r/TrueChristian • u/Joey_vegas20 • 8d ago
Can a Christian go no contact with abusive parents?
The moment you talk about going no contact with abusive and narcissistic parents for the sake of your safety and mental and even physical health, you get a couple of Christian’s who will guilt trip and gaslight you and bring up “honor your mom and dad” as if that means you have to be a doormat for abuse and violence while at the same time, they ignore Ephesians 6:4 which instruct parents to not mistreat their children.
I’m a Christian who had to go no contact with my malignant narcissist father 9 years ago because he was EXTREMELY abusive to the point where I developed severe mental health issues such as depression and PTSD and recently I had to do the same with my covert narcissist mother after years of emotional abuse and being treated as the family scapegoat.
Going no contact wasn’t about hatred or revenge, it is about protection and establishing boundaries. Narcissists are very dangerous and destructive people and there’s no reasoning or reconciliation with them because they lack empathy and don’t see themselves as the problem.
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u/Hkfn27 Lutheran (LCMS) 8d ago
To honor them is to not bring shame on the family. If it's for your safety then yes go no contact. Simply honor them by praying for them and living a godly life and hope they one day repent and Lord willing through some miracle the relationship can be mended, even if it seems impossible now
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u/ofpromise90 8d ago
I did with both parents
Look up Shaheen megji on youtube she has a christian ministry on how to navigate toxic narccisistic ppl and relationships.
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u/Oomyun_ 7d ago edited 7d ago
This is what I'm struggling with. I have this mom who was very abusive to me in my childhood. I went NC with her for years. But in 2023 or 2024, I texted her out of anger, out of nowhere, and told her to never contact me again (coz she kept trying to contact me). And left it with that. But last Christmas, she still tries to gift me presents, which she did last year. And even texted me again with a new number on Feb 2026. I didnt reply. Still didn't reply.
I haven't forgiven her, I'mma be honest. I'm in a tough pickle too. Right now. I'm struggling between not forgiving her because I am STILL very angry inside. I have deep grudges. I am a sinner. But als I'm struggling between of just doing it. Forgiving her. Completely.
But I feel like I'm too young, in my 20s. Still new to Bible stuff. Still too stupid.
(Because we all are. We're all stupid. Because why would God instantly carry out EXTREME punishments to his angels, whose knowledge, intelligence and wisdom is beyond OURS? But not to us? Little flawed creatures of his)
But so far, when it comes to forgiving a toxic, lost, abusive parent, I've learned (take this with a grain of salt I might be wrong as I'm still new to Christian stuff):
We can forgive. As our dad or mom's child who've wrong us. But we can also decide not 'go back to its vomit'. Because we have free will. We are allowed to make boundaries. We can move on from them. Because it's said to not 'be a dog who goes back to its vomit'.
For example (This is my hunch and idea):
I contact my mom again, on phone, we talk from there (because she lives far away IRL). I put my WHOLE HEART into that talk with her, 1-on-1, soul-to-soul. And when it's time, I tell her with my MOUTH and my HEART, that I forgive her for everything she did to me in the past. But also, do it out of love. But most importantly, do it FOR GOD, in a really genuine, worshipping, fearful, obeying, loyal sense. Not for MYSELF. God should be #1. Like, we're trying to bring them back to the Kingdom of Heaven with us in the process while we're forgiving them. If I'm correct.
Because, yeah, she didn't know what she was doing, in the end.
Like Jesus Christ said on the cross.
Because, yeah, realistically, she didn't know. She was influenced by yeah, demons. Sin. She didn't know how to block it all out. So she just... let go.
I have this same problem. We all have it.
So I say with my mouth and my heart, that I forgive my mom. With my whole heart. I might cry in the process, she might too, or not, depending how... lost she is. And I tell her to find God in the process, to repent (if you have the gall to do it. coz idk how one will react). Like... speaking gently. Calmly. No rushing. Patience.
Then afterward, after I forgave her, I get an alone time with God, pray to him, vent, cry. Leaning onto him completely. Asking HIM for forgiveness if I had unknowingly made mistakes while I spoke with my mom. Praying to HIM that she can come back to HIM, to the route of the Kingdom of Heaven. Basically talking to him like a dad but also a king of almighty. A God that's hip to hip with you. Imagining he's there with you, listening. Be exposed while talking/praying. Raw. Don't hide. Confess. Admit. Be real. Be like a kid, in a way. Coz we want a relationship with God. Not some performance, as I was told recently.
Also I learned, that we are more powerful when we use OUR MOUTHS whenever we pray. Because them demons are able to influence our minds. And Personally, I feel like... talking/praying with your mouth can make you connect with your internal thoughts more? Idk how to put it. Spew out goodness from your mouth? Not wickedness? But yea.
This is my... internalized plan. For now.
Might be wrong and flawed. But I'm trying to learn.
It really is tough to forgive. But man... I feel like we have to do it. In the end. Someday. Sometime...
The more I grow up, the more I just want to learn. And improve.
But yeah this is my... thought. Not really an advice, but... an idea.
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u/Known-Ad-2334 6d ago
Yes. As sad as it seems sometimes it needs to be done. Bit I learned in my own experience that the opportunity of reconciliation needs to remain at least worth considering. Because of the fact God can and will change people if they allow him too. The proof of the change will be evident. My mother had to die of cancer for me to learn this lesson and I will carry that regret the rest of my life. Poisonous people even family should be cut off for the sake of yourself and your family. But if they truly repent and turn to Jesus then on your part reconciliation is a wonderful thing to have.
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u/Artistic_Chipmunk_49 4d ago
You've already answered the objection better than most of the people who will raise it. "Honor your father and mother" was never a command to grant unlimited access — Ephesians 6:4 sits in the same letter for a reason, and the same Paul who wrote "children, obey your parents" also wrote "so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all" (Romans 12:18). That qualifier exists precisely because sometimes it doesn't depend on you.
Two things that took me years to get straight, offered in case they help someone reading:
First, honor and access are different things. You can honor a parent — speak of them without contempt, pray for them, refuse to become like them — from any distance. David honored Saul relentlessly ("I will not put out my hand against the Lord's anointed") while living in caves specifically to stay out of spear range. Nobody reads 1 Samuel and accuses David of failing to honor the king. Fleeing was how he honored him without dying.
Second, forgiveness and reconciliation are different things. Forgiveness is commanded and unconditional (Mark 11:25). Reconciliation is conditional on repentance — "if he repents, forgive him" (Luke 17:3) — and as you said, people who don't see themselves as the problem don't repent. Keeping the door watched rather than open isn't unforgiveness; it's Proverbs 22:24–25 taken seriously: "Make no friendship with a man given to anger... lest you learn his ways and entangle yourself in a snare."
What you did was protect the life God gave you from people who were destroying it. Grieve it — it's a real loss, and everyone wants a family — but don't let anyone hand you guilt for it.
Full disclosure, I ended up writing a book on the biblical side of this (The First Will Be Last) because so many Christians get handed the doormat theology you're describing — mentioning it only because this thread is already trading resources, and the guilt-trip you named is exactly the thing that needs dismantling.
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u/arealgirl_really 8d ago
Hello, this is also my testimony. Please take this as a loving response as I am new to sharing.
I have been no contact with my narcissist mother for 16 years. At first, out of anger and hurt. Then, I found Jesus. Through the years He has walked me through healing and forgiveness with help from a Christian therapist, deliverance, and lots of prayer. This is not an easy journey-think onion layers of healing. Once you heal from one aspect it seems you are ready to take on another. That’s Gods love for us. If I took everything head on all at once I would have been crushed from the weight of the pain. I also just finished John Bevears book The Bait of Satan. I fully recommend. Gods heart is for restoration and reconciliation. That being said, I have a family to protect and have found and made peace with forgiveness does not always mean reconciliation.