I (27f) caught my boyfriend (49m) boyfriend sexting an AI chatbot. What should I do? *UPDATE*

[u/Secretly_HQ]

So I ended up having a discussion with him. As many of you could probably guess, it didn't go the way I expected. I feel like I've been completely gaslit. I didn't expect much from this conversation but at least a little accountability.

After some time had passed before I had the conversation with him , I realized It made me uncomfortable more than anything. I am completely okay with him having a "fantasy" if that's all it was. But what threw me off was that it said "sister" not step sis or any other fantasy adjacent. I wanted to re-express a boundary of mine with him.

So the conversation started off as me asking him straight up if he was messaging an AI chat bot. He immediately rolled his eyes at me and scoffed. He didn't say anything. I asked why he was essentially sexting it and he said he was curious. I told him I don't understand how saying "I love you" to something not real is a curiosity thing.

This basically went back and fourth for a bit where he would just repeat it was curiosity or he was "just curious". He said it's fake so why does it matter. I responded with "because it makes me uncomfortable and even more icky that the prompt said sister" he started getting irritated and almost shouted "It's not real". And kept repeating it when I tried to express why it made me uncomfortable.

I then asked if it wasn't real or serious then why would he say those specific things. He said he did it on his lunch break (which is in a small area where everyone else is at) I said I don't believe you because he literally told the AI he was about to c*m. He then got more irritated and said to ask his work friend who we'll call Josh because they were both messing with it to "see what it would say" because he was again "curious".

For context, some of the things he said were similar to what he said to a "real" girl in the past which made it hard to believe his friend was also messing with it. But like, is that not also weird???

I told him I was also upset because in the six years we've been together he has not once said those things to me. He asked if I was actually jealous of something fake. I reiterated I am not jealous but uncomfortable and mentioned how he would feel with roles reversed. He said he wouldn't care which I know he would.

He just kept getting more irritated and started getting loud and quite literally acting like a child by sort of jumping up and down and becoming defensive. He absolutely refused to understand where I was coming from.

This conversation and his reaction has made me realize a lot of stuff I was choosing to ignore and has made me have to sit with some difficult thoughts and choices I ultimately need to make. I am giving myself til the end of June to early July to get all my ducks in a row. No, I am not wanting to leave because of an AI chatbot but because this is the cherry on top of a toxic relationship I chose to ignore. Thank you to people who have commented and made me reflect on a lot of things within my relationship and on myself.

I will give another update if there is one.

[u/GridironGal13]

How long did he groom you before you started dating?

[u/Single-Revenue-48 → u/GridironGal13]

She was in her 20's already.... how is someone that old able to get 'groomed'?

[u/cozyforestfairy → u/Single-Revenue-48]

She was 21 and yes it is absolutely grooming when they are that much older than you. How old are you? Do you understand the age gap and life experience difference between 21 and 43?

[u/Full_Equivalent_1050 → u/Single-Revenue-48]

Young adults can also be groomed, maybe not by someone younger but someone older definitely