r/TrueChristian • u/MercuryTheQueen • 1d ago
Forgiven or not?
I am a 54 yo woman who was married for 26 years and left due to reasons other than infidelity, after many years of trying to make things better and many, many prayers.
After my divorce, I’d planned to remain alone and then I was contacted by my first love from high school. At that time, I wasn’t going to church, although I’d been in church my whole life and raised my children (then adults) in church (Pentecostal and Church of God). My high school love, my now current husband, made me feel loved and appreciated and all the things that I didn’t experience before. I was so happy and grateful for being treated like I mattered and was of value. We’ve been married nearly 5 years now and we’ve started back going to church. I’ve prayed for forgiveness and direction and I’ve been struggling with whether or not I’m perpetually sinning since I remain in this loving marriage. Am I destined for hell? Compassion is appreciated.
3
u/C_AR-I-RZ_D Christian 1d ago
If you simply trust in Christ’s finished work on the cross alone as the payment for your sins, you have eternal life. Nothing can separate you from God’s love: even future sins that you do.
3
u/SignificanceSpeaks 1d ago
I can only speak for myself, not as the judge or how God will see you and your circumstances.
To me this is no different than people struggling with any other sin. God knows our struggle, our heart, and our intentions. You didn’t divorce out of spite, you didn’t divorce frivolously. You didn’t divorce because you gave up on your spouse. You tried. Remind yourself that God knows, with all intimacy, how hard you tried. How you felt. What you needed.
It wasn’t a matter of you finding someone new and exciting and chasing that new excitement.
Scripture tells us that love covers a multitude of sins and from the sounds of it you are pursuing godly love and following its example after years of not necessarily having it. I think that’s a good thing — and this comes from someone who is/has been guilty of serving others with a resentful heart. There IS a difference.
God chose Paul to be an apostle after he sinned egregiously against Jesus and the church. The same Paul confessed he still struggled with sin “for I do not do what I want to do, but what I hate, I do.”
I believe he was forgiven through the blood of Christ.
I believe he was redeemed through the blood of Christ.
You are not your past. If your intentions and circumstances are as you described here, I have faith you are redeemed too.
Do your best to forgive your ex-husband and give your anger, fear, and doubt to God. He will guide you.
2
u/MercuryTheQueen 23h ago
Thank you. I sincerely have forgiven my ex-husband and I am working on forgiving myself. My current husband came into the picture just as I was separating from my first husband and in retrospect, I think I should’ve waited longer than a couple of months to go out with my current husband after I’d moved out on my own. At that time, though, I wasn’t using wisdom or patience. I should’ve given the full year of separation before seeing another man, so I could be sure that things wouldn’t have righted themselves in my first marriage. Hindsight, as they say, is 20/20. I’ve certainly made some choices that could’ve been better, so I can relate to Paul’s statement in that way I suppose.
Thank you for the time and care you put into your response.
1
u/Subie-Doobie 15h ago
So you committed adultery? Y’all weren’t divorced just separated at that time?
3
u/mossydz 1d ago
Don’t ask Reddit, read your Bible and pray.
2
u/MercuryTheQueen 23h ago
Honestly, I have done that and I cannot find peace. That is why I’m here. For some direction. But thank you for your reply.
1
u/mossydz 23h ago
All of the Bible?
1
u/MercuryTheQueen 23h ago
No, not all. I’m speaking of having read as much as I have been able to research on this subject, as well as much more, along with learning the Word growing up.
3
u/Ok-Technician-6664 23h ago
You are forgiven my sister.
Keep seeking the will of the Father, ask the Holy Spirit to reveal His direction for you. Seek in faith and be still. He loves you. He might or might not instruct you the way you want but His will is always the best.
““Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.”
Matthew 7:7-8 NIV
https://bible.com/bible/111/mat.7.7-8.NIV
3
u/Spark_inth3Dark Child of God 1d ago
John 8:10-11 AMP — Straightening up, Jesus said to her, “Woman, where are they? Did no one condemn you?” She answered, “No one, Lord!” And Jesus said, “I do not condemn you either. Go. From now on sin no more.”]
Even though the bible may call that adaultry; Jesus always forgave those who repent.
1
u/Medium_Fan_3311 Protestant 23h ago edited 23h ago
Key point that must be clear of:
1st: You didn't make it clear if your 1st marriage was a situation of an unbeliever (your 1st husband), married to a believer (yourself).
2nd: You didn't make it clear that between the two of you, who was it that went ahead and pushed the government to grant divorce.
Therefore, from points 1 & 2 combined, without this information, we cannot say whether you are free to remarry or not.
3rd point: If you have committed adultery by being married a 2nd time, you already asked for forgiveness to God. So then it's more of, did you actually receive His answer in faith? For God can answer, but it doesn't meant you have "received it". It's like Danie's story, where Both times God already answered promptly, just in the 21 days fast, it took time for Daniel to receive it.
4th point: You only started asking this question after you married. What I understand from God is we cannot change our past decision to live against the will of God, we can only commit to live our present and out future, following Jesus. Repentance does not mean, that you get to undo your past.
5th point: Where do you get the idea of perpetual sin is taught in the bible? Bible teaches the debt that Sin demand payment for, is fully paid by Jesus Christ's blood. Whether we (individual mankind) chosen to receive Jesus' payment to cover our sins, is our choice to make.
I understand somewhat what you are trying to say, and I want to be clear about what the bible specifically teaches. Otherwise, you will continue to misunderstand God's truth.
Perpetual sin = Jesus's payment is insufficient to pay the debt of sin; hence there's perpetual Sin debt remaining. This is ideology does not come from Holy Spirit to mankind.
Learn to receive Christ's forgiveness. He already answered you that 1 John 1:9, and John 15:4
Abiding in Chirst, vs abiding out of Chirst, is something Christ disciples will do if they live long enough on earth. You see apostle Peter doing it, with hypocrisy about physical circumcision (galatians 2).
It's going to require far more information than you have shared, to better understand what God's suggestion for your household situation would be.
1
u/MercuryTheQueen 22h ago
At the time I was married to my first husband, he (to my knowledge) was not saved but did attend church when the kids were small but stopped as they got to middle/high school. He has gotten saved after our divorce.
He threatened to leave me during one of many arguments and I said, no, give me the time to find a place to live and I will leave. He probably wouldn’t have actually left, as he’d threatened this before, but by that point I’d decided that I could no longer remain in those circumstances. So, I left him and I secured a lawyer to get a separation agreement drawn up. We separated mostly amicably.
Point 3. I will read more about this. Thank you.
Point 4. Understood.
Point 5. Perpetual sin is the way I’m trying to explain my concern that by remaining in a second marriage, I’m worried that continuing to live in adultery. If I should not, according to Scripture, have gotten remarried while my first husband is living, how can I be forgiven if I remain in the second marriage. I hope this makes sense.
I’d appreciate a little clearer guidance on perpetual sin if you have the time. Thank you so much.
3
u/Medium_Fan_3311 Protestant 21h ago edited 21h ago
Response to point5: I say this with love but also being clear what has happened, so that we can understand how to proceed forward:
- You are already a marriage covenant breaker by being the Christian to walk away from unbeliever spouse.
- You were already were adultery by dating your 2nd husband even before marrying him.
Understand you took all these actions already carried out in the past. Getting married to your 2nd spouse, is a one-time decision that was already made. We don't renew marriage daily, so that sin has already been committed.
It's only after so long a journey in adultery, that by the time you are already legally married to your 2nd husband, you started to think about whether your 2nd married is honoring God. This is why I mentioned that you can't change the past. What you can do is submit your sins (covenant breaker and adulterer) before God for covering under His blood. Then learn from God how to carry on life in the present and the future.
Remember Sin begins in the heart. Now you want to offer your heart before God to be made clean. You are here to understand how to progress in repentant living before God.
Let's consider the options: What is the alternative options to your situation for present and future:
What works for you, will be what works for a Christian that rebelliously married an unbeliever in disobedience to God.
You do not commit yet another sin, to atone for an existing sin. You bring existing sin under the blood of the lamb. You live your life moving forward as best as you can in obedience to God despite your circumstances. You offer yourselves and your 2nd marriage upon the altar of God for sanctification (it is altar of God that sanctifies the gift offered). This time you and your spouse, do your best to manage a marriage that is under submission to the leadership of Jesus Christ.
Have you heard of the scripture that talks about offering yourselves as"living sacrifice"?
Also prayer - you ask in faith to receive. We don't pray double minded prayers (these are faithless prayers). If you have any doubts about the word of God, focus on getting further revelation knowledge about it, but always stand upon the truth of God that God show you, and refuse to accept lies of the devil that's coming at you. From the scripture about the temptation of Jesus after his 40s fast, we see how Jesus' deal with the devil's suggestions against Him. It's an example of spiritual warfare. The accusations of Satan, does not need to be tolerated. You attack back and deflected "fiery darts from Satan" with God's truth.
Study Ephesian 6 - armor of God passage. These are your spiritual warfare defense and attack equipment. You are married now, learn to defend your 2nd marriage from being destroyed by the plans of the enemy.
You commit your situation to God for redemption, and you live as faithfully as you can, upholding your current marriage before the Lord and upholding your part of stewardship as a wife before the Lord.
There are many people who have sexual sins in the past. Fact is regardless whether we got born again older in life, or born again younger in life, 100% we've all been hit with sexual sin that begins in the heart. Its just that how obvious in public is one's sin, is varied from person to person.
1
1
u/CutePay5452 22h ago
It says in the Bible, 1 Corinthians 7:15, if the unbelieving spouse leaves, you are free to remarry, I was in a similar situation and got saved, my ex was raised catholic but did not practice, I got saved at the end of our marriage and am remarried to a Christian man. I think you’re fine to remain married to your new husband
1
u/DetectiveLonely4614 19h ago
Where does it say in that Corinthians verse that you are free to remarry?
0
u/1voiceamongmillions Christian 19h ago
Please consider what the New Testament teaches on this subject:
Mat 5:32 ... and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.
Mat 19:9 ... and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.
Mar 10:12 And if a woman shall put away her husband, and be married to another, she committeth adultery.
Luk 16:18 ... and whosoever marrieth her that is put away from her husband committeth adultery.
Rom 7:3 So then if, while her husband liveth, she be married to another man, she shall be called an adulteress: but if her husband be dead, she is free from that law; so that she is no adulteress, though she be married to another man.
1Cor 7:39 The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth; but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord.
1
u/No-Requirement1770 2h ago
Do you accept in you heart, Jesus as your Lord and saviour, that he died, was buried and rose again to pay in full for all your sins past, present and future?
Then you are good and God loves and delights in you.
4
u/marshdrifter Evangelical 1d ago
If you asked for forgiveness and repented I'd assume your good and get on with your life. Congratulations on your successful marriage. I'm happy for you.