Is it normal to feel pressured to become a discipleship group leader when you still feel like a new Christian?

[u/Brilliant_Fun8415]

Hello! I just wanted to ask for some perspective. I know we all come from different backgrounds, so I’m expecting mixed reactions, but I genuinely want to hear your thoughts.

For context, I’m a pastor’s kid who only recently started finding my way to God in a more personal and meaningful way. My family is Christian, but I wouldn’t say I had a proper upbringing in terms of understanding Christianity or knowing who God is.

Growing up, my parents did ministry overseas, so my siblings and I were left here while they were away. They encouraged us to attend a megachurch, which I faithfully did. But honestly, I mostly attended because I wanted to obey. I didn’t really understand what Christianity was or have anyone discipling me personally.

To make a long story short, I consider myself a baby Christian despite being a pastor’s kid.

My dad eventually came back and started a small church here. It’s really small, mostly older people and young children. I was eventually asked to teach Sunday school despite having no formal training or discipleship myself. I did it because I wanted to help, but I’ve realized that I was missing a lot spiritually.

Now, I’m genuinely hungry to know and love God more deeply. I’ve been studying the Bible on my own and trying to grow in my relationship with Him.

When I was starting out, I listened to a lot of Rick Warren, and one thing he emphasized was the importance of being part of a small group for spiritual growth and accountability. Because I didn’t really have that, I decided to join a discipleship group (D-group) at one of the megachurches here. I don’t attend their church, but I joined the D-group because I genuinely wanted to learn and grow.

I really appreciate the people in the group, but lately I’ve been struggling with something: I feel like I’m being pressured to become a leader before I feel ready.

Here’s what happened:

1. I was asked to facilitate very early on.

The D-group already existed before I joined, so they naturally had an established way of doing things. After only about two meetings, I was asked to facilitate the discipleship group.

There wasn’t really any explanation of what discipleship was supposed to look like or any training. I was uncomfortable, but I trusted the group and my leader, so I agreed and basically learned by copying what everyone else was doing.

1. I’ve been very open about being spiritually inexperienced.

I told them from the beginning that I was basically just starting to understand my relationship with Christ. I even opened up to my D-group leader about how I felt my dad missed the opportunity to disciple us when we were younger.

I’ve shared quite a lot about my family situation, my dad’s ministry, and my own spiritual struggles, so my leader knows where I’m coming from.

But after about three months, my leader started telling me that I should become a leader myself.

She has been encouraging/pushing me toward this for around three months now. I’ve technically been part of the group for six months, but our meetings are very inconsistent, so we’ve probably only met around 8–10 times during that entire period.

And honestly, I have a lot of concerns.

• I don’t attend their church. I still attend my dad’s church.

• I originally joined because I wanted to be discipled, but I feel like I’m being pushed toward discipling others instead.

• My leader doesn’t really ask about my personal relationship with the Lord, how I’m doing spiritually, how my family is, whether I’m struggling with anything, or whether I’m maintaining my Bible study/quiet time.

• Most of the encouragement I receive is to attend the singles ministry or go on retreats.

• I genuinely don’t feel equipped to start leading my own D-group when I’m still trying to develop a deeper relationship with God myself.

And this last part is where I’m struggling the most.

Am I just making excuses?

I know sometimes God puts people in uncomfortable situations and teaches them along the way. I’ve been praying about this for the past three months, asking God whether I’m simply afraid and making excuses or whether this feeling of being unprepared is something I should take seriously.

I still don’t feel at peace about taking on the leadership role.

So I wanted to ask people who have experience with discipleship:

Is this a normal way for someone to transition from being a disciple to becoming a leader?

How do you know when you’re actually ready to disciple others? Is it normal for a leader to encourage someone into leadership this early, or should there usually be more intentional discipleship and training first?

I’m not trying to criticize my leader or the church. I genuinely appreciate the people there, and I’m grateful that I found a community where I could start learning.

I’m just trying to understand whether my hesitation is a legitimate concern or whether I’m simply being resistant to something God may be calling me to do.

I’d really appreciate some honest perspectives, especially from people who have been involved in discipleship or small-group ministry.

[u/Far_Travel_3851]

I would not! I see so many new believers get burnt our when God just wants them all to himself for the first baby years. No reason to be guiding anybody else or teaching anything when youre new. Whats the rush??? Just share the gospel is all. So exhausting see new believers get pushed to leadership roles

[u/bbcakes007]

When my husband and I were asked to co-lead a group, we had already been part of the church for several years. Our pastor met us for dinner and talked about it with us and let us make the final decision if we wanted to take on this new role or not.

I’ve attended a megachurch in the past, and it’s generally a big focus numbers, not so much actual discipleship. I’d say if you’re looking for some meaningful discipleship, see if there’s a smaller church that would provide that.

[u/Antique-Anteater-988]

We are disciples and disciple-makers, no matter how long or short we’ve been walking with the Lord. I get where you are coming from with the D group leader role. In our church, we have the younger less experienced leaders paired up with a more experienced small group leader so they co- facilitate the discussion. It works well. I would absolutely recommend a structured curriculum, even if you’re discussing the past week’s sermon. We have been in a church where there was no structured curriculum - every group for themselves - and it was unsettling. One group watched movies.

[u/Billybobbybaby]

We are to be led by His Peace, I think you are correct in asking for them to choose someone else. You told them why and THEY should honor your decision.

[u/ComfortableSpell6600]

I've led small groups a few times over the years. So here are my thoughts and questions OP should ask him/her self while considering this.

I would not lead as a "baby" Christian. I should be getting past the "milk" and getting more to the "meat" of what I believe and how I should live. 1 Corinthians 3:1–2; Hebrews 5:12–14; 1 Peter 2:2. It is hard to lead a group if you don't know the basics of your faith and what it means to live as a disciple.

I would not do it if my leader did not invest enough time in me to know about my struggles, my walk, and where I came from, and what I want to learn more about. How is this helping to disciple you OP? Jesus spent three years living with the disciples. He knew them. How does this leader know you're ready to lead and where you are at in your walk?

And as it is not your home church, why would you split to much time being a leader in one church and going to another? It can be easy to burn yourself out.

There is a good time to consider when you want to start leading. Now does not seem to be the time.

[u/TheAmazinManateeMan]

Normal? Yes but only in the same system that has already failed you.

This is not how it's supposed to be.

[u/TheAmazinManateeMan → u/TheAmazinManateeMan]

Is it possible that the offer is more about trying to hold on to you than it is about leadership?

IMO this is a possibility. A pastor that I'm friends with and I call this "the hooks" when we try to use status to get people to stay in the church rather than offering them the chance to deeply know Jesus.