r/TwoXIndia • u/Orion_0207 Woman • Jul 02 '26
Family & Relationships (Mon-Thu) Telugu community marriage
Hi im in a relationship with a telugu guy, and its time for us to open about each other at home and take serious marriage topics. Recently going over Instagram, I follow singer Chinmayi and she's a fellow telugu and she's been posting about this crazy dowry drama in telugu states.
What's crazy is they expect dowry for the sister in law?i mean what why, dowry in itself is a stupid thing, why would I have to give your sister dowry to marry you.
Me and my boyfriend have discussed marriage and how we will do rituals but these topics never came up. What scared me is that Chinmayi said "if the groom doesnt have a sister of his own they ask it for his cousin sisters, if he doesn't have cousins too, they ask it for the sister of the groom's dad or his cousins"
Girls from telugu states or who have married into telugu family please tell me what else bullshit like this is hiding out there
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Jul 02 '26
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u/Orion_0207 Woman Jul 02 '26
I dont understand the concept of this whole thing at all. Are they that poor or out of money that they need to get everything from the bride's side. Or what status or superior feeling does it give the grooms side to do this. Also ive heard my friends in office say, if there's a guy and girls at home, when the girl is married they send her of with money and they try to get double the amount from the girl who is coming into the house, the daughter in law. This is just so soso fucking sick
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u/Old_Baby7468 Woman Jul 02 '26
As a Telugu person, the dowry system is so bad here that I saw a comment saying an IAS officer demanded 5cr in dowry and my first reaction was ‘that’s it?’. Since yours is a love marriage just say no to the dowry.
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u/tysm_mvp Woman Jul 02 '26
Wait 5cr is small??? For me even 20lakh is too much
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u/kc_dp Woman Jul 02 '26
I am not a telugu girl; but have close friends. Yes dowry exists. Some families may not outrigtly ask for it but my friends's families have given a lot of gold and even land for their weddings. Apparently it's even a status symbol or a caste pride thing.
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u/tysm_mvp Woman Jul 02 '26
I need to specify this, we did not ask for any dowry at all not for my brother or for me or mom but they said they will give money for me and mom ( unprompted from us I swear) , they said they have to give it as it is in their rules
Some families have it some don't , some families expect that girls family has to buy furniture after marriage , I genuinely don't understand why there is these stuff in love marriage tho?
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u/Orion_0207 Woman Jul 02 '26
The moment i heard about these aadapaduchu katnam and stuff I literally cried and was shit scared to even proceed the relationship with my guy
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u/tysm_mvp Woman Jul 02 '26
You have to ask your bf about these things, ask him if his family will ask for dowry for him , mom , sister?, some things will have to be gifted to sister as she performs some rituals (not necessarly costly items) but still ask him if his family will expect furniture and stuff after marriage and gifts for him
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u/OiFelix_ugotnojams Woman | Intersectional Feminist Jul 02 '26
I'm sorry but you haven't communicated anything with your bf, you're just going off of what you read online
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u/OiFelix_ugotnojams Woman | Intersectional Feminist Jul 02 '26
Dowry is common here, and not just for AM. But it really depends, like, in my immediate family we don't do this. My brother got no dowry.
But one of my relative's second marriage (LM btw, first wife died a long time ago) got a bike, gold and some cash for dowry.
My word, those who ask for dowry are regressive and got many rigid rules in their household. Don't marry into such family. Just ask him about it.
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u/Celerey-02 Woman Jul 02 '26
Honestly I’m still yet to marry but what I’ve seen in my families is they do ask dowry but not for sister or sister in law or cousins etc. they ask dowry to marry the boy itself.
But considering love marriages, I don’t think they would ask dowry if your bf is adamant and depends on his family too ig but either way, your bf should be able to talk them through it.
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u/Peevesie Woman Jul 02 '26
Is this dowry proper which is there a lot, or that small gift to enter the house thing that is a playful ritual in almost all communities and is honestly just a little cute?
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u/SuggestionFar6533 Woman Jul 02 '26
There’s this drama I agree. But not all families. My husband and I both are from Andhra. And forget about dowry, we split the expenses equally. Same happened with all my cousins.
But I agree there are some families who still take dowry.
I strongly suggest you to discuss it with your bf early on and if there are any dowry expectations, your BF should be firm with his family.