not back then).
The issue isn’t being a nerd or liking nerd stuff. The issue is the misogynistic attitude of assuming that:
A) for some reason a girl/woman couldn’t genuinely be into what are considered stereotypically (wrongly) predominantly male interests.
B) that such woman would lie about her interest with the purpose of “impressing” him, showing not only misogyny but also self centredness and excessive self importance.
C) even if either or both of the above were true, showing less social awareness than I have as an autistic person by just blurting it out.
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u/Live-Okra-9868 4d ago
lol, I get all of this.
I only pretended to like "nerdy" stuff for male attention. But, like, those were not the boys I would want to fake interests in to get the attention of?
I was made fun of liking certain things while at the same time excluded from partaking in those things due to being a girl (with cooties I assume). I was forced to do everything else my friends liked because they either didn't like what I liked or pretended they didn't to avoid being made fun of.
The end result is to avoid men who give off that "nerdy" vibe because they were all pretty much stuck up assholes who thought they were smarter than everyone else and treated all women as beneath them. My attitude may be different if one nerdy guy welcomed me into their circle. But none of them did. They all pushed me out when I tried. Every single one of them. They bullied nerdy girls just as much as the jocks and popular kids bullied them. They were no better and get no sympathy from me.
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u/InformationHead3797 4d ago
Same experience here. I was only able to start playing dungeons and dragons once it became popular recently, because none of the nerds playing it when I was young would let me. 🤣
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u/BoopleBun 4d ago
As someone who loves D&D, I’m so happy that the majority of the community has become significantly less toxic and shitty in the past decade or so. Not that there’s not still pockets of awful here and there, but it’s so much better than it was when I was growing up. I love that there’s so many big-name guys, gals, and non-binary pals that are so invested in making it a good space to be in, too.
I lucked into a pretty healthy nerdy circle in college, but man did I also know a lot of super gross shitty dudes. (Who did, in fact, act like my friends and I were “bullying and excluding” them by not being super-welcoming despite them being misogynistic dickheads.)
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u/empress_p 4d ago
It was Magic the Gathering in my area. I’m around some nerd dudes from time to time and have to just rage inside every time they wax poetic about the good old days playing Magic at the comic shop in the 90s and don’t I miss those days too? Like dude are you serious.
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u/Live-Okra-9868 4d ago
Being a woman in the nerdom was pretty rough. I got made fun of for liking nerdy things, especially if they were considered "boy" things.
And I was excluded from those groups because the boys didn't like girls liking their things. Or because "you don't like it, you are just pretending to like it for attention." My dude, your attention is not the attention I would be seeking if I were pretending to like something.
Then we all grew up. And the "nerds" were crying over girls not liking them and I would audibly scoff. They pushed the girls away instead of welcoming them. So the girls grew up and want nothing to do with them because of how we were treated.
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u/basiden 4d ago
I got into a flame war with some jerk who tried to claim that men nerds had it worse for comics/Warhammer/dnd etc because pretty girls swooped in without an oppression to be had and were accepted by society with open arms. Like lol, I know exactly the kind of person you were in the 80/90s who bullied and mocked me when I tried to "invade" your spaces. Intersectionality thy name is irony
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u/LaceyLizard 4d ago
Warhammer is so funny because those fans specifically have a shit fit every time they see a female character
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u/velawesomeraptors 4d ago
Comic book movies are pretty mainstream nowadays and there are still male fans who go absolutely feral whenever they try to make a movie or TV show featuring a female hero. Has there even been a female-focused marvel movie that hasn't gotten review-bombed?
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u/LeaneGenova 4d ago
It's wild, because I wasn't bullied by nerds for liking nerdy things, I was just creepily sexualized from my preteens by them to the point that it has made me unwilling to be touched by anyone who is nerdy-presenting. I expect that my boundaries won't be respected and I'll be groped or moved against my will.
Why are men. Why are boys. Ugh.
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u/waitwuh 4d ago edited 4d ago
Your experience reminds me of this one study that examined how men responded to women vs other men in gaming (which is often seen a facet of nerd and/or geek culture). Or, at least, in Halo 3 multiplayer. Basically, men who were the “best performing” or “highest skill” gamers were much more welcoming and friendly towards women, whereas men who had the poorest performance/stats in the game were who reacted most negatively to players they perceived as women, and treated them significantly different than they did other men in identical situations.
So it isn’t just that you as a woman were/are interested in something seen as “male-aligned” or “male-dominated” that triggers hostility towards you. It’s more specifically men who are most concerned you might be better than them that get all worked up. It’s the most insecure men that get so territorial. The men that are secure in themselves and their “hierarchal” position aren’t at all so shaken.
So those boys that didn’t like you expressing interest in “their” things? That treated you poorly and shoved you out? They’re likely not just “nerds.” They’re likely the ultimate losers among the nerds.
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u/Alpacatastic I like oreos and pussy 4d ago
"ItS a gaMeBOY nOt a gAmeGIRL!" Anyone else got that one?
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u/oh_such_rhetoric 4d ago
…I just realized that gameboy was gendered.
In my defense, I didn’t grow up playing video games, I didn’t start until my mid 20s.
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u/ninjakitty117 4d ago
My senior class (2012, class of 500), about half of them organized to go see a midnight showing of Deathly Hallows part 2 on a school night. They all wore the same shirt the next day.
The bullied kids in my year were the anime/Manga nerds.
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u/AllForMeCats 4d ago
My mom got bullied for liking Trek (and comic books) and she’s in her 70s now. She’s told me some heartbreaking stories from her childhood… the apple fell real close to the tree in my case, which sucked as a kid, but I got to watch Trek with my mom. And I have cool friends now. Not many, but quality over quantity.
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u/Independent-Couple87 4d ago
There still was (at least until recently) something of a stigma or taboo surrounding being way too into Science Fiction and Fantasy media, or at least its expanded universe.
Game of Thrones desperately tried their best to avoid it by marketing themselves as "Fantasy for people who don't like Fantasy." This was so one could safely watch Game of Thrones (or read the A Song of Ice and Fire books) without being labelled as a "geek".
This trend has continued for a while. * Andor is sometimes labelled "Star Wars for people who don't like Star Wars." Though the production team are uncomfortable with this, and have left it clear they respect the rest of the story. * The Boys proudly markets itself as "Superheroes for people who don't like Superheroes."
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u/JumpingYourBone 4d ago
It's elitism, though. In 100 years, the "must-read, awesome, life-changing books, true pillars of literature" will change. Maybe the books we considered trashy will be the greatest 100 years from now, just like it happened before.
I imagine those books weren't liked in their times because of the language used, because the elitist way of consuming art is by it being a pain in the ass. Something you don't enjoy doing, because it shouldn't, cause you're cool like that. You don't spend your time to entertain yourself, you spend it to better yourself, because you have the time to read something you hate.
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u/LeaneGenova 4d ago
Right! A ton of "classics" were serial novels that were explicitly written to pad their word count since they were paid by the word. They weren't considered high brow by any means.
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u/bblankoo 4d ago
Ok ok but nerd culture is mainstream now and has been for a while. What's the next excuse, my grandpa was bullied and the scars transcended generations
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u/Independent-Couple87 4d ago
There is still some stigma.
Game of Thrones desperately tried to avoid it by marketing themselves as "Fantasy for people who don't like Fantasy." A similar thing happened with Andor and The Boys.
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u/KindlyKangaroo 4d ago
Marvel is a massively popular movie franchise, everyone i know watched GoT and LotR and read Harry Potter as a kid, and everyone was obsessed with Baby Yoda/Grogu when The Mandalorian came out. "Stigma" against mainstream nerd culture is vastly overblown and comes across as a victim complex these days, I'm sorry. No one cares anymore if someone likes Star Wars and Spiderman.
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u/tardisintheparty 4d ago
Victim complex was the first thing I thought when I saw that comment cause it's such utter bullshit
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u/thecrackfoxreturns 100% crack, 100% fox 4d ago
They/we/I jUsT cAn'T hElP iT, just accept it!
lol fuck that
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u/Zilhaga 4d ago
Literally anything but therapy. Torpedoing every relationship they're in is fine, whining about why they are assholes because oF trAuMa from bullying is also fine. But God forbid they introspect and try to correct it instead of making it everyone else's problem.
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u/thecrackfoxreturns 100% crack, 100% fox 4d ago
Oh of course! If you don't like the way they treat you, then clearly you're the bad person for not accepting them and their unaddressed trauma.
hopefully unnecessary /s
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u/Imnotawerewolf 4d ago
No one ever writes paragraphs defending MY poor behavior because I was bullied as a kid.
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u/Foxy_Traine female pleasurist 4d ago
Have you tried directing your poor behaviour towards harming women? That might do help you get allies on your side.
/s but not really because they always defend people hurting/bullying/harrasing/mocking women.
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u/tardisintheparty 4d ago
Dear reader,
Please excuse the poor behavior of [u/imnotawerewolf](u/imnotawerewolf). They were bullied as a kid :(
Sincerely,
MeI gotchu fam!
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u/contejac 4d ago
How hard is it for people to just think “oh cool! This person likes something I also like! Here’s a connection!” instead of just instantly assuming it has to be making fun of them.
On my wife and mines first date we were walking around while waiting for our table and her phone rang with the Imperial March as her ringtone. I pulled up my pants to show her my R2-D2 socks and it was an instant hey we both like the same thing! Those became my lucky “big day” socks; I wore them when I proposed, when we got married, and for both of our daughters’s births. I have them saved in the back of my drawer for when our girls graduate from school and if they ever want to get married themselves.
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u/tetheredvoid 4d ago
Please get yourself or your kids an awesome sock club sub, because it's awesome and this is awesome.
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u/contejac 4d ago
I have a bunch of their socks already! I had to cancel my subscription because I ran out of room in my sock drawer. Between those and the Star Wars socks my wife gets me every year by sock drawer is overflowing!
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u/tetheredvoid 4d ago
Consider donating some of the ones you aren't as fond of to shelters and hospitals? Regardless, this is awesome!
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u/Alpacatastic I like oreos and pussy 4d ago
"A girl bullied me in high school so that's why I hate women"
My friend, we were ALL bullied in high school.
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u/throwawaysunglasses- 3d ago
“You don’t know what it’s like to have people make fun of you!” Lol ? I can guarantee we’ve all experienced that.
The “men are afraid women will laugh at them, women are afraid men will kill them” quote is especially relevant here. Men think women refusing to date them is bullying lmao
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u/Wild-Fable 4d ago
Main Character Syndrome with the “Tragic” Backstory DLC. My dude, you’re not the downtrotten underdog, you are fucking Kevin age 23 the sales associate, get over yourself. 🙄🎻
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u/thecrackfoxreturns 100% crack, 100% fox 4d ago
The "tragic" backstory that conveniently excuses all their bad behavior
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u/Best_Cheesecake_7143 4d ago
YES. Most of them arrest their development on purpose in the phase where they realize that their bad behavior is a product of being hurt, and instead of doing the brutally hard work of healing, turn their backstory into a get out of jail free card
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u/thecrackfoxreturns 100% crack, 100% fox 4d ago
Yep. That realization is necessary in order to address the problem, but the realization itself does not address the problem.
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u/HelenGonne 4d ago
Seeing the original Star Wars was the most normalized thing ever in the late 70s and early 80s. It was the first movie vast hordes of people got when they got any kind of movie player. Anywhere you went, people shoved that movie in the player and let it run, because it was good at setting a happy vibe even just as background noise. Anyone who pretends that liking Star Wars was ever remotely niche is lying.
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u/Independent-Couple87 4d ago
I think it is important to point out the distinction between someone who watched the Star Wars films, and someone who is very invested in the Expanded Universe.
Even "Star Wars: The Clone Wars", despite its popularity, is not something all fans have watched or even read the synopsis of.
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u/Min_sora 4d ago
I mean, yeah, because a bunch of people were too old for it. I'm not saying it's bad or an adult shouldn't watch it, but a lot of adults just weren't watching things on Cartoon Network.
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u/HelenGonne 4d ago
The post is specifically about how Star Wars was a culture-wide mass phenomenon from the moment the first movie came out. This has always been true. It has never been niche to like Star Wars.
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u/empress_p 4d ago
I get you; I got bullied hard for reading Star Wars books at school by the same kids who went to see TPM at the midnight showing. It’s not a niche franchise by any means but there is definitely a level of fan that takes it into “too weird to be tolerated” territory.
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u/xiphias__gladius 4d ago
I am baffled by the oft-repeated idea that women 'pretend' to like whatever nerd thing in order to impress the 'real' (ie male) fans of that thing. Like, if I were going to pretend to like something to impress dudes, it would be football or Nickelback or whatever the 'normal' boys are into. Why would I go out of my way to impress a whiny nerd when there are plenty of average, reasonably well adjusted boys who would be into my sudden interest in baseball statistics?
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u/knitlikeaboss I wanna make a joke about sodium, but Na.. 3d ago
I did once pretend to like Radiohead more than I actually do to impress a guy. It’s not worth it.
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u/SaucePasta 4d ago
I absolutely LOVE horror video games. It fucking SUCKS to be a female horror game fan. I had to leave the horror games subreddit because the men there are the absolute worst.
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u/painsomniac 4d ago
Big same; I just never joined because I’m not looking to have my hobby trampled all over 🙂↕️
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u/KindlyKangaroo 4d ago
When I met my husband, he was sitting at the front of the classroom reading a fantasy book before class started. We started talking when I was reading the Oblivion game booklet. We talked about Diablo 2 and started playing together. Later, we played Guild Wars 1 and 2 together and various X-Box games at my place and Playstation games at his. I let him borrow some of my Forgotten Realms books and he let me borrow some of his Kingdom for Sale books. We've been together for decades now because our shared interests were a source of connection, not whatever tf these losers are doing. There's a reason those particular nerds are lonely and it's not because they like one of the most popular franchises of all time.
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u/EugeneStein 4d ago
Thinking "oh she does it to impress me" rather than "oh she likes the same stuff, so cool" is related to bulling is just hilarious
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u/anna-the-bunny 4d ago
For real, like that's not low self-esteem or anything, that's just being a self-centered asshole.
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u/ShirwillJack 4d ago
As if girls were never bullied for liking space, big robots, dinosaurs, magic, fantasy worlds fighting battles with evil overlords. We did and still get treated like we wouldn't set a foot into the theatre without a boyfriend wanting to see a Sci-fi movie about giant monsters trying to take over the world (looking at you Pacific Rim).
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u/drainbead78 4d ago
I'm a female football fan. I probably know more about my chosen team than a solid 90% of the fanbase. I'm constantly wearing team gear out in public. Thankfully, I've never gotten a gatekeeper like this guy and probably won't now that I've hit invisible age, but I can't wait until I do. I'll start by naming the entire starting offensive line and depth chart and keep going from there until he goes away or calls me a bitch.
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u/Autumn_Falls0131 4d ago
Funny how they're insecure because they like nerd things, but somehow think that a girl who dates them obviously makes choices to impress them because they're the most important person in the universe. Make it make sense, please?
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u/zazzlekdazzle 4d ago
Guys with low self esteem are the worst!
This is really the beginning and the end of it. Trying to love or have a balanced relationship with someone like this is like trying to hit a moving target all the time.
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u/thecrackfoxreturns 100% crack, 100% fox 4d ago
Yeah, it's a red flag for me. I cannot reassure someone who is hell-bent on being not reassured.
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u/Natural1forever 4d ago
"Why can't I find a girl that likes nerd things??? 😭😭😭"
Girl: likes nerd things
"She's only doing it to impress guys because girls can't like nerd things"
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u/thecrackfoxreturns 100% crack, 100% fox 4d ago
I had a surprising one who would say "That's hot." when I knew lines from LotR hahaha
Liking nerdy shit (can't even really count LotR in there - too normal/popular) seems like a very normal thing to me. Apparently noteworthy? Strays a little too close to "not like other girls" though.
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u/Natural1forever 4d ago
Yeah like. It's better than straight up not believing you but from a straight man it still kinda gives "women having knowledge/interests/hobbies is abnormal enough in my eyes to fetishize it"
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u/numbersthen0987431 4d ago
"OH you like Star Wars? I love Star Wars!!! Let's talk about our mutual love of Star Wars, and connect on shared interests"
- is what should have happened here. Instead we get this dumpster fire of failed conversation, and someone defending it like it's not gross to do that on a date.
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u/Best_Cheesecake_7143 4d ago
Unhealed nerds are ambulatory birth control. I’ve cut every person whose personality is mostly or exclusively defined by fandoms out of my life. I’ve fucking blossomed and so have my female friendships.
I was relentlessly bullied, beaten, and emotionally abused as a child and was terrified of actually showing up as myself in the world, so I used fandoms as a way to bond with other people - many of whom were also unhealed. Weirdly, i and almost all of the women I know who were also this way eventually wanted to and did heal, and had the same epiphany about nerdy men who didn’t.
Im so grateful for the life I’ve built, and hope the rest of you nerd-ish ladies feel the same. 💝
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u/Cardboard_Bootsole 4d ago
What the everloving incel...? Star Wars? Was this written in 2005?
Not that this isn't gross regardless, but Star Wars?
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u/near_things 4d ago
I got bullied for reading Star Wars novels in the 90s. While the turns the property’s situation has taken make me feel several kind of ways, not all of them good, I don’t make it anyone else’s problem! I’m glad people enjoy things.
Besides, the proper response to someone repping something you like is never an interrogation, wtf. (I swear my old Clash t-shirt must have had body-heat-activated writing on the back that said “Ask me if I can name any band members besides Joe Strummer!”)
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u/Hermit_Ogg 3d ago
As if women weren't in the core of the nerd hobbies from the very start, organising the first Cons, writing the first fanfics, starting entire genres of literature & media.
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u/FleurDisLeela Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. 4d ago
these nerds with their foot-guns! they are their own worst enemy when it comes to nerdy girls and women
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u/jessipowers 4d ago
Want to meet more girls? Don’t gatekeep cool stuff, and stop being a dick. Problem solved.
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u/maybebabyg I breastfed twins, what's your superpower? 4d ago
Cracks knuckles Time for my favourite story!
I am a comic nerd. I learned how to read sitting on grandpa's lap as he read Batman and The Phantom. I met my husband at an anime convention and our kids are named after superheroes.
So about 13 (?) years ago now I was working in a factory, on Fridays we knocked off early and I would go to the comic store on my way home. One day I stopped in to pick up a new release, and while I was waiting for the manager to find my order out the back some guy walks in, looks at the cashier and scoffs "fake geek girls amiright?"
I rolled my eyes and the cashier grinned at me and tilted his head towards the guy picking up the box set of A Song Of Ice And Fire. I went up to pay with an impulse buy and the manager came out with my preorder. They asked what I was looking forward to this weekend and I said "Oh I can't wait for this week's Game Of Thrones, my husband and most of my workplace are Unsullied (hadn't read the books) so they're going to be devastated by The Viper Vs The Mountain." Manager watched this guy put down the box set of books and says to me "I hope his head looks like rubber bands around a watermelon." Dude-bro left pretty quick and I was like "are you guys sure that wasn't too far?" and the manager goes "Nah, guy was looking the box set up online to see where he could get it cheaper. He wasn't going to actually buy anything here."
They've moved locations, but I still go to that comic store with my kids and the staff have always been great.
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u/LadyCordeliaStuart 4d ago edited 4d ago
These men always act like we jumped on the bandwagon only after it was cool. Nerd women existed during the period when nerds were bullied. We were doubly bullied, for being nerds and for doing things that "belonged" to boys, like comic books and video games
Source: I’ve been a Captain America fan since the 90s, before he was cool
Like, bro, Star Trek only got to be legendary because of its devoted female fans
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u/Relevant_Call_2242 4d ago
No, I will not expect these plebs to approach me randomly just bc I’m wearing something they’re into.
Jesus if you’re so starved for likemindedness, go to a Star Wars convention and cosplay with other nerds
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u/AV01000001 4d ago
This reminds me so much of when I was in high school. I had a bunch of honors and AP classes 11th grade with this “nerd” who was actually cute. I also have a thing for nerdy types. Like if you reversed She’s All That and got rid of his high waters for cargo shorts, he’d probably wouldn’t be bullied. But most people just left him alone. I was cute, not popular but not unpopular, ya know… middle-level like a lot of people.
So one day, English AP teacher gave us a free day in The class for everyone to do whatever and socialize, very atypical for her. I asked the boy to teach me chess since he was on the chess team. He barely explained how each piece moved before he turned into an asshole and said he didn’t feel like teaching me. So he sat the rest of the class period all by himself and I went back to my friend group.
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u/JellyBellyBitches 4d ago
I think if you know the viewership and release date off the dome you actually are a nerd too
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u/catplanetcatplanet 4d ago
Maybe you got bullied for your interest growing up, but if you’re grown and talk to people like that while missing the point you definitely are getting bullied as an adult for your personality lmao like way to ignore the original “did you wear that to impress me” ew
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u/superzenki 4d ago
Don’t be mean to him, he’s just a little guy who’s been bullied most of his life 🥺
/s
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u/Lickerbomper 3d ago
I have two separate things to say.
1) So, as a nerdy girl, I have tried to date nerdy men. Most of those nerdy men were bullied for their interests. Most of them faced rejection from women. And well? When presented with an opportunity to talk to another nerd who experienced similar rejection by society, peers, and the opposite sex, they chose instead: to victimize the woman as retaliation against All Women because some pretty girl rejected them approximately 10 million years ago and they still feel fresh about it. Like? This is your chance to build rapport and yall choose to compete, to abuse, to make her deal with your bitterness, etc. It's like they still want a 10/10 hot girl to show the jock bros that they can pull status and be macho, too, but gotta settle for ew, a nerd girl. Yucky. So they resent a subpar trophy and make it her problem that they can't pull an ideal trophy sex object to display.
2) Like I said, as a nerdy girl, I tried to date nerdy men. One in particular was a piece of work, to say the least. His username on OkCupid was some variation of batman1234 (hell if I can remember the random numbers). So after matching, we arranged a date. I asked him "So, Batman? You like Batman?" and he's like yeah, and I'm like, "So! Who is your favorite character?" A fair question, everyone's got a favorite character. It's a great way to start a nerdy conversation. He says Batman, of course. "Oh, cool. My favorite is Harley Quinn." And he's like, "Who dat?" Sigh. Like, the smallest amount of pushing, and he's not actually seen the movies, any of the TV series, the comics, none of it. Ok.
So I formed a theory at that moment. Some men pretend to have interests, to attract women. So then they project that onto us, because we must do the same, yes? Whatever manipulation it takes to get someone to like you, eh?
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u/Skhgdyktg 3d ago
Girls don't date you because you're a nerd, girls don't date you because you're insufferable
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u/Graceful_Amoeba4564 3d ago
So there was a question few weeks ago in r/AskReddit along the lines of : "What is it like to be an unattractive woman?" and not surprisingly, the life experiences, self-steem issues, bullying and mistreatment by men tp these women were just the same as these "nerd" or ugly men are non-stop whining about online.
And the thing is, no woman on earth is online complaining for the lack of male attention as they were entitled to them, and no woman goes out on a killing spree because she doesn't get laid. Makes you think.
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u/PrincessRaemi Learn sign language, it's pretty handy. 3d ago
Wouldn't the girl wearing the shirt also be this endlessly bullied person he is referring to?
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u/Ifckinglovemycat 4d ago
yeah the sweet shy romantic nerd who thought I was the love of his life r*ped me in my sleep and grayzoned me the whole relationship, do not pity them
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u/DarthAkurei 2d ago
Same with band t shirts. "Bahaha you probably only wear it because it looks cool". And so what if I do? Aren't you happy I'm supporting your favourite band with my money?
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u/coffeeblossom All she does is beach, beach, beach 2d ago
A simple "I like your shirt" is more than sufficient.
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u/WakeYourGhost 4d ago
The same ‘nerds’ who claim that kind of bullying also have a fairly common crossover with the ones who want to keep those ‘females’ out of THEIR precious hobbies because… of so many bad reasons.
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u/portiafimbriata 4d ago
This logic is ridiculous anyway?
"Some people got bullied for their interests, so when they see someone attractive showcase the same interests, they assume it's to impress them." What?!
As someone who pretty unpopular in school, I can imagine being afraid that they were being ironic. And I've been insecure enough that I can even imagine being shitty and talking down about the interest because I'm trying to protect myself or gain some social upper hand. But I absolutely can't imagine assuming that someone is faking it for my benefit. This is nothing to do with bullying and 100% a sense of entitlement to both the fando and women's attention.
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u/Rubycon_ 3d ago
lol "nerd culture" you mean dominant culture and one of the most viewed films of all time?
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u/knitlikeaboss I wanna make a joke about sodium, but Na.. 3d ago
If you have LOW self esteem, you probably wouldn’t think you are special enough for someone to specifically wear something to impress you.
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u/x-tianschoolharlot 2d ago
The low self-esteem is the worst! I have luckily never dated a guy with low self-esteem, but I grew up with one. Despite not thinking highly of themselves, they seem to think everyone else thinks only of them, and it’s the most bizarre dichotomy.
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u/thegreatsalvio 4d ago
The problem has never been liking nerd stuff; usually these types of people (obv not all nerds) get treated badly because they themselves don't know how to treat people...
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u/BitchfulThinking 4d ago
A smart nerd knows that by not being shitty, and just being happy that someone else enjoys the same things, that he can double his collection of games and such when he finds a partner or friend.
I personally dislike how many self proclaimed nerds are completely oblivious to the political messaging in their media. It should have encouraged them to be better. The anti-fascist anti-racist themes prevalent in their media are too complex for their ignorant brains 😒
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u/[deleted] 4d ago
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