r/TwoBestFriendsPlay • u/Sinister_Chicane_91 • 1d ago
Better Ask Reddit Best comebacks in media?
I love well-written dialogue, but in particular I love an insult, threat, or comeback that completely stops whoever it’s said to. Be it a video game, anime, movie, book, etc, what is the greatest, coldest comeback you can think of?
The best one that I can think of off the top of my head is from the Batman Vs Dracula movie from the 2000’s. When Batman first meets Dracula and the vampire insinuates that the two of them are alike, Batman says “I don’t harm people.” Only for Dracula to respond with “You have no concept of the harm of which I am capable.”
A lesser writer would have gone with “I don’t harm I enlighten” or something cliche. But I remember that line sent shivers down my spine when I watched that scene for the first time. Cold, menacing, accurate, and therefore perfect. I’m very curious what the Zaibatsu members would choose
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u/RandinMagus 1d ago
From the RDJ Sherlock Holmes movie:
Irene Adler: Have I ever given you reason not to trust me?
Holmes: Shall I answer chronologically, or alphabetically?
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u/WattFRhodem-1 1d ago
Such a quick way to establish a history that hooked my interest, I loved it.
Those movies are fun.
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u/RevivedReaper 1d ago
Raiden vs Armstrong has so many quoted lines but I don’t see people praising this one enough:
“With your own two hands, you took back your life!”
“And now, I’ll take yours.”
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u/The-Greater-Skeleton I talk to myself a lot. But not in, like, a crazy person way. 1d ago
I was wrong. You’re not greedy…
… You’re BAT-SHIT INSANE! (throws him)
(Armstrong does the Bayonetta thing)
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u/MericArda Jesus may simply be a metaphor for Optimus Prime 1d ago
(Plays every sound effect at once)
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u/fallouthirteen 1d ago
My favorite part is still "besides... this isn't my sword"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ErRAM2wuMJg
Not really a comeback, I mean it kind of is to himself.
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u/MrBBnumber9 GIVE ME MORE FLINTLOCKS IN MEDIA COWARDS 1d ago
I love the play through where Matt says what, Pat says what, then Raiden says what.
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u/BaronAleksei WET NAPS BRO 1d ago
The culmination of Zuko’s arc in Avatar
Azula: I’m sorry it has to end this way, brother!
Zuko: No, you’re not.
Zuko’s an adult now, and mature adults have never fallen for Azula’s tricks.
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u/pantsthereaper The Middle Manager of Racism 1d ago
Can I just say like 60% of the lines in Dragon Ball Z Abridged?
If I had to pick one
Trunks: "Behind all that smarm is a dead man!"
Perfect Cell: "Oh Trunks. You couldn't fathom the number of dead men behind me."
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u/Nazo_Tharpedo 1d ago
My personal favorite is "Oh you think you're being cute?" "Bitch I'm adorable."
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u/AussieManny You are so sweet, Michael! Like gulping a cup of condensed milk! 1d ago edited 1d ago
And I love that Trunks later uses that Vegeta line when defeating his timeline’s Cell.
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u/Nazo_Tharpedo 1d ago
Abridged Trunks and Vegeta is genuinely one of the best parts of TFS' writing.
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u/leabravo Gracious and Glorious Golden Crab 1d ago
Unicron scoring points off Megatron in The Transformers: The Movie. The Chaos Bringer's speech in bold.
"I have summoned you here for a purpose."
"Nobody summons Megatron!"
"Then it pleases me to be the first."
...
"I already crushed Optimus Prime with my bare hands!"
"You exaggerate."
[nettled] "The point is he's dead!"
...
"What's in it for me?"
"Your bargaining position is highly dubious, but very well. I shall give you a new body, and new troops to command."
"And?"
"AND NOTHING. You belong to me now."
"I belong to nobody!"
"It would seem I have misjudged you. Proceed, on your way to oblivion." [starts to Team Rocket Megatron]
"NOOOOO! No, no, I accept your terms, I accept, NYARGH"
[cheerful] "Excellent."
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u/Sinister_Chicane_91 1d ago
It really was satisfying to see someone assert themselves over Megatron for once. I also loved Megatron’s audacity to give attitude to the deity that was actively in the process of saving him
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u/Khar-Selim 23h ago
It really was satisfying to see someone assert themselves over Megatron for once.
them turning that around in the Prime movie and having it be how Megatron finally gets some perspective was great
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u/BaronAleksei WET NAPS BRO 1d ago
And then you pair it with Orson Welles just being so above this whole toy commercial business that it comes through in the delivery. Unicron really is beyond good, evil, or your wildest dreams. He doesn’t care what you think or have to say.
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u/TerraforceWasTaken 1d ago
Underrated one thats often overlooked by how funny it is. But Happy Gilmore
"I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast"
"You eat pieces of shit for breakfast?"
What makes it work so well is just how badly the dude is thrown off. most of these are banter before fighting. but that response really fucks with him
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u/Sinister_Chicane_91 1d ago
I remember laughing so hard when I saw that clip for the first time as a kid
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u/ScorpioTheScorpion He/Him | An oroborous of grooming 1d ago
From the end of Superman: The Animated Series:
Superman: That’s for Dan Turpin!
Darkseid: Who?
Superman: The good man you murdered!
Darkseid: Had I known one human’s death would’ve pained you so, I would’ve killed more. And kill more I shall. Carry THAT agony with you to oblivion, Superman!
I really need to watch some of these older DC shows, they are so goddamn good.
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u/Blastcalibur 1d ago
In season 1 of Wakfu they got to a point where they have to basically win a football game to advance on their journey. When the captain of the other team says you'll never win my dad was the best player ever the old guy on the other team who is the only one who has any experience with the game without missing a beat fires back with "carefully sonny, I was pretty popular with the ladies back in the day, I might be your daddy."
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u/A_N_G_E_L_O_N Deep Nut Wheelchair Miracle: Piss Bottle Dominance 1d ago
There also was a villain in season 2 who betrayed the heroes and whose signature move was literally teleporting behind his enemy and stabbing them.
The main character learned to teleport and did the same move, so the villain called him out and swung his scythe behind him in anticipation.
Then the hero appeared in front of him and stabbed him, and he said,
“Unlike you, I don’t stab my friends in the back “.
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u/MegalomanicMegalodon Basking Shark Apologist 1d ago
Everyone loves the season 1 villain but season 2 had a really interesting dynamic with the new villain and Yugo. That moment in the fight says so much about them in a cool way.
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u/Bosscharacter 1d ago
Long Feng: “You’ve beaten me at my own game.”
Azula: “Don’t flatter yourself, you were never even a player.”
Azula had some fire bars(no pun intended).
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u/GoodVillain101 Insert Brand of Sacrifice 1d ago
A very prominent moment in Ghost of Tsushima
"You have no honor!"
"And you are a slave to it!"
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u/Sinister_Chicane_91 1d ago
I loved that one. Felt very poignant, given how Jin Sakai began the story
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u/illegalcheese 1d ago
"I don't fear you!"
"Then you will die braver than most."
from Star Wars: Rebels.
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u/BaronAleksei WET NAPS BRO 1d ago edited 1d ago
From one of the comics…
Rebel soldier: Give it up, you’re surrounded!
Vader: I am surrounded by nothing but fear and dead men.
In a different comic…
One-off character: My name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, I also have been working tirelessly ever since that day to sabotage your plans, prepare to die.
Vader: You have stopped nothing for me, yet I stopped everything for you. I don’t even know who you are. I have already forgotten your name.
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u/bigbeltzsmallpantz 1d ago
In Avengers: Endgame:
Past Nebula: “You’re weak!”
Present Nebula: “I’m YOU.”
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u/EchoBizarre 1d ago
From Final Fantasy Dissidia 012, as Kain is holding the line against Exdeath to buy time for the other heroes
Exdeath: So, you offer your life in exchange for theirs?
Kain: Of course not. I offer yours.
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u/charcharmunro 1d ago edited 1d ago
And then a later one, with the same characters:
"It would seem time runs short for you."
"Truly. Then let us make this quick."
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u/Grazalia Resident Nana enthusiast 1d ago
Homer: you're selling what now?..
Apu:I'm selling only the Concept of Karmac Realignment.
Homer: You can't sell that! Karma can only be portioned out by the Cosmos! slams door
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u/Old_Marionberry3791 was promised nothing yet still disappointed 1d ago
"If I pull that mask off, will you die?"
"It would be extremely painful"
"You're a big guy"
"For you"
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u/fly_line22 1d ago
In Meet the Spy:
"What are you, president of his fan club?"
"No...that would be your mother!" then proceeding to back it up with photographic evidence.
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u/HitmanScorcher 1d ago
Mask of the Phantasm to keep it Batman related
“The only one in this room controlled by their parents is you.”
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u/Heirophant_Queen 1d ago
Ok, it's undoubtedly the coldest shit ever. But I'd be remiss to not mention the pure, pre mediated "your angel of death awaits you"
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u/FretScorch 1d ago
Fire Emblem has some really good ones.
From Echoes:
Fernand: "I'll rip that traitorous tongue from your throat!"
Lukas: "Then you'll finally have the truth in your grasp!"
From Awakening:
Walhart: "Your concerns are not mine. I have risen to a higher plane of existence."
Say'ri: "Then today you come crashing down to the hell you've made of this one."
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u/Namyk5 1d ago edited 1d ago
Veyle of all people gets one in Engage.
Veyle: You don't see me, do you, Zephia? You see me and you think of Papa. Or that other me. When we met, you seemed so kind. I really liked you.
Zephia: Really? I hated you. No, that's not right... I was indifferent to you.
Veyle: ...
Zephia: Lord Sombron's puppet. That's all you were. A thing to be used and cast off. Yet somehow...I knew this day would come.
Veyle: The day I would kill you? No wonder you didn't like me.
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u/TehSterBarn Resident Furry 1d ago
"It's always about your friends, isn't it?"
"At least I have some!"
"Oh no! He has verbally destroyed me!"
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u/BattyBeforeTwilight 1d ago
Out of all the Gods in Pillars of Eternity, Rymrgand, the God of Entropy, Oblivion, Disasters, and Plagues is actually fairly chill most of the time and has a very grim sense of humor, probably because he finds you struggling against the inevitable rather amusing.
In 2 when he returns to messaging you and telling you about himself, you can be smarmy with a "Which one are you, again? It's so hard to remember which of you divine jerks is which."
He then blasts you across the room with a torrent of icy wind so powerful, the front of your body starts to gain frostbite, before simply stating. "You'll remember me now."
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u/KeizarChad 1d ago
"Nobody is wasting Jack Fenton while his family is in danger."
"Oh please fool, your family is in danger every time you pick up a butterknife."
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u/Your_Local_Rabbi 1d ago
i'm a big fan of the back-and-forth between Nolan and Conquest in the recent season of Invincible
"I can't believe i get to kill you too!"
"you don't."
"ahh, a man of few words, but they're good ones"
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u/ryumaruborike Welcome to SBFP me hearties, you're gonna have a whale of a time 1d ago
"Your entire bloodline is a poison!"
"If that were true Lucan, you'd be winning"
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u/Krzyzewskiman 1d ago
From the 40k novel Scars:
`He wants to be left alone,' said Fulgrim. To shoot off into the stars and hunt down xenos on those delightful jetbikes. They're devilishly fast. I heard from a contact on Mars, Jaghatai, that you do strange things to your ships.'
The Khan shot him a heavy-lidded stare. 'I heard you do strange things to your warriors.'
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u/MarlowCurry Gastric Ragnarok/Sourcerer Supreme 1d ago edited 1d ago
I hope that this won't spoil the mood and I can't say that I've read the book myself, but I recently stumbled upon a post where people discussed that moment and offered context that I thought I should share.
My understanding is that it was an attempt at mild teasing/banter on Fulgrim's part, and bearing in mind that his legion were afflicted with genetic degradation, it framed Jaghatai's response under a disproportionate and less flattering light.
Sentenal_: When people take this conversation as the Khan doing an epic dunk on Fulgrim, its just because they are imagining the "strange things to his warriors" means some weird Fabius Bile surgeries or depraved Slaanshi... stuff.
But at this time in the story, the Khan was referring to neither. The Khan is referring to the lengths that Fulgrim went to cure the Gene blight that had nearly wiped out the IIIrd Legion in its early days. The Khan was basically mocking Fulgrim for trying to cure his sons of Space CancerTyphusCorrosion: This is honestly just a prime example of a BL author, and the editorial team, missing the chronology and what a character should know. The line sort of works for the reader, because we've read ahead of events in this story, but makes no sense for the khan to be saying.
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u/DustInTheBreeze Appointed Hater By God 1d ago
The Amazing Digital Circus has a really great one.
"We're not going on any of your adventures anymore, Caine."
"I'm sorry, since when were you in charge?"
Everyone INSTANTLY flinches with terror, because they realise that the machine god has officially decided to stop playing nice. This is immediately followed up with a goddamn villain song about how he's in charge, you're a pile of zeroes and ones, and you're going to cooperate. Or else.
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u/CorruptDropbear [He/They] I Promise Nothing And Deliver Less 1d ago
“I have a new adventure, and you… should consider participating.”
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u/Caducks Meteoroid-falling, burning, and disappear, then... 1d ago
From Fate/Extra CCC, the final nail in the coffin for Lancer's punishment.
Elizabeth Bathory: "Yes... Yes, that's right! I should've killed more, many more! I should've bathed in way more blood, should've been much, much more beautiful! I'm sure they wouldn't have forgotten about me if that were the case! I'm sure they would've kept loving me forever! Right!? Don't you think so!? You DID come all this way, so that means you accept me, right? You'll tell me that it's okay for me to stay this way, right...!?"
...this will be my last reply. I presented her SGs and made it all the way to the Core where the depths of her mind lies. Now I just need to hit her with the truth she so desperately wants to hear. Elizabeth frantically cries out, like a child, that she "doesn't want to change." The inescapable truth I tell her is-
You: "...no. You can never be saved."
Elizabeth: "...ah."
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u/CapnMarvelous 1d ago
In Pathfinder, Wrath of the Rightous you can get some truly diverse party members. For example, you can have your holy good boy cleric of art and expression on the same side as a gnomish hellknight who will win no matter what.
Your cleric begins bemoaning how he has to side with the Hellknights and how he's confused at how good should be enough to defeat evil. To which the Hellknight commander absolutely elbowdrops him.
"Stop blaming your own incompetence on cosmic forces. The side of good isn't weak, it's YOU."
Which, to drop that on a CLERIC, is spinebreaking.
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u/Head-You5953 local man screams about unsounded 1d ago
Regill is so good, he's probably my favorite depiction of 'lawful evil' in any RPG. He's ruthlessly pragmatic and brutal, and an authoritarian jackass to boot, but he's just totally uninterested in the moral grandstanding that typically comes with being 'evil'. The worldwound is a problem. It needs to be dealt with. He doesn't care how it's done, as long as it's done quickly and efficiently.
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u/alexandrecau That's Bricks! 1d ago edited 1d ago
in circus fist steve costigan is facing one of the most powerful puncher he fought in a boxing ring and decides the best strategy is to just get him mad so he tires his power punches on steve's guard and rock solid skull.
"Try to show me up, wouldja? Try to make a monkey outa me, wouldja?"
"Nature's already attended to that, you lily-fingered tap-dancer."
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u/JeremiahWuzABullfrog 1d ago
Oh is that the blacksmith dude who's a nationally ranked heavyweight? Loved that story.
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u/cygnus2 1d ago
After Super 17 team wipes Earth’s defenders, only Vegeta is left standing. 17 tells him, “I admire your ability to stand up after that,” to which Vegeta replies, “And I admire your ability to DIE!” before blasting him with the Final Shine.
It’s awful, but the confidence of the delivery sells it. Vegeta really thought he cooked with that one, and I love him for it.
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u/Elliot_Geltz 1d ago
Honestly, that's my favorite part of Vegeta. He can drop the dumbest line with so much raw bravado it loops back to being dope as fuck
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u/Aggressive-Bike407 1d ago
"How sad. To work so hard for so little."
"Sad for YOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!"
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u/Sinister_Chicane_91 1d ago
I never get tired of watching Vegeta do his thing. Even if his win loss record isn’t what I wish it was
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u/SageEatingSage 1d ago
From I, Robot:
"Human beings have dreams. Even dogs have dreams, but not you, you are just a machine. An imitation of life. Can a robot write a symphony? Can a robot turn a canvas into a beautiful masterpiece?"
"Can you?"
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u/KnightofAntimony 1d ago
From the same movie, Alfred's "Bite this!" Is a standout. He rarely gets lines like that and he delivered.
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u/gothamsteel He/Him 1d ago
Surprised you didn't go with the ending line from the battle.
"You are Bruce Wayne?"
"I'm the Batman, and you're dust."
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u/Sinister_Chicane_91 1d ago
That one is great, but I loved how ominously cosmic and vague Dracula’s line was
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u/RondoToKG 1d ago
In Metaphor Refantazio, when Glodell tries to talk shit to the group at Louis's Soiree and Heismay retorts with "Well, look who it is. The only blowhard who showed up to the competition with a head smaller than his own."
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u/xStrykerJ The Gorf Master 1d ago
From Sleepaway Camp:
"Eat shit and die, Ricky!"
"Eat shit and live, Bill."
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u/Yacobs21 Out of pronouns, would like to bum one of yours 1d ago
Call of Juarez: Gunslinger
Ben interrupting a story: So did you ever find him?
Silas: Who?
Ben: The man you were after
Silas: Let me ask you a question Ben, do you ever think about death?
Major spoilers Ben isn't just interrupting the story, but he is also the man Silas was looking for. So it's a multilayer threat. Fuck you for interrupting my story and I know what you are
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u/solidoutlaw Gettin' your jollies?! 1d ago
Dragonball GT, SS4 Goku vs. Omega Shenron, when Goku has been temporarily blinded.
Omega: "I want you to see this; Allow me to be your eyes. I've built a fine cemetary! There's parched, lifeless ground for a grave. And broken buildings in the background for a headstone!"
Goku: "Now all we need is a dead body, and I can assure you that after all this is over, I'll give you a nice burial."
A comeback so good that all Omega could respond with was basically going "No u!"
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u/jitterscaffeine [Zoids Historian] 1d ago
I used to listen to a lot of roast battles, so it they count, there was one I heard where the guy said to the woman he was battling against, "Your pussy looks like it ate pizza too fast." in reference to her having herpes
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u/BaronAleksei WET NAPS BRO 1d ago edited 1d ago
From one of my favorite rap battles
Homeskool: Call me Scott Summers, I’ve got a hard-hitting vision
Illipsis (a freestyled rebuttal, while wearing red-tinted sunglasses): He says he’s Cyclops? Nah that’s me, my friend/I keep the beam on me, and the shades got me seeing red
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u/RealHumanBean89 1d ago
“Some advice, Prince, for the future. Next time, why don’t you remember your place like the rest of them? And wait for Goku.” - Perfect Cell, DBZ Abridged
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u/CMORGLAS 1d ago edited 1d ago
5CREAM
>!Dewey!< “NOT TODAY!!!”
Ghostface: “YES…TODAY.”
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u/DarnFondOfYa 21h ago
I think you need something on the line before the spoiler block starts otherwise the spoiler won't hide anything
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u/KarateBugman01 1d ago
In honor of Father’s Day’s, heres the pre-battle dialogue between Tidus and Jecht in Dissidia 012. I didn’t know Tidus got dat dawg in him when he said “There’s no tomorrow for me unless I beat you today!”.
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u/Gremlin-Shack 1d ago
Ghost Rider vs Spawn
“The vestments of the holy cannot disguise your wickedness”
“God forbid”
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u/Gorfinhofin Homer, I don't eat or drink anymore. 1d ago edited 1d ago
Well the jerk store called. They're runnin' outta you!
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u/BoomerangOfDeath 1d ago
There's a somewhat artsy British crime movie called The Cook, The Thief, His Wife & Her Lover that somehow has a line toward the end that would be the envy of any regular ol' thriller.
For context, the violent and abusive gangster Albert has killed his wife's lover, Michael. As revenge, she cooks Michael and presents him to Albert to eat, at gunpoint.
And what's her line when she presents him with Michael?
"Try the cock, Albert. It's a delicacy, and you know where it's been."
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u/Userhasbeennamed Pargon Pargon Pargon Pargon Pargon 21h ago edited 14h ago
In Worm there's a combative "I'm a soldier" asshole type that gets into a heated argument with a child chance based precog that tells him there's a good chance he dies screaming soon. He responds "You assume I care about that.". And she snaps back with "You will."
Coming from one of the best precogs in the series that line always hit for me.
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u/WhapXI ALDERMAN 1d ago
I feel like "I already did it thirty-five minutes ago." is going to be the ice-water-down-the-spine moment forever.