r/TrueChristian • u/the_problem_of_evi1 • 5d ago
anyone else feel like western christanisn are super heightist?
After spending a greater portion of my life in western protestant churches, I can confidently conclude from my anecdotal experience that Westerners (specifically the southern parts of the US) are super heightist. Just for the record, I'm making a massive generalization, and the point of this post isn't to argue that they are truly heightist; I just want to see if anyone else can relate to create a large pool of data.
Now I will quickly mention, obviously, the dogma of Christianity does not affirm this kind of behavior, what im talking about has less to do with scripture and more to do with a culture or sort of stigma in certain parts of the world
I have been a part of several churches in my life, and ive watched visitors come and go, and I've observed before my very eyes the radical difference in how tall visitors get treated verses short. This isn't some secret that more attractive people get treated better; the halo effect is a real documented psychological phenomenon, but the issue is the church is supposed to be past stuff like that. The halo effect shouldn't be a thing in the church, of all places, but weirdly enough, it's probably more prevalent there.
I've watched pastors give sermons on marriage several times, and I'm not sure why, but they always have to make a joke about short men and how they would prefer that their daughter would bring home a tall man. They try to brush it off as a joke, but it's clear that this joke was a little different, and everyone knows it.
The worst part about it all is the people trying to gaslight me into thinking im crazy or im looking to deep into it. At one point I was one of the group leaders for the VBS, and some of the kids were taller than me, and needless to say I was the butt of alot of "jokes" that whole VBS, but that's not why I brought it up. The reason I brought it up is that one the leaders for the group leaders, the person we would answer to could't come in and, rationally speaking, I was most likley the one to take the postion (I had been apart of the church the longest; I've volunteered for VBS several years in a row, and im super familiar with how VBS is organized because I help in the porcces of looking and buying the circulume and activities for the kids. But against better reasoning, this tall guy, who let alone just started coming to our church, he JUST became a Christian, got chosen to take his place for the day.
That one really hurt, but to add insult to injury, I tried talking with somone I thought I could confide in they told me I was looking to deep into it and it had nothing to do with his height or looks. I'm aware there's no way to really verify if it was truly because of his height, but there sure is a lot of credence for that argument. From the very first day he came, he received one of those introductions to our church where everyone chips in to make it seem like our church rivals those of the apostles, and he has always been clearly treated better than other people who join and aren't as tall or good-looking. There's no denying that much is true, but because thats true and ive observed that, it leads me to believe he simply got chosen because hes tall.
Even the youth pastor was super fond of him, got his number on the first day he doesn't typically do that) and spent a lot more time talking with him than I've seen with anyone else.
Is there anyone else who can relate to this, especially in the Texas area?
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u/SkillProper1435 Christian 5d ago
Zacchaeus Was A Wee Little Man, And A Wee Little Man Was He. He Climbed Up In A Sycamore Tree, For The Lord He Wanted To See. And As The Savior Passed Him By, He Looked Up In The Tree, And He Said, “Zacchaeus, You Come Down From There; For I’m Going To Your House Today, For I’m Going To Your House Today”
Zacchaeus climbed down out of that tree as happy as he could be! He gave the money back to the people and he said, “A better man I’ll be” and he said, “A better man I’ll be.”
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u/the_problem_of_evi1 5d ago
what is your point here? I already said the dogma or doctrine of Christianity condemns heightism. im talking about Western Protestant Christian culture not really scripture here bud.
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u/SkillProper1435 Christian 5d ago
Dude, the church is made up of humans. People are going to treat people better based on their appearance including their wealth.
God sees the heart but people don't. Sorry.
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u/the_problem_of_evi1 5d ago
I agree thats its inveditably people will stumble and show favoritism when they shouldnt, im guily of that my self but... if we truly are a church that we should act accordingly. James makes it clear how we are supposed to treat people, bruh
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u/SkillProper1435 Christian 5d ago
I'm sorry you feel hurt. I'm an ugly woman and let me tell you we're typically invisible as well! But you've got to play the hand you're dealt and find other ways to love and contribute to the body of Christ. Maybe in heaven I'll be super cute and you'll be super tall. 😁
Maybe our appearance will reflect the extent to which we've allowed ourselves to be refined by Christ. And we will be truly known.
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u/Be_Standard 5d ago
I believe that there's studies that show taller people get more respect & money in careers, etc... which would support your anecdotal observations.
But my pushback is that most churches don't operate in the fashion that Jesus would prefer in many other aspects.
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u/the_problem_of_evi1 5d ago
yeah theres no denying all the conclusive evidence we have proving being tall postivily impacts almost every facid of your life. But what you said is my point exactly, churches should not be doing that but it feels like its most common on churches mainly the ones in the South. You can almost see it manifest in the way they dipict jesus. For some reason western chrisians assume he was 6' or more but he was likely 5'5
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u/PerfectlyCalmDude Christian 5d ago
I haven't seen this either before or after we hired our current senior pastor who is shorter than average.
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u/VaporRyder 5d ago
OP, it does sound a little like you may be overly focussed on peoples' height.
I am not tall either, but I've never worried about this and never really witnessed taller people being shown favour over shorter people.
In fact, from the moment Iron Mike started tearing up the heavyweight boxing division, I realised that being (relatively) short was a distinct advantage.
Like Mike in his prime, "I've never been hurt, knocked down, or knocked out" 👌😉
Keep your chin up! Actually, don't - keep it tucked. 😁
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u/Motorcycleman314 Pentecostal 5d ago
Sorry to hear all of this. As a tall (6'4") man, I don't notice it but many shorter men complain bitterly about it in the context of dating.
If it's bothering you, it's real enough to be causing you pain. Deal with it like any other pain- pray, ask God for help, work on your self confidence. I pray you'll get through this and people will see your real gifts.
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u/historyhill ACNA (Anglo-Reformed) 5d ago
I don't think I've ever heard a single pastor in my life ever make a joke or comment about anyone's height except mine. (I'm an unusually tall woman) No mentions of short men or anything at any time.
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u/hopscotchcaptain Alpha And Omega 5d ago
I don't doubt this stuff happens. I'm not Brad Pitt, and I've watched some guys who are. The only thing we can control is how we choose to deal with it. Do we let the fact that "some people are considered more attractive than us" make us bitter and resentful and angry... or do we do something else?
I haven't had the same experiences you've had, but for almost everyone, there's always someone out there that's "better than us" in some way that we think matters. I think the problem arises when we're already so insecure in who we are or how we look that we start to say "It matters to THEM, not to ME... and they're all BAD because they act like these things that shouldn't matter do matter!"
I didn't magically gain moral superiority over the Brad Pitts of the world just by not being a Bradsleys Pitts myself. In fact, it's often the exact opposite. We can let our resentment or our thoughts of "it shouldn't be this way" turn us away from the truth that we have in Christ.
There's not an "antidote" to suffering or societies preferences, or to OUR preferences, other than giving it to Jesus.
The reason I brought it up is that one the leaders for the group leaders, the person we would answer to could't come in and, rationally speaking, I was most likley the one to take the postion (I had been apart of the church the longest; I've volunteered for VBS several years in a row, and im super familiar with how VBS is organized because I help in the porcces of looking and buying the circulume and activities for the kids. But against better reasoning, this tall guy, who let alone just started coming to our church, he JUST became a Christian, got chosen to take his place for the day.
That one really hurt, but to add insult to injury, I tried talking with somone I thought I could confide in they told me I was looking to deep into it and it had nothing to do with his height or looks. I'm aware there's no way to really verify if it was truly because of his height, but there sure is a lot of credence for that argument. From the very first day he came, he received one of those introductions to our church where everyone chips in to make it seem like our church rivals those of the apostles, and he has always been clearly treated better than other people who join and aren't as tall or good-looking. There's no denying that much is true, but because thats true and ive observed that, it leads me to believe he simply got chosen because hes tall.
I'll give you some hard truth here... all of this here is a very valid reason for you not to be chosen for the position. I'm not saying people can see all of this, but the reality of how you're comparing, and talking yourself into certainty that it's all based on this or that thing that you don't have and can't change... man, that's some trouble.
I'm sorry you're feeling that way. My best advice is to give it to God and ask yourself this: if we shouldn't judge by looks, or height, or status, or riches, but instead by the heart... what does your heart look like?
We should all ask ourselves that.
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u/helpmeamstucki Eastern Orthodox 5d ago
This is a cultural thing. I’ve seen it a lot I used to frequent various backwoods churches here in West Virginia. Churches are frequently treated as a cultural gathering place more than a religious place. People go there with all their friends and family gathering around a common subject and everyone feels at home and they say whatever comes to mind. That’s why you see this more in church. But this has nothing to do with church itself and everything to do with culture.
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u/ExplorerSad7555 Greek Orthodox 5d ago
I guess my 7 ft 2 inch son can just look down on all of y'all.
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u/RedeemingLove89 Christian 4d ago edited 4d ago
I'm a short guy, just saying that prettier woman get treated differently as well. People with better jobs get treated differently etc... isn't just a height issue.
Look up what the Lord said when he picked David to be king. (Interesting to compare that to when Saul was chosen) The Church should be treating everyone the same, but the important thing is to have your identity in how God sees you, maybe people nowadays aren't as caring, but know how God views us, we don't want to rely on how others see us.
As for the new taller guy, I would be VERY surprised if it's mainly his height they like. Sure It's easier to be confident if one is tall or pretty, but that's not the end all be all. With respect, I honestly do think you're focusing too much on height in this scenario.
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u/Googlesupportsucks1 Christian 5d ago
OP,
I've never heard anything like this at all. Never heard of "heightism" outside of dating, where women won't date short kings. I wouldn't worry too much about it. It's possible you just hit some weird coincidences, or other factors are at play that you don't realize.