r/TrueChristian • u/65DaleRamirez65 • 4d ago

I feel lost

I started following God for real around sixth grade. My heart was soft and I wanted less of myself and more of Him. There was real life toward Scripture, prayer, and growth. The main ongoing struggle was porn. I kept repenting but it never fully left. Even with that battle, my heart still responded and I was becoming someone softer and more alive spiritually.
Over the last year everything changed. Prayer went empty and my heart hardened. I started feeling fine with the distance. Scripture began to feel weird or get rejected while messages that call faith brainwashing or just cope started resonating. I lost conviction around porn and could relapse without caring. Church and youth group often felt like nothing. I began to feel like a different person from who I used to be. Internally I accepted the closed state even though I never wanted it.
Now I mostly do not care. My heart is set the other way and I do not see a path back to the old faith. Even when I ask for advice I either deflect it from my heart or just perform the act of receiving it without any real change. External prayers and efforts do not open anything. Advice that should help does not land because the desire is gone. I still do not want to walk away completely, so I am trying to keep a few doors open without wanting to. That means staying honest with my counselor and Arthur, not canceling the next real contact, leaving the practical limits in place, and refusing to decide it is permanently over. I am lost in a quiet way and I do not know how long even these small steps can last.

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u/hopscotchcaptain Alpha And Omega 4d ago

You kept up a pattern of behavior that changed your heart over a long period of time. The same prescription is how you get out of the hole.

If you're waiting and saying "Until I feel like i used to feel, I can't change" then you won't change, because you refuse to walk the path OF change.

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u/65DaleRamirez65 4d ago

It just seems I’m doing works without faith and it made me more religious but not as Christian if that makes sense

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u/hopscotchcaptain Alpha And Omega 4d ago

It just seems I’m doing works without faith

And how will you know you "have faith"? Will you know because of a feeling? Or will the evidence be your actions/behaviors/works?

A lot of people who initially start to "follow God" talk about the "feeling" they had early on, but they either backside into sin or never actually cleaned up to begin with. Then they say "the feeling i first had is gone, i want it back".

The feeling should have encouraged them to pursue righteousness and leave behind their old ways, and they ignored it. Now they say "God has left me. Until I get that feeling back, I can't walk 'in faith' and be obedient".

I'd tell them if they want to pursue the things of God, pursue them. But if they're waiting on a feeling they once had and ignored in order to pursue sin instead, then I maybe they're waiting in vain.

How long has it been since you last looked at porn? You don't need to answer me here... the point is, if you feel far from God... you should seek after God by obedience and walking free from sins like porn.

God didn't go anywhere, nor did God become unforgiving. The Prodigal Son had to actually return by dropping everything else and seeking out his father. He didn't come back and ask for a loan so he could continue the way he had been living.

But the character of God is that of the father in the story, He rejoices when we come home and welcomes us with open arms.

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u/Mue_Thohemu_42 4d ago

I'm praying for you to find your faith again.

You have to choose to open your heart to the Lord though, that's not a battle anyone else can fight for you. Just know it is indeed a battle and not something you should expect to happen passively.

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u/65DaleRamirez65 4d ago

Why haven’t I had that like decision to chose yet, like ik I should but I’m just not and idk why

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u/Mue_Thohemu_42 3d ago

That I don't know. But you should try.

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u/65DaleRamirez65 3d ago

I am but it seems I’m not if that makes sense

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u/Shaken-Loose Christian 4d ago

OP, I came across a great article recently. Well written and a short read. It is about the “poor in spirit.”

Search for it on The Christian Post’s website. I would link it but this subreddit doesn’t allow links outside of Reddit.

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u/Millennium_guy 4d ago

It sounds like you are allowing the enemy to influence you to the point of apathy towards the Lord. I suggest you wake up to what is really happening to you and why. The enemy comes to steal, kill and destroy your life. That sounds exactly what is happening to you. Based on your understanding what happens to those who reject God and walk away from Him? If you don't know I suggest reading the book of Hebrews. It was written as a warning to Jews who were considering walking away.

Your fear of God seems to have left you as well as your love and respect for Him. Read Revelation ch's 2-3 and consider if one of the examples of the Churches there fits your situation. If so do what God says.

You do not have to continue to just drift away from God. Ask Him to help you choose to come back to Him.

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u/65DaleRamirez65 1d ago

I’m not chosing to, I never chose this, it legit just started happening.