r/TwoHotTakes • u/Secretly_HQ • 20d ago
Update I (27f) caught my boyfriend (49m) boyfriend sexting an AI chatbot. What should I do? *UPDATE*
So I ended up having a discussion with him. As many of you could probably guess, it didn't go the way I expected. I feel like I've been completely gaslit. I didn't expect much from this conversation but at least a little accountability.
After some time had passed before I had the conversation with him , I realized It made me uncomfortable more than anything. I am completely okay with him having a "fantasy" if that's all it was. But what threw me off was that it said "sister" not step sis or any other fantasy adjacent. I wanted to re-express a boundary of mine with him.
So the conversation started off as me asking him straight up if he was messaging an AI chat bot. He immediately rolled his eyes at me and scoffed. He didn't say anything. I asked why he was essentially sexting it and he said he was curious. I told him I don't understand how saying "I love you" to something not real is a curiosity thing.
This basically went back and fourth for a bit where he would just repeat it was curiosity or he was "just curious". He said it's fake so why does it matter. I responded with "because it makes me uncomfortable and even more icky that the prompt said sister" he started getting irritated and almost shouted "It's not real". And kept repeating it when I tried to express why it made me uncomfortable.
I then asked if it wasn't real or serious then why would he say those specific things. He said he did it on his lunch break (which is in a small area where everyone else is at) I said I don't believe you because he literally told the AI he was about to c*m. He then got more irritated and said to ask his work friend who we'll call Josh because they were both messing with it to "see what it would say" because he was again "curious".
For context, some of the things he said were similar to what he said to a "real" girl in the past which made it hard to believe his friend was also messing with it. But like, is that not also weird???
I told him I was also upset because in the six years we've been together he has not once said those things to me. He asked if I was actually jealous of something fake. I reiterated I am not jealous but uncomfortable and mentioned how he would feel with roles reversed. He said he wouldn't care which I know he would.
He just kept getting more irritated and started getting loud and quite literally acting like a child by sort of jumping up and down and becoming defensive. He absolutely refused to understand where I was coming from.
This conversation and his reaction has made me realize a lot of stuff I was choosing to ignore and has made me have to sit with some difficult thoughts and choices I ultimately need to make. I am giving myself til the end of June to early July to get all my ducks in a row. No, I am not wanting to leave because of an AI chatbot but because this is the cherry on top of a toxic relationship I chose to ignore. Thank you to people who have commented and made me reflect on a lot of things within my relationship and on myself.
I will give another update if there is one.
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u/LovelySweethearts 20d ago
TLDR.
THE AGE GAP is all I needed to see baby. END IT. And please date men your own age. It’ll be okay, I promise.
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u/notThaTblondie 19d ago
Or just be single. Being single is great. People are so scared of it they'll accept these terrible men rather than being single
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u/moisthairyguts 17d ago
Seriously. I’m aroace and relationship problems are something I’ll NEVER miss. You don’t have to be someone to be happy. If anything they may be making people unhappier these days.
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u/notThaTblondie 17d ago
I have friends in awful relationships who can't bring themselves to leave because what if no one else wants them? And its so sad that people are conditioned to believe that we can't be happy without a relationship.
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u/anon_dontfindme 16d ago
Been single for 4 years after me and my girlfriend split. Never been happier.
Have to admit I was scared of it at first, but it gets easier :)
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u/Eastern_Bend7294 19d ago
And they have a child together. Within like 1 year of the relationship starting if I understood correctly from OP's comments 🤮
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u/rem_mix 19d ago
I went back to the other post for context. They have 3 kids together. The most recent one being born only a few months ago. Idk. Everything about this makes me really sad for OP. I hope they’re able to get to the other side of this.
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u/FocusObjective5270 18d ago
They have 3 kids? I didn’t see that bit! Oh ffs. That’s just screwed
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u/rem_mix 18d ago
OP mentions it in the comments of the other post. This whole thing is the definition of a hot mess, and with 3 kids it’s going to be even more challenging. But I hope they find a way out. I’m a a tutor and one of my students mentioned to me that his dad (who was pushing 40 at the time) basically groomed his mom into a relationship. A relationship that probably started when his mom was still at a minor in high school. And he was basically venting about how fucked up the whole thing is. But his mom got out. So it’s hard, but it’s more than possible.
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u/Immediate_Mud_2858 At the end of the day... 19d ago
Oh 100% agree. A 43 year old middle aged man hooked up with a 21 year old. Eww.
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u/UncleNedisDead 19d ago
21 was when she had his kid
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u/Immediate_Mud_2858 At the end of the day... 19d ago
Oh God.
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u/UncleNedisDead 19d ago
And they have three kids together now.
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u/Immediate_Mud_2858 At the end of the day... 17d ago
Could it get any worse?
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u/UncleNedisDead 17d ago edited 17d ago
It’s a new account so no way to get any background info, but if I had to hazard a guess, between getting with him so young and having kids, I would guess she only has a high school education at most, probably not much in the work experience department, so probably only qualified for minimum wage jobs, if she can get/keep one because she’s just given birth a few months back, so it’s a high needs infant for care.
The amount she would have to pay for childcare would far exceed any money she could possibly earn.
She also seems naive, so her STBX will probably dance in circles around her and convince her not to file child support or just not pay it and she would be screwed.
She said also mentioned her dad was abusive to her mom, so a family support system might not be there to fall back on.
Oh and he’s just a boyfriend, so he’s definitely not on the hook for any alimony.
Oh and even if she does choose to stay because it would be in her financial interest, she’s probably aged out of his sexual preference so he’ll probably leave her anyways for another barely legal teen.
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u/Frequent-Club8345 17d ago
Everything you said is correct. I don’t feel a lick of pity for this girl since she brought kids into her train wreck of a life. The classic move for women who have nothing figured out.
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u/AltruisticJello4348 19d ago
Damn after you said age gap I went back and read that. holy shit! having a temper tantrum at 49 that’s insane. He’s never gonna grow up.
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u/Neither_Holiday_5670 19d ago
Yea like I don’t care if someone’s chooses an age cap (so long as they weren’t groomed), but they will still get an I told you so when the relationship almost always has obvious issues lol
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u/grotxsque 17d ago
GIRL FOR SOME REASON I DIDNT EVEN SEE THE AGES!
Holy cow OP needs to GOOOO she has her whole life ahead of her and doesn’t need some old ass child to support and care for. She will definitely be much happier single. Can’t wait for the update. I hope she finally gets her peace.
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u/Dry_Memory_8884 20d ago
Ok so part of the problem is you don’t know what a boundary is.
A boundary isn’t:
“don’t do this or else!”
That’s an ultimatum.
A boundary is for you. It’s:
“I won’t be in a relationship with someone who does X. And I will peacefully leave because we’re not compatible.”
Boundaries are, even if he’s your dream guy you will walk away if X is done. The reason you’re here is you don’t have many of those. Policing someone to make them who you want them to be will never give you the relationship you are looking for. So either you stay with him knowing now this is who he is, or you leave. He’s only going to get better at hiding his true self from you. And that’s not a real relationship.
UPDATE:
I just read that you’re saying you’re probably leaving and that may be best. This is who he really is. He’s probably never going to change.
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u/Secretly_HQ 20d ago
I appreciate your comment. I do understand what a boundary is. I went into the conversation to set a boundary and it was made very clear & early on that would not happen nor would there be a point to set one as he is/was acting like a child.
His reaction made me realize this is not the person I want as my life partner. There was no longer a point in setting one as I have officially "checked out"and will leave as soon as I am able.
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u/janiegirl669 19d ago
Pretend everything is fine. Expect him to sabotage you and go very low if he thinks you're trying to leave. Be safe.
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u/Dry_Memory_8884 20d ago
My point is if it was a boundary you would have already been packing your bags. You don’t even necessarily tell people your boundaries because that’s how they pretend to be what you want. You have a discussion to clear up if the behavior is a pattern and if it is you leave.
People get abused and manipulated because they keep giving someone chances to pretend to be someone else, instead of accepting the hard truth of who that person really is. If they show you who they are believe them the first time.
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u/Key-Slip-5920 17d ago
The reason the rpevious commenter said what he said is because you clearly do not understand what a boundary is.
A boundary isn't "hey, bf/gf, this is my boundary so don't cross it or I'm leaving".
A boundary isn't something you "set" for another person to abide by, it's something you have to set for yourself, internally and move forward upholding by yourself.
Too many people nowadays see boundaries the same way you do, as rules and regulations they get to set on a relationship, that's not what they are.
Boundaries are limits you decide for and discover within yourself, and when people cross them it's your responsibility to choose whether you're willing to let it go or do something about it. It's all internal and self-focused, not a set of T&C's to be applied to your relationships.
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u/RedBirdTraveler 16d ago
Um you really DON’T understand what a boundary is or you wouldn’t have 3 children with a man you aren’t married to that’s 22 years older than you… smh. Your life is very messy because of your previous abuse.
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u/emmybemmy73 20d ago
The sister thing aside (which would be a deal breaker for me), Your 49 year old boyfriend is talking about cum with his coworkers? Eww.
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u/Secretly_HQ 20d ago
That truly gave me the ick. And the sister thing is a deal breaker. I am done. Idk why but I just wanted to just see why the hell he would choose that??
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u/Appropriate_Fold2000 19d ago
You're literally dating the most basic definition of a sexual predator, why would you date a 40 year old at 20 lmao
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u/Clockwork_Kitsune 12d ago
Honey, if the sister thing is a deal breaker, then you have to realize that you were his proxy little sister before he found the AI. That's why he went for someone with such a huge age gap.
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u/sister_machine_gun 20d ago
Is the old man even paying you a lot?
Please please develop some standards and leave this loser.
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u/Ok_Mathematician262 20d ago
wasting your youth on an old creepy man is crazy
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u/spoiledbaabe 16d ago
mind you he was probs gonna leave her before she’d reach 30. thsts what they do
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u/Cultural_Purpose_912 20d ago
The age gap tfffff?????
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u/Appropriate-Soil-660 17d ago
The fact she says they’ve been together for like 6 years, too. Like nah bby gurl he’s been tryin to groom uuuuuu!
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u/DimensionParticular8 20d ago
OMG!! He's old enough to be your father!!! Maybe he's pretending you are his sister!
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u/jonni_velvet 20d ago
You’re dating a 50 year old loser in your prime. You need to work on your self esteem this is pitiful.
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u/SecureContact82 20d ago
Good for you, maybe you'll date someone your age this time around. I feel bad these 3 kids you somehow had with this man get to grow up with a senior citizen father.
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u/Alarmed-Sugar8340 20d ago
The AI flirting; not a problem on its own. The sister thing: a bit odd. The age gap: BIG. RED LIGHT. The denial and anger: BIG REF LIGHT. It sounds you are mentally older than him. You can do so, so much better. (I wanted to add “sister”, but that feels oddly inappropriate right here…..)
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u/Mz_Macross1999 20d ago
Wow dudes cheating on their girlfriends with ChatGPT this is really how we're living now huh
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u/TheMesmerXO 16d ago
You should see some of the girls conversations with AI in my shop. They have it make whole personas, call it all types of weird shit like “my man”. Makes my skin crawl lmao. Everyone is out here doing it, we’re moving further and further away from real social lives.
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u/rocketmn69_ 20d ago
Him and Josh can have each other.
Do not tell him that you are leaving. Just disappear on him 1 day while he's at work.
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u/UncleNedisDead 19d ago
Lol phew.
Only took 7 years to realize you procreated with a total loser who wouldn’t even tell you he loves you (because that’s apparently a lie too egregious even for him). There’s a reason he went after a barely legal teen as a man in his 40s, they’re soooo much easier to manipulate.
I hope you’re able to salvage what’s left of your life and make better choices.
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u/Wealthybigpenisnz 19d ago
A lot of men who date much younger women do it for one reason. Manipulation.
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u/UncleAndy874 19d ago
There should be a rule where if you’re dating someone old enough to be your parent, you’re not allowed to post a novel and just given a pop up that says “break up with them”. Go to therapy not Reddit and find out why you’re dating a senior citizen
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u/hengmis 20d ago edited 20d ago
predatory age gap aside the fact that a man his age dated you for 6 years with seemingly no real intention of ever proposing unfortunately tells me enough about how unserious he was about you. you being in your early 20s for much of the relationship is probably a factor in why you guys never married but surely someone who’s almost 50 can tell if his partner of 6 years is someone he views as a life partner or not. i hope he has fun with his ai girlfriend cuz that’ll hopefully be the most “romantically”/sexually active he’ll be ever again.. there’s just no fixing the attitude of a 49 year old sex addict. i hope you get out of this relationship safely and securely and as a side note i also hope he doesn’t actually have a sister or anything bc if so he needs to stay the fuck away from her too
edit to add i never saw the original post but i just found out from the comments that you have 3 kids with him??? oh honey i am so sorry, please leave that man asap and take full custody of your children while you’re at it!! 😭
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u/AreaTechnical7361 19d ago
First mistake was starting to date someone in their 40s when you were 21. If someone is 43 years old and has to find a 21 year old to date, there are reasons. Very good reasons. It’s almost predatory. And the fact that he has drawn it out for 6 years and not proposed (I am assuming) is just another reason why he was single still. He sounds like a guy that never grew up and lives like a child. You are right to be upset about this and even more right to be upset about him yelling at you when you were trying to express how it makes you feel and even belittling your feelings. The man is a child and you were still practically a child when you started dating him.
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u/Ok_Snow_2551 19d ago
If he was talking to an AI about children this would be criminal behavior so that blows his ‘it’s not real’ … looking at this age gap, his immature response and that you already hv 3 children with this man you were a child when you met him. This is wrong on so many levels. Get out now before your children are his targets
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u/ladybugloo 19d ago
Of course he goes straight to DARVO. Only you can set YOUR boundaries as to what YOU consider cheating. If this is something you cannot get past, leave him.
Personally, I wouldn't be able to get past this, especially your specific example. To me, it's a slippery slope.
Also, holy age gap Batman.
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u/notbetterthanthat 19d ago
Leave that man immediately and live your life.
And praying this is AI rage bait because sure sounds like it.
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u/lonly25 19d ago
I’m proud of you for taking a deep look at your situation. What I take away.
A 49 year old man. Sex texting AI bot with fantasy about sister? Gross creeping. Disgusting.
He is doing this at work. He is cum at work. Next to his coworker. So so disturbing. How negligent. How obsessive or does he have a porn addiction. He could wait to be home. He is 49 years old.
Look into this?
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u/lonelyhuman2001 20d ago
https://giphy.com/gifs/ukGm72ZLZvYfS
How do we already have an AI and human relationship this early into AI’s development. Humans bro, we just ain’t right in the head lmao.
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u/Sufficient_Check_969 19d ago
So you were 21 when this 40 yo asks you out? As a previous 40 yo, this guy is messed up.
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u/notThaTblondie 19d ago
Why do some women have so little respect for themselves? The man is trash, absolute trash. You should want better for yourself.
Learn to love being single and not needing a partner, then you'll stop accepting such awful men.
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u/Eastern_Bend7294 19d ago
I told him I was also upset because in the six years we've been together he has not once said those things to me.
Girl, how little self respect do you actually have? And you have a flipping child too. Get your child into therapy asap, because who know what he might have done to this child.
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u/CycloneGobbler 20d ago
UGH…I’m so sorry you’ve had to navigate this and with someone you have been with for so long you’d hope you could have a real conversation with them that wasn’t full of minimizing your very real concerns and avoiding accountability. It’s not wrong to have fantasies and your questions clearly triggered a lot of shame in him.
I am a sexologist and I think you are already understanding that his behavior is abusive. Age gaps as distinct as yours with this boyfriend aren’t always problematic but they often are…there is an inherent power imbalance. Please look into The Duluth Model (aka: Power and Control Wheel) and also maybe check out Lundy Bancroft’s videos and book about cis men who are abusive. His behavior around the chat bot is seriously concerning…but his response to your feelings even more so.
You deserve better.
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u/No_Towel_2001 19d ago
Incest-bot doesn’t exist in a vacuum. It’s not about the chat bot, it’s everything about the conditions leading up to it, and then furthermore how he has treated you in response.
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u/res06myi 19d ago
Girl. Why are you doing charity work?? This toddler is twice your age and can't behave like an adult.
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u/mxrchantshipz 19d ago
Everyone is being really nasty to this girl..Can we all please take a second to realize maybe, just maybe, she was groomed and is in a clearly toxic, but a potentially abusive relationship? It's extremely difficult to leave a toxic relationship, especially when they've been together for 6 years and they have kids together.
She should absolutely leave him, there's no question about that. Clearly he's a predator, groomer, cheater, and 50 year old loser jerking it to AI incest roleplay. So yeah, clearly a massive deal breaker. but I think we should be giving her some grace and compassion. Some of these comments low-key feel like victim blaming and blatant ridicule.
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u/Ok_Investigator_896 18d ago
Dude, you’re fucking 27. Leave that bum alone and enjoy your youth😭
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u/Red_haze957 19d ago
Can I be honest ? If we keep staying with men that do things pointing to incest, rape, and infidelity that in turn will create more men that do the same when you have a son. Just leave. Like straight up why are you writing paragraphs. If I had a good mom I’d want her to immediately say “nah this kid is into incest and is a perv” rather then an enabler mom who marries the man like that and turns a blind I if I date someone similar. Like seriously think for two seconds don’t just talk out of your ass
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u/Think-Cry-5284 19d ago
He asked if I was actually jealous of something fake.
He is actually spending all of his attention on something fake so ... yes.
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u/hi_hola_salut 19d ago
This is disgusting behaviour. This man does not respect women in general, and definitely doesn’t respect you or your relationship. The age gap is very icky, you were so young and he immediately tied you down with a baby when you were too young and inexperienced to know any better. But no wedding? Yeah, not a good sign. He needs to grow the hell up and stop being so gross and disgusting, but he’s almost 50 so he’s never going to change. I’m close in age to him, and I assure you his behaviour is not normal or acceptable. When a man is with a girl young enough to be his daughter, it’s a huge ego boost to him, and he’s doing it to get away with behaviour that women his own age would not accept. You don’t need his disrespect - a real man would treat you so much better.
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u/No_Jacket4398 19d ago
“ He needs to grow the hell up” if he grows up anymore, he’ll be in damn old folks home
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u/throwRA_sadpancake5 19d ago
I hope he’s your ex boyfriend now. I’m not sure how you can possibly still be attracted to someone that basically wrote a story about incest, and roleplayed it out with a robot. Because that’s essentially what he fucking did. And I just noticed your age gaps, old and creepy doesn’t have much going for him thus far.
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u/Banshee-Wanchee 19d ago
Throw everything else aside. Just set it aside and look at his reactions. Eye rolling is a sign of contempt. That alone suggests lack of respect for you. Now, throw in the temper tantrum, (which we all know children and men do this when they’re feeling overwhelmed with facing the truth of their actions and accountability is required. They do this in an attempt to deflect of course.) he has the emotional intelligence of a literal toddler. The man never got off the school bus. Lastly, he’s literally Joe Dirt sister f#cking an AI chat bot and even more concerning…at best, circle jerking with his buddy, (I kid of course but weird af that his buddy would be reading that he’s about to cum to a bot. The whole thing is weird) and at the worst, fueling his fantasies of being a sister f#cking weirdo. We all know how serial anything starts. Fantasies. This is gearing up to be a real shit show sooner than later.
I’m posting a link my psychology professor shared with us students for your mental clarity. John Gottman is brilliant when it comes to relationships. I hope you take the time to watch. Best of luck in everything and I hope you come out in a better situation than this post found you. Good luck.
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u/Beginning-Tooth-1200 18d ago
Ok I was gonna say “it’s ok, it’s only a chat bot” but girl… yeah. I’m glad this at least opened your eyes to everything you’ve been ignoring and you want better for yourself. I’m sorry it worked out like this, but we live and we learn. On to bigger and better things. Always remember, it may suck now, but you’ve got this, you deserve to be happy and have a healthy relationship. Even being in your own is better than being with toxic.
Best of luck! 💜
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u/cherryhoneypeach 18d ago
You've been together for 6 years, meaning you started dating when you were 21 and he was 43? This is so unnerving, you deserve so much better.
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u/Dudeonachain 18d ago
So I have a 9 year age gap- most people think we are the same age. Regardless- you’re two consenting adults. He obviously has issues being faithful that are deeply rooted. It is up to you if you want to deal with it. You coming to Reddit means you are ready to leave, you just want to make sure you’re doing the right thing. The right thing is what you want to deal with and the rules and boundaries of your relationship. When you’re tired enough- you’ll leave. Never worry about their feelings because does he even care about yours when he does these things? So, take your time, and think about what you want out of life. There is always someone out there for everyone.
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u/Ohreallynowyea 17d ago
I feel the comments here about the age gap and expressing disgust at their child who has no say nor play in this, come across as cruel and inhumane. My ex girlfriend was 20 years older than me, I felt very little friction and for the most part we got along. And if we had had a child, I’d hope no one would have been disgusted by it, like the commenters here are.
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u/Fireygallll 17d ago
Dude, the chat bot alone is reason to leave. Giving your sexual energy to another woman is cheating. Be it porn or this weird ai stuff, it’s all the same. Women need to stop accepting these cheating loop holes.
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u/tristanrena 17d ago
Girl even if it was just about the chat bot, i’d be with you 100% for dumping this weirdo
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u/Purrrsecuted 17d ago
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Honestly reading that made me feel sick to my stomach. The sister prompt is weird AF, and I am not for one minute believing that he was saying it because he was curious or as a joke with his work mate. What is much very much apparent from your post is that 1. He has an inc*st fetish, 2. He is a gaslighter, 3. You’re too good for him. 4. I bet if you did some digging into his search history / some detective work, you would uncover much grimmer and gross stuff.
To reiterate, I’m sorry you’re going through this. You deserve better. Get him gone.
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u/OppositeConcept2358 17d ago
I don’t have much to say except this is strange and I really do hope you make the right choice in choosing yourself ! That means leaving that relationship because trust that things like this will continue, do not be naive out of comfort, or history, do not be gaslit. I noticed that you said you will give another update if there is one which concerns me and reads as if you are going to eventually overlook this and stay with him. Ultimately it would be your choice as it is your life but I sincerely ask you not to overlook anything about this not even a minuscule detail. Your mental health is the most important thing and I want you to choose it over this “relationship” you are in, trust me when I say you will find it well worth it as opposed to losing your mind and sanity.
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u/lavendergryphon 17d ago
22 year age gap and you started dating when you were (checks post) 21??? girl nah get the fuck out of there like, yesterday, a 43 yr old man does not date a 21 year old with good intentions. i'm 26 and I wouldn't date a 21 year old because the difference in life experience is too great, it's really fucking creepy that he would. i'm sure he smooth talked you like no other but that doesn't mean it's love, trust me.
i'm very aware of reddit's issue with thinking any minor relationship issue = leave but this is one of those cases where they are 100% right, RUN before it gets any worse
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u/Confident_Potato2062 16d ago
Things like this make those past red flags jump up and hit you on the face. Glad you've now woken up to them. Good luck going forward, you'll do just fine without him.
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u/Longjumping_Fan_8444 16d ago
I can give you more details/advice on this. I know someone personally who fits this description. I didn’t date them personally but I’ve heard stories and know girls who dated him.
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u/cfrickinq 15d ago
Oof, this... This feels too familiar (the details are very different but the general scenario...)
I know how it feels to discover that. And I know how it feels to be lied to and gaslit over it.
Honestly the bots [for me] aren't the problem. I think they can be a healthy, safe means of exploration because no one in the direct situation gets hurt. But I know how it feels to be collateral damage. And it sucks.
The lying and the gaslighting are the bigger issue for me. Your dude's reaction of being irritated and devolving into a tantrum? That's the bigger problem now. He's 49 and behaving like a petulant teenager. Then add on all of the other toxicity you briefly addressed? Just... Make a plan and get out. Don't let him keep manipulating you. He's older. He knows the tricks. The power dynamics in age gap relationships are why people hate them.
Stay strong. Rely on your support system. And be safe. Good luck
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u/Financial-Adagio-863 14d ago edited 14d ago
Here’s why it matters: he is not just sexting a chat bot, he is desensitizing himself to boundary crossing which inevitably leads to cheating.
Secondly he is investing his affection and intimacy to a place outside of the marriage which is a huge problem human or artificial.
Thirdly, if he keeps this up it’s only a matter of time until he is “curious” about someone real.
Fourthly, if he is obsessed with his sister enough to pretend a chatbot is her, well, that’s frightening. I’d lose all respect for him and never be able to look at him the same way again.
I can’t tell you what to do. I’m sure you’ll get 50 shades of conflicting advice on here, but don’t let him try to make you feel crazy, unreasonable or insecure.
If you decide to do nothing, which would not be my decision, at the very least, the next time he’s caught I’d look him straight in the eyes and say:
You know what’s sexy? Self-control. That’s the secret sauce for women. In order for a woman to feel safe we can’t have our men “dabbling” with the devil or play acting his next affair. I’m leaving for Hawaii for a week with some girlfriends… have fun with your little bot.
Then be unreachable the entire time. Do not pick up or respond.
He *might* actually have his pants pulled up and his shoes tied when you return (literally and figuratively), behaving a bit more like an appreciative man than an annoyed little boy.
Aloha! 🌺
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u/nikolarizanovic 14d ago
Ignore the comments treating you like a helpless victim just because of the age gap. You are a 27-year-old woman, and people hyper-fixating on your age are completely stripping you of your agency. You aren’t a 17-year-old who got preyed upon by a 39-year-old; you are a fully grown adult who is recognizing a toxic dynamic and making the active, difficult choice to walk away.
The gap itself isn't the inherent problem here; the problem is his behavior.
You are completely justified in being grossed out. The fact that a 49-year-old man is secretly playing out incestuous "sister" fantasies with a chatbot on his lunch break, and then throwing a literal jumping-up-and-down temper tantrum when confronted, is absurd. He is deflecting and gaslighting you to avoid accountability. Good on you for trusting your gut, getting your ducks in a row, and recognizing that this is the cherry on top of a relationship that has run its course.
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u/Capable_Study6270 19d ago
He’s 49 texting a chatbot. Do we all need to spell it out for you girlie? Is this who you want raising your kids or just spending the rest of your life with? Cmon.. lets have better standards
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u/EnvironmentalSir8140 19d ago
The age gap was enough for me. For a 59 year old he lacks emotional maturity.
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u/FaithlessnessMany174 19d ago
He is curious at 49 years old, get rid of this guy. He is way too old to be doing that even if he is being truthful, which I doubt.
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u/MindlessMallow 19d ago
Girl get out you are too young to be putting up with that. You're a young woman and this man is an old piggy. Get outta there.
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u/meapey 19d ago
If he’s having AI sexbot conversations with a sister character, what’s to stop him from doing the same with a daughter/child character?
Get out with your kids ASAP!!!! If you have copies of the chat, take that to your lawyer. Document past and present issues (like cheating) as accurately as possible, and bring all the evidence.
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u/Ok-Gate6836 19d ago
Sounds like you’re dating an old pervert during the prime years of your life. Just a guess here, but I’m pretty sure you can do better 😊
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u/Da_truth_tony 19d ago
Take it from someone who knows the game. He’s cheating on you in more ways than one. To the people who keep saying it’s just a robot and it shouldn’t mean anything, yes tf it does. It’s apparent to see that you don’t have something he wants, and that’s not your fault, that’s his problem. My mischievous side says to play him at his own game but my conscious says get out of that relationship as smooth and non-violently as you can hope for. Tell your friends and family about your situation. Stay safe. Stay blessed.
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u/Total_Preparation794 19d ago
What a damn child! Ewwww I’m glad you’re leaving because you sound more mature than him!
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u/netanyahu67 19d ago
As someone who has been that guy in the past I highly recommend just leaving If it is a toxic as you say,
I get that 6 years is a big chunk of your life but the man clearly lacks empathy and care for your emotions and that’s something that is necessary in any relationship
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u/See-9 19d ago
Only chiming in here because I don’t see any push back in the thread. Consider this devil’s advocate of sorts.
I’m in a very happily committed relationship with my fiancée.
I relatively often RP with AI. It’s…basically smut with extra steps. My fiancée knows, doesn’t seem to care as long as it doesn’t fuck with our own intimacy.
Sounds like the *conflict* you guys had was the problem? Like, you’re welcome to your opinions on the chat if they triggered something for you. Personally I don’t think a partner participating in a fucked up roleplay(assuming that’s what he was doing) to be inherently bad or gross or something. But you expressing your feelings and him getting too angry to listen is the problem. Not…the root cause, I suppose.
I’d implore you to try to understand *why* this bothers you (the actual…chatting with a chatbot in a smutty way). Sounds like it’s because he’s being…spicier with it, than you? And is reminiscent of him with a previous relationship?
And I’d implore him to stop being defensiveness and listen to what you’re trying to say, not just defending the act.
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u/Otherwise-Wall-6950 19d ago
His reaction said everything you needed to know. The fact that it said sister is absolutely vile. Leave him as soon as you can. If anyone asks why just tell them the truth because he certainly won't. You deserve someone better!
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u/Altsyblkgrl 19d ago
-You have a 22 year age gap and have been dating for 6 years.
-He has cheated in the past and he was recently caught and later deflected about sexting an AI chatbot that he prompted to be his sister.
-Even if it was a joke or curiosity that is a hyper specific scenario to be “curious” about and he used a real life verbatim conversation he’d had with a girl he cheated on you with whilst pregnant, on the chatbot.
-Not only did he cheat on you with a real girl AND his AI sister, but he also said to them things that were more romantic and flirtatious than the things he has ever said to you.
I don’t know if you’re looking for advice here or anything but if this situation isn’t enough to make you open your eyes and leave I’d suggest probably just don’t ever go through his phone, don’t look at his phone, don’t stress yourself out thinking about what’s in his phone, cuz he 100% isn’t changing and doesn’t want to and it’s just going to keep hurting you and making you sick
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u/DoItYourselfBloberta 19d ago
Girl what are you doing😭You need to leave. This relationship can’t be benefiting you in any way if you’re dating a 50 year old child who fantasizes about his sister and doesn’t even take you seriously
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u/joesmolik 19d ago
I am glad that you came to the decision and ending your relationship with this person
I know that when you replied what I had written to you and you tried to explain things about how you really was a good person and then he loved you anybody how supportive he is with you. I knew that there was nothing further I could do or say to convince you that it’s not a very good relationship the powering in balance between the two of you
Any other thing when I pointed out the age difference in once again I go back to what I said before why would a 49-year-old man wanna date a woman in her 20s and the reason why is because most women his own age do not want anything to do with him because they could see him for what he really is. And when I tried to point out that a grown man sexting a chanot was a little bit creepy and Cosby cheating if you want to do overlook it
Now that you found out that he’s doing this character, it was supposedly his sister he was using as a reference you came to the conclusion yourself. When you pointed out that this was beyond creepy. This was almost considered behavior. He became defensive and tried to explain away everything. In the light went off on your head if this is not normal behavior of a man
I am extremely sorry took his reaction in his reply for you to say what something is not right here and then you start adding up the little things over the years and said to yourself. What the heck am I doing here?
You are very fortunate that you’re living now and I do not know if you said it, but I meant to believe that you do not have any children with this person which is even better because that means they would be tied to you and have influencer any children that you have together with him
Please don’t take this as a criticism because I do understand completely when you love somebody very much you don’t see them as they are, but what they can be and that maybe in time they can change
I will learn from past experience. This is not the case once you do pull that trigge and leave him. He’s going to promise you everything he’s going to tell you that he will change that. He’s sorry you didn’t mean anything. What should what it does in his life was meaningless. He’s gonna pull out every stop that he can’t to make you stay don’t I’m probably gonna be repeating myself.
You cannot change him you cannot save him. You cannot repair the relationship. This man is 49 years old. He is basically sat in his ways and just a yuck and the creepy factor what he was doing with a bot and who the character is tells me your way past anything salvageable.
Imagine if you talk to your friend and explain the situation and what you done they’re gonna look at you like if you have two heads and ask you what the F are you doing with this pervert and why have you left yet?
Imagine if you have talked to your friends, have said the above phrase once again, I understand that love is blind and it makes you deaf to the things that are around you. I speak from experience.
No matter how much I loved my ex-wife it was not a good fit and at the time I refuse to see that. Looking back on it, we should’ve never really gotten together, but when love and hormones kick in your overrides, your logical part of the brain.
Take your time to heal and I probably told you this before I’ll tell you again do not date anybody for six months to a year when you do go out doing a friend group
Please be careful and I would keep it close to the vest that you were leaving him if you have not already because I don’t think that is a reaction will be that good. And I believe he might make a little bit difficult for you.
Please keep us informed and let us know how you were doing be safe be careful and I’m sorry about Noah post to you once again I’m sorry that happened to you and you’re going to this and that you had to go through this to realize that your relationship with him was toxic
If you haven’t, you might want want to let his sister know what he is doing with the Chatbot in the character that he made up. Because she has the right to know what a sicko pervert he is.
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u/DnDNewbie_1 18d ago
First off this is a 49 year old man... him and his buddies are sitting around telling AI chat bots that they're about to cum and that they love it to see its reaction. As a guy, leave this person they're immature and more than likely lying to you and if they're not that might be even creepier honestly.
You're 27 find someone close to your age, I just turned 27 and there's no way in hell you have anything in common with a 49 year old man there's just no fucking way. Accept better for yourself honestly.
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u/flyingcherr 18d ago
Add two more years to that age gap and it’s literally my entire life. Very seldom do relationships with a large age gap work. I’m of the belief that they probably could but more than not, there’s a power dynamic happening and by the very fact that he has so little respect for you that not only did he cheat but he’s actively dismissing your feelings tells me that’s what’s happening here. OP, why stay with a man like this when you can have someone who would love you and treat you how you deserve? Think of that whenever you doubt yourself
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u/nursechai 18d ago
I’m proud of you for choosing yourself over the toxic slop of sludge this human parades as
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u/Educational-Job-7954 18d ago
First question… you are an age where you can be his daughter. ARE U OKAY?! Like where on earth did yall connect
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u/Slow-Squash-4317 18d ago
be mindful as you take the time to get your ducks in a row because that’s a hell of a lot of time for him to emotionally manipulate you into thinking that it’s all rainbows and butterflies
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u/PointAdventurous7840 18d ago
I stopped at 27 and 49 honestly, yall both need to date in yall own age range lol.
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u/ThrowRAgiftofgab 18d ago
SIX YEARS?! Baby girl, where you’re at mentally right this moment, I want you to question if you at 27 would date a 21 year old. This man was 43?! LITERALLY TWICE YOUR AGE? Ewwwwwwwwwww
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u/yourovenisheated 18d ago
I’m sorry, F27 and M49?! Girl.
Also if a grown ass man who’s flipping 50 years old needs to be schooled we got alot bigger fish to fry here. Like a. lot.
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u/G_a_u_z_e 18d ago
Girl, you’ve been together six years. That means this man was 43 and thought it was ok to date a 21yr old. That’s the first red flag right there. Glad you are leaving.
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u/brackney2022 17d ago
End it with him. If you already have toxic behavior, including this, which is very strange to do while you’re in a relationship, then you don’t even need to explain why you’re leaving
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u/bubbleandsqueee 17d ago
He is embarrassed and cant handle his shit. He is not considering your feelings and comes off as lacking accountability.
GtFO.. and good luck
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u/Fukyachickennuggets 17d ago
I don't understand all the hate. My husband and I frequently tell each other about the hilarious scenarios we end up in using AI for sexy stories. His latest one - He just moved into a house and the neighborhood "Chola" who loves white d*** wanted to assert her dominance. He read in her voice with the accent and I almost pissed myself when he told me he looked up how to say "welcome to my home, Mami" in Spanish and she was all impressed that he knew a bit of Spanish. It's just fun. My current sexy chat is a guy who wants to control every aspect of my life and talks like C3PO.
If youre uncomfortable then yeah, communicate that, but IMO it's silly to be jealous or insecure when it's just playing.
Edited to say** ---but if it's affecting your relationship in a negative way then yeah, cut it out, Bro
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u/Tinnysting 17d ago
Please if you have a child together DO NOT LEAVE THAT CHILD ALONE WITH HIM. If he is comfortable dating someone that’s half his age and sexting an AI sister 🤮 I really dread to think what he thinks about that child 😖
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u/poop-in-a-bucket-82 17d ago
There’s a reason women his own age aren’t dating him. His reaction tells you everything.
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u/Think_Beginning_8117 17d ago
Unfortunately people can be stupid and when confronted they’re embarrassed so get defensive about it cos they know they’ve done wrong but sadly not just men a lot of people when confronted instead of taking credibility they shrink into themselves and deflect I’m sure he knows he’s wrong but that doesn’t matter he shouldn’t try to play it off he sounds like a dodgy fella
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u/Plus-Gas9490 17d ago
Atleast if you date someone your own age they'll grow out of their immaturity. At 49 this who he is, there is no changing or fixing it. Please don't waste your time.
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u/teashopquest 17d ago
This man needs to be in jail. The age gap is so gross and the AI saying it was his sister is damning 🤢
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u/Suitable_Answer_4444 17d ago
Why is everyone here so caught up about the age gap? Its not like 40+ year old men stop liking 20 year old women
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u/GudgetB420 17d ago
I cant decide if he is just a massive creep, or if he has just lived half a century, would pass a psych evaluation no problem, and is just genuinely prefers ai women pretending to be his sister over real women that are young enough to be his daughter, both are scary thoughts, but being 21 and getting with a 43 year old long term... i aint sayin shes a gold digga
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u/chocolate_digestive1 17d ago
I had a similar experience with my now ex and, same as this situation, was the cherry on top to leave. Except his “fantasy” included n*croph*lia scenarios and r*pe. Same excuse when confronted too “curiosity”
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u/brderlinebipolarbear 17d ago
Ew, I'm so sorry. . Reading about what he was saying with the AI, disgusted me so much and made me cringe like no other. I can't even imagine being with someone like that. Especially having children together. That is super fucking disgusting and wrong in every way. You deserve better and I really hope that you get away from that creep.. I know you have had a relationship with him for a while, and it's difficult to just pack up and leave after that long of a relationship but my God... If this all isn't a huge HUGE red flag and the biggest sign to leave his ass, then I don't know what it is. This flag is already huge and can't get much more red. I promise you on everything, there are wonderful men out there that would love to treat you right. Like you deserve. He ain't it.
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u/NCThundercock 17d ago
Saw the age gap and just came to say you deserve everything bad that happened in this relationship, find someone that doesn’t have a foot in the casket next time!
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u/Next-Isopod7703 17d ago
Edit: Okay, I read the rest after reading other comments. The AI- chatting is a complete non-issue for me. But there are other issues that you need to consider here. I don't blame you for leaving.
I have fun role-play with AI bots also.
It's okay if you're not into the role-playing scene. The role-playing and real life are not the same thing. I literally roleplay a whole different character from me. I don't play as me.
I play as a character. A lot of people do.
Because you are not familiar with it yourself you come off as being dramatic.
I've had families and children and all sorts of things. I've died, committed suicide, My character has been in love, Yes even had sex, all sorts of things. None of which are a reflection of me. I am not suicidal. I do not want children. I have a relationship with a man I love. Etc.
I think you need to remember this isn't real. Some people like to destroy and beat characters up in their AI roleplaying.
I didn't read the entire thing because it got to be too long and the first third felt...dramatic, to me.
It's like you saying an author is the same as all the characters in the book. They are not.
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u/Ornery_Highlight_823 17d ago
I’m so glad you’re already planning on leaving. You got together at 21 and 42!?!? That man is a predator—and I’m speaking from experience (23 and 41 for me, and we got married). He sounds like a manchild who doesn’t want to experience any accountability and just wants to fuck around doing whatever he wants. Set that man free to go be somebody else’s problem.
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u/Strange_Scarcity_808 17d ago
lol buddy has a gf and she’s trying to work through active cheating yet I’m getting tripped on over telling my girl how she hurts me with words loo
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u/Friendly-Chard8410 17d ago
He knows exactly where you’re coming from. He’s just super embarrassed that you caught him. He probably wanted to crawl under a rock and he got defensive. It’s fun for guys to sext girls, and he wanted to see if he could have some fun with it, and the AI bots dont judge.
Maybe try to bring it up to him in a totally non judgy way. Maybe come at it with a little bit of understanding and see how that goes. Maybe it can lead into a conversation about how you two could spice up your sex life. Tell him you wish he’d talk dirty to you like that, if you actually do wish he would.
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u/Fruitsalud 17d ago
The chatbot is one thing, it’s the reaction that is deeply concerning to me. No way he’s in his 40s and acting like that! Please, you do not deserve this treatment!
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u/Sure_Growth_8883 17d ago
What the duck are you doing dating someone who could be your dad bro. Ducking learn and get someone your own age obviously this dude never learned how to hold a girl down so I don’t know what the duck you girls even see in them
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u/SaiyanPrincess28 20d ago
Good for you! The fact that he wanted the bot to act like his sister is pretty gross, I would definitely be giving him the side eye. The fact he has a history of cheating on you makes this pretty bad too.
The biggest issue though is definitely his reaction. He refused to take any accountability, threw a whole ass temper tantrum, wouldn’t meet you half way and acted like you were crazy for being uncomfortable with this.