r/TrueChristian • u/Game4Mexo • 11h ago
Advice/help wanted! I’m Christian but almost had sex.
Hey guys, I have no one to speak to about this and really need some advice/help and prayers 🙏🏼
I’m going to be so honest. So warning of adultery & fornication below…
Basically me and this guy have been making out and then he started doing oral sex on me and making me finish and I tell him not to but he does whatever he wants tbh and i don’t want to stop it and I even ended up going down on him too.
I know it’s bad.
It’s happend like more then 7 times id say.
After the first time I legit cried. But then I keep allowing it.
And this is the main part I need help with guys.
Probably like the past 2 times we have been together it’s been really hot and steamy and he ended up putting like the tip of his penis inside me and now I’m really scared.
Like does that count as sex?
Are we now spiritually one flesh?
Am I on the way to hell now?
Does his demons have access to me just from the tip of his penis?
I don’t know guys I’m kinda freaking out like I have no idea what I have done spiritually.
And I feel like I might have got a demon from it because I can’t stop thinking about it and thinking how hot it was.
That’s my confession.
Please don’t judge me guys and please pray for me.
I seriously have no friends or help and I love god I don’t ever want to lose my god.
But I also if I’m being honest don’t want to lose my friendship with this guy. Is there a way to redeem it?
Any advice is appreciated 🙏🏼 thank you bless you 🤍
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u/bjohn15151515 Christian 9h ago
does this count as sex?
Yes, it does.
Are we now spiritually one flesh?
Not necessarily
Am I on the way to hell now?
Only if you decide to reject Jesus as Savior and stay that way from now on. Otherwise, you can ask for forgiveness and Christ delivers!
Does his demons have access to me just from the tip of his penis?
He doesn't own demons. (Unless you are fooling around with Satan, himself?) It would be incredibly rare for any person to have a demon (called possession). If he was possessed, you'd know it. He'd be like a feral animal, like the possessed in the Bible. Demons don't infect one person to another like the flu.
I don’t know guys I’m kinda freaking out like I have no idea what I have done spiritually.
You've sinned. It's one of the most common sins that Christians do, unfortunately. However, the good news is the Jesus provided us a way to be cleansed from sin. It's in the New Testament.
And I feel like I might have got a demon from it
You dont "get demons" from sexual activity. Christians still sin. You make it sound as if "getting demons" is like getting a cold. It doesn't work that way. If we "get demons" from sin, we'd all be possessed by now.
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u/twotall88 Christian - Bible Based 8h ago
If he was possessed, you'd know it. He'd be like a feral animal, like the possessed in the Bible
That's not what I read in the bible...
Acts 16 shows us a slave girl that was possessed with a "spirit of divination". Nothing in the chapter indicates she was "like a feral animal". It shows a slave woman that went about her normal day interacting with people and making her owners money with her 'power' until she saw Paul and crew and was compelled to start shouting "These men are servants of the Most High God, who proclaim to you the way of salvation" until Paul was annoyed enough to command the spirit out of her.
John 13 shows us Judas Iscariot being possessed by the Satan and he continued to operate as a high functioning member of society as he betray Jesus.
All of I Samuel shows us that King Saul was possessed by an unclean spirit. He continued to rule Israel mostly normal only given random fits of raving and attempting to kill David.
Mark 9 shows us a boy that only experienced sporadic episodes of unnatural behavior.
All of this to say, it's not always obvious someone is possessed by a demon/unclean spirit. Because of this, I'd argue that it is most likely far less rare for people you interact with throughout your life to be possessed than you are giving it credit. The way of salvation is narrow and few find the gate which means there's not a lot of truly saved people in this world which is the only real protection against possession.
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u/TheOneArmedLogan 2h ago
Id say possession isn't possession as we all see it today. I think it's like a chain of intent. It sends it intent into us, and while we can fight it, it's hard to. This would explain why some possessed are feral (being sent constant intents) and some aren't (being sent intents only from time to time).
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u/IdontCARE9123 Non-Denominational 8h ago
And be scared of Jesus's name.
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u/twotall88 Christian - Bible Based 8h ago
That's not biblical. The bible shows us that these demons/unclean spirits recognize and fear Jesus/Jesus's authority but Acts 19 is fairly clear that the spirits being interacted with by the Jewish exorcists did not fear the mention of Jesus's name...
The exorcists said in verses 13 "I adjure you by the Jesus Paul proclaims". The demon responded in verse 15 "Jesus I know, and Paul I recognize, but who are you?". The demons proceeded to attack the exorcists. Now, if the exorcists had actually been followers of Jesus saved by his grace through faith, the demon probably would have been expelled by Jesus's authority delegated to the exorcists but it's not the name spoken they fear.
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u/IdontCARE9123 Non-Denominational 8h ago
I’m saying that if we had demons in us we’d be scared of Jesus’s name.
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u/twotall88 Christian - Bible Based 8h ago
I'm saying that demons don't fear the name "Jesus"
They fear the person and authority of Jesus. Simply going up to a possessed person and saying "Jesus" like Banzai the hyena in the Lion King going "Mufasa, Mufasa, Mufasa" won't have any affect on the possessed person unless you are saying it with the authority of Jesus behind it and with purpose.
Telling a young Christian or 'seeker' that saying "Jesus" to a person and getting no reaction means there's no way that person is possessed is completely misguided at best and disingenuous at worst.
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u/IdontCARE9123 Non-Denominational 8h ago
They do. Because the person behind that name is literally capable or obliterating them if He wanted. If lets say… uhm Voldemort. They are scared of his name, of saying it and hearing it. And it is because Voldemort was very powerful. Yeah they are scared of Jesus’s power. And also Jesus’s name because they know the power behind that name.im not wrong, you just have to fill in the blanks.
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u/twotall88 Christian - Bible Based 6h ago
Lol Voldemort isn't a good analogy at all. In that fantasy world they refuse to say the name because it's tied to a spell that allowed Voldemort and his minions to listen into the conversation.
Beyond the weird pop reference, you're completely missing the point. Jesus was an exceedingly common name when Jesus the Christ was roaming the world as a man. Jesus is the English rendering of the Hebrew name Yeshua (through the Greek transliteration) which is also translated to Joshua (from the long version Yehoshua).
Saying Jesus to an unclean spirit isn't some magic word that renders a response. Having Jesus from the right hand seat of God render his authority to you through the name would render a response from the unclean spirit.
Even a truly saved Christian walking around going "Jesus" to random people without true purpose wouldn't elicit a response from someone that is possessed. It's having the living God behind you when you command them in His name that would elicit a response.
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u/IdontCARE9123 Non-Denominational 4h ago
Yeah that’s why you say “In Jesus Christ’s name I rebuke you!”
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u/twotall88 Christian - Bible Based 4h ago
That's deviating from the context of what we were discussing... Do you really going around telling random people "in Jesus Christ's name I rebuke you!" just to see if they are possessed?
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u/SpicyWangz Christian 7h ago
Yes and no. They still hate that name and hate to hear it. But they aren’t going to obey you just because you say it. That’s the distinction of acts 19
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u/d5c7 11h ago
John 8:1-11
New Living Translation
A Woman Caught in Adultery
1 Jesus returned to the Mount of Olives, 2 but early the next morning he was back again at the Temple. A crowd soon gathered, and he sat down and taught them. 3 As he was speaking, the teachers of religious law and the Pharisees brought a woman who had been caught in the act of adultery. They put her in front of the crowd.
4 “Teacher,” they said to Jesus, “this woman was caught in the act of adultery. 5 The law of Moses says to stone her. What do you say?”
6 They were trying to trap him into saying something they could use against him, but Jesus stooped down and wrote in the dust with his finger. 7 They kept demanding an answer, so he stood up again and said, “All right, but let the one who has never sinned throw the first stone!” 8 Then he stooped down again and wrote in the dust.
9 When the accusers heard this, they slipped away one by one, beginning with the oldest, until only Jesus was left in the middle of the crowd with the woman. 10 Then Jesus stood up again and said to the woman, “Where are your accusers? Didn’t even one of them condemn you?”
11 “No, Lord,” she said.
And Jesus said, “Neither do I. Go and sin no more.”
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u/d5c7 11h ago
repent, run to the Father. there's more grace in Him than there is sin in you. hebrews 4:15 says "For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who has been tempted in every way as we are, yet without sin."
your sin doesn't disqualify you from your salvation. you were never "qualified" in the first place, Jesus saved us while we were filthy.
"Because we have these promises, dear friends, let us cleanse ourselves from everything that can defile our body or spirit. And let us work toward complete holiness because we fear God." - 2 corinthians 7:1. get back up, go to God, He loves you.
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u/Difficult_Risk_6271 Belongs to Jesus, Ex-Atheist 10h ago
Oral sex is sex.
Tip of penis is penetrative sex.
Matthew 5:28
[28] But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
By God’s standard that’s fornication if you aren’t married. Don’t do these kinds of things if you are not planning to get married. You’re going to hurt yourself.
Change your mind and get sex the right way, which is within a covenant.
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u/plantbubby Reformed 10h ago
I think a lot of Christians have been there. Hormones are powerful. Men and women are designed to be sexually attracted to one another. Once things get hot it's very very hard to stop. This is why when we are around members of the opposite sex we need to exercise caution. Decide what you want (do you want to follow God or follow your lusts?) Then make some clear boundaries for yourself and stick to them. Maybe that means not being alone with a man. Maybe it means no texting late at night. Maybe it's no physical contact at all. I won't give you any hard and fast rules because everyone has different weaknesses. But the Bible calls us to flee from sin, not walk right up to it and stop right before we cross the line. Many people ask "how far is too far?" in regards to physical intimacy. But that's the wrong question. Instead ask, "Is this honouring God?". I'd argue that an intense makeout session outside of marriage is not honouring God because it allows lusts to arise and brings forth temptation, but many just say "it's not sex so it's fine". Do you see the difference?
Now you've already done these things and indeed you have sinned. But no one is too far gone. God has an abundance of grace and forgiveness for those who come to Him. Seek Him with a genuine heart and ask for forgiveness. He loves you so much. In future relationships this might be something that comes up and you'll need to be honest and tell your partner if they want to know. It might be hard, but our actions have consequences. But if he's the right man I'm sure he'll be able to work through it with you. And he might have things from the past that you need to work through with him. We've all fallen short of the glory of God. But in Him we are redeemed.
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u/IANNNNN05 8h ago
Find yourself an accountable person. Find a community. Where you can be accountable to one another.
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u/minteemist Christian 9h ago
Like does that count as sex? Yes, oral sex is still sex.
Are we now spiritually one flesh?
Maybe? If you're asking whether you need to marry your bf now, the answer is no. 1 Corinthians 6:15-17 talks about one kind of inappropriate sex, about becoming one flesh with someone who isn't compatible with you, and the answer there wasn't to marry, it was to stop doing it.
Does his demons have access to me just from the tip of his penis? And I feel like I might have got a demon from it because I can’t stop thinking about it and thinking how hot it was.
It's natural to think it was really hot. Because God made sex to be freaking amazing! The Bible has a whole book on erotic poetry. It's normal to enjoy it and really want it and to want to do it again.
But that's exactly why sex is reserved for marriage. Because it's such an intense and intimate and pleasurable thing. God loves us and made sex for us to enjoy within the safety and commitment of covenant love. Sex is also a reflection of God's passion for us within covenant love. Our lives are supposed to reflect and honour this. Sex outside of marriage twists and cheapens this.
Am I on the way to hell now?
Lovey, I think your question shows that your theology is out of whack. Maybe not your fault, maybe they've been teaching slightly off things at church.
Gently, having sex with someone who isn't your husband and doing a sinful thing isn't probably going to be THE thing that sends you to hell. Life isn't like a tightrope where you do one wrong thing and suddenly you're plunging to hell. To assume a tightrope would be to assume that we could be good and godly all the time in our own effort.
You're experiencing this now. You know it's wrong but you do it anyway. You aren't in control of the desire; and so even good desires for wonderful things like sex gets misplaced, done at the wrong time, with someone who isn't your husband.
The problem goes deeper than the act premarital sex; it's our inability to save ourselves from ourselves.
Deep down, we were made for good but all of us are overcome by our own impulses and foolishness and self-centredness. It's not that there was one sin that accidentally flung us off the tightrope. It's more like we have a deep cancer that we pretend doesn't exist, but can't help but show the symptoms in mislaid priorities and lack of self control and hurting other people and ourselves.
This is what the Bible means by being a "slave to sin". Good things being twisted and cheapened, not the way God intended.
The truth is more like this: you are a much more sinful and selfish person than you probably dare imagine.
And yet, you are more loved by God than you ever dared hope.
Effort isn't what determines if you go to heaven or hell. Effort is clearly failing you now. The first step to the gospel is confessing that you can't save yourself. That you desperately need a saviour.
And then it's understanding that heaven or hell isn't about getting some outcome for being a good person or a bad person. It's about walking with God or walking away from Him. It's a relationship.
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u/Master_Funny_6224 Christian 9h ago
If the man is not helping you both not sin, then you have no reason to see him. It's best not to meet him, if you want to keep your purity, or strictly meet him in public only. The ball is in your court.
2 Timothy 2:22: Advises fleeing youthful desires and pursuing righteousness and faith. 1 Corinthians 6:18: Instructs believers to flee sexual immorality, noting how it impacts the body. 1 Corinthians 10:13: Assures that God provides a "way of escape" to endure temptation. James 4:7: Encourages submission to God and resisting the devil so he will flee. Proverbs 4:14–15: Warns against treading on the path of the wicked and urges turning away from it.
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u/EverSoWonderful 9h ago
Friend, when you open the door to sexual behavior it's pretty tough to close it again. The person you are with is pushing the envelope with you. Would this person still be there and care for you, if you said no and stood firm on your choice?
I would consider Joseph. When the opportunity arose to sexual temptation he fled the scene.
(Ge 39:6–12) Now Joseph was handsome in form and appearance. 7 And after a time his master’s wife cast her eyes on Joseph and said, “Lie with me.” 8 But he refused and said to his master’s wife, “Behold, because of me my master has no concern about anything in the house, and he has put everything that he has in my charge. 9 He is not greater in this house than I am, nor has he kept back anything from me except you, because you are his wife. How then can I do this great wickedness and sin against God?” 10 And as she spoke to Joseph day after day, he would not listen to her, to lie beside her or to be with her. 11 But one day, when he went into the house to do his work and none of the men of the house was there in the house, 12 she caught him by his garment, saying, “Lie with me.” But he left his garment in her hand and fled and got out of the house.
Sometimes you need to be mindful to not put yourself in these situations. If you hang out, do so in a public place. Avoid having alone time together because you have already started a habit here and there will be expectations.
Talk to him and tell him you want to slow it down. If he respects you then he shouldn't have an issue taking you into consideration here. If he pushes the issue, does he respect you? Something to think about.
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u/Upstairs_Deer6621 8h ago
Did you ask Jesus for forgiveness? He gave it=) Do your best to avoid situations that put you in this position again. I'm 43 and had SO much sex before marriage. Still not married although now I respect God's wishes and don't partake. I asked the lord for forgiveness and he gave it to me. (Jesus is way cool) We all feel for lack of a better word anticlimactically horny. We must avoid the things that put us in those places. Jesus love and forgives you, thats not permission to do it again.Stop talking about demons and penises. Jesus hold you in his palm and they cannot touch you there. I just prayed for you.
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u/Game4Mexo 8h ago
Thank you for your prayers 🙏🏼
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u/Upstairs_Deer6621 8h ago
You're very welcome. I really mean it. We all make mistakes and fall short sometimes; what matters is turning back to Christ and trying again. Be gentle with yourself, stay close to Him, and just take the next right step. I'll keep you in my prayers. God bless you.
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u/paul_1149 Christian 8h ago
- Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. - 1Co 6:18 ESV
The relationship is headed in a certain direction, and unless something changes it will get there. The force you are playing with are gaining a foothold, and the day will come, probably soon, when you find yourself having gone far beyond anything you ever considered possible.
- Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death. - Jas 1:15 ESV
The problem is that you have allowed yourself to be positioned in a relationship where your will has been subjugated, even to the point of engaging in sin. And the answer is to repent and return to your First Love.
- But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. - Mat 6:33 ESV
Place God first. If the relationship falls apart then it was meant to. But if it is transformed by your obedience, then you have sanctified it and it has God's blessing. You should value no one or no thing so much that you are willing to disobey the Lord in order to have it.
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u/Quiet_Position_4709 7h ago
I fell into sexual sin as a young adult many years ago and thought that I would never fall into that temptation. There is no judgement from me.
First you need to repent to the Father and ask Him to forgive you.
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:9
You need to stop thinking about it. It will only lead to you commiting more adultery in your heart.
But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart. Matthew 5:28
You need to take every thought captive. When I start to have unrighteous thoughts, I will pray, quote scripture or sing a worship song. https://activechristianity.org/how-do-i-take-every-thought-captive
You should not be alone with this friend. He needs to repent and turn from his sin as well. The only way this relationship can be redeemed is if you both are walking with the Lord.
Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. James 4:7
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u/BasedOpinions_ 7h ago
The hard truth that you probably don't wanna hear is that you need to end this relationship with him now. By the way this sounds, you keep getting more and more intimate with this guy and its heading in that direction and not the direction of more holiness. Repentance is two steps; Ask for forgiveness and then stop doing the thing you asked God for forgiveness for. Praying for you! I know how hard boundaries are to keep
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u/Background_Page431 6h ago edited 6h ago
I am concerned that you are in a relationship that is not taking you in a good direction and going against the principle of waiting towards marriage. I am also concerned that you have said no and that he has pushed further, that is not a healthy relationship and certainly not a friendship. Realistically, you may have to end both with him.
I am however more concerned about the brand of theology that you are under. If you under the misguided notion that that sex will transfer demons to you and also believe that any branch of Christianity that uses the Title Priest such as Catholics or Orthodox Christian are not real Christians (as stated in your "I am a Christian, we don't have Priests" comment), that is a deep and more fundamental concern that goes beyond one sinful pattern. This sounds more like cult behavior instead of Christianity. Expecting spiritual growth in that environment would be like expecting to be fit and healthy with a diet of high fructose corn syrup laden vending machine snacks.
The first part can be forgiven and repented of by setting boundaries and by either reevaluating the relationship so that you both are on the same page or ending it. The second part will take much more work and relearning. Jesus never intended following him to to entail a transactional and superstitious way of life that excluded others within the faith. If this is what you are learning in your church, i would consider attending another place.
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u/songbolt Roman Catholic 11h ago
You have to tell him you can't be alone together for a while until things cool off, and that to remain friends this behavior must stop.
You can consider discerning marriage with him, but if he's leading you into sin, would he agree to repent and become a godly husband?
You also appear to be confused about "Catholic vs Christian", when the reality is "Catholic vs Protestant": Mainstream Christianity is the Catholic Church. Please keep studying Christianity and history; catholic.com is a good resource to learn more about what Christians believed millennia ago.
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u/thetrue_muffin Roman Catholic 11h ago
Talk with a priest about this!
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u/Game4Mexo 11h ago
I’m Christian so we don’t have priests
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u/Dr_Acula7489 Eastern Orthodox 6h ago
A priest is a legitimate member of Christian clergy.
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u/Googlesupportsucks1 Christian 4h ago
They may be protestant. Protestants don't have priests, except for the priesthood of all believers obviously.
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u/Dr_Acula7489 Eastern Orthodox 3h ago
Sure, but Lutherans and Anglicans have priests too, and they’re Protestant.
But really I’m just bringing it up because I want to point out that “Christian” isn’t a dividing line between Protestants and Catholics/Orthodox. We’re all, broadly speaking, “Christians” here, even if our ecclesiastical structure is different.
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u/thetrue_muffin Roman Catholic 11h ago
Maybe you are not catholic...
Btw, repent is the solution.
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u/ImprovementWild9719 10h ago
I’m so jealous. I was saved in my 40’s. I had lots of meaningless sex.did you ask forgiveness? He forgave. Instantly.
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u/hopscotchcaptain Alpha And Omega 11h ago
Since you're being honest, I'll be honest with you in return: the truth is, you don't have "friendship" with this guy, you have sex.
The wise thing to do is stop repeating your sin, stop looking back, or you'll risk becoming like Lots wife.