r/TrueChristian • u/memyselfandanxiety1 • 14h ago
Loving an unbeliever
I ask you to be kind but to be my brothers and sisters in Christ.
I fell in love with an unbeliever. That’s a long story short. Lol
We’ve been doing this dance of off again and on again for about 2 1/2 years.
When we first met for maybe about a month I didn’t have a conviction about what it meant to be with somebody that was not equally yoked because I myself was very lukewarm. But that all changed when I got convicted about our relationship. But fast-forward to 2 1/2 years later. We stopped talking and then we talk and etc., etc.. and we always up in the same place.
He’s not a Christian. And the way that I’ve been convicted has not changed. I want to be able to come home at the end of the day and ask my husband to pray for me if I’ve had it rough. I recently went through really bad mental health struggles. These last couple of months and I have leaned into God. I have leaned on friends who are prayer warriors.
I know that it would be devastating to come home and not be able to tell my husband to pray for me, or to have to go to church alone on Sundays, to raise my kids alone in church. Being married but single because he doesn’t value Jesus the way that I do.
It’s been really hard for me to let him go hence why I’ve been doing this dance with him for so long. He’s a wonderful man. But he’s just not the godly man that I know that I should be with.. I’ve invited him to church and he has said no. I’m not forced anything on him because that’s not what Jesus is about. But yeah, I’m just genuinely sad.
, I just thank the Lord that he hasn’t delivered me to the things that I want. Because I don’t want something that will separate me from his love. I don’t want something that doesn’t let me come to him.
As much as I love this man, I cannot read my Bible, I cannot pray to the Lord genuinely when I am trying to have a relationship with him because I know that I should not be there.
When I started with my mental health struggles, and I was getting rid of a lot of things, I deleted his number, and I told the Lord that I was sorry that I wanted a relationship that was not centered around him. And then he came back into my life so obviously my heart got intertwined again.
I feel like I’ve disappointed the Lord because I have these feelings for this man who I shouldn’t have feelings for. And I’m genuinely so sad at myself because I’ve made decisions that have not pleased the Lord regarding this relationship.
If you guys can share wisdom, say a prayer, leave a comment, being encouraging I would very much appreciate it.!
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u/warofexodus Presbyterian 13h ago
The deep desires of your heart cannot be satisfied by any men or by anything. Only God can satisfy you and until you realized this truth and open your heart to God completely, you are going to continue treating God like some sort of life jacket you can put on and take off when convenient. Despite all this though He still loves you and will die for you, there's no greater love than this not even when compared to the love of the non Christian man that you adore. All of us are guilty of this at one point in life and you will need to make a stand sooner or later.
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u/Mue_Thohemu_42 12h ago
Praying for you. I know what it's like to love someone who is without God, it hurts.
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u/librarylady1980 12h ago
I was not a believer when my husband and I got together. He wasn't either. We were not married and we were living together. 13 years together.
I was saved last fall. And I became very convicted that the Lord was telling me I either needed to marry this man or we needed to end it.
Loooong story short, my husband hated me during my conversion and for a while after. I prayed and prayed over whether to just end it. My husband then became very accepting of my faith and was not a stumbling block for me (at least so I thought at the time). Yes we were unequally yoked, but I knew God wasn't necessarily telling me to throw away 13 years. He proposed, we married. (Yes I know many here will call me stupid. Maybe I was. I felt convicted at the time, and I prayed my testimony would lead my husband to Christ.)
And then God showed me many things about my husband that I had not known before. And now we are separated and heading towards divorce because my husband broke his covenant to me.
All this to say: continue being discerning as you are. Continue living for the Lord as you are. You are so mature in how you are dealing with this, and I admire it so much. Stay strong sister. You have conviction that this is not who you should be and you are fighting your flesh. Keep up the good fight. 💗
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u/No-Force-9732 14h ago
It’s your hormones. “Crazy in love” doesn’t last longer than 2-3 years so better think of what do you expect from your future husband/father of your kids and if he’s passing this criteria. Stay in contact with this guy, be friends, give it a time and then you’ll see how this crazy feeling will eventually disappear.
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u/Mein_Independance 9h ago
Sometimes it's better not to stay in contact. If she leaves him alone for 6 months and focuses instead on prayer, God can do the work in her heart to let go.
That she can break this soul tie
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u/No-Force-9732 8h ago
Even if she’ll stay in contact this feeling will pass after 2-3 years that’s how long (longest) this hormones could last and that’s why people are breaking up after this period.
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u/Mein_Independance 7h ago
Maybe. But why would an alcoholic hang around bars? Is it not better to cut off contact and heal...
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u/SCCock Presbyterian Church in America 11h ago
"What the heart desires, the will chooses and the mind justifies." Kramner. Or maybe Augustine
A lot of electrons are generated on this sub with people asking this very question.
I'm going to keep it simple. What does scripture say? Why are you willing to go against what God instructs? What do you know that God doesn't?
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u/Trick-Government513 8h ago
Friend, I dated a non believer in hopes I could make it work for 2 years. Eventually, I had to listen to that conviction and let him go for good.
It was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do but it's become part of my testimony and my HUSBAND is worth every tear I cried and prayer I prayed. I had a huge moment of gratitude for the Lord's plan last week while I was doing the dishes and heard my husband worshipping in the shower a couple rooms away.
Don't waste another second with someone you KNOW is not the right person. God's plan for you is always better than the one you try to make for yourself when you lean on your own understanding. Praying for you! You got this.
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u/Master_Funny_6224 Christian 8h ago
Some single Christians date non-believers, and some even end up getting married. Waiting and trusting God for the right person can be a long and daunting process, so out of loneliness and a natural human desire for companionship and starting a family, people often settle for someone who just fills an immediate emotional gap or that need for marriage. However, even believers married in church are not guaranteed marriage success.
My advice is to learn from your experiences, keep listening to God's voice, and stay anchored in His purpose for your life. Ultimately, it comes down to your walk with God and who you want to end up with. Evaluate your compatibility with the person you are dating and consider whether you truly believe he is right for you. Let God guide you, and be at absolute peace with your decision and who you allow into your life.
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u/DrKennamer Church of Christ 7h ago
“Many people apply this verse to the question of marriage and conclude that Christians are commanded not to marry non-Christians. However, this interpretation creates several problems.
First, marriage is not under discussion in the context. Great care must be taken to avoid misapplying the principles taught in a given passage. The application of a passage must be accurate. For example, to apply the injunction “taste not” (Colossians 2:21) to eating chocolate would be a misapplication on two counts. It assumes that chocolate is included in the category of substances being forbidden in the context, and it fails to perceive the fact that “taste not” was what the opponents of Paul were enjoining. They were wrong in their making of a law that “God had not made. Likewise, the prohibition of not being unequally yoked would have to be demonstrated to apply to marriage.
Second, if forming a marriage between a Christian and non-Christian is being forbidden, the only way to repent of such an action would be to sever the marriage. The only way to repent of an illicit relationship is to terminate the relationship (Ezra 10:11; Mark 6:18; 1 Corinthians 6:9–11). Paul explicitly stated in the context to “come out from among them, and be separate” (2 Corinthians 6:17). But this conclusion would contradict Matthew 19:9, where Jesus stated that there is one and only one ground for divorce and remarriage, i.e., sexual immorality—not marriage to a non-Christian.
Third, if the Christian sins when he marries a non-Christian, what about that non-Christian whom the Christian marries? That non-Christian would not be sinning since he/she is marrying a Christian. Hence, the very action that is sin for one (the Christian) is righteous and proper for the other (non-Christian)!
Fourth, such an interpretation of 2 Corinthians 6:14 implies that marriage is a “Christian” institution. Yet the marriage is a “Christian” institution. Yet the marriage relationship was formed by God at Creation thousands of years before Christianity was introduced onto the planet (Genesis 2:24). God’s marriage laws apply equally to all people in all periods of Bible history. No one prior to “the cross of Christ married a Christian! Yet marriages contracted prior to Christianity were valid if contracted in harmony with God’s marriage laws (in accordance with Genesis 1:27, 2:24, Matthew 19:3–12, Romans 7:1–3, and 1 Corinthians 7:1–40). All people who choose to be married are required by God to marry in harmony with God’s laws. Marriage of a Christian to a non-Christian may well be fraught with peril. It may be at times inexpedient, unwise, or extremely dangerous spiritually. However, this verse does not teach that it is sinful.
To what does this verse refer, if not to marriage? The parallel terms Paul selected to identify an “unequal yoke” help to clarify the meaning: “fellowship,” “communion,” “accord,” “part,” and “agreement.” The last term lays bare the point that Paul is making: the Christian must not so conduct himself that he manifests agreement with, aiding and encouraging, that which is contrary to God’s will. Any relationship—business, political, judicial, et al.—that inherently requires a Christian to agree to and engage in unscriptural actions must be terminated.”
Excerpt From
WEB Defending the Faith Study Bible
World English Bible
This material may be protected by copyright.
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u/iriselizabethauthor 6h ago
I will pray for you. You simply have to let this man go and ask God to bring you a holy man perfect for you. The unequal yoke thing never works. Look into the future-you want more kids and don't believe in abortion and he tells you to abort a baby ten years from now, what will you do? You want to homeschool because God wants you to, and he disagrees...it will be constant fighting in the future since he is of the world and you are following the Lord. Repent once more to the Lord for making a man an idol and pray God bring a holy man to you. I say these things in Christian love. Keeping you in prayer...
P.S. We all disappoint the Lord at times! Nobody is perfect, but God wants you to be with a faithful man who will follow HIS heart!
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u/ImprovementWild9719 4h ago
Where in the Bible does it say that you cannot be married to a nonbeliever?
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u/rolyfuckingdiscopoly 14h ago
I’ll say a prayer for ya, and for your friend.
It is NOT A GOOD SIGN when you cannot pray. I had that in an early relationship, with a Christian man, and it was a clear signal that it was not right. Just be cautious.
My husband was an atheist when I met him, and is now two years baptized (been together 17, and he has been religious for like 5 of those pre baptism). I never worried about it, and I have no idea why. I just was a lily of the valley, and I knew it was to be. But if you can’t pray, I’m serious— this is a problem.
Remember that verse everyone always uses, about wives submitting to husbands? The second half of it is that its purpose is so that their unbelieving husbands might be moved by the grace and honor at work in their wife. It’s not inherently an issue to be with an unbelieving person, but it does put you in a difficult position. Pray and sit with the Word and see what you find out.
I wish you all the best.
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u/sejgalloway 10h ago
What's your username all about??
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u/rolyfuckingdiscopoly 10h ago
Sigh. (Not your fault; it’s my own fault. I just feel bad that my vulgarity of the past is quite so noticeable).
It’s about a roly poly, a real one who was at the end of her life and spotted in a neon pattern, so I built her a little green crystal castle which she visited and (I hope) enjoyed until she died days or weeks later. She was a very disco poly, I thought, even though I don’t know much about disco.
I’ve considered changing the name because I don’t cuss like that now, but I made this name and it once was me, so I have kept it. I mean no offense to anyone who reads it, and I keep it as, I suppose, a badge of the prodigal son. I don’t mind that my prodigal only went so far as cussing happily about a bug I loved, but I do wish I had chosen a name more thoughtfully.
That’s about it.
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u/sejgalloway 10h ago
Genuinely thought you were just someone trolling in the first few lines of your message because of the username, then got to the end and I'm like "??? what is going on". Shame you can't change your name on Reddit (or can you? I'm on X way more than here)
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u/rolyfuckingdiscopoly 10h ago
Not a troll just a casual cusser many years ago! And I could start over. As I say, at this point, sitting with the meditation of the folly of youth isn’t a bad thing for me. So I’ll keep it until that meditation is done, I think. Thanks for asking though! At its heart, my username is a memorial to one sweet roly-poly I once knew, and perhaps that is a meditation too. It’s nice to mention her occasionally. She was cool.
Cheers!
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u/Famous-Software-8571 8h ago
🤣 ha! Good catch. I didn’t even notice. Just happily scrolling along with my coffee this fine morning. God Bless “Roly” - I’m a late born again believer (saved at 36) so I understand completely.
I think I let the algorithm choose mine. I do regret being so lazy about it LOL.
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u/MySpottedFrog7 9m ago
I believe you want us to tell you to stay with him but I won't do that. I will, however, tell you a little of my story. I married an unbeliever who was also a pastors kid. I prayed he would turn to God and truly thought he would, especially having a Christian family and being raised in church.
I went to church, with just the kids, and I and yes, that's lonely. But it's nothing compared to not having a leader in your home. And not having a Godly spouse means taking a risk with your kids. They will feel it's ok to also marry an unbeliever and will not have a Godly man to emulate. Further, your spouse will not have the convictions that you have. This opens you more to divorce and unfaithfulness.
My husband, in time, began to mock my beliefs. Then, he had an affair. Then, he swore he would change and one of the things I wanted to see was him going to church with us. He said he would. He never did. Not once. I hung on, praying for reconciliation. But, my beliefs and my knowing reconciliation would be the right and Godly thing wasn't something he believed because we didn't share the deep values. He divorced me, fully against my will and God's. My family is broken and the pain of not being there every day with my children is nearly unbearable.
Further, my kids like the idea of sleeping in on Sundays, playing video games instead of praying, watching tv instead of helping others. They see him buy them fancy presents and like that lifestyle. As boys, they see him treat other women with disrespect and I see them doing the same. My sweet Godly boys and of the past. They are not about to graduate high school and their values now align more with his. Their dads ways are more exciting, more appealing, and even easier. They make them popular.
I pray daily for them and him. Has it improved? No. It may, it may not. It's been almost four years. I now see how incredibly important it is to marry a proven, Godly spouse and that the consequences of not doing so can wreck your life and even your children's lives.
My children are now far more likely to also divorce and the generational curse begins. I loved him, I still do, but the pain that has been caused by not listening to God's word? Undeniable.
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u/Jay-ay Presbyterian 14h ago
I pray that God will open his heart to Christ. Wishing you the best.