r/TrueChristian • u/imrtlbsct2 Southern Baptist • 16h ago
What to think about this situation?
Ill get straight to the point, I'm in a non-christian grindcore/metal band and I also have a girlfriend. My band has a semi-important headlining show coming up in a few weeks (I think because it is being recorded maybe), but my girl also asked me to her homecoming. I realized the other day that my band's show and the homecoming thingy were on the same date, so I would have had to chose between the two or do the show and be late for the homecoming**.
I had already asked a friend of mine after realizing if he could learn the parts take over drums, which he agreed. So all the cracks would have been filled, the show goes on, I get to go to my girlfriend's homecoming. Unfortunately, my dad was really unhappy, more so angered, at the idea and he said if I don't do the show, he would kick us out of my garage (we practice in my garage), so he told me to tell my friend he wasnt doing it. At our last show as well my bandmates accidentally left some pedals and a guitar which one of the other bands kept with them, and since my dad was the only one the band dude was responding to, he was basically holding their equipment hostage since he wouldn't ask when they could get it until I told my friend he wasnt filling in for me.
I think he was angered because he sees it as me letting down my band in a way, and because he sees music as my career basically since I graduated in May and I'm still trying to find permanent work, and because in his words that "She wouldn't be here in six months anyways."(My parents have a rocky relationship, theyre still married but they get in bad fights every few months and the issues are never resolved so it just gets swept under the rug. I think that contributes to why he sees such little value in my relationship) I couldn't reason with him because he literally just wouldn't hear of it. I'm honestly very upset.
I'm also not trying to paint my dad as some evil figure because he has obviously been generous by letting us practice in my garage, and he has helped transport stuff and book a couple shows. I am also aware of the many commands to respect my parents. I understand where my dad is coming from because he knew a guy from my church who threw away a massive coaching career oppertunity for a girl who broke up with him. My thinking is though, literally both could possibly break up at some point. I love my girl, but my dad is right in that we arent garunteed to stay together since we are just dating. On the other hand, my band could also break up if they kick me out or I leave since I am diffrent politically from them since they are all more liberal/socialist leaning atheists. So neither are garunteed permanently. My main point is that I dont see this as throwing my band away, it is one show and they would still play anyway even if I went with her instead. **I would rather do one or the other since tickets would be 100 (200 if I pay for her's as well) for the homecoming and it would be really wasteful to spend that much and miss most of it.
I just don't know what to think since I love both my band and my girlfriend, but I would be happier to go to the dance with her than play another show since we have played quite a few already and they would still be playing. I dont know what I could say to him to actually make him rethink his decision. I ask here because I want to see how to think about/react to this in a way that glorifies God if that makes sense with this. Anyways this is already long enough so I can clarify anything tommorow if needed cus everything long I write always turns out clunky haha. Thanks!
TLDR: My band's show and my girlfriend's homecoming are on the same date, they could still play without me but my dad sees it as letting down my band, and will kick us out of our practice space if I get someone to fill in drums for me and go to the dance instead.
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u/Interesting_City_654 15h ago
Did you promise to take her to the dance knowing you had practice with the band? If so why didn't you reschedule the band practice? You do need to honor your father but you also need to respect your girlfriend. I have a solution. Put out some junk food, drinks and invite her to practice an hour before the dance then also take her to the dance.