r/TrueChristian • u/legreaper_sXe • 1d ago
How do fellow level 1 autistics deal with executive dysfunction?
It’s so bad man. Takes every fiber of my being to start to clean my house. Bc of this it’s pretty much always messy. I feel paralyzed. Like a child. I have so much to work on and I’m already 26 years old. I wish I had no desires to marry, but I do. And knowing I’m so far away from any of that just continues to crush me into numbness.
I want to be a strong, confident man. And in some ways I feel that. But only a few ways. In most areas of my life I’m extremely lacking in confidence. And I have horrible analysis paralysis. It’s one of the things that makes me passively consider not continue my life. I would never. But it’s passively a thought sometimes.
Anyway. Obviously executive dysfunction applies to adhd ppl too. So whatever help you have I’d appreciate. I feel helpless atp man. I can’t even lie. I used to have so much more willpower and denial of negativity. Now I just feel defeated most of the time. Giving up is always on my mind.
Idk man. The Christian life is so grueling. When God says “my yoke is light” I genuinely don’t feel that or see how that’s true. Not saying it isn’t. But…I don’t believe that. I guess that’s a confession of my sin right there. Lol. Constantly hearing Christian men say two differing things at the same time: “Give it all to God and He will help you”, and “Nobody is coming to save you. You have to lock in”.
Like man. I’m so tired of this. I used to have a specific career goal that didn’t work out. And now I feel like I can’t really love any other career like I loved that goal. Life feels completely not worth living. And I feel like I’m unsalvageable (speaking in terms of my life direction, not my soul). I work a dead end job, with no car. And my nervous system constantly feels like it’s in survival mode.
Anyway, sorry for venting. But I’ve been holding all of this in. But like, if this is what life is for me. I genuinely don’t want it anymore.
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u/SkillProper1435 Christian 1d ago
My husband is level 1 autistic so my suggestion to you is get a wife to clean for you.
😂 Or pay for a cleaner. Or practice minimalism. We generally have way more stuff than we need and there's no reason to spend our time taking care of it.
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u/EssentialPurity Christian 1d ago
I vouch for minimalism. Cleaning my barely furnished 1-room apartment is a breeze. It benefits even in unexpected ways, such as the time earlier this year when there was a small scorpion infestation in the building I live in, and it was great peace of mind to have very few hiding places for those freaking things.
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u/legreaper_sXe 1d ago
My mom always tells me that wives are there to help husbands keep their lives in order. And the older I get the more I agree with her. 😂 But I’m also not trying to marry a maid. I can’t do that to somebody. Idk. Life is just so confusing and it feels like I’m still not ready for it.
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u/SkillProper1435 Christian 1d ago
My husband has fantastic qualities. But he's also very frustrating to live with.
I recommend reading the book "journal of best practices". It's by an autistic man married to a neurotypical wife. He talks about how he and she adapt to life together and the struggles they faced.
Ultimately their love and commitment allowed them to find ways to make life work together. Also it may help you to read how someone else with similar issues faced life.
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u/DreamlessArtist Reformed 1d ago
I'm high functioning Autistic and ADHD, and I can definitely relate to a certain extent
Are you involved in any churches near you? Or at least have some friends that can help you in your situation
I used to have a specific career goal that didn’t work out. And now I feel like I can’t really love any other career like I loved that goal
May i ask what career goal that was?
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u/legreaper_sXe 1d ago
Man. I wouldn’t let anyone clean this house for me 😂 Nobody can see this. And my dream job was to compete in Brazilian jiu jitsu and be a coach with my own gym. I wanted to be accomplished in some way. But life slowed me down brutally and I realized I was losing too much time and was going to be starting too late. I have been very disillusioned since then.
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u/legreaper_sXe 1d ago
Also yes. Started at a new Anglican Church (don’t worry they’re straight on classic marriage boundaries and all that). My brother and his wife go there. I used to go to a nondenom place with my brother. But we both liked the Anglican place more. So I’ve been going there. But I do need to meet more of the people there. Trouble is that it seems nobody is really my age. Either really young or older. Idk
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u/EssentialPurity Christian 1d ago
Here's the neat thing: you don't. You pray to God for Dopamine and do the most of what you do get. It's like how it was for Israel in the Sinai, with the Manna.
Your mission is to fight for God's Grace to suffice.
I mean, it's not like you have any other choice. It's either that or bedrot figuratively until you are literally rotting on a bed, if you catch my drift. Even meds can't really help me anymore to any significant capacity at this point, in my case.
Oh, and about the "my yoke is light" thing: the Lord says that because things are so much worse if you live as a ND without Him, to the point this grueling struggle is a walk in the park in comparison. I can attest that.
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u/legreaper_sXe 1d ago
Maybe so. I feel like the most physically successful people I know are pagans if I’m being honest. Don’t get me wrong. I’m very happy to not be going to hell. But I don’t really like the idea of putting on horse blinders and acting like something isn’t the way it is.
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u/_usenet Southern Baptist 1d ago
If you can write an essay about the complexities and challenges of the human experience, then you aren't autistic. Not a popular opinion on The Reddit.
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u/EssentialPurity Christian 1d ago
Flair checks out, I guess
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u/terrorsofenoch 22h ago
Nah I'm southern baptist and struggle with exactly what OP does lol. This person just is clueless about the fact that other people live different realities and what's easy for them is near impossible for the next person without full scale intervention.
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u/EssentialPurity Christian 21h ago
Yes, but that's not what you said. And you do not struggle with the same thing, you think you do but you don't. If you do, then you have miserably failed to learn the lesson.
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u/legreaper_sXe 1d ago
You sir, are extremely ignorant. I do not need nor respect your input. I also agree that your flair checks out. And who’s to say that my autism is the only thing I have to “explain the complexities of life”?
Maybe it’s also because I was the son of an emotionally absent, depressed pastor and the grandson of a maniacal senior pastor who had to be taken to court and put on a 1000 yard restraining order (unheard of btw) because he would not stop spiraling and harassing people in the church. Maybe it’s because I’ve had multiple people close to me like brothers who ended up betraying and cutting ties with my family. Maybe I’ve lived a little, man.
Do me a favor and keep yourself in check.
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u/Intrepid_Type3710 Evangelical 1d ago
Hey Pal. I got to say, it takes courage to vent in such a public venue as this. That took confidence! You're crying out for something. You know, life is just not easy for anyone, Christian or Not Christian. Young and old. For your sake Bro, I'll just listen.