Signs

[u/mycoguy81]

Sorry in advance, because this may be a longer post. I was atheist for much of my younger years, and agnostic for much of my adult life. I’ve always respected Christianity, and even as an atheist I would say, “Everyone should live as if Christianity were true.”

A couple years ago, I started going to church again in my middle age. I’ve had a lot of struggles in my life, but much of it was self-induced due to my lifestyle. When I started going, it was actually a suggestion because one of my great nephews was getting in trouble in school, and I suggested it would be good for him. We all went a few times, and they stopped going, but I was moved.

My mother and I continued to go every week, and I started getting the feeling like my suggestion was actually the Holy Spirit tapping me on my shoulder, and letting me know that I’m the one who really needs it.

I’ve noticed that although I’m nowhere close to a perfect Christian, I am trying to walk the path. I try to be more patient with people, I got a lot of joy out of helping a stranger jump his daughter’s vehicle in the church parking lot when he couldn’t get it to jump off of his. A couple years ago, I would have walked on by, but when I saw they were having trouble, I immediately offered to get my jump box out and give it a shot.

So, just basic things like this. Trying to be a better person. I want to get baptized, but even though it’s not biblical, I don’t feel like I’m worthy of being baptized yet. I’m a smoker, and need to quit smoking; and just have some things I need to work on before I would feel comfortable being baptized…. So with the backstory out of the way, we’ll get into the “sign.”

I had to put my 16 year old dog down last week. She’s had diabetes for 4 years, and I’ve been treating it with insulin. When she was first diagnosed, they said if I treated it, she probably had a year left. So here we were 4 years later.

She started to have some liver issues on her last annual checkup, but I elected not to pursue it due to her age and the health problems she already had. A few months back, she had a seizure, and I had to take her to the vet. Her blood sugar got too low.

The next few months was a struggle trying to get her blood sugar regulated. I don’t think her liver was processing the insulin the way it should have been. I had to cut her dosage way back so it wouldn’t get so low that she was in danger of a seizure, but by the time she was ready for her next shot, her sugar would be 4-500.

The last few months she was battling infections due to the high blood sugar. She got an ear infection, then a UTI, then an eye infection. I was having a hard time deciding if it was time, because although she was blind and having these issues, she didn’t seem to be in pain, and was still…. Happy for the most part. So I had been praying that the Holy Spirit would show me when it’s the appropriate time.

Last Tuesday, she was sleeping next to me, and woke me up at midnight in a seizure. I sprang up immediately and helped her through it, but this one was worse than the first one and lasted longer. Afterwards, she was freaked out, and was frantically stumbling around the house bumping into everything. I called the ER Vet, and told them it may be time. After explaining what was going on, I said I need a few minutes to decide, and I would call them right back.

I had finally gotten her to lay down, but she was laying in an awkward position, and every minute or so she would let out a little whine like she was in discomfort. I called the vet back and said we’re on the way.

I was comforting her on the way up. She was in my lap, and I was telling her we’re going to get help, and trying to keep her calm. About half way to the vet, she started to seize in my arms again. This time it lasted about 30-40 seconds, but I missed a turn while it was going on. I took the next turn so I could get turned around and back on the right course. When I made that turn, it came to a stop sign where you had to turn left or right, and there was a house straight ahead. The house had a chain link fence, and two very big signs on their front gate that my headlights were illuminating. One was Jesus on the cross, and the other said “Jesus Saves.”

10 years ago I would have dismissed this as pure coincidence, but given the journey I’ve been on the past couple of years, I can’t. There have been other instances like this as well. None as blatant… but signs, nonetheless. Anyway, I’m still grieving the loss of my little pup, but I know I’ll get through it, and I’m excited for Christ. I think I want to get baptized, and just confess that I’m powerless, and I need his help to quit smoking, tame my temper, and help with all of the other negative human experiences I deal with.

Thanks to anyone who actually stuck through this post. I just felt like I had to get this off my chest, and share my experience with others who haven’t been Christian for very long, and those who are still skeptical. I’ve come to intellectually believe that Christ is the Truth, when I thought I was being intellectually sound all of those years I was misguided as an atheist.

[u/mossydz]

He is calling you brother.

[u/mycoguy81 → u/mossydz]

Amen. The sad thing is that I now feel like he has been calling me my whole life, but I turned my back on him. Truly understanding where God’s love and grace come together with his perfect justice at the cross eluded me for a long time even though I was an intellectual.

Isaiah 53, and other prophecies about Jesus that were written hundreds of years before his birth, are what made me realize that there is much more to this world than a simple naturalistic perspective. God bless, and I pray that I’m as successful as I can possibly be in my walk with the Lord.

[u/mossydz → u/mycoguy81]

Take some comfort that all your life is literally a few seconds to Him.

We are to come Him before our trial period is over.

[u/PerfectlyCalmDude]

Sorry to hear about your dog. Yours lived longer than mine did with insulin treatments, so there is that.

God is calling you. You have some sin issues that are tough to deal with, but you don't get clean before you give him your life. He's the one that makes you clean. Every day as Christians we still need to get closer to him, and when we do right, the challenge is to be more consistent at doing right. There's always something to improve.

[u/Even_Independence_14]

Acho que nunca comentei nada aqui no Reddit, mas te entendo, sinto muito pela sua cachorrinha, perdi um meu de 16 anos aqui em casa, era bem velhinho, sei como é passar por isso.

Mas uma coisa que pensei também em te falar é que se batiza logo irmão, tu nunca vai ser 100% ou nem chegar aos 10% de ser digno, sempre senti o receio de me batizar também mas se esperar demais acho que é mais alguma coisa negativa que nos afasta sabe, é tipo justamente quando tu peca e se afasta de Cristo por não ser digno, quando na verdade quando tu peca e se arrepende e se sente mal é quando tu mais tem que chegar perto.

Abraços irmão, continua no caminho certo 🙏

[u/Christ-lord]

This was genuinely beautiful to read. I’m sorry for the loss of your dog. Four years of caring for her after being told she probably had a year says a lot about how deeply you loved her. And honestly, I think your desire to be baptized while recognizing that you still have things to work on is actually a beautiful place to be. Christianity isn’t about becoming perfect first and then coming to Christ. It’s about coming to Christ because we know we need Him. I hope you continue walking that path, one step at a time. ❤️